Anyone gone teetotal after heavy drinking..if so how did you do it and for how long have you kept it up ??

[no1andno2]

Anyone ? I need some help and fast..........

This thread is so interesting to read as well as be part of. Well I caved in last night and had 3 small glasses again not what I'd intended but I still feel good, slept well and total units for the week 14 with 2 wine free nights. Now I don't know if that's good or not but I am pleased. No hangovers and within 'normal' drinking limits. A huge step for me.

I don't want to stop I think, just manage my drinking. I love the taste of wine. I wouldn't drink most whites any roses or light reds.....and I can truly understand oggs saying they enjoy the slightly drunk feeling and the first glass. There is something about taking the first sip it's like a huge sigh going through the whole body that says - ahh that's better.

Maybe slightly mad but I've measured 125ml in a glass so when I pour I know how much to put in rather than use the large glasses and kid myself I'm having a glass/unit. It's helping, cos I can have 3 glasses and feel good rather than 3 glasses that's probably not much short of a bottle!

Sibble, from a health point of view, that's fantastic - but, if you take a step back, does it honestly feel like a "normal" relationship with drink to be trying to resist but "caving in", or "measuring" wine out exactly?

It's a sad fact that most problem drinkers are identified by the amount they drink, when in actual fact the amount is largely (apart from a health and safety perspective, which is where the government sees fit to interfere) a red herring. What it makes you do, how you prioritse it and what your relationship with it is - that's what really defines the "problem."

Example - my partner and I nearly didn't get together because she described herself as a "heavy drinker" and I was already, by then, a non-drinker. On one, perhaps two occasions, have I seen her drink like I used to. The next day, as will not surprise you, she had shocking hangovers. But in between, we've got an open bottle of gin in our kitchen that hasn't been touched for over a year - and when it does get brought back out, it'll doubtless be so her and some mates can have a couple of G&Ts each. Now that gin would not have survived the weekend if I had been drinking ... In other words, her drinking as much as I used to on those two massive nights doesn't make her a problem drinker - but the state of that gin bottle does convince me she's a NON-problem drinker.

I feel really mean posting this, but then, not saying it wouldn't make it any less true.

Well done, Sibble!

How is everyone today?

Hope you, too, are looking at this as I am: one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time, one minute at a time.

MIFLAW, that's how my DH drinks. He could really take it or leave it.

He'll go out tomorrow night, first time in a very long time, to meet his brother and a mate at the pub and they'll have probably 3 pints each in between shooting pool and then come back here and play PS3.

V. if I went to a bar, I was going to be there till it closed and only get up to go to the loo (I stopped before smoking bans came out). No pool. Or no, I was there to get drunk.

3 pints! I've drunk in pubs where they call that "breakfast".

Oh, he'll be drunk after that, too, MIFLAW, and giggling away.

It can be in the house from now until the world ends and if it's not Christmas or New Year's Eve he just won't bother.

But leave a 2ltr bottle of Coke out and it'll be gone in a day or two.

I only buy enough each week for the nights I and dh plan to drink, otherwise I to would drink it.
Dh doesn't have a problem with drink.

He'll drink tonight and tomorrow night but will often leave half to a third of a bottle, and even goes to bed sometimes leaving half a glass. Cue me slurping his leftovers I'm ashamed to say.

Leaving some in the glass and not even noticing - now that is classic "normal drinker" behaviour! Used to get on my bloody nerves. It was as though they were showing off just to spite me.

Drinking leftovers - classic "non-normal drinker" behaviour (unless you're seven and at a wedding.) I bet a few of us have done that ...

... my first drinking experience exactly. Aged about eight, drank all the grown-ups leftovers, behaved like a tit, threw up when I got home and was told by my mother 'Well, you won't do that again, will you?' How wrong she was!

I meant, drunk other people's left overs as an adult! I was a surprisingly well behaved child.

If only that had lasted ...

I used to do that too, obviously!

My mum keeps asking me if I think she's an alcoholic. I say 'not while you can leave half a glass of wine sitting around.'

I just don't get that. I still find myself telling people to 'drink up, you don't want to be wasting that', to my constant embarrassment!

snap!

that always makes me think:
'What a waste of perfectly good wine!'

when it could actually be Gallo or some other rot gut.

Have been staying away from this thread the last few days because have been drinking steadily every evening... Not huge amounts but am so disappointed in myself. It's starting to feel like I might have to face up to being more dependent than I'd hoped.

bella, this thread is here for support. don't ever feel you can't post here no matter what or how much you are drinking.

relate to the irritation about people leaving booze! yeah, i'm likely to polish it off no matter whose mouth has been on it.
had 7 units last night. not feeling too bad on it. so much for my non drinking week though, its nearly 20 units this week. dp is off camping with his other girlfriend and i'm really looking forward to the space. its so less stressful when its just me and the toddler. the little one might have more tantrums but they don't last as long!

i always wonder when i will be grown up enough to have guests for dinner and not feel that panic if they haven't bought enough wine with them. i start measuring it out in my head to work out how much booze we have for everyone...meaning me i guess. and if people come with juice and then accept a glass of MY wine i feel almost violent. i totally understand the point about it not being how many units you put away but your relationship with alcohol. so, i'm better than i used to be,i used to have a 'shared' wine i would provide with dinner plus my own secret bottle in the kitchen to keep my glass topped up. good god, i feel like i've come a long way but have a long way to go still. and somewhere deep down i suspect i will never have a healthy relationship with booze...or with dp for that matter.

Apologies in advance.
I've namechanged because I'm embarrassed.
I need to face up to the fact that I have a totally destructive relationship with alcohol.
I don't know what to say. I want to say so much. I'm fucked up.
I started drinking to boost my confidence.
I don't know when to stop.
I got so pissed when I was 15 that I collapsed in a public toilet and was found by a friends brother. Luckily he was a good person and got me home somehow.
At 18 I was raped by my best friend's boyfriend. I was pissed. I blame myself.
I have been told I'm an excellent shag...when I'm drunk.
I'm too inhibited when I'm sober.
I have a very low libido. I drink so that I can be good in bed for my dh but end up so drunk that I feel vulnerable and end up crying.
I can't talk about this as it's been going on for so long that he is fed up with the situation when it happens.

I can go for long periods when I don't drink but I don't know when to stop when I do.

I guess I am an alcoholic.

I need to stop drinking.

faceup, you poor love. You've done so well just getting up the courage to post on here. Really brave.

We've all been there and everyone on this thread will identify at least in part with everything you say, so don't feel alone. Hang in there, keep posting. No one's going to frogmarch you off to a doctor or AA, we're just here for support. All I can say is I know how you feel, and I don't feel like that any more, because I managed to stop. Life is better now. But I also know how hard it is to contemplate a big change like that.

There are lots of people on here to give you support, however you're feeling.

(MaeBee - to my eternal shame, I once sent some friends out to get more wine when they'd had the audacity to turn up for lunch with only one bottle ... )

Hi all,

I haven't been on here for a few days - been having a very busy time: my Mum broke her ankle last week and now it looks as though my Dad has had a heart attack. So I've been driving my Mum around for her own hospital appointments and my Dads appointments, and helping with shopping etc.

I have been so tired that although I felt like coming home and having a BIG drink, I was actually too tired (and anything I did drink left me feeling rubbish).

Yesterday my two dds came round and cooked dinner. Normally I would have opened a bottle, but I didn't want to spoil their efforts, and we all had a lovely evening playing cards instead.

Well done faceup for taking your courage in both hands and posting on here. There haven't been many people around over the weekend - but if you stick around you will find lots of support on here. And you will find that many of us are exploring not just your relationship with alcohol, but also how we use alcohol to cover up / compensate for other emotional issues that are lurking.

There is a great poster of here (ManIFeelLikeAWoman) who has quoted ""the good thing about stopping drinking is you get your feelings back. The BAD thing about stopping drinking is ... you get your feelings back." Anyway, whatever you are going through - keep posting.

maebee I am just like you on the wine with meals. When we are having people over I always buy enough for the whole party. My dp says - you won't need all that - people will bring drink with them - and I reply, yes but they underestimate how much they will drink (what I really mean is, they might not leave enough for me!). I do know that it is that planned and thought out approach to alcohol that demonstrates my harmful relationship with it.

Apologies for long post. Hope others are embarking on a good week.

Faceup - I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this and how much you've already gone through because of alcohol. I can relate to so much of what you say - superficially, none of those things happened to me, and yet, if I care to look closely, equivalents of all of those things happened to me. And, like you, I kept on drinking regardless, because, if this was my life WITH drinking, how horrfic would my life be WITHOUT drinking?

Well, I have now stopped drinking, totally, and it has been some time since I drank any alcohol in any form, and I am happy to say that my life is brilliant, not in spite of that decision, but because of that decision.

If you want the same, you can have it and, though this thread won't do the job for you, it can be a massive help. Do stick around and do feel free to talk openly.

Maebee - I used to have a girlfriend who drank hardly anything. I would offer her a glass of "my" wine. If she was stupid enough to accept, that was all the excuse I needed to buy an extra bottle, because there wouldn't be enough! So my plan to drink one bottle suddenly became a paln to drink nearly two bottles - and, all of a sudden, I felt a lot more secure about having "enough" wine in!

Re low libido - as alcohol is a depressant, it will, in any significant quantity, kill your libido. That whole Sahakesoearean thing about "increasing the desire but taking away the ability" is really only for those annoying weekend and Xmas drinkers who probably get a bit tipsy off a sherbet dib-dab. If you drink "properly", as i used to call it, you will find you have neither the desire nor the ability - not least because, deep down, you probably feel incredibly unsexy, unattractive, and worthless.

How is everyone today?

How's everyone doing?

I only drank on one night at the weekend and am feeling good this week up to now.
I'm getting on with loads of knitting in the evenings to keep me busy. I can't drink and knit as I cock up the knitting.

I also have a mug of hot choc or horlicks last thing before bed and it really helps me sleep.

Oggs - well done on cutting down - good luck on sticking to it. If you can, that's fantastic news.

Also, distraction activities are excellent ideas in the early days, whether cutting down or stopping completely - especially anything, like knitting, that spoils or complicates the drinking expereince (my earlier advice about mints, Creme eggs and Fisherman's Friends comes from the same place.)

On the night you drank, did you dirnk more than you intended to or did it go to plan?

Slightly more than intended, but only the one glass more. I'm pleased because there was more available but I didn't open another bottle.

Just decided I didn't want to drink on the other night.

Your advice re; mints, creme eggs and Fisherman's Friends would have not put me off drinking in the slightest .

I am going down the one day at a time route and hoping that the desire to get on with my knitting will stop me wanting a drink.

You misunderstand me.

If you want to drink and you have anything resembling a problem with drink, nothing will deter you from doing so and you may on occasion plumb depths that surprise even you.

However, if you have decided that you do not want to drink, but feel the physcial itching that makes you start to think "maybe, just maybe" then various aversion or distraction techniques, including eating strongly-flavoured food, can help you a lot.

This is why some people on here talk about stopping altogether as being easier than cutting down - if you cut down and you get the itch, you are never sure whether you even want not to drink, and the struggle just gets harder.

No one around today?