Obese and unhappy… where do I start?

[RonaRhondda]

I’m morbidly obese, size 26ish, over 20 stone. I have always been obese even as a teenager (possibly overweight at times but a rarity). It’s over taken my life and after a breakdown in 2022 my weight has rocketed and now I’m out of control with eating, find walking long distances difficult, can’t fit in some chairs easily and most importantly hate the way I look. Like it’s a surprise to me how awful I look when I see photos. I worked hard to love myself a few years ago and very much accepted how I looked even though I was obese (less so than now) probably because I was still quite active and strong. Now I feel weak, out of breath and lack energy and mental clarity. I feel so addicted to food I find it hard to start a diet and so tired all the time I haven’t yet gone to the gym even though I wanted to start going this summer before the kids woke up.

Where do I start?

Im tempted to just get on mounjaro or something to get me going and hope I can get in to a better routine from there but worried I will somehow sabotage myself and it’s so expensive I don’t know if I can afford it.

Thank you if you’ve read this far feeling really low and the negative self talk is consuming at the moment

I’m on Mounjaro. Come over to the 10 stone to lose thread on the WLI board if you’d like to hear from people who didn’t just have a few stone to lose.

It’s not necessary - or suitable - for everyone though. But you talk about food addiction and it can really help with that. You’re not tied into a contract so could stop if you didn’t feel it was working.

Or you could try looking up your TDEE and BMR and download a free calorie counter like MyFitnessPal and just start by logging your food every day. Don’t worry about cutting down drastically at first, just get an idea of where you are and what your real intake is.

If the gym is too intimidating right now could you just try getting out for a walk? Diet is vastly more important than exercise when it comes to weight loss but it might make you feel a little brighter.

OP it’s ok, don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed, we live with ready access to hyperpatable foods and add in stress, modern life and mental health it’s very easy to get out of control.

can you go to the gp and get them to check you over? Blood pressure, liver function, cholesterol, blood sugar etc? Give yourself a baseline and to know if there is anything that needs medical attention.

the nhs does have weight management, it might be worth asking about it and seeing what you are eligible for. I had some tier two support but it was a bit crappy.

WLI do work, but they have become more expensive and come with side effects and the knowledge that you will have to come off at some point. I’ve lost 5.5st and now feel a bit trapped by them until I sort my head and diet out so I can maintain afterwards.

Id recommend weighing yourself, taking some measurements and taking some photos you never have to look at.

Start small, tiny even. Decide on some non-negotiables, that might be 1.5 litres of water, 3000 steps and one fruit and vegetable a day or something. And just get used to that. I’d also find a tracking app and track everything you eat, weigh it, measure it and be honest. Don’t try and diet, just look at current consumption for a week or two. Then spend some time looking at quick fixes, decrease 100 calories, add in 5 minutes of exercise. See what that does. And keep going.

whatever you are doing you need to do forever, lose the weight in the slowest most sustainable way possible. Know your bmr and decide on a small deficit, one that feels manageable.

You will have bad days, moments, meals, draw a line and carry on to the next moment, meal, day. The thing that works is showing up every day and trying.

If you don’t want to go tk the gym, don’t. Weight loss is about diet, you’ll want to do some exercise but walking, using resistance bands and following low impact Pilates videos on YouTube will do that for you until you want to go to the gym.

if you can afford it book to see a PT that works with nutrition and understands obesity, having a cheerleader can be really helpful.

good luck, your value is not defined by your size and you deserve to be happy and feel beautiful.

Thank you all for the support and kind words. It’s not something I’ve ever talked to my friends about - I feel like it’s the elephant in the room (excuse the pun)

@afaloren - I used to use my fitness pal about 10 years ago and got a lot of success with that. I’d kinda forgotten about it. Thank you for reminding me. I can do that one small step and will look at the mounjaro groups. I’m not sure if I’m allowed it as I had suspected ga stones (although none were ever seen on ultrasounds.

Op I’m very similar to you and have just started doing MJ and am on the group mentioned above.
I am also using Slimpod particularly the hypnosis because if you don’t tackle the mental part of it the physical will never fall into place no matter what you take.
would you be in a position to get some counselling to help you to explore the emotional/mental side of things?

Start revamping your diet by getting rid of UPF, refined carbs, sugar, alcohol. Instead it mostly protein and plants, plus some some complex carbs and healthy fats.

Exercise/walk an hour a day. Check out Lucy Wyndham Read on YouTube and walk 10,000 steps with a weighted vest.

Watch positive reinforcement videos on YouTube and consider counselling.

And accept that this is a long term project - but if you stick at it you’ll get there.

Myfitnesspal is a great first step. I use an app called lose it, but they all do the same thing. Just remember, measure everything for a while as it’s only as good as the data you give it. It’s so easy to underestimate the amount of oil, butter, pasta, cereal etc you use as they aren’t pre-measured.

I have a bottle of spray oil, not fry light but sunflower oil just in a spray bottle. It’s so easy to pour oil into a pan and add tonnes of calories.

youve got this, small sustainable steps that are buildable and a lot of patience and you’ll get there.

Genuinely: mounjaro. I was exactly as you describe and the food noise is just… gone. I can’t explain it well in words but if there’s any way you can, just give it a try.

If you can't afford mounjaro try wegovy. I'm also obese and losing at a similar rate to my friends on mj but at a fraction of the cost x

OP what about trying one different thing a week. Eg week no1 it might be to drink 1.5 litres of water a day, non negotiable. Then week no2 (as well as the water thing) eat 5 portions of vegetables a day. Week no3 - nothing to eat after 9pm. That sort of thing. Doing it slowly will give you confidence and the steps can be as tiny as you feel comfortable. Eg if you don’t eat any fresh veg now make your goal to have one fresh vegetable a day instead of 5, or not to eat anything after 11pm instead of 9pm.

Build better habits up slowly, so that it’s not overwhelming and you’re far less likely to fail. Good luck - we’re all rooting for you.

At the risk of sounding completely mad, as well as all the brilliant suggestions above re diet and exercise, try taking up something like crochet/knitting/embroidery that you can in the evening and distract you from thinking about food. And no one wants their knitting covered in Wotsits.

Monjaro. This time last year I weighed more than you. I've lost over 90 lbs. Still lots to go but I feel so much better.

Yes! Something to do with your hands is a really good idea, embroidery Christmas decorations, granny squares, knit a scarf.

What food do you like OP? The worst thing you can do is force yourself to eat salad if you hate salad.

a great starting point is downloading my fitness pal. Set it up to lose 1lb a week to start and spend a week inputting everything you eat without dieting. It just gives you an idea of where you’re at diet wise. For example I didn’t realise how calorific pasta and cheese is (especially at the amount I was having!)

once you’ve got an idea of what’s causing the biggest issue (aside from the obvious take always and junk food), create a diet plan based on what you like to eat - this is crucial.

for example if you love eggs, a great breakfast is egg on toast, preferably poached as no additional fat. Maybe some baked beans for extra protein.

lunch could be tuna and rice with pepper, cucumber and onion with cheese.

dinner can easily be a bolognese but reduce your portion, fill it with veg, make the sauce from scratch 5% fat mince and no garlic bread.

weigh and measure EVERYTHING.

It can be time consuming in the beginning but as you add your regulars it gets easier and takes seconds.

try and increase how much you’re walking so you’re doing 8-10k steps a day.

take it easy, no quick fixes here and it’ll be a mental change too.

I didn’t have a lot to lose but I’ve been doing it for nearly 3 months and I’m nearly at goal, losing around 1lb a week. Still having chocolate and crisps!

If I were you I would try WLI. It's only one injection every week or whatever so it's not like you have to remember to take pills or do a certain thing several times a day. Once you've had the dose apparently it does help food noise and food addiction.

Could you try going to OA? It's like AA meetings but for food addiction. It's free and you can just listen to others or speak in confidence in a non judgemental space.

It's hard as you can't just quit like with booze or drugs. Hard as it may be..but food you need to have every day.

I wish you the best x

Shit happens. Good news is you are never too late to take a step in the right direction. And even better news is that even if you lose 5% of your body weight, you will have made a huge jump in health and tbh in how you feel too.

I wouldn’t rule out the weight loss drugs until you have seen your GP. I agree with having a general checkup re blood pressure etc. If it turns out that you can’t or don’t want to use the prescription ones, your GP might also have a view on Orlistat or Alli- a friend of mine swears by Orlistat, though I couldn’t tolerate the Alli side effects myself (💩).

Myfitnesspal is incredibly helpful. I lost a good chunk of weight on Myfitnesspal combined with a lot of exercise (like, at least an hour a day, usually an exercise class plus cycling to work plus couch to 5k, parkrun etc). It’s not the exercise so much as that while I’m actually exercising, I don’t eat.

I was over twenty stone 5'10, size 24.

Ive lost nearly six stone. I used nutracheck. £26 a year.
I now wear a 16. I still have a bit to lose but I'm awaiting an operation on my gallbladder. I do have stones and that means no WLJ.

Wow thank you all so much for the suggestions and support! You have no idea how much it means. I’m going to read them all properly once the babes are in bed and start a plan.

One small successful step I made today on the back of this thread was that I got a bottle of water at the petrol station instead of the usual fizzy drink. Am also making a big salad to go with our pasta bake tonight so I can reduce pasta portion size but still feel full.

looking forward to reading all your replies properly tonight.

a few things to add:

im having counselling still (from the breakdown in 2022) and keep brining up food addiction but we haven’t fully gone there in therapy sessions yet.

I’ve recently had blood tests due to low energy and migraines. The liver test was slightly out of parameters so I’m having another blood test soon then will talk to the gp and bring up WLI. Until then, MFP and small changes will be my focus.

If you have a clear ultrasound then you should be OK to be prescribed WLI. I was in possibly the same position: suspicious pain but clear ultrasound. It is possible to have stones not show up on the scan, but unusual. I'm on Mounjaro now, having seen a gastroenterologist who said that with a clear scan, I'm at no more risk when taking Mounjaro than anyone else. If we stay obese we increase our risk of gall stones anyway.

I took up painting and never looked back!!

Just to add I did have counselling as I drank too much. Six months. It was £50 a week. When I stopped the booze I stopped the scoffing.

My advice would be to start small. Rome wasn't built in a day, and if you try too much too soon you'll struggle..

Use MFP to track your eating. Spend a few days eating as you do normally so you can see the calories you have been eating and then reduce it a bit see how that goes, and then reduce it a bit more.

Also, start moving more. Exercise videos on YouTube are good, or just get out for a walk..the gym isn't for everyone.

If you are struggling to walk then walking in your local pool may be the answer as it is gentle exercise but it can really help with the weight loss until you get a bit fitter.

If you are self conscious you could perhaps go on the inclusive sessions most pools have.

If outfits are an issue, lots of people wear swim shorts and swim t shirts.

I found weighing myself every day really helped with my focus.

Good luck

I have to say, WLI have made it so much easier to get into good habits. I’ve tried using MyFitnessPal and got into good exercise routines before but it’s easy to take a break and fall back into bad habits. With Mounjaro, there are no ‘treat days’ or ‘just this once’- it’s truly a lifestyle.

Mounjaro. I was 22 stone, size 24. I’m now 14 stone, size 14 and back running. Contrary to belief - if you are to get the most from it it ISN’T easy. You need to be absolutely prepared to use it properly and overhaul your entire life, it needs to be a tool to effect real and permanent change. I have found this also means trying to get to the base of why I have spent a lifetime eating like I do, and putting in place alternative coping mechanisms if required.

I too hated myself being big - I just skimmed obese at size 18 and just over 5ft

I couldn't afford WLI, and I doubt if I would have qualified anyway without fudging the figures, so I tried to do it alone - and never got past day one

Because I tried to diet , rather then learn about how to balance a meal, balance a diet. I was one of those that could put hand on heart and say Ive barely eaten today - but what I had eaten was carbs and fat

Now I eat protein and fibre. Half my plate is fibre - veg and pulses, the rest is protein. I snack on protein rather then carbs

I do go to SW. I like the support they give. I like knowing it's not just me, I can admit my " dirty shameful habits " knowing there's at least someone who does the same and at least another who does it with chocolate sprinkles on top . In other words, my over eating habits are no longer a shameful hidden secret, we are all in it together and we understand and dont judge. Its helped me get off the extra, get me to a good BMI and keep there . I particularly like that there is no shame or finger pointing and a lot of the group is about bolstering yourselves and each other. Learning to park the shame

But hey its not for everyone , it works for me

You can do this if you want it enough. All the best x