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Original poster

Serenity thread

123 replies

FairyTaleEnding · 19/02/2009 21:55

Rather nervously putting head above parapet to invite anyone in recovery to chat. I don't want this to be heavy, it's about finding a space away from the 'I drink too much' threads where we might be seen as a bit zealous! Anyway, I'll be surprised if anyone except MIFLAW replies ...

My name's FairyTaleEnding ...

OP posts:
jeminthecity · 23/02/2009 13:30

Life beyond my wildest...!

FairyTale have CATTED you- check your in box lass!

FairyCCTaleEnding · 23/02/2009 15:01

I've just realised my friend's stepfather's name is Bill Wilson - never made the connection before. He must have had some confusing encounters in his time, poor man.

Never been CATted before, how thrilling. See how life open's up once you're 'in'.

FairyCCTaleEnding · 23/02/2009 15:02

opens (mortified)

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 23/02/2009 16:19

I don't know what CATting is - does that make me a bad person?

I only hope your friend's stepfather isn't on Facebook or Twitter ...

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 23/02/2009 16:19

And that he doesn't know any medical professionals or PhDs called Bob ...

FairyCCTaleEnding · 23/02/2009 17:37

Thankfully, I'm pretty sure he's a bit of a technophobe so it shouldn't be a problem.

CATting is contacting people off the board. I've never done it before, so it's all new to me.

Jem, haven't heard anything yet - don't know how long these things take?

Talking about open groups and anonymity - did you know there's a Facebook group called Call Your Sponsor?!

jeminthecity · 23/02/2009 19:16

I've CATted you again Fairy- you should just receive it via your usual E-mail, its pretty instant usually- have only done it a couple of times before, similar circs, made some really good friends!! My details are on so you can add me on FB.

Yes I know-heady stuff innit? Internet trickery and whatnot

ManIFeel- you have the CAT thing turned off on your reg. details, as I tried to CAT you too(in case you felt left out)

FairyCCTaleEnding · 23/02/2009 19:54

Hi, I still haven't got anything. It says 'yes' on the reg details, so don't understand it ... Hope it didn't go somewhere else!

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 23/02/2009 20:39

Am now enabled - CAT me up!

Was Bill Wilson your friend's stepfather, or her twelvestepfather?

AA hasn't just helped me get sober. It's made me hilarious.

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 23/02/2009 21:32

Anyone else desperately trying ot keep from poking nose in on other thread?

It all sounds so horribly, predictbly familiar, but I doubt I'd get thanked for posting to that effect ...

FairyCCTaleEnding · 23/02/2009 23:27

I poke my nose in all the time, but try to restrain from saying anything. But I think it's an incredibly brave thread - I was in loads more denial than they are.

Jem, got your message, thanks! Took hours to come through ...

at twelvestepfather

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 24/02/2009 00:15

That's the problem, though - that's what's so frustrating! They're so "close to the surface," set out all the facts honestly and openly, reveal their deepest true feelings and then say, in full knowledge of all that, "perhaps I'll be all right if it's just weekends"!

FairyCCTaleEnding · 24/02/2009 00:21

But that's because they still see booze as their friend ... can't imagine that life without it would be viable, let alone better. I was like that - absolutely determined to hang on, controlled it for ages. It was the thinking, not the drinking, that got to me in the end!

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 24/02/2009 00:57

Yeah, I know you're right - it's just so hard to believe in retrospect that I was so unable to put two and two together. I was the last one to know that I was an alcoholic ...

jeminthecity · 24/02/2009 10:55

I hope I show people the patience and tolerance that I was shown by certain friends...cos I know getting sorted was a very long process, and not all plain sailing! Just reminds me of how I felt actually, it WAS a difficult time, but being helped through it with care and support made a massive difference.
everyone has to decide for themselves, there isn't a wrong or right is there?

I think it is frustrating, but that is the nature of the beast, and lots of people actually function pretty well even if they DO struggle with their drinking.

chloemummy · 24/02/2009 11:37

Hi there, I went into a day centre for alcoholics and drug users last August as I could not control my drinking and I have not had a drink since July 4th 08. Same as above I cannot call myself an alcoholic I say taht I am allergic to alcohol. Dont think about drinking now but am still very raw emotionally. Any support would be great. Jem can you cat me too!

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 24/02/2009 12:03

No, you're absolutely right, and of course some people function well or at least adequately - I was one of them!

But it's like watching a child putting two legs into one leg of their jeans and then wondering why they can't walk properly, but knowing that if you tell them they won't listen! V frustrating. Compounded by the embarrassment in retrospect that I was exactly the same.

Obviously one of the things I cannot change ...

Chloemummy, well done for staying away from it! I'm happy to call myself an alcoholic, personally - as well as drunk, alkie, piss artist, turps nudger ... - but at the end of the day it's just a name and you can call yourself what you like. The important thing is that you know what your problem is and that you are taking positive action to manage that problem. Well done, keep at it!

If I were you I would find someone trustworthy but not necessarily a friend to talk to about emotions - doctor? priest? counsellor?

Do you go to AA? That's one of the key things I get out of meetings myself. It really helps me.

chloemummy · 24/02/2009 12:12

HMIFLAW - I am a lone parent and I dont have any support. I find it difficult to go to meetings as I dont have the childcare. I work and get 30mins lunch as Ishortened my day. I still go to the day centre but that is coming to an end and they are trying to fix 1 to 1 counselling. I have been to some aa meetings but it is the childcare that is a prob for me as I dont really have the moneyto pay for a babysitter and feel embarassed to tell people why I need a babysitter iyswim

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 24/02/2009 13:32

I do see what you mean - although, if one day you do find the courage to be open about this, I am sure you will find that, in the vast majority of cases, you care fare more about this than they do; and that, in the vast majority of the cases that leaves, people will admire you for what you have become rather than condemn you for what you were.

I don't know how old your children are and where you live but I do know that, in some areas, meetings with creche facilities exist; elsewhere, I think most people are accepting of children being taken to meetings if they are too young to understand or blabber (say, under 5s). Not ideal, I know, but better than nothing. If not, you might find some virtual groups via the AA website - but in most parrts of the country, being a single parent is nothing like the obstacle you might imagine.

chloemummy · 24/02/2009 13:40

she is 8 years old. I live in east london. Friends dont really understand. A friend used to watch her but after a few months she thought that I was cured and could not understand why I still needed to go to meetings. As I have had a day programme on mon and tues I have not found it necessary to go to meetings but I really do need to build up some support. The meeting i know with creche is on a day I work.

jeminthecity · 24/02/2009 14:44

hI chloemummy!

I'd like to think this is for anyone in recovery, not just alcoholics or AA'-ers so a big hello. Hopefully we can all learn from each other yeah?
I don't think there is any ONE way we can prescribe things to work for others, we're all different etc.

I know people in recovery who aren't in AA, and I really don't think it matters.

MIFLAW- you're lucky to be somewhere there's loads of things on offer- in the Northeast there's nothing like what you describe.

Am picking up the DCs soon, then have about 100 pancakes to make, but will CAT youse later if thats still ok.

Hi Fairy.

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 24/02/2009 15:13

You're right, London is good for that - but I got sober in Kent and the only two people in the room younger than me were a young single mother and her 4yo! Sometimes all-women meetings are more tolerant of this than mixed meetings too. But you're right in that outside London it does depend on the local set up and is a bit hit and miss.

And, of course, 8 is harder than 4. What about the Bethnal Green women's meeting? Does it still exist?

One thing you could consider - though it will take planning - is to find another (single) parent in AA and you could take it in turns to attend meetings while the other one babysits. When you do get to meetings, which ones are your nearest? Are you East London as in Whitechapel or East London as in Walthamstow?

Jem is right to say that recovery doesn't have to be in AA - but I have found the emotional support side of AA useful and I think we in AA are spoiled to have that on tap, open to all and free of charge.

chloemummy · 24/02/2009 15:30

East London as in Walthamstow. I will check out Bethnal Green? I would have to get to know another mother quite well before I would leave my child with her. I had thought of that though.

FairyCCTaleEnding · 24/02/2009 15:52

Hi chloe, good to see you. I did hear people talking once about online meetings - don't know much about this but could check it out if you like? I know it's not quite the same but at least it's something.

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 24/02/2009 16:41

Chloemummy - according to the website, Chelsea Sunday 11 (Flood St) and Hampstead Saturday 1230 (St Luke's) both have creches. Neither of these are ideal for you, I know, but you could make a day of it ...