How healthy are your 80 year old relatives?

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My 80yo DF definitely seems frailer than even a year ago.

Is this typical for an 80yo?

I wonder how his health & wellbeing compare to the average. He was quite old when I was born so my peers' parents tend to be younger.

He doesn't have any professional care.
He lives independently.
He drives to the local shop every day but recently has stopped driving any further.
He does his own laundry.
He seems to have stopped having a bath so I assume he's sponge washing at the sink. (Never showered)
He cooks his own simple meals using the hob & sometimes the oven.
We get big items delivered for him as he doesnt seem able to carry much weight these days. He seems to only carry one carrier bag worth at a time.
He can still climb stairs but slowly and holding on.
He was slim but has become overweight.
He spends most of his day sitting.
He feels the cold so has the heating on high (22/23) all year and keeps the windows closed.
He has lost over 6in in height and is quite stooped over now.
He would never go shopping for new clothes. When we see that clothes have worn away we buy him new ones.
His eyesight seems to have deteriorated as he doesn't even read the tv guide or supermarket offers anymore. I don't think he can see his phone. He doesn't do reply texts anymore.
His hearing has deteriorated. He can't hear normal speech volume anymore.
His self care/ housekeeping is poor. He would never change his bedsheets for example. He can wash a dish at the sink but can't bend to the dishwasher anymore. He would never hoover/mop/dust to the extent of cobwebs hanging.

How normal is all this for an 80yo?

He's never had any big health issues, no cancer, heart disease, diabetes etc. He does take statins for HBP.

MIL and FIL are 80 and in terrible condition - multiple long term conditions and illnesses, extremely frail, requiring daily care visits. But they’ve been doddery since I met them 20-odd years ago and have been this ill since their early 70s.

My gran was living independently at the same age and was just starting to slow down a bit. She’s 95 now. My other grandparents died in their 80s but were the same - mostly independent with a small amount of support from family.

My parents have declined greatly over recent years ( Mum is 79) and Dad is 83.

Both had physical jobs, not sure if this to relevant.

Mum was diagnosed with bone cancer last year and had taken to her bed, and is largely housebound and is definitely in the hospital mode (understandably ). She is active on some days but paces herself so usually has a nap. Treatment seems to be keeping things under control (cancer not spreading).

Dad (83) had heart op several years back and has never really returned to his old self. Reduced mobility and catheter.

I guess my point is, it can all change quite quickly.

I organised a cleaner last year, Mum hates it, but Dad has never cleaned and it is something that keeps the house looking ok.

It is now the slow creep of 'could you just' or 'would you mind'.

My grandparents are early and mid 80s and your describing them. In fact my gran can out pace me in pretty much everything ha! And I'm half her age. They have had some health issues (prostate, cataracts, etc) but thankfully received treatment and recovered in full. But honestly they might not tell me if there were issues!

My father is 82 and very healthy but he eats healthily and gets regular exercise and is active, he has had his cataracts done, he has lived pretty healthily all his life though and has always been active.

Your father needs to get more exercise and fresh air if he can, maybe he can get something done with his eyes.

He clearly needs to see an optician.
All 80 yo are different. I wouldn't say there's anything unusual about what you describe though.
My mum is 85, no home care required.
Uses a wheeled walker outdoors. Mainly gets around by taxi but doesn't like going anywhere in a cab alone. Can do her own shopping and cooking and plenty of laundry/some hoovering But she has a cleaner once a fortnight.
Pretty deaf, uses aids begrudgingly. Eyesight not great but manageable.
Takes about 15 different medications a day.
She has shrunk about 3-4 inches.
No longer uses the bath. Not crazy about showers so mainly sink washes.
Has plenty of friends but prefers talking to texting.
Hates smartphones and computers.
Loves clothes shopping still.
Cognition pretty perfect. Though she says she's not as good at crosswords anymore.

I went for a walk today with a friend who is almost 78. She has just (as in, within the past few weeks) taken to bringing a stick with her when it's muddy in the wood to help with the slippery bits. Other than that, she kept up with me no problem, chatting as we walked uphill.

I have another friend of the same age, who was knocked for six by cancer treatment a few years ago and has never recovered from it. He used to be incredibly active, but now he needs a stair lift.

He is in much worse shape than yet another friend, who is in her mid-80s. She says she gets tired more easily than she did, and lacks the forcefulness she used to have, but she's still volunteering, gardening and walking half a mile down the hill to the shops and half a mile back up with her shopping. Yet one of her good friends, the same age almost to the month, died last year after becoming increasingly frail since just before Covid.

It's so many things - genetics, lifestyle, stress, exercise, living conditions, health conditions, luck.

There's a huge spectrum.

I lost parents before they were 80, so to me 80 and with a good lifestyle seems like a good time to pop off, personally.

Yes, you get some incredibly independent, sprightly 80 year olds, and more power to them.

You also get some who are hugely struggling, either physically, mentally or both.

I'd have loved my parents to have made it to 80, and I think I'd have accepted their deaths a lot more if they had.

My Mum was as you described in her late 60's. Meanwhile my MIL turned 80 recently. She has some eyesight difficulties but still has all her faculties, is active with her hobbies and can still go a decent walk every day.

My mother is 80 and lives at home alone. She has an active social life and is fairly fit. She takes no medication, showers daily, gets her hair cut every 4 weeks and has never had a serious illness. Her mother died aged 98 at home so...

FIL is 87, just given up driving due to eyesight. Lives alone, does all his own cooking and cleaning (and that's quite proper cooking no ready meals), gets the bus to town and taxi back. Walks to the chippy once a week. Has a decent social life and friends call in on him. Is getting a bit doddery walking and is a bit deaf. Cleans the house although husband says it probably needs a proper clean - assume as he can't see it properly.

Mum is 82, her health , exercising and being slim is her entire personality and she sees herself as morally superior to old people. She is really fit , can't say she isn't but it's not as interesting as she thinks it is.

He was very tall so the 6in isn't so extreme & is mostly the hunch from poor posture sitting all day.

OP 6 inches IS extreme, hunched or stooped posture and loss of height are both signs of osteoporosis.

I would also be very concerned about the sight issues as he is still driving.

How long is a piece of string? My mum is in her early 80s and still works FT, does a three mile walk every day, is learning a new language and runs up and down stairs. Her mum (101) is getting frail, but still lives independently, cooks and cleans herself, does the gardening. Me? I'm 60 and feel one foot in the grave. My mum is far fitter than me!

My stepfather is 83. Extremely fit and healthy, and as far as I know, not on medication. He still works full-time as a carpenter/joiner/handyman, walks his boisterous labrador, goes to the pub and has a season ticket for his favourite football team. He lives alone (apart from his dog), and does all his own cleaning etc. I honestly don't know how he does it!

My Dad has always been very into exercise but is slowing down now. Gone from squash to racketball to bowls(!) Also from
running to cycling. Has had cataracts done. Short term memory loss. Digestive issues. Mum is cognitively fine, perfectly healthy (despite never having done a days exercise in her life - does garden a lot though), but very deaf and doesn’t like wearing her hearing aids.
Both very independent, still driving, house is immaculate, do admin on computer, volunteer/ do courses/keep up with hobbies and friends. Mum cooks from scratch every day. Mum
happier with internet/ smartphones than Dad. Last holiday was walking in the lakes.
Definitely slowing down and their world is getting smaller (holidays have gone from worldwide to Europe to UK), still play with grandchildren but less actively. Happily child and dog sit for me.
Not much has changed yet but sister and I prepared for things to start going wrong soon (they are only just 80). Dad’s memory is worrying.

FIL was widowed a few years ago and has taken up with a few internet date ladies since then, takes lots of holidays, also v fit and active and seems perfectly healthy and cognitively with it. Has made lots of foolish decisions since MIL died (seems to be seizing the day without thought for consequences), including deciding to get married to an awful woman he only met a few months ago. But other than that, no problems. In fact is acting like a teenager in many ways.

Honestly, as others have said, it's a huge spectrum. My mum is 80, my dad is 82 -- they're both pretty fit and active, both still driving and going for daily walks and gardening, going out socially, engaging with their grandchild, talking on the phone a lot. Dad has diabetes, but manages it very well. Mum had a cataract operation recently and has recovered well. Both are a healthy weight. Both definitely feel the cold more. I find their house unbearably hot. But they're doing pretty well.

It was for all my grandparents at 80 but two of them had health problems and died in their late 80s, one lived to late 90s and the other over 100.
I think on average living mostly independently at 80 is pretty good.

My fabulous father in law was 84 and nothing like you describe. Very active, ate well, communicated well, 6ft 2 and slim without looking frail. Then he got a cough. He was a non smoker all his life. He was a dead in a few months, 6 weeks after diagnosis. MIL was failing for a good few years also in her eighties. Eighties it seems is very often the time that bodies seem to start failing. Whether it’s quickly or slowly you’ve just got to enjoy the time you have with them

Mum is just 79, dad nearly 80. Mum has a blue badge and can manage at home but needs to hold on to someone when out, limited to car to shop/pub/restaurant. Can't really stand to cook.

Dad is still driving, bought a new car 6 months ago. He also has a motorbike he rides occasionally. 2 years ago he was still camping at the TT races! He is always busy and has picked up a lot of the jobs Mum can't do.

They have a gardener but no other help. They went on holiday twice last year- Corfu and Cyprus and have two trips booked for this year as well.

They're old, and I see the deterioration, but they're doing pretty well and there's no cognitive decline. Mum is amazing at the Telegraph cryptic crossword!

My parents are recently dead (in their 90s). At 80, they were in rude health. My dad stayed well until a short illness saw him off at 93 and my mum was the same, but 91.

When they were in their 80s, age really hadn’t touched them. They were fit, mobile, independent. Still driving and travelling all over the place. Neither of them stopped driving. My mum was still hosting (her thing) huge dinner parties throughout her 80s. They never had a cleaner, nor needed one and they both loved looking after their very large gardens.

Neither held any truck with aging and I think that helped. We actually thought they’d go on indefinitely so it was quite surprising when they died.

My mum is 80 and I have seen a bit of decline in her, she had a fall recently during the icy weather, and said it made her feel a bit frail /unsteady on her feet.

Other than that she has been on BP medication for years, and has had her cataracts done. She seems more agile/ younger than her years, or at least she did until recently. I've noticed she doesn't have the strength in her hands or to carry things that she used to have.

She's slim despite never exercising and spending most of her day sitting in a chair watching telly/ scrolling on her iPad. She still drives but won't do longer journeys like she used to. She seems to have lost her appetite a bit and I know she has lost weight, but was at the doctor recently and has no major issues. When she does eat it it's pretty good food - porridge for breakfast, boiled egg for lunch, salmon for dinner etc. but the doctor prescriber her some of those meal supplement drinks to try and increase her weight a bit.

In general she's doing grand - probably a bit bored/ lonely but physically ok - especially compared to many people younger than her who have a load of health issues.

I'm aware that things can change quite quickly at her age.

Similar

Yet fil 89
Drives
Gardens
Independent living
Amazing little fellow

The OP's 80 year old sounds a bit less than average OK for 80 from my experience. My dad got Parkinson's, but really up to 84 or so did pretty well; my mum died of covid at 82 but I think physically she would have gone on and on for quite a few more years (mentally a different story but that wasn't to do with age as much as lifelong chronic depression and anxiety). My beloved godparents are about to be 89 (godfather) and 87 (godmother). Godfather is incredible - still drives well and gets around fine if a bit slowly; godmother has more health issues, notably with her heart, but both of them are mentally and socially pretty much as good as they ever have been. None of them have ever been especially into healthy living either!

I'm sorry to say it OP but that does sound pretty bad for someone who has only just left their 70s. Or at least it is in my experience.

My Dad died at 81 (lung cancer) but really up until 6 months before his death when it took hold, he did everything - big projects in the garden, going up into the loft, travelling abroad, self care, house work (well step-Mum did all that but he would have been able to).

My Mum was living independently at home until the age of 91. She had a gardener to mow the lawn from her early 80s, a cleaner from her late 80s, she cooked simple meals right up until she went to a care home (although had mainly those microwave ones for about the last 6 months). She took the bus into town most days until a fall in her late 80s took away her confidence. For the last 12 months of living at home she had help with personal care (getting up, showered and dressed) once a day.

84yo

on BP meds and omeprazole
lives alone, completely independent for everything but does have a cleaner (out of laziness)
can’t walk far now (as got lazier and bad back) but still drives
overweight, deaf but to all intents and purposes I’d say healthy.

MIL was teaching 6 classes of yoga a week until she was 75. She takes zero medication, she is very slow she was however always a slow moving person. She eats almost everything organic and very healthy food. No chocolate, cake, biscuits, cheese, alcohol. Just veg, fruit, meat but it red meat , eggs and milk and gluten free seeded bread, very occasionally good quality ice cream. As SIL says she isn’t here for a good time she is here for a one time. She also spends a fortune on supplements inc seaweed capsules. She went up Mam Tor with us when she was about 79. She couldn’t do that now.

My Mother was still quite fit till she was about 87, she died at 94 and had been a professional dancer when young. my great aunt was fine till 90. DH great uncle was still walking a couple of miles a day till he pretty much dropped dead at 95, he had been a fireman in the Blitz in WWII. My uncle also just dropped dead at 85, he had been a farmer and had been evacuated to Wales in WWII as a child and had been used for farm labour from 14.