How healthy are your 80 year old relatives?

[unmemorableusername]

My 80yo DF definitely seems frailer than even a year ago.

Is this typical for an 80yo?

I wonder how his health & wellbeing compare to the average. He was quite old when I was born so my peers' parents tend to be younger.

He doesn't have any professional care.
He lives independently.
He drives to the local shop every day but recently has stopped driving any further.
He does his own laundry.
He seems to have stopped having a bath so I assume he's sponge washing at the sink. (Never showered)
He cooks his own simple meals using the hob & sometimes the oven.
We get big items delivered for him as he doesnt seem able to carry much weight these days. He seems to only carry one carrier bag worth at a time.
He can still climb stairs but slowly and holding on.
He was slim but has become overweight.
He spends most of his day sitting.
He feels the cold so has the heating on high (22/23) all year and keeps the windows closed.
He has lost over 6in in height and is quite stooped over now.
He would never go shopping for new clothes. When we see that clothes have worn away we buy him new ones.
His eyesight seems to have deteriorated as he doesn't even read the tv guide or supermarket offers anymore. I don't think he can see his phone. He doesn't do reply texts anymore.
His hearing has deteriorated. He can't hear normal speech volume anymore.
His self care/ housekeeping is poor. He would never change his bedsheets for example. He can wash a dish at the sink but can't bend to the dishwasher anymore. He would never hoover/mop/dust to the extent of cobwebs hanging.

How normal is all this for an 80yo?

He's never had any big health issues, no cancer, heart disease, diabetes etc. He does take statins for HBP.

It's a 'how long is a piece of string question'.

Some 80 year olds run marathons / write novels / volunteer / still work.
Some 80 year olds need a carer and / or a helping hand inside the home. And some are in nursing homes, requiring round the clock care.

And many are somewhere in between.

Do you think your father would benefit from a bit of help inside the home?

I don’t know what’s normal, but my parents are early 80s and still very healthy and active. Go for long walks, exercise, drive, have hobbies and interests and watch tv/ read etc I know lots of people in their 80s like this.

Physically, he sounds about average for an 80 year old. As far as housework is concerned, maybe he needs a cleaner? It is strenuous for anybody, regardless of age, to change the bedsheets and as you say, his sight isn't as good now so he probably can't see the cobwebs. He also sounds as though he might be a bit depressed.

I think people can decline quickly. I would make sure he has an eye test and hearing test as poor vision and hearing may have lead to him isolating socially and make sure he is safe to drive. It sounds like he is fairly inactive which will lead to physical decline. It's odd that he can manage laundry but not the dishwasher.
My DP are a similar age but have had more problems including cancer, partial vision loss, heart surgery and a stroke between them and DF was housebound for a while but they are still independent.
Not sure if home helps are still a thing but someone coming in once or twice a week to do some cleaning may help.

88 year old mother- lots of unpleasant but not life threatening things going wrong. Has always hated exercise and that hasn't changed, but stays slim because of a health issue, in spite of an entirely sugar based diet. Has never smoked or drunk. Still drives.

Manicure, pedicure and hair done every week 😳. Always immaculately dressed . Bored and lonely, but won't do anything about it.

My father who is 80 is still driving, doing DIY, cooking, gardening, maintaining hobbies. Can't go for long walks anymore as has had a fair few physical issues. Very mentally switched on, and appears far younger than his years in many ways.

In contrast my MIL who is also 80 appears 90, has mid stage dementia, cannot do more than prepare a bowl of porridge for breakfast & dress herself. She has daily carers & meals delivered.

Goodness

In-laws are 83 and 85

Both still driving, and volunteering 3 days a week each. Both teach Sunday school at church (different age groups) and are planning a trip to the US in September

FIL tutors A-Level Maths on a Tuesday evening and even occasionally does so via Zoom

They are phenomenal, but I also think if they slowed down then that would be the end of them. Covid was tough on them from a social perspective and I thought they'd drop a few activities. Absolutely not, they were raring to go once restrictions were lifted

🤷🏽‍♀️

Two of my grandparents lived into their 80s....both were unable to live independently at that age and were frail with dementia and Alzheimers.

Because of this I'm always amazed when I see people in that age group who are living independently. Most of my friends grandparents seemed to be doing ok at that age. Perhaps my family was more unusual in that respect.

My mum is 80 and has Parkinson’s. She still does her gardening, cleaning, cooking and is IT literate. She doesn’t drive any more but gets on the bus and takes herself out and about. Usually either me or my sister take her shopping once a week but other than that she’s very independent.

My MIL made it to 83 and was physically excellent shape - walked a mile or so each way to go pay her papers, go to buy milk/bread, the post office, chemist etc., 2 or 3 times per week. Did all her own housework and gardening and light DIY, i.e. painting, etc. When we took her on holiday with us, she'd get into the pool or water park with us, walk down the promenades etc.

What "got" her was dementia. Body was absolutely fine but the brain declined very rapidly.

I have one friend who is 79, and walks her dog twice a day. She's stout, strong and fully independent. Two family members who are a bit less energetic but pretty hale and hearty. Both cycle.

The last generation of my family were more frail in their 80s, I think because they did very little exercise and seemed to live off tea and digestives.

My 83 year old father probably shouldn't be with us. He has survived kidney cancer, a heart attack and a stroke. He's fallen (badly enough to need A and E x 3 times in a year) but no broken bones or scan issues. He's had c diff twice and covid twice.

His parents both died in their 70s. My Mum, who seemed in considerably better health, died within 3 months of a bowel cancer diagnosis aged 77.

So, yes, he is frail and has dementia. He cannot live independently and lives with us. But, despite this, he bounces like Tigger (am sure his rugby and sporty background has helped!) and is clearly made of pretty strong stuff. I think after what he's been through, being frail isn't a surprise.

Compared to those who are still with us at 83 I'd say he's in the lowest quartile of health.

My dad is a wreck, but that's mostly because he's drank himself into oblivion for most of his adult life.
He's actually got nothing else wrong with him. Never had a serious illness in his life unless you count raging alcoholism.

I would say he sounds about average but 80 does seem to be a turning point. Just from my family:

Family member 1 has just turned 80 and is on end of life care. Has had mobility and continence issues for a few years.

Family member 2 is 81 and is very similar to what you are describing. Mobility has worsened in the last 6 months, now receives 1 home care call a day after a fall recently and gave up driving a couple of months ago. Has sorted out new glasses for themself which has made a difference. Can do things online as well which is helpful.

Family member 3 was 80 last year and much more independent. Has never driven so has some help with big shopping but nips out most days themselves. Has some cognitive decline in the last 12 months and refuses to touch anything online but mostly manages own finances, house and social life. Can do housework etc but needs help with diy.

He has lost 6 inches in height?!! I would be very concerned about that. It’s normal to lose an inch or 2 with age but 6 inches could suggest osteoporosis. I would also be concerned about sight issues (especially if he is still driving) and hearing loss - both things that can be easily fixed and improve his quality of life. The sight issues could be cataracts. If he is struggling with self care, he needs help from carers or adaptations to help him care for himself eg a walk in shower.

It is irrelevant whether this is a normal part of the aging process, he needs assistance and support. FWIW I have noticed with family members who have been fit and healthy well into their eighties, still working part time or running their own business or travelling the world, rapidly slow down and no longer be able to do things they were able to 6 months before.

80s? Not well at all. Still living independently but very disabled with multiple complex health conditions, some due to lifestyle choices others not. However mid 70s doing great, walks miles in varied terrain, cares for dogs, busy social life, cooks a lot. I can't imagine that person deteriorating greatly in the next 5 years unless they have a major health event.

@unmemorableusername I would be concerned about some form of dementia with that list. What are they like in an unfamiliar environment?

My grandparents are 80 and 83 and are still fit and active. They holiday abroad multiple times a year. My grandad plays golf and goes to the gym. They have an active social life and are out with friends most weekend evenings.
They take great pride in their appearance. My nan loves fashion, always has a full face of make up, has gel nails etc.
My in laws on the other hand are the complete opposite but are nearer 90 than 80.

@uunmemorableusername .....I'd get your Dad checked over at the Docs as he appears to have some potential health problems which haven't been picked up....and get him some help at home

There are a few red flags in your opening post and I'd suggest that he needs tobe eating much more healthily and have some help with household tasks

My GM was quite fit despite life long health issues. Now she's 90, she has early dementia and barely leaves the house.

My PILs are late 70s, my MIL is in hospital with a broken hip but FIL is very fit and goes to the gym every day and runs and cycles at 5am.

Mine are declining unfortunately and it seems to be happening quite quickly, osteoporosis, COPD, bowel cancer, heart problems have all popped up in the last 12-18 months. DMs issues seem to have been triggered by a fall, DF has probably been living with his for years and only now are they bad enough to be diagnosed IYSWIM. Still live independently but in our annexe so I’m on call if they need me. They have a cleaner (not me!) and make increasing use of taxis to retain some independence (DF is reducing his driving, I expect he’ll stop completely soon). It’s so sad watch

My relatives in their 80s (and one in their 90s) seem to be in much better shape than that. Some decline and slowing down is normal, but this seems like an excessive amount in a short time frame, given no obvious illness.

I agree with @KnickerFolder. That's a lot of height to have lost, and both vision and hearing can very likely be corrected, which would add considerably to his quality of life. It also sounds like he could use some help with personal care and household tasks.

Does he live somewhere isolated? Or is he able to have regular social contact with friends or family? Does he have hobbies or interests that he keeps up with?

My dad is 80 and until last month was on/running several National charities committees involving national travel and high level meetings.
He is certainly getting more tired more easily but still 100% independent although struggles cutting his own toe nails!

MIL is very stooped, she refuses any mobility aids so shuffles everywhere, she seems to have gone downhill very quickly after turning 80, she regularly falls, she seems quite confused and her short term memory is shocking but last time she was in hospital they assessed her for dementia but said she didn’t have it.

People often appear older and more frail once they are in their 80s. To us, as outsiders they don't seem as cognitively sharp , or as nimble.

They probably think they are fine. Lots of them are fairly independent.