Obese and unhappy… where do I start?

[RonaRhondda]

I’m morbidly obese, size 26ish, over 20 stone. I have always been obese even as a teenager (possibly overweight at times but a rarity). It’s over taken my life and after a breakdown in 2022 my weight has rocketed and now I’m out of control with eating, find walking long distances difficult, can’t fit in some chairs easily and most importantly hate the way I look. Like it’s a surprise to me how awful I look when I see photos. I worked hard to love myself a few years ago and very much accepted how I looked even though I was obese (less so than now) probably because I was still quite active and strong. Now I feel weak, out of breath and lack energy and mental clarity. I feel so addicted to food I find it hard to start a diet and so tired all the time I haven’t yet gone to the gym even though I wanted to start going this summer before the kids woke up.

Where do I start?

Im tempted to just get on mounjaro or something to get me going and hope I can get in to a better routine from there but worried I will somehow sabotage myself and it’s so expensive I don’t know if I can afford it.

Thank you if you’ve read this far feeling really low and the negative self talk is consuming at the moment

I think you need to take really small steps and build habits that you can sustain. Don't focus on weight. In fact, perhaps it's best not to step on the scale for a while.

I do get fizzy water, but that 0 kcal, lemon flavored stuff. It's quite nice, but it's really just flavored water with fizz. It's not soda, so no sugar whatsoever. It's also not sweet at all, so it takes some getting used to. Apart from that I drink water, coffee and tea.

You could try walking in really short sessions every day. Start with like 5 minutes. That keeps the threshold really low, but it builds the habit of walking. Once it is a habit you hardly need to think about and it doesn't feel so hard, extend your walks by 5 minutes at the time. You could deliberately limit yourself in the beginning, so you'll look forward till you can walk again. You make it a forbidden fruit, so to speak.

You can also try planking. Start with just 2 seconds 3 times in a row. Build it up really slowly. Here you weight could actually be an asset, as you are using it to build muscle, which is really important. If you can't do a full plank, you can start on your knees or against the kitchen counter.

Food wise, I try to keep all sugary and UPF stuff out of my house. This means I don't have anything I can just grab to eat, with the exception of fruit, nuts and the boiled eggs I always keep ready in the fridge. If I want to eat something more substantial, I have to prepare it first. I batch cook on the weekends. This habit took me a long time to build, but I saves a ton of money (which I can spend on things I actually like) and my meals are far more nutritious. Don't worry if this habits slips from time to time. Don't beat yourself up over it and even get yourself a small treat once a week, that you know is not good for you. It can't hurt if it's only once a week and it helps to reduce food obsession.

One easy thing to do is to get up every time there’s an advert on the tv and walk round the house and up and down the stairs. Get up without using your hands, use your glutes and it will also really help.

Focusing on protein (chicken, fish, seafood, tofu, eggs) and plants/vegetables Is the way to go, coupled with some exercise and as much walking as possible. Do look up Lucy Wyndham Read on YouTube. Her workouts are very short - mostly 7-10 minutes and are perfect for those who are unfit, elderly or unable to jump or lift weights. (Although the ultimate aim is to do at least some resistance based exercise, especially post-menopause.)

Dr Michael Mosley’s the Fast Diet has a lot of easy recipes as well as useful general advice on nutrition. His idea is that you eat a ‘normal’ diet 5 days a week and just 600 calories 2 days a week. Personally I would not recommend going as low - even 2 days @1200 should lead to weight loss, particularly if you also reduce somewhat during the rest of the week. I think the recipes are easy, nutritious and taste nice. As it’s an old book it can be found very cheap on World of Books and the like.

I also found walking with a weighted vest extremely useful. Check out people’s experiences and suggestions as to which ones are most comfortable on YouTube. Mine is 5kg but there are some that weigh only 3kg.

So I’ve started tracking my food today and already have forgotten about trying to make a good change and eating crap whilst at a farm park with the kids but still being positive about it and as some of you suggested just logging typical days first then seeing what my typical caloric intake is. I’m also going to set my weighing scales working this week so I can actually see my starting weight. It was quite sad to see my previous MFP weight logs back when I used to think I was so fat and now I’d love to be back at that weight. 240lbs would be a dream! I’m assuming I’m above 270lbs possibly even 280lbs plus. If you don’t mind, I may keep posting here to help keep me accountable and remember the support and advice.

Please do keep posting! Just get a baseline and an idea of what you are consuming, get used to tracking it. You’ll have got some exercise, fresh air and family time and those things are really important!

the past is gone, it shows you are more than capable of this.

Also to go back to the idea about the gym and swimming - I used to love the gym, especially the weights and loved how I felt when I was using them regularly. I don’t feel self conscious about the gym it’s just my lack of energy stoping me from going currently. It’ll get too late in the evening for me to go or I’ll think about going 6am before the kids are awake but I’ll hit snooze instead. I do feel more self conscious about the pool now which is a shame as that used to be my happy place and I used to not care about it. I think also because I’ve now moved to a small town where it’s easy to bump in to people I’m worried about that happening at the pool where as I used to live in a different part of a city to anyone else I knew so i liked that everyone there were strangers. I need to book My next therapy session for September and will make it a focus to discuss food and self esteem.

So what would happen if you bumped into someone? Play it out in your head, then put yourself into the position of the other person and how you’d react and think. That should quieten those voices. If they are the type to be judging you or thinking less of you for being out and about and exercising they have an opinion that is really not worth your time.

You could also get some weights from Argos and do some bits at home, or resistance bands. You can use those easily at home.

I’ve been working out with dumbbells at home for many years now and it was a total game changer!

Started off with 3kg and gradually moved up: 5, 8, 10, 12.5 kg. Consider some introductory sessions with a PT to ensure good form.

Lots of great workouts on YouTube, but I’ve found the following to be most professional and enjoyable:

• Fitness Blender (a bit boring but a great introduction)
• Growingannanas (HIIT based but just slow down the pace to suit your fitness)
• Heather Robertson (excellent Pilates based workouts)
• Caroline Girvan (more advanced and by many considered the best for pure weight training)

Doing planks every day is really, really helpful. In time your core will get super strong, which makes everything else so much easier. Check out the Bowflex 3-minute plank - I still do this every single day.

In your shoes I’d also get a weighted vest for walking. It makes a surprisingly big difference in terms of both fitness and weight loss.

Can anyone recommend weighted vests that fit size 26+?

I think I might invest later down the line as I need to build the habit of walking first. Does that sound sensible?

Of course, any kind of walking is good! Lucy Wyndham Read has some good walking videos, along with all her other short workouts- which helped me a lot when I started to get into exercising.

As for finding a weighted vest that fits you, all I can say you need to do a bit of research. A quick Google found this (haven’t read):

https://7-best.co.uk/product/weighted-vest-for-plus-size-women/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22379107655&gclid=Cj0KCQjw5JXFBhCrARIsAL1ckPvuJUEd5S4M94Jfd1i9WUTi0dJiq3KBl-rdqAG5DjsjWfjzITfr69MaAihsEALw_wcB

A couple of discussions on Reddit also came up in my search:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Rucking/comments/1e3y112/advice_for_weight_vest_for_women/?rdt=53832

I’d also look at YouTube - lots of experiences being shared there.

Personally I’d hold off on the weighted vest and maybe think about some wrist or ankle weights maybe?

Just walk and build up time for now. Weighted vests haven't actually been shown to improve weight loss, and the forces on your joints will be more than enough for some time yet.

Gosh don’t start with a weighted vest. Why make something new to you really difficult?

i’m a regular walker and a size 10. I haven’t considered a vest yet!

So you haven’t actually tried a weighted vest, @AlligatorTears …

The great thing about walking with a weighted vest is that it doesn’t actually make walking more difficult, but it greatly improves core strength.

A strong core is the key to fitness. It makes everything else so much easier.

Planking is of course equally if not more effective, but most people struggle with planks initially, especially if they are overweight. Walking with a weighted vest is a doddle in comparison.

I agree with the posters that say you should start off and get used to just walking with no weights to begin with. This will build up leg strength and stamina.

Further on down the track and as you lose weight and when you've increased your distances, you could also try rucking (google it) which uses a weighted backpack. So add a few books to a backpack and walk with it. Assuming you have a backpack this is free!

After that you can decide if you want to invest in a weighted vest.

Get a step counter on your phone - if you have an iphone there is one anyway on the health app. Try to get out for a very short walk (eg 15 minutes) 3 times a day. eg when you get up, at lunch time and before dinner. Build up from there to 10,000 steps a day. Everytime there an ad break on the TV get up and walk up and down the stairs a couple of times. That's 8 flights in an hour. It all helps without feeling like a big gym session that has to be planned for. I agree about the knitting or crochet in front of the TV as well - keeps your hands busy.

Rucking is nothing like walking with a weighted vest. The pint about weighted vests is that the weight is ergonomically distributed - especially around shoulders and chest - instead of just being on your back. As a result, very little extra effort is involved, but it pulls you up straight, improves posture and strengthens the core.

Again: the extra effort involved in wearing a 3-4 kg vest is minimal, but the resulting benefits are huge.

I have lost a couple of stone by taking saturated fat out of my diet. I did it because my cholesterol was too higher so the lost weight is a bonus.
I haven’t found it difficult.

I won’t be getting a weighted vest yet. I need to make exercise more of a regular routine first.

Having tracked my calories for the last few days I can already see I’m drinking a lot of calories so I can reduce down there as a quick simple change. I’m very much over eating every single day. It still feels very much overwhelming.

Well done for facing what’s happening. It’s really useful information for going forward. This way you can pre plan your food a lot more easily.

it’s so easy to overeat calories, if it wasn’t, nobody would struggle with their weight!

if you need any help please just ask. Walking and MFP has me nearly at GW so I’m happy to help with meal ideas etc.

Remember, tiny sustainable changes. You have done a great job tracking and seeing where you can make some easy swaps.

I have sensory issues and one of them is around drinking, I used to drink multiple cans a day of a specific drink. I used to drink a huge amount of Diet Coke and managed to kick it and then drank this other drink. What I hadn’t really realised was that it was 70ish calories a can. And I could easily drink five or more a day. 350 calories that I didn’t even notice. I have now found a zero sugar and zero calorie drink with no caffeine that I drink.

So, I’ve been there. It’s not easy but there are lots of options and really fun ones to think about. In an ideal world we’d drink buckets of tap water, but that’s not me.

it’s ok that it feels overwhelming, try and think about what the emotions are that it is bringing up for you, and just sit with them. Don’t try and fight or avoid them, just be a bit curious and notice them. And then if you can just let them pass.

try and keep tracking, look for patterns and triggers and think about why you are overeating, is there a need you can meet with something else? Do you need to prep some easy healthy snacks and batch cooked meals to take decisions away?

one day at a time, keep showing up for yourself.

you can do this.

Focus on the food addiction. Discuss it with your therapist as a priority, I think. Read about addiction.

It's so easy to accidentally drink your calories away, cups of tea with milk start to add up. Fizzy drinks, energy drinks etc..

The good news is, there are lots of really low calorie drinks out there. Zero redbull, no sugar monster, pepsi max, diet fruit juices. Watch out for flavoured water, its surprisingly sugary.

I wish I had a positive story for you that didn't involve WLI but I was overweight for 17 years (since I got married) and I'm a greedy pig who loves high calorie, high fat and sugary food and wine. I've lost 4 and a half stones this year on MJ still eating and drinking the things that I like only much less of them. I would have lost a lot more if I had made healthier choices. It's just started to make a really obvious difference to my shape and it's making me so much happier in myself. I am saving so much money on food so any cost will be offset against that.

Thank you for sharing @NewDogOwner

i too love high calorie, fatty, sugary food. Even tracking my food currently as it is I can see that. I’m going to spend tomorrow looking in to WLI so I can make an informed decision after speaking to a GP. I hadn’t even considered the cost implication of eating out less and how that could offset the cost of WLI!

something im also have trouble with is weighing everything. My breakdown I had was accelerated and amplified by burnout. I struggled with motherhood much more than I ever thought I would and in particular struggled with the mental load for the household. So how do o find that balance? I’m also having to come up with new meals so literally starting from scratch weighing and recording on MFP and I’m starting to feel overwhelmed with that. I also eat out a lot. That’s one area I can cut down on but i haven’t yet and so find it difficult to record. I’m in a rural area so it’s not like there are chain restaurants which have calorie info on their websites or even already logged on MFP.