Anyone gone teetotal after heavy drinking..if so how did you do it and for how long have you kept it up ??

[no1andno2]

Anyone ? I need some help and fast..........

Happy Birthday Lulu! Sorry to hear you're pissed off, but that's a great attitude. Have a lovely, lovely weekend and be strong! Good luck X

You are quite right, Man about living the worst of both worlds if you cannot cut down drinking successfully. This is a reason that I do not smoke any more. I do not want to have to go through the miserable process of stopping again. At least the lozenges are less smelly!

I have been through an eating problem which was just horrible. It is how some people here describe their drinking - feeling compelled to do something, being totally unable to stop, and feeling totally out of control. We can't stop eating food, so have to come to some other arrangement.

I am finding this thread helpful in that there are other people keeping an eye on how much they drink. I am being quite strict about keeping to 2.5 bottles of wine a week, and it is helpful only being able to buy wine once a week, so it has to last.

Happy Birthday Lulu and I hope you don't get too fed-up.

Well it's all kicked off here since I've been gone! .

MIFLAW, as I said earlier - your post really did give me food for thought. I didn't think you were being judgemental either, just trying to share your experience.

Bla, I think you're right in comparing this to stopping smoking. The way I've felt this week is very similar to that. You can get on with stuff, and be fine, then you hit a trigger point and it's all you can think about. Be that fags or wine.

I have never seriously tried to even cut down before really. I have done 4 alcohol free days for the first time in years, and am proud of myself. I did buy a bottle tonight. I have had one glass and it was lovely. Is it the wine, or the "hit" that is lovely - that I need to work out.

I plan to do 5 alcohol free days next. I would be overjoyed if I can stick to 14 units a week. If this looks like it will be a struggle, then I will go seek help. I already have the number of the local AA meetings.

To me, it is great to find other people who are in the same boat. I hope we can stick to being supportive, and avoid slanging matches. I guess being defensive about drinking goes with the problem though. Maybe we can all learn a lot here.

hi all I alos didnt think Man was being judgemental just sharing his experiences. I used to be a thread that had been abandoned where there were many people in recovery and the advice they gave may not always have been what I wanted to hear but it was useful nonetheless.

Bla you sound good well done.

I am quite pleased with myself after picking up dcs and one of them being in trouble at school thought thats it definately downing a bottle tonight especially waiting for dcs father's reaction he is such a hard man especially with our ds who was the one in trouble. All of these things would normally send me reaching for the bottle but I dont want my weekend to start with a hangover - so pat on the back for me .

Problem at the moment is that I have rather substituted choc for wine !!!!

Bye for now - good luck everyone x Thanks for all the bday wishes

MIFLAW, it does appear that all of us on here are trying to cut down to "reasonable" levels rather than stop. I think though that we all admit to having a problem and are maybe/probably deluding ourselves.

You said you already recognise the "comments" and patterns. For that reason i really hope you stick around. Maybe we just NEED it spelling out sometimes.

Hi everyone, I haven't been around for a few days, and reading all the new posts have given me a lot to think about.

I could understand what Man had picked up in his post to no1&2 and I guess that if we all went back over our own posts we could probably pick out a similar range of sentiments. But I know that if anyone did that with my posts I would feel bad, hurt, and angry with the poster.

I think that one of the great positives about this topic is that several of us are recognising the extent of our own problem. For most of us recognising that is the important step. Perhaps we will use that awareness to get a better balance in our lives and to learn some more healthy habits around our use of alcohol. Perhaps some of us will not be able to achieve that through cutting down and may only be able to get back in control by cutting out alcohol completely. By posting on here we can share all of that, and in the process help ourselves and each other.

I have found it really helpful to post here about how I am doing. It feels very supportive to do that amongst other people who are facing the same issues, and I love the positive comments that other posters leave for each other.

I had an almost unbelievable 6 days without alcohol. On Thursday night I shared a bottle of wine with dp and I really enjoyed it. And was OK with just that half bottle. That is what I am aiming for - being able to enjoy some drinks when I choose to. On Saturday we shared some wine, but then i felt that familiar feeling of wanting a bit more, so I had a whiskey. That is what I want to avoid.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Dear Beinghonest

I'm genuinely curious - why would you be hurt, angry and upset if someone quoted your own words back to you with a view to trying to help you with a problem you had identified yourself?

Surely, in most areas of life, you would think someone was mad if they reacted like that? If you told me you wanted to cut down on buying clothes, then said you were going shopping, and I reminded you of what you'd said, would you really be angry with me, or would you see it as me trying to help you achieve a goal?

Hi Man,

It's not just on this topic - it's a general thing. There are some avenues I use for getting that kind of constructive and directed feedback, but mumsnet isn't one of them.

If I sought the support of a professional counsellor, then I would expect and accept that response, although a counsellor (face to face) would be able to judge when and how to direct the feedback.

I use mumsnet to offload things that are happening to me, and to support others when I can. I join threads that I find supportive, and there are some posters that I avoid because I don't find their contribution helps.

I find this particular topic helpful because I can be honest about my drinking and my feelings about that. For many of us on here that is an important first step. If my posts were quoted back at me I would be hurt because I wouldn't have expected that, and angry at the poster as a consequence, and if I anticipated that some of my posts would be quoted back at me, then I would be reluctant to be so honest. And I would feel the same on any topic.

PS. I am not criticising what you posted, I can see what you were trying to do, I was simply empathising with No1&2 because I too would feel judged.

No intention to judge anyone. Sorry if I came across that way. I do sense, though, that a lot of people are judging THEMSELVES and maybe feel judged by others as a result.

Honesty is great. I am surprised, though, that quoting someone's words back to them - on an internet forum, where all the words stay there, in black and white, waiting to be scrolled through - caused upset. Again, sorry to anyone I've offended.

The thing is, we are not fixed in stone. Things change very quickly. Just look at the banks!

I think it is easier to be honest with a relatively high degree of anonymity.

I think it is helpful for an individual to read through their own posts to see if there is any change. Of course, it is very easy to watch other people. So much easier than watching oneself - something I have been thinking about recently.

Quite so.

I can only share my experience, which is that:

1. if you have a drink problem, forgetfulness is your worst enemy
2. a lot of people with drink problems nevertheless want to forget because they are struggling with not drinking (the nature of a drink problem)
3. a lot of those same people will regret the drink once they have had it but will then find it hard or impossible to go back to not drinking

This is what happened to me, and it is a world away from "changing your mind", though I know that's what I pretended had happened, to myself and anyone who would listen.

If this rings a bell with anyone here, I'm haapy to help. If not, pleasae ignore me - I don't want to offend anyone.

Morning ladies, how were your weekends? Hope you had a lovely birthday, lulu?

I had ONE glass of white wine at home on Friday evening (as per the weekend rules) and then when out on Saturday and... drank juice initially, then shared half a bottle of red. Nothing else (despite plenty of opportunity and everyone else downing cocktails around me), drank tonnes of water and woke feeling fine on Sunday morning, which was a complete revelation! A whole new way of being. Long may it last.

no1andno2, are you still out there? Hope all's going well xx

Morning everyone - would like to say I had a nice birthday but in all honesty it was crap - the marred the day by a family argument and I dealt with that in my normal way I drank a whole bottle of wine all to myself!!! So in all a b'day to forget I think.

Yesterday was a better day - drink wise I shared a bottle of champagne with dcs father which was OK - back to no drinking during the week which is what I am aiming for a moment.

How are you all - how were your weekends?

No1and no2...get back on here if you can.
We are all having good days and bad days...we are all hearing things we don't want to hear...because we feel bad...but thats what we are on here for.
Come back we want your support and we want to support you!!...Doesn't matter if you got bladdered or not at the weekend. Back to fresh start this week...if you like?

I had a bit of a slip at the weekend...my SIL up at weekend who drinks like I use to...and I found myself gussling rather than enjoying. Although didn't drink yesterday...felt really flat and negative. So bit of a fresh start for me as well.

Hi everyone Im fine.........yes I did drink at the weekend but sensibly.

no guzzling whilst I am cooking. Not opening the bottle until we sit down.

DH being very good too.

Healthy wise yesterday I did a body pump class and a 6 mile bike ride with the children so its all moving in the right direction.

No drinking now until Friday.

It is sad that we all count our units and yes in doing that we def have issues. But better that than not and I do feel so much better for it.

Happy birthday lulu. Sorry it wasnt a good day buttoday the sun is shining and we can do better.

xxx

I

I need to have a fresh start too. I went shopping on Saturday afternoon and thought I did really well by buying just two bottles of wine instead of a box of wine. But I'd already bought a box of wine on Thursday!

The box is still in the fridge, probably about a third left. One bottle of white remains unopened in the fridge. I really think I'm in serious danger of harming myself drinking this way. What on earth am I doing?

Anyway, I don't plan to drink tonight, but will need some other way to wind down. Do you all find that you cannot relax at the end of the day? On my working days, I rush around in the morning getting everyone ready, have to rush at work to meet deadlines because I only work three days. It's a mad rush to get the kids home, dinner, bath and bedtime at a reasonable time. I collapse on the sofa at 8pm and feel my blood pressure still rising. I feel like I'm constantly stressing over one thing or another.

I reach for the wine.....And so it goes on. I don't sleep well, never feel rested.

No1&2, I also share other people sentiments about being judged by MIFLAW. Although I don;t think it was meant in that way. But I think if it were directed at me I would be thinking that the post only pointed out to me what I already know. I can't easily control my drinking and drink now controls me. It's a scary thought

I think it's all up and down. Our neighbours were having a drink-up yesterday afternoon, so I stayed for a few glasses of wine. It was sociable and fun.

I think sometimes that AA sounds more like a cult and people can become very evangelical about it. I don't like being evangelised. There are no simple answers to anything in life. I do respect that a lot of people benefit hugely from AA, and that it can turn peoples lives around.

AA didn't work for my dad. I think the term fellowship speaks volumes and if you are not going to submerge yourself in that 'fellowship' then you can never feel part of AA.

Of course it will work for some. I do know of many people that it has worked for. I've been to open meetings and heard some incredible stories.

I agree that AA can sound like a cult sometimes.

But no one on here has mentioned AA as being immediately relevant for literally days.

Has someone off-site been evangelising you, Bla? Hope not - I agree, it's no fun.

As lots of people have said, we all have to find our own happy relationship with drink, whether that be moderation or abstinence.

Agreed man and I for one am not there yet. Even reducing as I have its not a happy relationship yet. I am far too concious of it for it to be that . But I will get there.

You are doing very well, no1andno2. You have managed to avoid alcohol for a few days, you have managed to drink in a controlled way. I think that when you feel driven to do something, it can be helpful to look at it from a psychological angle, because just stopping the behaviour may well leave the gate open for another self-destructive behaviour.

I agree with Bla - well done No1&2 you sounded deseparte to start with and think you have really well in a very short time - OK you know you have a problem still dont we all

lulu

I was desperate..........I was up to 100 units a week and even though I was still functioning I felt crap.

I have a long way to go but for now I am sticking to Friday / Sat night and about 15 to 20 units a week . Its a big improvement .

I will always have to watch myself I know but hey ho we all have issues to deal with.

How are you today ??

I am OK - getting really nervous about tomorrow as its D day re DS's secondary school application - the urge to drink tonight is very strong - dont know that I will ignore it even though I came on this morning feeling positive and "I am not drinking during the week etc etc" - will try and log on later going home in a minute - thanks for asking

keep me posted. Schooling is very scary isnt it. In a similar situation at the moment with mine. Really do not know what to do...............aaaaaaaaaaah

Good luck