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Serenity thread

123 replies

FairyTaleEnding · 19/02/2009 21:55

Rather nervously putting head above parapet to invite anyone in recovery to chat. I don't want this to be heavy, it's about finding a space away from the 'I drink too much' threads where we might be seen as a bit zealous! Anyway, I'll be surprised if anyone except MIFLAW replies ...

My name's FairyTaleEnding ...

OP posts:
jeminthecity · 24/02/2009 17:29

Yeah MIFLAW, I would agree that people are there if and when you need them, it is lovely. I wouldn't knock it at all, just I know some people struggle.

I wopuld like to say a big 'hello' to Brassicmonkey and Kokeski, Jellibabe and Purpleone, who as far as I know are all posters in recovery. I have let you all know about this thread.... sorry to miss anyone out, its just I thought these posters wouldn't mind names. Sorry if I'm wrong.

x

jeminthecity · 24/02/2009 17:31

Hey MIFLAW- I went to a meeting once were there were only 4 of us...and I was the youngest by about 30 years- not that it mattered of course, they were lovely, but i did feel like I was sitting in my mams sitting room. Again, not that it mattered!

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 24/02/2009 19:05

I think my smallest meeting was 5 - Saturday night in the village of Birchington! Until I came to London I was, apart from the single mother I mentioned and a bloke I was at primary school with, ALWAYS the youngest - and now I'm not I sort of miss it!

FairyCCTaleEnding · 24/02/2009 20:42

Chloemummy - I go to Flood St on a Sunday occasionally. The creche is downstairs, quite a few kids go and seem to have a pretty good time. The meeting is an hour and a half, usually really good. There's also a new one (with a creche) on Thursday evenings, I think. Sunday might be better, though, as it's a weekend and, as MIFLAW says, you could make a bit of a day of it x

PrimroseHall · 25/02/2009 02:42

Jem, thanks for introducing me to this thread. I've been lurking and thought I recognised you as my Geordie pal but didn't know if you wanted to be recognised IYKWIM. Oh, I'm Brassic, btw. I fancied a new identity as well after all the revealing I did on here a couple of years ago.

Hi to everyone else in recovery here. I'm not an AA member but did go for a while, although not since I've stayed sober.

Fairy, is the Flood St. meeting also called 'Sunday Best'. If so, I used to go to that one. I found it a bit frightening, there are hundreds of people there [shakes]. I also used to go to the women only meet one night in the week. It might have been Thursday, can't remember now.

I've had a look in on the other thread that's been mentioned here. A lot of the posts remind me of how I felt when I first asked for support on here. I was desperate to find a way to control alcohol and couldn't bear the thought of giving it up, even though my life was hell and the gaps between intoxication, being passed out and hiding in bed with the covers over my head were disappearing. I don't think that's what's happening with the posters on the other thread so I doubt if I could say anything useful. Besides, I had to learn the truth through trial and error. I had to know with 100% certainty, deep down in my heart that I was an alcoholic, and it took as long as it took. Nothing worked until I started to see alcohol as lethal poison that was ruining my life. I still think of it like that now, rather than something that would enhance a good night, comfort me when I'm sad, liven life up when I'm bored, calm me down when I'm stressed etc etc. God, the scenarios where alcohol was a necessity were endless.

It's nice to be here, sober and happy.

I keep thinking of the beginning of each AA meeting where we are silent and think of the still suffering alcoholic. Is talking about my addiction and offering to be there for those that are still suffering enough? I often wonder about that.

jeminthecity · 25/02/2009 09:51

Hello PrimroseHall!

I'm glad you've joined this thread- you were always there with support, understanding and acceptance when I needed to talk about anything, especially in those early days of sobriety and its lovely to see you post. You never jugded when i ranted about something, i guess because you understood what those feelings were like. Anyway...

I like how you describe the struggles you went through in coming to terms and dealing with your drinking, we all have to do that, and it would be nice if it was way back down the line when I first started drinking too much, but it wasn't, it was only when I was on my knees with it all.
Its frustrating watching people in rl being ill, but then they all have to come to their own truth or acceptance in their own time, and i can't force recovery upon them, but at the least I can offer them a bit of hope, because I did get sober, iyswim, and I know how rocky a road it is for us.

jeminthecity · 25/02/2009 16:50

Please don't say I've killed this thread... and it got of to such a good start. Shite!

FairyCCTaleEnding · 25/02/2009 17:35

No, no - of course you haven't! I've had a frantic day and haven't had much time to check in. Really good to see new people here, and I will come back later, either before or after my meeting

PurpleOne · 25/02/2009 18:25

Thanks for the mention Jem, but I shouldn't really be posting here at all.
I'm not in recovery yet...

Hello anyways!

FairyCCTaleEnding · 26/02/2009 00:37

Hi everyone (see, I said I'd come back - ok, it's late!)

Primrose - yes, Flood St on Sun is Sunday Best. Huge meeting, but after I got over the shock of that I quite liked being in such a big group of people. (And if you sit near the front, you can pretend everyone behind you isn't there .) Took me a while to open my mouth, though. Now I feel quite comfortable there, and I find it makes a nice change from smaller meetings.

I think a big difficulty for the people on the other thread is the fear of the unknown. It wasn't until I actually got to a meeting, and started identifying, that I realised I could feel comfortable there. And that's such a huge step to take ...

Anyway, laptop is about to conk out. Have a good night, everyone.

FairyCCTaleEnding · 26/02/2009 11:57

Now I've killed the thread

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 26/02/2009 13:55

Not killed at all - I'm still here, anyway ...

I think you're right, btw - especially early on, the very act of attending a meeting is one of the most helpful things, whether or not you choose to do service, read the literature, work the steps, find a higher power ... Just that identification can make a big difference.

But a lot of would-be newcomers will do anything BUT attend a meeting! Visit the website, read the Big Book in the public library, pray to a God they already acknowledge - but go to a meeting? No way! People might think I'm a drunk.

I remember being picked up for my first meeting by a 12-stepper. What's your address, he asked? I got him to meet me at the station instead - I didn't want the neighbours to see an alcoholic coming to the house ....

jeminthecity · 26/02/2009 20:32

Arf! As if they didn't think you were a pisshead anyway!(Oh yes we all his our drinkind SOOOO well didn't we?!) Yes thats funny, they were more likely to think he was JW or something!

Anyway, I'm still here too.

Man I Feel- should it be Man I Look Like a Woman? Or only on special nights...!

jeminthecity · 26/02/2009 20:33

I mean we all hid our drinking! Sorry, blame it on the keyboard. Am not pissed....honest

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 26/02/2009 20:51

I don't THINK I look like a woman - especially not with two days' stubble like tonight!

FairyCCTaleEnding · 26/02/2009 23:13

Hi Jem, hi MIFLAW! Where's everybody else?

Man - very brave post on the other thread. I hope they're listening to you.

Jem, hope you're ok. Well done for getting some new people onto this thread. Although they're being a bit quiet ...

Well, I have news. I have to do my first chair in a few weeks' time. FUCK. Actually, although I'm shitting it I'm also quite looking forward to it. I just know that the minute the first person gets up to go for a fag I'll feel I've 'failed'!

Have a good night.

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 27/02/2009 00:08

I made notes for my first chair. It made me more confident and everyone else was kind enough not to mention it.

Didn't bother after that - if anyone's an expert on my drinking and what happened next, it's me, so these days I feel safe enough to improvise!

Just remember that everyone has been there and everyone wants you to do well, and they will all try their damnedest to identify with you. Part of my old job (pre-sobriety) used to be speaking in classrooms and at academic conferences and I can honestly say that an AA room is the easiest audience I've ever worked!

Is it at a regular meeting where you know everyone or have you been summoned miles away by an impressed visitor or prowling chair-finder?

jeminthecity · 27/02/2009 09:50

hi everyone

Our terms are different up here. The 'chair' is the person who chairs the meeting, opens it up , does all the preamble etc, chooses who to approach to do the 'share' The main 'share' is the person telling their story. The same thing though.

Lol at prowling chair finder. When someone comes over, suddenly starts chatting to you,and then the penny drops! 'You're chairing the meeting this month aren't you?

My sponsor came to my first and gave me a lovely little book as a present- I thought I might vomit with fear- I just sort of snivelled through it. MIF is right, everyone will be really kind to you- it doesn't matter what you say really. I think I was about 5 months when I did my first.

jeminthecity · 27/02/2009 09:52

Oh and its frowned on here if people go for a fag or coffee- hardly anyone ever does. They have a fag and coffee break after the main share.
God that would be awful!

FairyCCTaleEnding · 27/02/2009 09:56

I've had a bit of experience with prowling chair-finders! Have usually muttered 'Good Lord, no, I'm a wet-behind-the-ears-newcomer' and scuttled to the back of the room. But this time it was the secretary of my home group, so couldn't really duck out of it.

I'm sure it will be fine. As I said, I'm quite looking forward to it in some ways. But I do worry (such a drama queen) that it won't be 'exciting' enough. Because of course, it's not really me sharing my e,s & h, it's more like Kate Winslet accepting her Oscar ... oh, the ego. Must do some more work on that (like, a lifetime).

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 27/02/2009 12:06

BTW if other people's misfortune makes you feel better I witnessed the first chair of a friend the other night.

I didn't realise but it turns out he has a major stammer when he's nervous ... What a vicious circle!

He came through it, still rerady for the next one, and so will you, I'm sure.

Try to keep the notes to under 3 pages though.

Best of luck

S

FairyCCTaleEnding · 27/02/2009 12:32

Thanks - am going to try to do without notes, though. Less rehearsed, more spontaneous. Try not to swear too much. That should do it.

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 27/02/2009 12:45

No notes is a good idea.

I like a bit of swearing, myself.

Each to their own, eh?

FairyCCTaleEnding · 27/02/2009 12:53

Don't get me wrong - I love swearing, the more the better. I'm just worried I might get carried away!

It's all kicking off a bit on the other thread, isn't it?

Anyone else around?

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 27/02/2009 13:53

It is indeed "kicking off" - and, as someone who has come through that barrier, I don't understand why, while at the same time, as someone who used to be on the other side, I can well imagine why people are feeling judged and threatened.

It's a funny old game ...

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