Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

General health

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Please help me with my seemingly incontinent 8 year old daughter - getting worried.

177 replies

StartingToGetVeryWorried · 22/06/2008 11:43

My daughter is 8 (9 in october) and to put it bluntly she stinks! She always smells of wee and poo and it is very very very rare that she keeps her knickers clean all day.

Sometimes it is so mortifyingly embarassing as it is really quite strong and I cant imagine what others must think.

She potty trained normaly at about 2.5 yrs and although not as good as my son was was fine, usual amount of accidents.

She then had an accident when she was about 4 which involved hurting her bum and from then on started a cycle of holding poos in until she became severely constipated etc etc

It seemed to improve for a good while but recently over the last few months it is back with a vengeance.

Now she is approaching 9 I am really worrying for her as eventually the kids in her class will pick up on her as the stinky kid and start bullying her Im sure.

I keep finding knickers covered in poo and wee hidden stuffed at the back of drawers.

The part of it I dont understand is taht she doesnt seem to care - every night I lay her clothes out for the next day including clean underwear yet often she doesnt use the clean knickers and keeps on the dirty ones???

Can anyone give me any advice on how to deal with it?

It is not full accidents she is having, her knickers are normally stained with varying degrees of skidmarks from light to very bad but not actual full poos iyswim.

Im not sure where the wee comes into it but that is certainly an issue too.

HELP

OP posts:
DesperateHousewifeToo · 22/09/2008 22:03

Oh, I see. Think the teacher possibly being a bit of a prat.

Agree for you to get her signed off school if necessary.

Very difficult decision though.

Maybe have another chat with her and point out what she will be missing. i.e. fun time with her friends, gossip from the trip. Lay it on thick and then see if she still seems reluctant.

She has every reason to feel aprehensive, imho, but would be a shame if she feels in the future that she 'missed out'.

titchy · 23/09/2008 11:00

Is it fairly nearby? Can you take her in the morning and pick her up again in the evening?

titchy · 23/09/2008 11:01

Or stay in a b&b nearby?

Buda · 23/09/2008 11:13

Hi Pecka. I am so glad that things are improving so much. Your DD sounds amazing.

Regards the trip. Think back to the hospital appt when YOU were worried and SHE reassured you. She is a sensible and plucky little thing. If she says she doesn't want to go on the trip I would be led by her I think. She knows what she will be missing out on. Having an accident away from home and you and in front of her peers and teachers would be dreadful for her.

TinkerBellesMum · 23/09/2008 11:27

Tell the teacher if the trip is compulsory they can find the money

I'd speak to your GP or consultant and get one of them to tell the school that it isn't going to do her any good to be forced into this trip and give her a note if necessary.

Peckarolloveragain · 23/09/2008 14:19

I have been talking to a friend today and have decided Im going to ask if I can drop DD off each day for the activities and pick her up to come home.

do you think that is reasonable?

DesperateHousewifeToo · 23/09/2008 14:55

As a mum, I would think that is resonable (if not too far away, obviously!). Seems a good compromise to me.

Hope the school agree.

TinkerBellesMum · 23/09/2008 15:58

If it is doable for you. Don't let the school bully you into anything, your daughter has a medical condition and they should be taking that into consideration.

Buda · 23/09/2008 16:01

I think that sounds very reasonable Pecka. Hope the school agree.

Peckarolloveragain · 23/09/2008 16:04

Its about an hour away, hmmmm just not sure what to do.

have had a reminder about the money today

Peckarolloveragain · 06/10/2008 10:54

hi everyone

feeling rubbish about this today

she went on her trip, i arranged for her to miss the first day whilst she went to hospital (which was a waste of time as consultant was off sick) then I dropped her up there and i had arranged for a lovely teacher to look after her, had a meeting with her about it all and she was great.

so she managed the trip away and did enjoy it but it seems she was getting picked on whilst she was there

she mentioned it a few times at the weekend and then this morning was inconsolable about going to school, I have spoken to her teacher about it this morning.

The LAST thing she needs at the moment is dealing with being picked on, she is really not in great spirits, have had some terrible behaviour out of her and i think she is really getting down about all of this now

Peckarolloveragain · 06/10/2008 14:34

bump

DLeeds · 06/10/2008 14:45

Hi Pecka,nice to hear the updates - sorry they are not wholly positive.

Has DD explained to you what she is being picked on about. Is it her condition or just general horrid 8 year old girlyness. It might help to know what is being said and then maybe we can all think of ways to tackle it.d

Was she Ok on the trip - any accidents?

This is so hard for both of you isn't it. Poor DD must be running out of resilience by now - but you WILL get through it you know.

Peckarolloveragain · 06/10/2008 14:48

yeah thats what it feels like, she was doing so so well but its just getting a bit much

yeah there was accidents on the trip, to be honest an accident free day are still a rarity

i dont THINK it was about her condition, just general nastiness i think but she seems so low anyway that the picking on is just too much as well, she was so upset this morning

DLeeds · 06/10/2008 14:58

I think one of the problems is that she I think her medical problems will be at the bottom of why she is being picked on- probably in one of two ways,

either the other kids know they cannot mention it directly (as they know that would be in the wrong) so they find other ways to have a 'dig'at her. Or alternatively it is genuinely just about 'girly' things but your DD perhaps feels not as assertive in standing up - after all other will have the ultimate 'put down'. I know I never stood up for myself - just in case in the midst of any argument it was brought up - and i couldn't stand the humiliation / embarrassment. I think other children have so little tolerance of this problem - maybe because they associate so closely with 'babyishness'. In some ways wheelchairs are easier to understand.

I wish there was some easy answers and I'll have a think. Hows the medical side going - is her meds sorted yet?

batters · 06/10/2008 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hennipenni · 06/10/2008 15:05

Agree totally with Dleeds post about wheelchairs being easier to understand. Pecka, if it any help to your DD my DD aslo age7 is having a rough time at the moment with a certain little brat girl in her class, purely due to the fact that she can't run very fast due to a problem with her hips and also asthma. Because this said brat child can't see the problem then my DD doesn't have a problem (iyswim)she thinks that she slow and runs funny- hence picking on her. Little girls in particular can be very very cruel.

DesperateHousewifeToo · 06/10/2008 17:29

I'm so sorry that this is happening to your dd.

I would hope that the school can offer strategies to help.

Are there any bullying websites that offer general advice?

You could try a general post on the education section in case any teachers can help. Or do a search on here for ideas.

Peckarolloveragain · 18/03/2009 17:46

Sorry I havent updated this thread for so long

DD is going back into hospital tomorrow this time for a nose tube (??) can anyone tell me what this will involve?

Peckarolloveragain · 18/03/2009 17:48

Sorry I havent updated this thread for so long

DD is going back into hospital tomorrow this time for a nose tube (??) can anyone tell me what this will involve?

Peckarolloveragain · 18/03/2009 21:38

Bump

paranoidmother · 18/03/2009 21:52

I don't know whether this is what is going to happen but it might be of some help? here

Hope everything goes well for DD will think of her. Big hugs

Sidge · 18/03/2009 21:54

Sorry have skim read the thread but can't see why she is going into hospital? And why is she needing a feeding tube?

It sounds very stressful for you

paranoidmother · 19/03/2009 20:32

Hope all is going better than you hoped for, for you and DD. Sending big hugs to you.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 19/03/2009 21:59

Hi pecka,

Have just sat and read your thread form start to finish (despite needing to go to bed).

Have shown it to dh as we are starting to having similiar problems with dd1 (aged 3 nearly 4), took her to the gp on wed and got antibiotics for a ? urine infection but this thread has opened our eyes to a whole world of other possibiliites. so THANK YOU for sharing such a difficult and emotional time.

As for the Nose tube, I would imagine that's an nasogastric tube ( I can't think of aything else that would fit that description , (and I was medical)). DD2 (18nths) has had several. It is a fine tube passed down the nose via the throat and into the stomach. This sounds worse than it is and the most difficult bit is getting it down, this can be helped with a swallow of water at the same time. Once in place it is barely noticed (apart from obviously appearance to others)Our biggest problems was stopping the DD2 pulling it out although I would imagine your dd is big enough for this not to be a worry .

I hope things go ok, and I can't say Thank you enough, we are were at the point of saying that dd1 is "lazy" etc and too busy doing other things to notice, but she said the other day that she does not feel when she needs to go......so many things are hittimg home feeling like another VVV bad mummy (who should know better).