Fag Free for 2005....Join us.....We need Help!

[charliecat]

I cried when I read how many failures theres been and applauded hub2dees approach as sometimes theres no point pussyfooting....come on guys! Its got to be done.
I am so so so gutted that theres been vile puffing going on...did you REALLY enjoy any of them. Truely satisfying were they? No No No! Tell you what though...waking up knowing that bastard nicotine monster has got no grip on me whatsoever is liberating. I could touch the sky with the high that im free. No chain round my neck.
Remember that just one is never just one and even if it was, why would you want JUST ONE? Your aim is to STOP FOREVER.

We only want to help! You would'nt dampen any spirits on here I think-the ones that have stopped are all feeling pretty positive about it at the mo and maybe a bit smug too!

Thats why i didn't wanna post, because i feel i've let everyone down by me being the only one thats failed. if you get what i mean. I know i should quit i am not silly, I need to get my head together and give it another bash. But although i might not post doesn't mean i am not reading and thinkning. So thanks for all your help and support and hopefully soon i will be the one that says i have stopped for x amount of days. I WILL DO IT, just not sure when.

gonna go and phone charliecat before she gets angry with me, lol, see you soonxxx

mummylonglegs I sympathise totally. I remembered that dh and I were trying to shit once, and started shouting that he was going blind at the bus stop (his with drawal symptoms are that bad!) and realsied that was 10 YEARS AGO...

I'm 40 and have been trying to quit for 15 years,now that really is sad! Haven't smoked much this year but have had blips - tho not for nearly 3 weeks now. Personally I couldn't do without a substitute. I prefer lozenges, starting with 2mg - am now sucking 1mgs like a loon but it's better than smoking I reckon, and I can wean myself off eventually...

Really feel as a hardened niccy addict that giving up is the best thing I could possibly do. Smoking had so many negative effects - I'd drink more wine, have less time & patience for my kids (always itching to sneak off and smoke) and feel this terrible shame & frustration.

Giving up is tough but also feels wonderfully liberating and is something to be hugely proud of.

Please join us - you can do it...

btw hermione I have crumbled & smoked so many times - please don't feel bad. You're not the 'only' one who's failed.

Fionagib, i'm a newbie and just wondered what you think. Is it not posible just to smoke when the kids have gone to bed? I've not smoked for a year, save the occasional one or two, but after having bought a packet last weekend, the urge is coming on very strong! Thing is i keep saying it'll only be evenings. Is that possible or is it an awful addicts rationalisation technique?? I CAN just smoke one or two in the evenings and not at all during the day, can't I?...

cc, thanks for the poem, thing is i'm stil trying to rationalise smoking in my head, so nothing seems to touch me; how hearltess am I?

Hi again.

fionagib, I loved your typo there, you and dh 'trying to shit once'!! All the things you described I can relate to, re. guilt and stress. It's the most pathetic habit.

em, I don't know, maybe you would be one of those people who can 'do' occasional smoking. My dp can. He can buy a pack when he's got a night out, smoke a couple then nothing for a month, and so on. But I can't. I've kidded myself I can far too many times to do it again now.

In all the time I've smoked I've actually 'successfully' quite twice, once for 3 years and again for 1 1/2 years. Both times I ended up starting again after having the odd one socially. Maybe that's why I'm so frightened of doing it again now because I know there's no half measures for me, it's give up totally and completely for good or give up on the idea of giving up.

Both times I gave up (and in fact there was a 3rd time, I stopped at the end of last year for 2 months and then lapsed) I had a really good frame of mind to do it but I just can't get that frame of mind back now. That's my biggest stumbling block because intellectually I want to do it, physically I know what I'll be up against, but emotionally I haven't the will. But I don't know why ...

Yes, MLL is fine for me, cc. That's what most people here abbrieviate me to.

How long and how many were you all smoking at the point where you just quit totally?

The man is back.

Just to clarify I am a kind person, but I reserve my harsh words and direct advice for smokers in case it helps. Please don't think I'm aggressive or whatever in RL, I'm not, but sometimes some home truths help, if it doesn't, feel free to ignore etc.

prettyfly1 you strong little chicken, you. I am very proud indeed. You were a right rude thing when I jumped on the old thread a while back and I'm delighted to hear you are going in the right direction. Give us an update and stay strong. Oh, and being a non-smoker is for life, so forget the odd one when you go to a party, or are with smokers, or get pissed. It's not in the plan. OK.

chaliecat: you keep going girl. So good of you to give so much support to the people wanting to become non-smokers. You will be rewarded in the afterlife with a young mayaaan with the stamina of a thousand lions and will smile smugly until then. Could you do a copy / paste update on the non-smokers ? I think sparklymieow has also quite, but haven't noticed her around recently.

evansmummy: Sorry to learn you turned to the fags when you had some very bad news. Maybe "nothing seems to touch you" [sic] because you expected something bad to happen when you started smoking again, and were surprised when it didn't ? Well, it won't. It takes ages to kill you. Perhaps dh will notice the snogs are becoming more stinky ? Yuck. Oh, and I wouldn't sit there doing the 'note to self: will remain unaddicted just having one occasionally à la mummlonglegs' dh... it tends to not work that way. And even if it did the stuff is not doing you any favours is it ?
(BTW, we share the French connection thing).

Dr. mummylonglegs. You're obviously a very intelligent person... but I didn't have you down as a smoker. 'Today's the day' rarely comes. If you've read the book and fancy being at your dd's 18th, perhaps you need to face the fact that, for you, there are no half measures, and make the decision to lead by example for your dh and for your precious dd ? I can well imagine you would vomit with disgust and fear if she started smoking because she saw mummy (and occasionally daddy) smoking all the time growing up.

I think this 'no right time' concept also relates to Hermione1... I think you don't know what you're waiting for because you expect it to be pivotal. A smack in the face. A sudden realisation. A biopsy on your throat to check for cancerous cells after you complained to your GP about a cough. A dawning and awakening that fags are not for you. Sadly, that's probably not gonna happen. What is gonna happen is that you'll be reading this, or thinking about it one day and you'll just decide enough is enough. Hope it comes sooner rather than later.

staceym11 - get dp to offer your 6 month old a fag. The very thought of it should make the sod sick enough to think he's being an ass. Well done you. I'd contemplate a bit of Lysistrata - I'm sure he stinks and his snogs are gross when fag-laden. Tell him to be a rôle figure to her instead of a div.

Others I haven't mentioned - sorry. It took me ages to catch up on the threads and I've got stuf to do.

hub2dee, I do harsh on myself all the time so no worries there, though it's a bit odd to be called Dr. mummylonglegs!

Noticed your PhD in your profile so thought I'd extend the courtesy.

Erm.... would typing help or shall I leave you to stew ?

hub2dee, just to say in relation to your original comment about my being 'intelligent', I don't think intelligence has anything to do with addiction. I think smoking is one of the most insidious addictions in our society and most people I know who smoke addictively are also quite 'driven' people in some way or another. This may be something relatively academic or it may be in terms of what they do around their homes, i.e. very houseproud or very concerned for friends and family. Very rarely have I met a laid back smoker. But maybe someone on this thread will prove me wrong!

The stuff about not seeing my dd's 18th birthday party is beyond my pessimism. At the moment I feel so lousy as a smoker that when I see a child even a year older than dd I worry I won't see her make it to that age! That guilt doesn't seem to get me anywhere though.

Where the heck is my bloody will power? I've found it in the past but now it's hiding somewhere far away. I know if I get the resolution to do it I will do it or at least try hard at it. But I can't get the impetus to get going.

AGH!!!

I really truly totally hate myself for smoking.

That was the fact that made me stop this time I think-felt so guilty after the majority of fags I smoked that I was rarely getting any pleasure from them anymore.
Havent seem Whymummy on here from ages-where are you Spanish lady??

Hi mml. Please allow me to stew on a reply. I am having a thinky.

Whilst I do, and to save me some scratchy heady, can I ask what are three reasons you continue smoking (besides 'physical addiction') ?

OK, maybe you're in bed.... it's late.

Re: Inteliigence... agree intelligence does (probably) not correlate with addiction, however I would guess that if you did an IQ test on all smokers and all non-smokers, the non-smokers would come out tops. This would be quite interesting to learn more about (from published papers). It would also be fascinating to correlate various demographic factors which may be pertinent.

I think I disagree about driven vs. laid back distribution in smoking population... I imagine there is a significant proportion of laid back smokers (or just as significant as 'driven' smokers)....

When you say "beyond my pessimism"... can you clarify what you mean by that phrase (sorry if I'm being dumb, just can't get the nuance)... aside from the fact that you feel v. guilty.

IME, self-hate tends to get one nowhere with anything. (I can relate with weight, for example)... I think dwelling on the guilt and the self-hatred is a sure-fire way of remaining where you are and not moving to where you (we) want to be, IYSWIM...

Hmm... interesting. I'll post more once you've had a chance to reply, Dr. Longlegs.

sparklymieow - thought it better to continue here.

So, you'd rather puff than mess about with the strippers in the back of the limo, hey ?

Tut, tut. You get your ass down to the book shop. At least you know you can stop, and you can get rid of the physical addiction. Can I ask under what circs you re-started ?

I went out clubbing.... and smoked again.. I also went away from the weekend and smoked far too many fags...

Were you drunk and / or with smokers (in your immediate group) ? Ref: weekend away - was this just after the clubbing, or was the weekend away before ?

hub2dee, I actually don't agree at all re. the IQ thing and smokers. What about ex-smokers, does their IQ suddenly go up?! I don't think it's got anything to do with intelligence, I think it's more to do with temperament.

What 3 reasons make me continue. The obvious ones I guess: habit, addiction, pleasure (nothing better than 'scratching an itch'). Because smoking IS pleasurable (when it's not totally guilt-inducing). I think the fact of its pleasure while at the same time the knowledge that it's killing one is what makes it such an infuriating habit.

yes I was drunk and I did have smokers in the group. The weekend away was just after the clubbing night.

sparkly: Maybe until you are stronger / more determined with the no-smoking thing, you could avoid boozy nights out ? (Not preaching, just trying to advise). Also, I guess it is good experience of how 'just one' or 'just this weekend' is not really anything like that at all... . Maybe a vow forever is what you want to look at... GET THE BOOK ! It may help.

mml: I was talking about large population sizes, of course not inferring IQ changes when you stub out for good. And I'm not suggesting IQ is the primary indicator of whether a given individual will smoke or not... whether some personality characteristics (summarised by 'temperament') are, is anyone's guess. Doubtless loads of research has been done on this...

I did ask for three reasons aside from the addiction, so allow me to 'hear' but strike the first two, if I may. Feel free to add two more.

The pleasure is interesting. Might you try and either focus on new ways of gaining pleasure, or use existing ways more IYSWIM. Also, I expect of someone (you / stranger) inflicting harm on your dd whenever you smoked would be a pretty powerful mental tool.

If the amount of pleasure in one's life increased, would one crave them less IYSWIM ?

Interestingly, perhaps a cognitive behavioural therapist dealing specifcally with your smoking would be able to create a distinctly unpleasant association in your mind to do with smoking, replacing the association with pleasure ?

"I think the fact of its pleasure while at the same time the knowledge that it's killing one is what makes it such an infuriating habit." .... sorry, I think that is general to many addictions - cocaine or food or alcohol spring to mind.

Gosh, i have missed quite a bit!And i am still fag free! Yeah! 16 weeks now (with one minor blip)! And i feeeeeeeel good!
Evansmummy please don't kid yourself you can just smoke in the evenings - that's how i started up again. Then it got to when dd napped in the day, then when she was busy playing, then whenever!
It is true that when something bas happens we reach for ciggies, but at the end of the day, do they really help? The problem is still there when you have finished your fag.
I still have days or moments when i crave a cigarette, but i am learning to deal with it - i make my self busy, i think about how good i feel, smell etc.
Since giving up i have had really bad mood swings, and a sense of humour by pass, and when i spoke to the doctor recently she said that it's not the cigarettes i miss, it is the time - she suggested when i start getting aggitated i go and sit out side on my smokers bench and just chill for 5 minutes. It makes sense now, and seems to be working.
I urge any one to try giving up - didn't the mummy manual in the papers make you all stop and think?
You can do, and there are people out there that will help you.

dropinthe.... yeah, that would be a nice treat. NOT. You are doing well. Your life would not be better with it. I know it's tough. Hang in there - you're a non-smoker know.