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Original poster

Sperm cramps

101 replies

marshmallow82 · 03/01/2025 22:48

So I noticed my DH (42) in some discomfort around new year and he said his testicles would occasionally ache. I asked a few questions and it seems this can occur a few times a month especially after he has been aroused and things have returned to "normal".
This has been going on for several years and he has never thought to get it seen as there are no other symptoms to worry about (so he says typical man) like lumps or bumps.
I have found a couple of indications this might be something called "sperm cramps" where the testicles struggle to go back to normal after arousal without "release" if you catch my drift.
To be completely honest we haven't been active in the bedroom since around COVID times and I don't think he masturbates and I have certainly never encouraged it as he knows I find it unsettling him doing that.
Is this ok and normal or should I get him to a doctor? We are happy and close on other ways but I worry this might be a major build up.
New account for privacy. Any advice appreciated!

OP posts:
baroqueandblue · 04/01/2025 02:41

So neither of you have got a sex life these days, but your husband gets aroused and never masturbates (possibly because that "unsettles" you?) Naturally, his sperm are straining for release at times but, almost certainly because of your moratorium on him wanking, he doesn't brimg himself to ejaculation when his whole biology is prompting him to do so, resulting in frequent ball ache?

You both need counselling, OP. And I don't say that casually.

SANDRAAAA · 04/01/2025 02:47

A major build up of spunk? Why would you need to encourage or not whether he wanks?
Leave him and his balls alone.
He knows he should go see his GP leave him to it.

Thetraitor · 04/01/2025 02:51

Tell your husband to get checked. I know someone who had aches in their balls - no lumps just occasional pain and it was testicular cancer.

Monty27 · 04/01/2025 02:57

"He knows he should go see his GP leave him to it"
If his health is in danger, you might find you actually care. Most people get aroused masturbate don't they? Even so, to put it bluntly, prostate cancer doesn't usually show until it's too late.

MarkingBad · 04/01/2025 03:04

To be completely honest we haven't been active in the bedroom since around COVID times and I don't think he masturbates and I have certainly never encouraged it as he knows I find it unsettling him doing that.

You really shouldn't have a say on whether he masturbates or not, it's his body he should at least feel able to give himself pleasure if he wants to it's nothing to do with you.

Men get blue balls from time to time usually when they don't ejaculate after arousal but he shoud get checked out by the GP just in case, it's important for his health.

AtomicPumpkin · 04/01/2025 03:30

Honest advice? Have sex with him.

TheBlessedCheesemaker · 04/01/2025 04:05

OP - how low is your partner’s sex drive? Have you ever had an honest discussion about that? If not, you must do so. And listen.

I imagine that a reasonably normal man in his 40s may very occasionally get side-tracked in a busy career/family life for a few years and accept a relationship where he has neither sex nor permission to masturbate, but this is neither normal nor healthy. And it isn’t sustainable long-term unless you both have very low sex drives. You need to be fully aligned here - do you both really anticipate abstaining from normal physical activity of any kind for the next 30 years? At the very least you should be encouraging open masturbation in a sexless partnership, and not doing the opposite.

I’m not surprised that he has ball-ache, by the way. You have relationship problems, not physical ones, and if a male friend told me he was in this position then I would encourage counselling at the very least.

Original poster
marshmallow82 · 04/01/2025 07:16

I’m a bit taken aback by what I am reading especially about the sex side of things. To be honest I thought we were just done with that really. I have been comfortable with how things are and haven’t gave any thought to sex for a while. He has tried to bring the subject up in the past but it was never a conversation I was happy to have so we just left it at that.
I will gently encourage that he goes to the doctor just in case. I found information saying that prostate cancer can become more likely if he’s not ejaculating regularly.
I have always been uncomfortable about masturbation and it’s not something I ever practiced but maybe I shouldn’t be putting that on him.

OP posts:
MaggieBsBoat · 04/01/2025 07:20

😳

What the hell kind of unhealthy and controlling relationship dynamic did I just read???
He needs to see a doctor and a solicitor.

OurDreamLife · 04/01/2025 07:25

Of course he wanks he just has to hide it from you.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 04/01/2025 07:27

Why on earth do you think you can stop him from masturbating?

Vettrianofan · 04/01/2025 07:28

Let your DH crack one off if that gives him some relief. Poor guy! Women aren't any different either, btw!

1smallhamsterfoot · 04/01/2025 07:28

marshmallow82 · 04/01/2025 07:16

I’m a bit taken aback by what I am reading especially about the sex side of things. To be honest I thought we were just done with that really. I have been comfortable with how things are and haven’t gave any thought to sex for a while. He has tried to bring the subject up in the past but it was never a conversation I was happy to have so we just left it at that.
I will gently encourage that he goes to the doctor just in case. I found information saying that prostate cancer can become more likely if he’s not ejaculating regularly.
I have always been uncomfortable about masturbation and it’s not something I ever practiced but maybe I shouldn’t be putting that on him.

The man's 42 and he's expected to never cum again?! Wtf? Why hasn't he left you?? You won't even talk about it or let him have a hand shandy?!

BoobyDazzler · 04/01/2025 07:29

OurDreamLife · 04/01/2025 07:25

Of course he wanks he just has to hide it from you.

This.

Bet he wanks and his bollocks hurt when he’s been interrupted.

Masturbation is completely normal, op.

DustyLee123 · 04/01/2025 07:30

He’s only 42 and he’s not having sex, and not allowed to wank? Only on MN 🙄

Vettrianofan · 04/01/2025 07:30

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 04/01/2025 07:27

Why on earth do you think you can stop him from masturbating?

It seems very oppressive. Everyone is entitled to a sex life if they choose that.

NigelAdjacent · 04/01/2025 07:30

Tell the poor man to go and have a wank.

Honestly 😳

Purplecatshopaholic · 04/01/2025 07:31

You are ‘done with that side of things’?? He’s 42! This can’t be real. Get him to get a check at the doctors for sure, but I think you guys have bigger issues than sperm cramps! Leave the guy alone to have a wank ffs (he will be anyway..)

Vettrianofan · 04/01/2025 07:31

OP seriously give it a try, you're missing out!

2024riot · 04/01/2025 07:35

Covid was 5 years ago , the poor man has given his sex life up since he was 37

That's very young

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 04/01/2025 07:35

marshmallow82 · 04/01/2025 07:16

I’m a bit taken aback by what I am reading especially about the sex side of things. To be honest I thought we were just done with that really. I have been comfortable with how things are and haven’t gave any thought to sex for a while. He has tried to bring the subject up in the past but it was never a conversation I was happy to have so we just left it at that.
I will gently encourage that he goes to the doctor just in case. I found information saying that prostate cancer can become more likely if he’s not ejaculating regularly.
I have always been uncomfortable about masturbation and it’s not something I ever practiced but maybe I shouldn’t be putting that on him.

What the hell did I just read?

Do you really expect him to remain married to you?

gamerchick · 04/01/2025 07:37

Ah dude taking sex off the table, refusing to discuss it and not letting the poor bugger have a wank either. At 42!?? Is cruel and controlling.

I'm hoping you're not for real here. I agree with a pp he needs a doctor and to see about leaving. I'd dump my husband if he tried that.

SleeplessInWherever · 04/01/2025 07:41

The man has blue balls. Surprised they’ve not fallen off at this point.

5 years, Jesus. I mean, sex isn’t compulsory and no is complete answer etc, but you can’t be controlling his own masturbation.

Mischance · 04/01/2025 07:58

Exactly how do you control his masturbation? I find the logistics of this mind-boggling. Do you follow him into the shower for instance? Have you issued an edict that he must not do this? Who are you to make this prohibition? He has tried to bring up the subject of a sex life and you shut him down. What do you expect him to do?
What a travesty of a marriage.

Calmhappyandhealthy · 04/01/2025 08:07

To be completely honest we haven't been active in the bedroom since around COVID times and I don't think he masturbates and I have certainly never encouraged it as he knows I find it unsettling him doing that.
Is this ok and normal or should I get him to a doctor

No

It's not normal that you don't have sex, he doesn't wank and you find wanking unsettling

What the actual fuck????

The poor guy

I expect he DOES masturbate but obviously not often enough, bless his heart

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