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Original poster

Just had a + pg test. How the hell did this happen?

121 replies

BlaDeBla · 09/06/2008 22:24

I've got a coil in, which was only checked a couple of weeks ago. I'm on anti depressants and on drugs for colitis. I've had a mastectomy for breast cancer and I'm middle aged (In my early 40s).

I am shocked, to say the least and I don't know what to do or what to think. Dh is out, so I haven't told him yet. He will go white I expect. He will not be pleased.

I've had a coil for years without any problems and I thought I was possibly a bit menopausal, not bloody pregnant. Don't know what to think. NOt a good situation.

OP posts:

Original poster

BlaDeBla · 19/06/2008 20:51

I'm not particularly pro-abortion, but I do think it's so so so important to have a SAFE abortion if you are going to have one!

I'm not working at the moment - it's been a while - and I'm not sure what I can do! I have had a lot of problems with financial viability, which is to do with the abuse from my father. I am at last beginning to come to terms with it and I hope I will be able to rectify the situation. It's rather complicated.

I have done very well on a writing course, and would like to take it further. It was so exciting to be thinking again, and to enjoy doing the work.

Dh is fantastic. He's retired this year, but that's also because his work barely exists any more. Money is a bit of an issue.

I have told a few friends in RL what is going on. I haven't told my mum or any family.

I'm sorry, this sounds really short. I don't mean to be rude.

OP posts:

RubyRioja · 19/06/2008 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NorthernLurker · 19/06/2008 20:55

It is an awful position to be in and I can see that all the medical uncertainty - both about you and the viability issue - is really not helping. FWIW I totally agree with ruby. I am pro-choice - and that's what it's about - a choice. Sometimes that's not the choice we would make in an ideal world but it's not an ideal world is it? Keep hanging in there and vent here. Take care.

RubyRioja · 22/06/2008 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

BlaDeBla · 22/06/2008 15:55

I'm still here! I think my hormones are kicking in and having wild parties. It's not much fun. I have another scan tomorrow, then on Tuesday an appt with the doctor if there is any decision to be made. My mind is swinging like a bloody pendulum. I looked on the BPAS or something website about getting an abortion and there were lots of testimonials. Frankly a lot of the reasons for having one seemed pretty feeble. Anyway, I'll keep you posted as to how things pan out. Dh does NOT want any more children. I can understand. He already has 5!

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RubyRioja · 23/06/2008 07:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elibean · 23/06/2008 12:03

Thinking of you too, Bla. I'm not sure what to wish you for the scan, but I hope it helps one way or t'other.

Original poster

BlaDeBla · 24/06/2008 11:25

Dh and I had a real blow-out about all this yesterday. I get more irrational as the day goes on. I had a scan yesterday and they could see a heartbeat. They couldn't take my coil out. I so don't want to be in a position where it is me making decisions as to whether a baby is allowed a life or not, even though it is still just a bundle of cells. The whole thing gets harder when you have to see what is going on.

OP posts:

DarrellRivers · 24/06/2008 11:33

Oh Bla, I ahven't posted on your threads , but have read them.
You are in a very difficult situation, with either route seeming the right way.
I think the trouble is no-one can make the decision for you, but what a horrible decision to have to make.
I wish I could make it for you, but I don't know what I would do, if I was in your situation (and I thought I would always opt to keep a suprise pregnancy) but your situation turns everything around on it's head

Elibean · 24/06/2008 11:51

((Bla)) I don't know what I would do either. I can imagine seeing a heartbeat doesn't really help, but then again its information, I suppose. It all sounds very painful

Are you going to be able to see your former therapist? Or another? I know I would need support, in your shoes (I've needed it often enough in mine ).

FWIW, I don't think there is a right or a wrong in this at ALL. Just feeling your way through shades of grey, finding what seems best at the time to you both, and you especially.

Big hugs.

Elibean · 24/06/2008 11:52

ps I suppose you've probably already done this a million times, but...it usually helps me to try and imagine myeslf six months down the line, or even six weeks down the line, or six days, after each possible outcome - and ask myself questions about how I feel, if I have regrets, what is good now, what is hard now, then answer them. A bit like a self-interview with imaginary future selves, IYSWIM.

RubyRioja · 24/06/2008 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

solo · 29/06/2008 10:16

Does anyone know how Bla is? I've been watching/reading and it's a while since Bla has said anything.

How are you going Bla(if you are reading) I'm thinking of you.x

emma1977 · 01/07/2008 22:10

Bla, how are you getting on?

I've been off-line for a couple of weeks, but thinking of you and wishing you well.

NorthernLurker · 01/07/2008 22:12

just seen this - also hoping you are ok

Original poster

BlaDeBla · 01/07/2008 22:15

Hello all! I've been offline for a few days while we were moving house. Anyway, we're now in a new house and the dogs keep escaping out of the garden. Otherwise it's lovely!

My gp made an appointment at the family planning for today... So... what a hairy week! I started bleeding very slightly on Thursday so went to the doc on Friday. A bit awkward as she is heavily pg and about to sprog any day now! Anyway, it was a waste of time. I spent a lot of the weekend on the phone to NHS direct because of the bleeding. Yesterday it all ended, and today my hormones and mood seem more settled. I had a scan at the family planning today, which confirmed that I have miscarried. The coil seems to have gone too.

The doctor was really amazed that I had managed to get pregnant with a coil as it is one of the most reliable forms of contraception. Anyway, I'm knackered and have been drinking far far too much, so I need a break and something better to do!

Thank you all so much for your kindness and support through this difficult time

OP posts:

NorthernLurker · 01/07/2008 22:19

Crikey you have had a time with things haven't you? for you and hopes that you and all the family can have lots of restful time together now in your new home.

emma1977 · 01/07/2008 22:22

Big hugs from here.

I'm sure that you will feel sad that it has ended, but probably relieved that your body made a difficult decision for you. Take some time to rest now.

I've also just moved house and my cat has buggered off- what a pain!

TheMadHouse · 01/07/2008 22:25

Bladebla

Just wanted to add you are in my thoughts. I lost a baby in August last year and it does send your hormones round the bend.

Take care of yourself - hoe are things with DH?

Original poster

BlaDeBla · 01/07/2008 22:36

Dh is being fantastic. He came with me to the family planning as we weren't sure what was going to happen. In the event it was only me seeing the doctor. I don't think this pregnancy really wanted to be there from the beginning, so it is a great relief in some ways, although such a peculiar process, and I'm glad it happened relatively early on.

I hope your cat comes back emma!

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solo · 03/07/2008 16:40

BlaDeBla, I'm glad you are relatively ok. I'm a big believer in ' everything happens for a reason' and ' what doesn't kill us makes us stronger'. You do sound like a very strong woman.
Keep well and good luck in your new home.x

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