Please help me with my seemingly incontinent 8 year old daughter - getting worried.

[StartingToGetVeryWorried]

My daughter is 8 (9 in october) and to put it bluntly she stinks! She always smells of wee and poo and it is very very very rare that she keeps her knickers clean all day.

Sometimes it is so mortifyingly embarassing as it is really quite strong and I cant imagine what others must think.

She potty trained normaly at about 2.5 yrs and although not as good as my son was was fine, usual amount of accidents.

She then had an accident when she was about 4 which involved hurting her bum and from then on started a cycle of holding poos in until she became severely constipated etc etc

It seemed to improve for a good while but recently over the last few months it is back with a vengeance.

Now she is approaching 9 I am really worrying for her as eventually the kids in her class will pick up on her as the stinky kid and start bullying her Im sure.

I keep finding knickers covered in poo and wee hidden stuffed at the back of drawers.

The part of it I dont understand is taht she doesnt seem to care - every night I lay her clothes out for the next day including clean underwear yet often she doesnt use the clean knickers and keeps on the dirty ones???

Can anyone give me any advice on how to deal with it?

It is not full accidents she is having, her knickers are normally stained with varying degrees of skidmarks from light to very bad but not actual full poos iyswim.

Im not sure where the wee comes into it but that is certainly an issue too.

HELP

Bless her.
Hope it will work!

I can really understand how frustrating and stressful this must be for you...my 5 year old son (nearly 6) has problems similar to your dd, we are being referred to a Behaviourial Therapist (or some such thing)....shall see how that goes ...!

I didn't read the whole thread, so, what did they consulatant find? Just out of interest.
My ds had bloodtests, to see if he had a Thyroid problem or some other physical problem...but that was the only tests done....
my son is on Movicol, but I am thinking of getting a different medication, because I am starting to think that it has become part of the problem....

anyway...all the best for your daughter!

Oh dear poor you - i can quite see why you are being pulled so many ways.

I am not sure what they will do in hospital - but would imagine it will be a combination of enemas (not pleasant) and something like picolax (v strong stimulant axitive they normally give people before abdominal ops). Maybe also ultra sounds and xrays too? Perhaps you could ring the ward so at least to prepare her.

be prepared for accidents and plenty of toilet time. It will hard to protect her dignity while undergoing the clear out - but unfortunately it a difficult issue. Just a thought but maybe you could tell her in advance she can through any soiled nighties or knicks away (if that happens - might not).

but as I said it is great you have found a good consultant, so many just 'wait and see' - not so good. If she was my child I would go this route - no matter how hard.

Don't do mn hugs normall - but so hoping it goes OK for you and dd.

This thread is fabulous .. I adore the way you reconnected with your DD over this and what a wonderful little girl she sounds.

I hope the 'aggressive' treatment is the answer .. at least in hospital they'll be able to manage any discomfort and it'll be over so quickly, now is the worst time for both of you .. the anticipation is always worst

Good luck

Message withdrawn

So glad you have stuck with it and your dd is such an inspiration to everyone with embarrassing problems.

The hospital stay might well be not very nice esp if she is hungry.

Pack lots of that flushable wet toilet paper? She may get very sore and have to have suppositories/enemas etc which are not great.

But she has shown how brave she can be - so while she is having her clear out make sure you know exactly what the followup should be and how to manage the reintroduction of a normal pattern for bowel and bladder emptying.

Get back in touch with Eric for their support?

Good luck to you all.

Thanks everyone, I hope that if people are searching on a problem similar to this they come across this thread. I cant imagine how much worse things would be if I hadnt had my epiphany and realised that something could be done.

I am going to go to primark tomorrow and stock up on loads of knickers and pyjamas so that we can just dipose of them if it is messy.

The not eating wont be good as she loves her food! We are moving DS's birthday forward to tomorrow so that DD can enjoy lots of birthday fun and food before she has to starve! Her all time favourite is TGI Fridays for the Oreo milkshakes and little DS has suggested we go there for his birthday tea so that she can have one!

Will keep you posted, Im just going to have to tread water the next few days and get through it and then we can start looking forward.

She is going on a residential holiday with school and it was worrying us both that she might have embarassing accidents there, hopefully now it might be under control by then.

Thanks again
xxx

Hi Peck

How's it going - was the hospital treatment this week? Is DD OK

Thinking of you all....take care.

Hi thanks for asking

Yeah she was in Sunday to Wednesday.

Basically she was on a non residue diet (jelly, boiled sweets, water) for 2 days in addition to high doses of movical and picolax.

The clear out seemed to be successful as by the end of the second day the raspberry jelly was going straight through her with not a trace of everything else (starting out as big hard poos etc)

She has come home on movicol and picosulphate, that i have to give at 4am, to encourage the habit of morning poo to form.

She is back on normal diet now and things seem to be going well, she had a couple of huge accidents when food was reintroduced but that seems to have settled down a bit now.

We are going back to see consultant (who is fabulous by the way!) next wednesday.

The aim of the game now is to keep her poos a porridge like consistency until we can re educate her body to develop a once a day empty the bowels habit.

The medicines will completely avoid her needing to get constipated or built up (hopefully)

She was a real trooper whilst in hospital, I stayed with her the whole time and to be honest it was actually a great bonding experience, was great to spend all of that time with just me and her and the other two kids out of the way and spend time talking, playing, reading and me just being there to completely focus on her.

I think if we had attempted to do this at home it wouldnt have been nearly as successful.

Pecka, it is good to read that your dd got the help she needs, I really hope she has a quick recovery, it sounds like she has handled it all really well.

oh pecka, i am so glad for you and dd. she sounds wonderful.

Thanks for the update Pecka. I've lurked on this thread from time to time and it's so good to hear that things have improved for you all. Your relationship with your dd sounds so secure now. What a wonderful thing to happen out of a nasty experience.

hi just read this whole thread, and i just wanted to say I hope that your dd gets better, and i take my hat off to the both of you.

Made me cry in parts, and made me think how wonderful it is to be a mum, , and i am so pleased you and your dd have bonded so well, and coped together over this.

I've just read the whole thread. The way you and your dd have worked through this health problem is an inspiration pecka, what a fab team you make Good luck in keeping things on an even keel from now on

gosh it's difficult to find this thread when you can't remember anything but the general gist

so good to hear that the hospital stay was ok and seemed succesful .. am happy that you had such a positive experience and seem to be moving on with this

good luck to DD .. she sounds wonderful

Well done pecka, so glad it went OK. All the best to your dd and hopefully she can continue to recover

Pecka, glad all went well in the Hospital.
Hope that your daughter will continoue to improve !

Hi everyone

I could do with some advice.

The problem is still much better but not 100% alot of this is due to not quite being on right level of meds. Too much and she gets runs and couple of accidents by not getting to toilet on time. Not enough and it could potentially start problem again.

DD has a residential trip with school next week for 3 days. She was excited about this especially when in hospital when she thought she would be fully better by now.

She is now very worried about it and I think starting to stress. I have spoken to teacher who has reassured her that there will always be a toilet available to her but she is saying she really doesnt want to go.

What do I do?

Hi there, I've been following this thread and congratulations to you both of you for getting to ths stage. What a team!

It's inevitable that there will be ups and downs at this stage, while the medics get the meds right and her body relearns what to do.

I think you have to go with your instinct, you're her mum and you've done such a brilliant brilliant job by her thus far! You'll know best.

From an outsiders point of view (and as someone who has had poo issues, I had a colostomy bag for a few years) I would respect her wishes and let her stay home. Perhaps have 3 special days for her in its place? I would imagine the anxiety of having accidents will almost inevitably lead to them, and having accidents away from you and home would surely be very tough for her? She sounds so so mature, but she is still a little girl too.

Hugs to you both, you'll get there and you're both doing so brilliantly. You must be so proud of your lovely daughter.

xxx [not allowed on MN but I felt like you deserved them!]

I don't think I would make her go on the trip if she not confident about it.

She has been so strong about dealing with all these issues and it would be dreadful if she did have an accident and the other children found out about it. It could really knock her confidence.

You may find, however, that she improves further in the next few days so maybe don't make a decision till nearer the time.

Great to hear she has come so far though.

Thats the thing, the trip needs to be paid for by Wednesday. Also I broached it with her (very stern) teacher and he said it wasnt an option.

I even think she is at danger of maybe getting a bit down and anxious about it and I really dont want that.

I think don't go then.

Would she rather stay at home?

Was the teacher saying that she should not go too?

No, the teacher was saying that the trip wasnt optional. That she had to go.

I wasnt thinking of her being at home, maybe being in another class whilst hers are away and doing some work.

can you keep her off school for the days of the trip?

Personally I'd take my lead from her, she's been so brave and so very strong with this whole thing (as have you Pecca) .. she doesn't feel comfortable going so I wouldn't make her

Go to your gp and get her signed off for medical reasons. The stupid school can't argue with that. Honestly, how unreasonable they are being.

Even if you have the smallest hint that she is just maybe putting it on to get out of a trip.

Mind you, thinking about it there, she should want to go on this trip, so the fact she doesnt even if I think she might be laying it on suggests it is because she is anxious I suppose.

This is all so hard, I dont know if she just needs a nudge and reassurance or to be saved from it.

Such a huge deal is made of this residential, its like a rite of passage once you get into year 4, they do work on their experience there for the rest of the year, parents assemblies, displays etc