do I have a drink problem?

[farmhouseSally]

have namechanged though am not a prolific poster. would welcome honest views please.

I have a drink most evenings, always wine. I never get drunk but am worried really because I am never able to resist having a glass... I've never had great willpower on anything "nice" - chocolate, wine, staying up too late to read a good book even when exhausted etc.

Most mornings I wake up, feel vaugely fuzzy, not hungover but always think "I won't have a drink tonight". But when it gets to 5 o'clock I'm thinking, "once dd is in bed I'd love a glass of wine." and so around 7.30pm I have 1 glass, usually 2, 3 tops. I find it virtually impossible to go without wine (or chocolate, or staying up late etc) once I've decided that's what I would "like" / "need" / "deserve". Am a lone parent btw.

I do know I'm not an alcoholic in that I don't drink in the mornings, get drunk, drink regardless of the context etc etc. If there was no wine in the house in the evening I wouldn't go out to buy it and leave dd in the house alone for example. I'm not drinking to excess but I also know that 2 glasses a night on average still isn't that good for my health when I add up the units. and my lack of willpower is what worries me. There is wine in the house now because I had guests for dinner on Saturday and they all brought a bottle.

sorry this is so long. would be very interested in views on this and any advice.

thanks

Wow MIFLAW - 140 units per week. I went through the whole series of tests on that site and thought very honestly about what I have drunk in the last 7 days, which in itself is a pretty accurate portrayal of my drinking habits. It came to 31 units. If I am going to be healthier about drinking, which I think is an enjoyable and sociable part of my life, I would be happier if it were half that.

The bit of the drinkulator site I linked to however wasn't the test itself but a run down of signs that you may have a dependency, then a serious dependency, then a high dependency.

So early days eg = "Taking the day off because of a hangover" ;

More serious eg "Starting to drink at times when you didn't before and earlier in the day" or "Needing to have a drink before doing things or facing certain situations";

Definite problem or alcoholism egs: "Need a drink to start the day" and "Drink large quantities over the course of the day without it making you drunk".

Do you think that this list is useful and accurate?

btw - have not had a drink tonight, despite having earlier decided that I wanted one.

Thats positive. not read whole thread but couldn't you just not buy it in? If you haven't got it in you can't drink it. Good luck

I don't normally tell people how much I drank because I know it will tempt people to think, "ah, so THAT's what an alcoholic is! That's not me, then - good, panic over!" Note that, if you give any credence at all to the unit count, you are only four units away from "severe", so just one extra drink next week could push you over that line.

I didn't notice the word "mild" anywhere on the site, btw.

The list is accurate and useful as far as it goes, but is far from being complete. Equally, it's not the sort of list where you have to tick every box in a category - if you did just one of those things to a serious degree it could signify a drink problem.

Or it might not. Sadly, you often only find out for sure when it's too late.

BTW I also know people who drank more than me and for longer. We can all find someone who makes us look good ...

Thing is, a person who drinks 1 unit of alcohol a night (literally, say, the one tot of whisky before bedtime or whatever), which causes no risk to health but is enjoyed to the point that the person sees no need to give it up, could still be harassed by well-meaning wankers into developing an unhealthy attitude towards alcohol. Unless the person expressing an opinon of your drinking is either a medical expert or an addiction counsellor, he/she may be talking crap. Given the current government's obsession with social control, with regarding everyone apart from them and their mates as one step away from a dangerous feral binge-drinking/terrorist/nonce/benefit cheat menace to society, with removing all civil liberties a step at a time, frankly I wouldn't trust 'Government Guidelines' on anything. The health ones are all botched and mixed up as they have to suit the lobbyists from the food and drink industry, the interests of those who fancy saving money on the NHS by developing some kind of 'moral' scale as to who can be refused free treatment because their health problems are All Their OWn Fault and the clever little fuckers who know that the more fear and guilt you instill into people, the easier it is to make them obey you.

Drinking (or eating, or recreational drug use, or lots of group sex) only becomes a problem when it causes a problem, when you can;t afford it, when yo uare fucking up other parts of your life because of it, or when you develop some or other health problem and then still don't stop.

MIFLAW what was the crunch point for you when you admitted you had a problem?

I m really enjoying your contributions on this and the other thread

Solid - I have never seen ANYONE who genuinely drinks one unit a night get hassled for it. Have you?

Also, aren't you risking being hoist by your own petard? Are YOU "either a medical expert or an addiction counsellor" and, if not, what puts you in a position to define problem drinking?

I would say that this is one area where it is far better to think you have a problem when you don't than think you don't when you do.

Jasper - I aim to please. I describe my key moment - or the beginning of the end - on the other thread. It involves a car and counting units in Canterbury Wetherspoon's.

K, I toted up the number of 'units' I used to drink before I hit rock bottom, too.

I allocated 3 bottles of wine per Friday/Sat. night because I got through at least 2 on those nights and opened a third, but sometimes blacked out before I finished that or got off with some stranger or that.

130 units/week approximately.

I also used to buy wine in those 1.5ltr bottles.

No doubt thinking, "I'll try to make that last for two nights."

And then, erm, not.

140 units was a conservative estimate. I once made the mistake of telling a doctor something approaching the truth about my drinking and smoking. He looked at me like he didn't understand what was holding me up.

Oh, yes, it was going to last two nights. Boxes were supposed to be for the whole week, because that way I was also going to save money .

Ah, the boxes!

I once got an application form for a credit account at one of the off-licence chains. The advert said, if you spend £50 on drink a week, why not get an account? I thought, well, I don't normally, but I probably could if it was on tick - splash out on slightly dearer wine, etc.

It was only when I got the forms home that I realised it was aimed at businesses for their corporate entertaining budgets ...

Well I have heard people say (to utterly minimal drinkers), why don't you have a few nights without a drink, and when the person says, because I don't want to, start in with all the boo, waaah, you must be addicted.

I can't keep up with all these alcohol threads ...

MIFLAW did I miss your Wetherspoon's story?

As I keep saying, It's the thinking, not just the drinking.

I never drank in the morning or left my kids alone to go and buy more booze. And I could control it for several months at a time, eg giving up for Lent. But once I'd started I didn't have an off-button. And - beyond the first glass, which I genuinely enjoyed, who wouldn't? - I drank to get pissed. It's about why you drink.

Loving the idea of 'a bottom of wine'!

Hi FHS, I know how you feel. I am also a LP, working very hard and will open a bottle of wine, not usually on my own and finish the lot. Have done this tonight!! Often go to bed after lots of wine and chocolate just a little bit merry. Know I must cut down but my life has been so hard over the past year, moved to new area where no friends, deserted by H, filing for divorce, new job, tha I think WTF if i dont need it now I never will. I am not in expats league though and never open a second bottle. I do think i might be just a little bit alchohol dependent but I can go days without a drink if i decide to

My liquor store, about the size of a Sainsbury's , even offered delivery: $5 if you spent over $50. So cool, I could stock up AND not have to haul it home (I lived in an urban area so never needed to drive most places).

And with takeaways of all sorts just a speed dial away and offering deliveries into the wee hours, a bar a block away (in case I ran out and needed a quick one before 2AM close) and a 24 hour 7-11 for cigarettes around the corner, it was like a little paradise.

FULL of high-functioning problem drinkers, too.

Perhaps these people weren't as "minimal" as yo thought!

Or perhpas the commentators were insane or had an axe to grind. Who ARE these people?

This doesn't stack up as normal or typical behaviour.

expat - LOL - if that is even slightly appropriate in this scenario - I do that do! MIFLAW has been talking a lot of sense on the other thread too.

My DH tells me I drink too much. If I look at my RL friends (at least the female ones) they don't drink as much as I do. On MN I think a lot of people drink a lot.

In some ways since I joined MN , I've justified the drinking to myself even more. "See I'm not the only one! Other mothers have stressful lives and they do it too!"

Maybe it goes with the territory. Parenthood is so stressful. We do what we can to cope. We don't see ourselves in the same light as smelly, vodka for breakfast, full on alckies. We just like a glass of wine or 2 to relax after a hard day. Why shouldn't we?

It's just that, certainly in my case, it can get a bit out of hand.

It was the story about what happens when you are quite safe to drive as long as you count your units and allow yourself time for the metabolism to work ...

OK, I might drink more than i should but I look after my kids, work my arse off, dont go out on the town and certainly dont chase women (or men!) as part of a mid life crisis. As sins go its not such a bad one!

Solidgold - the "I don't want to" is just how i sound when i try to justify myself. I don't have a problem and i want to have a glass of wine, so why shouldn't I?

It's not about sins, elastamum.

It's about whether or not drink makes you miserable and, if it does, what you can do about it. As long as you're happy with the way you drink, I for one have no intention of criticising you.

MIFLAW I did read that and am glad to hear that was the start of the end.
Is it easy to stay "aff it" as we say in these parts?

MIFLAW: OK I do know one appalling individual who is a dry alcoholic and frankly a tiresome bully inclined to harangue everyone else about drinking any alcohol at all (though he gets very arsy when it's pointed out to him that the 12-step alcoholic programme doesn't count you as cured if you simply substitute ketamine and ecstasy for alcohol...) - and have encountered one or two others who seem to feel themselves entitled to police the drinking habits of complete strangers.