Obese and unhappy… where do I start?

[RonaRhondda]

I’m morbidly obese, size 26ish, over 20 stone. I have always been obese even as a teenager (possibly overweight at times but a rarity). It’s over taken my life and after a breakdown in 2022 my weight has rocketed and now I’m out of control with eating, find walking long distances difficult, can’t fit in some chairs easily and most importantly hate the way I look. Like it’s a surprise to me how awful I look when I see photos. I worked hard to love myself a few years ago and very much accepted how I looked even though I was obese (less so than now) probably because I was still quite active and strong. Now I feel weak, out of breath and lack energy and mental clarity. I feel so addicted to food I find it hard to start a diet and so tired all the time I haven’t yet gone to the gym even though I wanted to start going this summer before the kids woke up.

Where do I start?

Im tempted to just get on mounjaro or something to get me going and hope I can get in to a better routine from there but worried I will somehow sabotage myself and it’s so expensive I don’t know if I can afford it.

Thank you if you’ve read this far feeling really low and the negative self talk is consuming at the moment

Do you think it could have been postpartum depression or if not that the massive change to your life, that impacted it.

You could ask the GP for a referral to the binge eating clinic, I know you have a counsellor but the clinic will have much more specialised people including dieticians (who can help you plan out food and maybe some more sustainable strategies), they also have psychologists socialised in this behaviour and eating disorders as a whole and access to other services, groups and healthy activities to do. I'd look into it as they can be very helpful. But you're doing very well so far, but sometimes having extra support means you'll stick with it and have more sustainable changes so that if anything else happens you know how to cope with it.

8 stone of on monjroro,I started out a lot bigger than you ..size 34 tops in yours last October
I'm currently ordering size 20 for autumn.
Still plenty to loose ,but I'm so glad I started on monjroro

Took me a year of thinking about monjroro before I took the plunge
Mainly because I thought I was so far go e , nothing would work for me .
It only worked because I put a lot of effort in to it
I track my calories daily on the NHS weight loss app.
I have stuck to 1200 maximum every day since October
I'm now thinking about joining a gym ,to add to my daily swimming.
I hope you find what works for you

Hello, I’m not obese but I’ve always struggled with my weight and poor self-image.

I wanted to suggest : start with easy things - eg for me, I have cut out al alcohol. If that’s not easy for you, maybe it’s cutting out tea because you can’t resist putting a spoonful of sugar in it. Pick one easy thing to do per week- it will give you confidence. And don’t be cross with yourself if you slip - use kind and gentle words when you talk to yourself. You deserve help and encouragement not a bollocking.

Recording things does get a lot easier, I use lose it and liked that I could scan bar codes, k think you can with my fitness pal, too. But you soon build meals and save them.

For eating out I’d just find the closest chain restaurant equivalent and it will be about right. But eating out is expensive and very hard to do within a weight loss plan.

I had to massively change my thinking about eating out, I always went all out as though it was a super special occasion and I might not go out to eat ever again. Yet, we might eat out again in a week or a month! Now, I think about how to work it in to my lifestyle and my values around eating. So I’d go for a delicious steak, the blue cheese sauce and a salad. I might then have a pudding to share or one of those tiny ones with coffee. I still enjoy it just as much.

but! You are doing so well! You are looking at the patterns and the hyperpalatable foods that are sucking you in. Read or listen to ultra processed people, it might put you off!

But, you can also just think about swaps, there are lots of video on TikTok about easy ways to swap. I don’t give too much of a shit about upf so I switched my bar of dairy milk to a Cadbury delight, my bag of crisps for one of the under 100 calories snacks. I switched to a zero sugar, zero calorie soft drink. I stopped buying sacks of maltesers and bought the tiny packs and ate one a day! I discovered I really liked Greek yoghurt with fruit and granola and a bit of golden syrup.

just keep going, tiny steps. The chat with the gp and thinking about WLI is sensible. I’ve lost 5.5 stone on Mounjaro.

I find Dr Beck Gillaspy’s short YouTube videos very useful for reinforcing my resolve to cut out sugar, UPF and refined carbs.

@TheLivelyViper

it was postpartum depression, yes. Unfortunately I’ve had poor support from the GP in regards to weight loss (and also sadly with PPD - there was actually no support other than antidepressants). after raising my concern with weight loss and how it’s impacting my life a GP referred me to dietetics but it was refused as they don’t accept GP referrals in my area. So I completed a self referral as instructed and it was denied. That made me feel even more hopeless. That was about a year ago. I’ve also been struggling with migraines and have recently had an MRI so the GP wanted to focus on “one issue at a time”. I’d like to try and advocate for myself more and push for more help.

Perhaps see if there's a better GP in your practice who can help. Maybe they can walk you through the self-refer form and do it in a way that you can't be rejected. Since its been a year, you should try again and see what happens. Search online and things for gudience on how to do it 'right' - if you mention the PPD they may be more inclinded to take you on hopefully. They could also refer you a binge eating clinic or an ED/ disordered eating clinic which would have a few different professionals to help you. If they don't accept GP referrals then what do they accept? A consultant or something else?

In regards to appointments, I'd split them up so either book a double appointment to talk about 2 different issues or book two separate ones at different times.

Maybe counselling might be more helpful than seeing a dietitian as you probably have a fair idea of what you need to do in terms of adjusting your eating.

Has anyone mentioned Slimpod? I’ve seen other people have great success with that and it might be worth exploring.

Ditch fizzy drinks (even no sugar ones are implicated in weight gain). Eat high protein. Walk and weight train. Frame all this as self-care, ditching all those bad thoughts about yourself.

But to be honest, although I lost 3 kilos like that and was heading in the right direction, it was only on WLI that I lost another 30kg.

Some things that we experience as psychological are just chemical.

This!

It would be so lovely if counselling made people thin! And counselors would be so rich, instead of bankers and drug companies.

I’ll be addressing it with my therapist next session as it’s been a reoccurring theme but we obviously needed to tackle other issues first.

somethings I’ve started doing which has helped

1. drinking water (had gotten in a habit of fizzy drinks or squash only)
2. giving my craving a silly voice. Like literally imagining the fast food like “you’re going to eat me, you can’t resist me” and then I’ll feel quite stubborn in thinking “no I’m not” - silly but it’s working
3. trying to pick up on cues of being full. I always ate until I was full and then some. I loved the initial sense of comfort. Craved it. But do I actually enjoy being so full I’m sluggish? Not really. Happened to see on anagram someone saying what fullness cues are and I don’t think I had ever recognised them in my life. Food tasting less flavourful, starting to think about something else other than the meal, putting the fork down for a pause. I’m really trying hard to not eat everything on my plate.

I still haven’t weighed myself yet. I might pop to the gym tonight to use their scales (turns out mine no longer work even with new batteries). Perhaps they could even do my body fat percentage.

I was thinking of you today; what great steps you are taking!

Do go and use the scales, remember this is the baseline, it’s just a number and it’s nothing to feel ashamed about. Don’t give it any power to stop you saving your own life.

the hunger cues is really important, I’ve also had success by making sure I have a big drink 30 minutes before dinner or starting dinner with either some celery or 10 grapes. All very low calories but helps to stop over eating.

I used to weigh 25+ stone, ate 1000 calories a day, lost 6 stone in a year. When I got too hungry, I had low cal dressings and veggies like carrots, celery etc. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, as long as it didn't exceed 1000 calories a day + those times when I needed a bit extra to see me through with the dips/veg.

1200 might see you right for a good long while, depending on your weight right now, so start there and see how you get on in a month.

I never exercised. I couldn't. It's not needed to lose weight/fat. Diet is most important.

You can do it!

Thank you guys!

I will keep you updated!

Please do! Good days and bad days, just keep chatting and checking in. I’ve started using a goal tracker called Finch, that might also be worth a look. You can add your own goals to it like eating fruit and veg, journaling, drinking your water, exercise or affirmations and it has bits and pieces built in. It’s free and easy to get from the App Store. It’s also very cute as it’s aimed at teens I think.

The jabs are made for people like you. I would definitely get on them.

I’m absolutely with you.
Ive been in this exact situation recently and have managed to make some changes. The biggest push was when I asked my GP for blood tests to get a baseline for how unhealthy I actually am. It helped seeing numbers that i knew I could possibly change. I seriously considered the injections but in my head I thought why do I need to spend all that money and possibly risk my health when I can just say no in my head! I hear food noise all the time but I’ve somehow convinced myself that I have this power to switch it off and say no I can’t hear you. The first change I made was drinking lots of water. It was difficult at first but it got easier. That helped my kidney function. I then cut sugar out. This was not as hard as I thought it would be. I eat more protein. Lots of chicken and eggs. Very filling. My blood tests have resulted in me needing to take vitamin B12, folic acid and vitamin D. I made a big leap one day and decided to join the gym, it was cheaper through the GP referral service. I thought other than weight what have I got to lose?! I was worried about how I looked, being so unfit etc but I now know that absolutely nobody in the gym cares about that. There are people of all ages, sizes and abilities. Nobody looks at anyone else. You just focus on you. I’ve been going every other day for 3 months, I never thought I’d ever be someone who would or could do that. I’m still the redist and sweatiest person there but I don’t care, nobody else does either. I mostly walk on the running machine on an incline and I honestly can feel that I’m fitter. You aren’t in a race, you do everything in your own time and at your pace. I soon realised that yes it’s hard work but also rewarding and I find it easier to say no to unhealthy food because it would undo the hard work at the gym. I do still hear food noise but it’s much quieter. I also still can’t have one square of chocolate without wanting the whole bar so I find it easier to just say no to it all. I do have my treat Chinese meal every Saturday evening. I look forward to it. Almost guilt free. List healthy meals that you like and have easy to cook foods to hand. I’ve consistently lost 2lb each week and am 2lb shy of losing 2 stone now. I can see and feel the difference. My mind is clearer. Don’t think about when to start. Start NOW! that’s it no more crap. You definitely can do this, if I can you can. It won’t be long until you start to feel better in lots of ways. I’ve still got so much weight to lose (around 7 stones) but you’ve got to start somewhere. Why not now.

I love intermittent fasting. I have more energy, no stomach issues and the weight is easy to lose/manage.
Here's what I did as well as IF:
Start by calculating your BRM and whatever that is, take 200-300 calories off and stick to that amount. Eat plenty of protein and veg. Snacks are OK just count them in your calories and stick to lower calorie options. This is something you're doing for the long haul so you want it to be sustainable months down the line rather than a crash diet that burns you out and makes you miserable.
I drink loads of water and pepsi max. I know some people don't like it but there's 1 calorie a tin and it's a nice afternoon pick me up.
I don't have experience with WLI but a good friend is on them and she's done brilliant. She did have some side effects but they seem to have levelled out a good bit.
You have got this 💕 don't feel any guilt or shame, this is a journey loads of us go on and when you start getting results you will feel like wonder woman.

I’ve decided to try to keep to ~1600cal a day (until I do my gym induction and get my weight and body fat percentage).

I actually did it today! And it felt good. It felt like ordered eating as opposed to the disordered eating I’m used to. And I feel good for it! The lowest I previously recorded since tracking my typical days was 2300. I was obviously severely overeating every day for the past few years.

I have made a rough meal plan and even done some prep for the freezer with some meals I’ve made. I’ve been looking at good meal ideas but want to introduce new recipes slowly. I’ll see if I can adapt current ones first.

So I’m going to drink more water, cut out most other drinks, sticking to high protein, squashing down cravings and listening to cues of fullness.

i need to do this. For the kids.

Well done OP. Definitely try and adapt what you already know and like.

I had around 1300 calories today and that included chocolate. However I’ve been dieting for a few months now so it’s easier to do.

but incase you’re interested, I had:

poached egg on toast
flat white

tortellini and broccoli

2x chocolate rice cakes

jacket potato, chicken sausages, broccoli, sweetcorn and carrot followed by 2 squares of dark chocolate.

this is a pretty standard day for me. I don’t feel deprived, it feels normal.

keep going, you’re doing great

Thank you @AlligatorTears that’s great! I do like seeing what other people are doing and getting ideas. I think variety will be really important going forward.

even if I only do 2000cal that’s still a lot less than what I was previously having! Looking forward to working out my TDEE. Hoping I don’t get too focussed on the numbers. I feel overwhelmed by the macros and pre-workouts and post-workouts etc so I’m starting slow.

lower my calories, high protein, less processed food, more whole food, movement. Sounds simple when it’s put like that!