How healthy are your 80 year old relatives?

[unmemorableusername]

My 80yo DF definitely seems frailer than even a year ago.

Is this typical for an 80yo?

I wonder how his health & wellbeing compare to the average. He was quite old when I was born so my peers' parents tend to be younger.

He doesn't have any professional care.
He lives independently.
He drives to the local shop every day but recently has stopped driving any further.
He does his own laundry.
He seems to have stopped having a bath so I assume he's sponge washing at the sink. (Never showered)
He cooks his own simple meals using the hob & sometimes the oven.
We get big items delivered for him as he doesnt seem able to carry much weight these days. He seems to only carry one carrier bag worth at a time.
He can still climb stairs but slowly and holding on.
He was slim but has become overweight.
He spends most of his day sitting.
He feels the cold so has the heating on high (22/23) all year and keeps the windows closed.
He has lost over 6in in height and is quite stooped over now.
He would never go shopping for new clothes. When we see that clothes have worn away we buy him new ones.
His eyesight seems to have deteriorated as he doesn't even read the tv guide or supermarket offers anymore. I don't think he can see his phone. He doesn't do reply texts anymore.
His hearing has deteriorated. He can't hear normal speech volume anymore.
His self care/ housekeeping is poor. He would never change his bedsheets for example. He can wash a dish at the sink but can't bend to the dishwasher anymore. He would never hoover/mop/dust to the extent of cobwebs hanging.

How normal is all this for an 80yo?

He's never had any big health issues, no cancer, heart disease, diabetes etc. He does take statins for HBP.

"Getting a cleaner isn’t just about cleaning his house. It’s about getting him to accept help from people outside of the family and getting used to someone in his space for when he needs carers later."

Hmm good point. We did hire a cleaner for a while but he was fairly oblivious to the improvements.

I really don't know how he'd respond to medical/social care intervention. He does go and get dental treatment but I don't think he's been in hospital since he had scarlet fever in the 50s!

Never broken a bone, no stitches, never been under GA.

1 getting these done is like getting blood from a stone! He doesnt care that he can't see/hear!

2 He has more coming in than going out. He's not a poor pensioner.

3 never used a shower when he had one. We could discuss getting a bath with a door but it's probably the getting up from sitting down he can't do.

If he can’t see or hear properly how does he spend his day?

It sadly sounds like he has given up on life

Neighbour of 92 got speeding tickets in her sports car up to two years ago when she traded it in ‘for something more sedate darling’. Taught her great grandson and his uni pals at uni in our city how to drink whisky and identify different brands. Regularly drank them under the table. Better social life than me.

Dad of 82 slowing down a bit with slow growing incurable but survivable cancer. Has had two courses chemo in last ten years but remains well. Sharp as tack; full head of hair and regularly mistaken for man in his 60s. Strong and relatively fit. Good cook and can fix/ make anything. Active on social media with his grandchildren.

I think it’s mainly luck of the draw.

My parents both turn 80 this year.
Mum - has osteoporosis and has had 2 falls breaking hip and wrist in the last 5 years but did all her physio and is back doing lots of walking, volunteering, French class, book club and ‘helping the elderly’.
Dad - has well controlled type 1 diabetes and is on statins and Bp meds. Cataracts fixed so he no longer wears glasses but does have a hearing aid. Still drives, including long distance, goes out to model airplane club. Goes for long walks (Mum tracks his phone) several times a week.
They still live in our childhood home but have a gardener and cleaner visit.
Neither of them expecting to last another decade so had the conversations about wills, POA etc. We’re going all out for their birthdays this year and hoping they have many more.
I have a friend who is 83 and has declined scarily quickly in the last 12m - a year ago she went to Australia to visit family, now she can barely shuffle a few steps, really can’t manage at home so has had to buy in help, can’t drive which has left her isolated. It brings it home that it can all go wrong very quickly.

My grandparents are both 84. They've had their various health issues and are both on several tablets, but they live alone and don't need us to do anything for them (although we do through choice sometimes). They're both capable of walking into town which is about a 20 minute walk, still travel abroad, and have all their marbles.

We never, ever, ever take them for granted. Not for one single second. We've seen too many other relatives/family decline much earlier.

Despite having dementia my dad (80) is happy as Larry. Physically fit, and most definitely thinks he 21! 🤭

From what you say, getting his eyesight checked/treated (could be cataracts, AMD, or just needing new glasses) and getting his hearing sorted with hearing aids might give him a new lease of life. He's mobile but when people lose their eyesight and hearing they tend to check out. This can exacerbate/cause onset dementia as the brain has less information to process.

"If he can’t see or hear properly how does he spend his day?

It sadly sounds like he has given up on life"

His far sightedness seems fine it's his near sight that I think has deteriorated. He has reading glasses but never ever takes them out the case.

He sits in front of a very loud tv. His days are news, quiz shows, sports events and late night films.

I supposed he could be classed as having some mild depression symptoms- lack of interest & enjoyment in life but even in younger life he never had a wide range of hobbies/social life/ interests. He would read the daily broadsheet and the occasional book but was never outdoorsy. Never did groups. No volunteering etc.

He has been semi retired since 56. That petered from a few hours to nothing over the years.

He did do ferrying grandkids in the car a decade ago but shows little interest in any of them now. Certainly not fit to babysit/take them out!

His parents lived to their 80s and were both much more active/healthy at his age before both having rapid declines.

3/4 of his grandparents lived into their 80s too but none made it to 90.

He's outlived his only sibling by a few years.

My DM is 86 and is doing great. She lives with me but that's more that she didn't want to live alone rather than couldn't.
She uses a stick for walking as she feels more secure with it. Needs no physical help, showers every morning, no problem bending to empty the dishwasher, bakes regularly, still drives locally but not long distances or at night. She goes out to meet friends for coffee most days. Spends alot of time watching sport on tv and browsing Facebook. Some minor health issues but nothing major.

Quite a bit of hearing loss but hearing aids help massively. It's currently 11.30 on Friday night, I'm tucked up in bed and she's out playing cards in the local pub 🤣🤣

MIL is 77 and she's amazing. Goes on about 5 holidays a year, always up for a weekend away or a day/night out, walks everywhere (never drove) and literally walks miles every day.

My dad is 88 and my mum is nearly 83. They live independently (just a cleaner once a week) and manage their own shopping, cooking, laundry etc. Not gardening as they don't have a garden. They don't drive any more, but they are out and about most days, by foot or on the bus. Mentally they are fine too - they still read and visit friends and go to the theatre and do voluntary work. I think it does help that there are two of them - I can imagine that when one of them dies, the other will need more support.

He sits in front of a very loud tv. His days are news, quiz shows, sports events and late night films.

That sounds enjoyable enough, could he be encouraged to do some senior chair exercises while he is watching TV ( loads on YouTube),

Does he eat healthily? If he had a nutri bullet or something similar could he be encouraged to make some nutri packed smoothies, I add olive oli, nuts, fruit, kale, honey, milk and all sorts to mine and they are delicious and take a few minutes to make, I keep the freezer stocked with frozen berries and kale and then put some boiling water into the blender to slightly thaw before blending, the whole process is actually enjoyable

My dad is almost 80 and my stepmum is 78.

They're totally independent, manage house themselves though they now have a gardener who is building raised beds for them this year as they can't manage the vegetable patch any more. Dad fishes 1-2 times a week, DSM is in a walking group and regularly goes out for cocktails and lunch with her friends.

They socialise a couple of times a week and "look after" a couple of times a week "old" friends who are much the same age as they are. They both still drive safely (but not at night any more) and visit us regularly (80 miles away).

FIL died on 3 rd Jan with advanced dementia at age 79. I really appreciate my parents!

MIL is 87 and fit as a fiddle. Zero medications. Out walking the dogs, practically runs along, never out of breath or tired. She does a lot of crafts and sewing so is always mentally and physically occupied, plays darts, drives, does housework . My parents are dead.

@unmemorableusername you can get hearing & sight tests for at his home. If he could get his vision improved might he be able to read more? Also there's an obvious safety benefit as well.

"That sounds enjoyable enough, could he be encouraged to do some senior chair exercises while he is watching TV ( loads on YouTube),

Does he eat healthily? If he had a nutri bullet or something similar could he be encouraged to make some nutri packed smoothies, I add olive oli, nuts, fruit, kale, honey, milk and all sorts to mine and they are delicious and take a few minutes to make, I keep the freezer stocked with frozen berries and kale and then put some boiling water into the blender to slightly thaw before blending, the whole process is actually enjoyable"

He's never watched YouTube. He only does live tv even though we got him a smart tv when his old one broke.

I think he's a generation of men who would find home exercise a woman's thing? He had a physical job in his youth so never needed to exercise to stay slim. He's resistant to even slight changes so getting him to try something brand new is a stretch too far I think.

He does have a very healthy diet. He's never eaten a microwave meal in his life. He doesn't eat much veg but eats good quality seafood, meat & dairy every day. Not enough veg though. He is used to high quality food (used to go to Michelin star restaurants) so would never eat food from jars or packets.

He had home made food cooked from scratch made for him most of his life.

He eats like it's still the 80s though so new fangled things like kale or olive oil are alien to him. He has never had a smoothie in his life. He drinks tea, coffee, fresh orange juice, red wine & whisky.

I checked his meds and it's quite typical meds like for HBP, gout, cholesterol, acid reflux.

I think from reading this thread most of his issues are psychological rather than physical.

My mum was 83 when she died suddenly. The day before she had been up a ladder sorting out her gutters,held a newborn baby, went out in her car to speed down our local A road ,cooked supper,changed her sheets etc .
Incomparison My MIL is physically fit ,aged 90 and in a care home with dementia,doesn’t recognise anyone but could walk miles! I definitely know who I would rather be .

Well at least it’s a very positive thing that he is still interested in food and eating healthily, some older people eat like sparrows and have no appetite at all

my aunt is 81 and still keeps her 1/3 acre immaculate and stunning. They did have it re-landscaped a couple of years ago so it was less work, and bought a sit-onmower. But she still fills two green houses with seeds and plants up around 40 tubs on top of all the flower beds. She keeps their house immaculate, cooks from scratch and other than relying on people for lifts as she has never driven, is totally independent.

My uncle was perfectly fit and well until he turned 85, other than having knee problems. He paid for a knee replacement the week before his 85th birthday and made plans to go on holiday etc. As he came to realise that he wasn't getting to have the level of mobility he had hoped for. He sort of fell apart and died within three months. It was like he lost his purpose.

Unfortunately, both my parents died at 75, and MIL is pretty much housebound in her 60s

My mum is 86, still cooks, cleans, cares for herself, she had a pacemaker fitted 2 years ago & has arthritis & type 2 diabetes. Her mobility isn't brilliant, she has a stairlift & rarely goes out, but for her age, I would say she is fairly good.

My Mum goes walking (twice a week) for several miles each time.

Goes to keep fit. Goes into the nearest city once a week/fortnight to meet friends for lunch
Still drives, is independent & very active

Her sister who is 82, until recently worked part time in a charity shop (it closed) & looked after her 2 year old great grandson one day a week (he's now in nursery) She walks for miles too

They both go on several holidays a year last year they were walking 17/18k steps a day on holiday

Wish I had half their energy

Dad late 70s is reasonably fit now after cancer, chemo and surgery last year. His not at all active and has no friends or social life. He has some home based hobbies (Diy). He is a very good weight.

Mum a little younger is in very poor health with a range of debilitating mental health issues. Mum has no friends or social life. She is severely anorexic.

Their house is quite tidy and was kept reasonably clean by mum until very recently. They eat reasonably well - too many ready meals for my liking.

It's impossible to say what's normal. What does seem to be a common factor in older people living longer and better lives is having family and friends and being active socially/physically.

My parents died in their 60s but my Uncle is 82, still drives and goes on long walks, and still works in a physical job! He has reduced his hours this year though 😂

Don't get a bath with a door. You have to sit there getting cold until the water drains away. Better to have a walk in shower with a seat.