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Original poster

Serenity thread

123 replies

FairyTaleEnding · 19/02/2009 21:55

Rather nervously putting head above parapet to invite anyone in recovery to chat. I don't want this to be heavy, it's about finding a space away from the 'I drink too much' threads where we might be seen as a bit zealous! Anyway, I'll be surprised if anyone except MIFLAW replies ...

My name's FairyTaleEnding ...

OP posts:

FairyCCTaleEnding · 27/02/2009 17:20

It's really hard not to sound 'born again' in some way, or patronising. I just know that I found such a wonderful freedom in not drinking - not having that internal battle every night. There is something incredibly freeing about just taking it out of the equation altogether. And yes, it's much more of a struggle if you're still on that drip, drip of just having a few restricted units a week. Because, like with smoking, you're still feeding the craving. I found that once I stopped altogether, no messing about, no maybes or just this onces, and told my brain that was what I was doing, it became a lot easier.

For me, it was the Just For Today ethos that worked its magic. I'm not saying I'll never, ever drink again, but just for today, I won't. And actually then all thoughts of alcohol get banished to the back of the mind and I can concentrate on other stuff in my life.

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 27/02/2009 20:27

I always think of it as picking a fight with a really big hard bastard. Every time I pick a fight, he wipes the floor with me. But if I don't go near him or tread on his trainers, he's not going to chase after me and I make it through the day intact!

chloemummy · 27/02/2009 22:42

Hi Fairy, MIFLAW and Jem, I am still here, you have not scared me off....

FairyCCTaleEnding · 27/02/2009 22:49

Hi chloemummy, good to see you!

Did you manage to sort anything out for meetings?

chloemummy · 27/02/2009 23:47

No not at the minute. I could meet you maybe one seek at Chelsea.

FairyCCTaleEnding · 27/02/2009 23:57

of course. I'll let you know when I'm going next (probably in a few weeks).

Take care, I'm going to get some sleep now!

PurpleOne · 01/03/2009 06:01

anyone want to help with a drinker?

ive tried the aa and i really dont get the higher power stuff. i don't go to aa anymore as i felt such a fuckign fraud going in there and listenig to other peoples recovery stories and associating with pretty much everything. aa was ok but felt so fake listening to others stories, knwing that id be going home and getting pissed.
it is wrong in some ways but itd be nice to have someone to talk to offboard.

PurpleOne · 01/03/2009 06:08

fairycc - something you said about internal battles.

i got put on a reduction therapy program 6 months ago. all been ok until recently. went back to therapy and they told me to keep drinking cos of withdrawals.
the craving never goes away..
my social worker even says the same that if i had a drink prob then i'd be in hospital..I had a good lol at that!
prob is i have no support for a detox, and they all keep telling me to keep drinking, so its encouragement for me to keep lifting the cans..

sorry if ive posted on wrong thread. im in east london.

beinghonest · 01/03/2009 08:27

Good morning Purple one, I am sure that others on here will be able to offer you some excellent support and advice. I have been to an AA meeting, but only one, so I am not the best person to help you with this.

As I see it, in a broader sense, there are some people who develop a drink problem, (probably use drink as a crutch for other issues going on), and who through moderation and a properly supportive approach can reduce and control their drinking - and can enjoy an occasional drink.

And there are others who might be able to do that briefly, but can never really have a balanced relationship with alcohol. And the only way in the long term is to stop completely.

Unfortunately many professionals in health and social care don't understand the difference or understand the varied nature of alcoholism. I guess that is where the support of others who are alcoholics but who are not drinking, can be invaluable. Those on here who are in AA may be able to offer you exactly that.

Keep well.

jeminthecity · 01/03/2009 09:31

Purple- hey babe-we all know what we have to do, I knew what i should be doing for ages, but knowing is one thing.
Its the DOING of it all thats hard. Thats the hurdle really.
There are loads of people who are still drinking who go to meetings, you're not alone there.
The craving is there when we are drinking, but it gets easier, you know that.

There's no way I'm going to patronise you, its up to you in the end. I know you are having a really difficult time too. xx

jeminthecity · 01/03/2009 13:20

Also, we often discount the things we don't want to hear, and act on the things we do. ie it depends on what we actually want to do...

God done that...

BlaDeBla · 01/03/2009 14:45

Naltrexone is an interesting drug. I don't know if it's available in UK, but it may be worth asking your gp about it, PurpleOne. This is an article about the drug from The Times which you may find interesting.

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 01/03/2009 19:33

If you associate with everyone at meetings, why feel a fraud? Sounds like you are in the right place ...

If you are an alcoholic, it is natural that you will want to drink. That's what being alcoholic means. I doubt having one will make you happy or improve your sitaution, but you should never feel guilty about having one. I have been from the pb to an AA meeting to another pub, so know the struggle you are going through.

I don't drink any more and haven't for some time. I realised that, imperfect though AA was, I didn't have any better ideas, and maybe should stick around and give it a bash till I had a plan B. I'm still waiting ...

As for the higher power thing, there really isn't anything to "get". Two ways of looking at it that have helped me (after 6 years of sobriety, I still do not follow any organised religion - my faith is exclusively in the power of AA to keep me sober, and in life to turn out better without my interfering than with it)
are these:

the only thing you need to know about God is it's not you
if what you see when you look in the mirror is the best thing you can imagine, you're fucked

Don't know if either of these will help you - hope so.

Keep coming back.

Where are you in East London and which meetings have you tried?

jeminthecity · 02/03/2009 09:34

I don't do the higher power thing, but as you know it doesn't really matter anyway.

MIL- yeah I agree that AA is imperfect, of course, but it does help, it can help if you let it, same as anything. Its easier to make excuses about why things can't work.

I like the 2 points you made too- good way to look at things.

I'm not drinking, but I still think about drinking in a way that isn't 'normal'. I have friends who can go out and just have ONE glass of wine. Never saw the point in that myself, but then they don't have a drink problem, I did, and I do if I drink. Wish I could change that, obviously, but I'd rather be here now and sober than that fucking shell of a person I became, doing the same things again and again, making the same promises and excuses again and again.

Elibean · 02/03/2009 09:55

Purple, don't feel like a fraud - we've all done that, at some point, or wanted to. Its part of what makes you belong in AA, IMO

The bit that makes you feel like you belong, is telling people - whether its sharing in the meeting, or talking to people afterwards, if you can do that it helps more than I can possibly tell you.

Elibean · 02/03/2009 09:55

ps my 'higher power' for years was the group of people I trusted in recovery - no more, no less. Then it sort of shifted on its own, but really...don't worry about the HP bit!

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 02/03/2009 10:11

Where are your meetings, Elibean? See from your page you're in "SW London" - ever get to Eaton Square, Victoria or Pimlico? Or are you more West than that? Or more South?

FairyCCTaleEnding · 02/03/2009 10:47

Hi all, sorry I haven't been on. Full-on weekend, lots of kids, not very much serenity!

I'm doing Step 2 at the moment and have struggled with the higher power thing for a while. Spent so many years thinking of any kind of god as a punishing, distant one that I've found it very difficult to believe in anything more positive. But I like the idea of humility, of handing over - although as a control freak I find it hard!

What really changed my thinking was sitting in a step meeting a couple of weeks ago, thinking 'I'll never quite get this God stuff, why can't I? etc etc' when it suddenly occurred to me that I've been in AA for nine months now. I'm actually doing something that is good for me, instead of self-destructive behaviour in whatever subtle shape or form, and I've stuck at it. And that's enough evidence of a higher power for me, for the moment. It's the meetings, it's the way I feel after I've been to one, and it's the fact that a small part of me is actually trying to help myself rather than give in to negative beliefs.

There you go - that's the basis of my first chair!!

Elibean · 02/03/2009 22:23

More West, and a bit more South, I think

chloemummy · 02/03/2009 22:40

Hi there everyone Fairy, MIFLAW and Primrose

I am feeling a bit down today so I am giong to go to bed but I just thought I would say hi.

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 02/03/2009 22:47

Hi Chloe - sorry you're down.

Hope it's been a sober day all the same.

Stick around - it gets better.

chloemummy · 02/03/2009 23:00

Yes it has been a sober day. thank you for asking. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, fingers crossed. Night Night.

FairyCCTaleEnding · 02/03/2009 23:09

Take care, chloemummy. Stay in touch.

FairyCCTaleEnding · 02/03/2009 23:14

By the way, chloemummy, here is a link to online meetings. Could be worth a try. Hope you feel better tomorrow.

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 04/03/2009 10:00

How is everyone today?

Hopefully dry, even better sober, and ideally happy.

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