Just had a + pg test. How the hell did this happen?

[BlaDeBla]

I've got a coil in, which was only checked a couple of weeks ago. I'm on anti depressants and on drugs for colitis. I've had a mastectomy for breast cancer and I'm middle aged (In my early 40s).

I am shocked, to say the least and I don't know what to do or what to think. Dh is out, so I haven't told him yet. He will go white I expect. He will not be pleased.

I've had a coil for years without any problems and I thought I was possibly a bit menopausal, not bloody pregnant. Don't know what to think. NOt a good situation.

I would have thought so too.

This little bundle of cells isn't yet a foetus, and we don't know if it's got a heartbeat. I have to go in next week to have a scan again to see what's going on and to have my coil taken out.

I need to find someone to talk to about what's going on. Apparently the colitis drugs are ok during pg, so are the antidepressants. Even steroid cream is not intolerable.

I guess the issue lies more with mental health and a complicated life. Dh would be a father at 61, and at the moment we have his health to consider too.

All this bloody man did was a scan to see if it was ectopic. It's not.

Hello again Bla.

I'm glad that the ball has started rolling for you and hope that you get some help in making decisions.

TBH, from the sound of your posts you seem to be unhappy about being pregnant and maybe inclined towards a termination. Let's face it, you were actively trying not to get pregnant, so no wonder you're nonplussed. From the sounds of it, life is pretty hard for you and DH at the moment. Sometimes, women feel that they need 'permission' to terminate even when they know it is a sensible decision. Is there any chance you could speak to your oncologist or breast specialist?

If you want someone to talk to, I'm happy to give you my email address.

Bla - just read through your posts and wanted you to know I hope things work out for you - whatever you decide you want to do. I really think you need to speak to your breast cancer team and get their perspective on the hormonal changes - could your GP give you any feedback on that?.

Yes, I should do that! I've been putting it off, mostly because they will tell me to come down to London, which is a real bother. I haven't transferred the treatment to Norfolk where we are now, because I am familiar with the team in London and I think they've treated me well. My next appt down there is in August, but I may have to go sooner because I have a seroma on my back (a build up of lymphatic fluid from the operation). I also feel rather embarrassed (how childish is that???)

You shouldn't feel embarassed but I can understand why you do iyswim. Your breast care nurse and consultant may be able to give you some advice over the phone and at leastv that would get you a fuller picture than you have atm. Hope you can get the fluid sorted as well - that does not sound very pleasant at all for you!

I dont feel like I have anything very helpful to add, but just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you - it must be awful right now.

I've finally spoken to my breast care nurse! She seemed more concerned about where my treatment should be followed up than whether or not it was a good idea in the first place. I still need to go for regular check-ups and mammograms and that kind of thing. I am by no means in the clear and dh is filling in forms for genetic testing for cancer. It really does not seem like a good idea to throw a baby into the mix

I don't know who to ask, or to talk to. Perhaps it would be an idea to contact the shrink I was in contact with through both previous pgs. She was very good and balanced. She's in London and I'm not, which is a bit of a problem, but she might know who to ask. I just can't imagine how we would cope with 3 children under 5, although that probably sounds remarkably selfish and mad. Dh is now retired and we live on very very little. I also don't know how I would cope emotionally either way. Anyway, here we are!

Can I throw something else into the 'coping' mix? You need to consider how your family would cope in an expanded state if you became seriously ill. Now - we all should think about that when adding to the family but I bet most people don't - and they can get away with that but you can't. I wish it wasn't that way but it is and you really need to think about it. I want to emphasise that I'm not saying you won't be able to cope but that you and dh need to have a potentially very painful conversation about how you would.

I really have been thinking about that, NorthernLurker! And we do talk about this kind of thing too. We have talked about the possibility of having more children, but we decided a while ago that had we both been even 5 years younger, it may have been a possibility. With a diagnosis of a potentially fatal disease,and what dh is going through with the tests he is having, and with my parents descending into chaos, it is a little more than unfair and possibly unkind to start bringing new people into the world.

Bla - i didn't mean to sound patronising - in your shoes I think I would find those hard but necessary thoughts to have and I just transferred that across. You really have been dealt a rotten hand haven't you? I hope things get better for you soon.

Thank you so much for your support and kindness. I don't find it the slightest bit patronising to articulate what is going on here! It's reassuring that I'm not completely potty!

Oh good - no you're not potty

well as Ruby says not totally

Ha Ha. I'm going to the doctor again today to ask what, if any support I can find. Dh and I have been having a lot of conversations about all this, and at least our thoughts are in the same direction. I am already feeling quite depressed at the idea of bringing a new person into the world at a time when we are being faced with madness, disease and lack of outside support.

good luck when is your scan?

I had one on Monday and all it confirmed was that I am pg and that it's not ectopic. It's too early to see whether it is viable or alive or anything useful, so I have another scan on Monday coming to see again what's going on. It's not particularly helpful psychologically.

that's the one i meant - the one where they are going to see if there's a heartbeat etc. monday's not too far away

I went to the doctor today to talk about things. I will try and contact my old shrink in London, but I don't know if that will be successful. Anyway, scan on Mon then appt with doc on Tues, then appt with family planning later next week if there is anything to family plan about. I nearly cried at the doc and dh is upset about the whole thing. I will look up BPAS about councelling. It's a bloody awful position to be in. I really appreciate your support.