Sperm cramps

[marshmallow82]

So I noticed my DH (42) in some discomfort around new year and he said his testicles would occasionally ache. I asked a few questions and it seems this can occur a few times a month especially after he has been aroused and things have returned to "normal".
This has been going on for several years and he has never thought to get it seen as there are no other symptoms to worry about (so he says typical man) like lumps or bumps.
I have found a couple of indications this might be something called "sperm cramps" where the testicles struggle to go back to normal after arousal without "release" if you catch my drift.
To be completely honest we haven't been active in the bedroom since around COVID times and I don't think he masturbates and I have certainly never encouraged it as he knows I find it unsettling him doing that.
Is this ok and normal or should I get him to a doctor? We are happy and close on other ways but I worry this might be a major build up.
New account for privacy. Any advice appreciated!

"He has tried to bring the subject up in the past but it was never a conversation I was happy to have so we just left it at that."

WOW.

Selfish much?

Plus he doesn't masturbate because it unsettles you?!

Just WOW.

Oh my goodness, he's only in his 40s and you think he should be done with sex. You're also uncomfortable with him masturbating. I hope to God he masturbates in private. Poor guy!!

OP you can’t be for real.

Blimey, poor chap. I think you really need to get some counselling support or something.

How can you have no sex but also not allow masturbation, this is actually cruel. Living a life of no sex and then not being able to release any other way is not a life, no wonder his balls are cramping. I think you should get some marriage councilling as this seems a deeper issue than the ball cramp.

This is why I love Mumsnet 😆.

So you have had no sex life since he was 37? And you thought it was all over? I can't believe I read that. And you don't like him wanking, either?
Just for the record, how old are you OP?
I don't know whether to be horrified or just sad.

Id imagine theres about a 1% chance, less probably that he doesnt wank. I dont want to know or really even consider when my DH does as thats his business. But at 42 the no sex since covid pretty much means your relationship is dead in the water… we sometimes have a patch of few weeks of none due life getting in way, but by that point were both desperate and planning a werkend away!

You need a counsellor.

Were you sexually abused as a child?

You have attitudes to sex that are far from typical. This needs further exploring.

What’s the big deal with masterbation OP?

Do you realise how controlling you are your poor husband he deserves better

Are you one of those insular people who think sex is only necessary until enough children have arrived and then being a "family" becomes the only focus? And you assume this is the same for everyone, including your husband. It's really not. The majority of relationships still need sex to maintain them. Men don't have a natural/hormonal stopping point like women. Many (most?) need sexual contact to keep the connection with their partners. Without closeness, feelings fade, and many will seek intimacy elsewhere. This is true for many women too.

Telling your husband what he can and can't do to his own body is bonkers.

Do you understand that your DH is an actual person with feelings?

YOU thought you were just done with sex. In your late 30s?!
YOU weren't happy to have the conversation, so you just didn't.
YOU are uncomfortable with masturbation so he's not allowed to.

Where's he in all this? I'm surprised he hasn't left you to be honest.

Good Lord!

"He has tried to bring the subject up in the past but it was never a conversation I was happy to have so we just left it at that."

You should absolutely be having a conversation about this. If you need some counselling to get comfortable with it then do, but you do need to make the conversation happen.

Condemned to a sexless life at 37 😦 your poor husband! If you'd discussed this before you got married and mutually agreed that sex wasn't for you then fine, but you unilaterally deciding you'd never have sex again is just not right.

Your poor husband.

Could you be anymore 'me me me' if you tried?

Not wanting the play armchair psychologist here OP but you seem to find sex and/or masterbation shameful. Please speak to a professional to unpack why.

So your DH hasn't had sex with you since his mid/late 30's and you don't want him to have a private wank? No wonder his balls ache!

If he has tried to discuss the issue with you, then he is most certainly not done with sex, if you don’t discuss this with him though you do very much run the risk of him being done with you!

It’s absolutely fine for you to not want sex of course, as is your right, but at the same time you cannot just condemn him to a sexless life without even discussing it with him, that is grossly unfair!

As for the ball ache, this should definitely be checked by a doctor, could be due to lack of regular ejaculation but still needs to be checked. It is something to take seriously especially in 40s and onwards.

are you guys religious? If so I suggest that you seek spiritual support together to save your marriage - there is not a single religion on earth that does not actively support the space for sexual exploration and pleasure between married partners. If you feel uncomfortable about that you really need to unpick why.

Let the poor man have a release, in some way shape or form!!!

How can wanking be banned???
How does that even work in practice?
Of course he's masturbating. Just let him be OP. You don't own him. He's not a robot.

I call BS - you've not been sexually active together but you know he's having pain after he's become aroused but not ejaculated? And you know he's not masturbating?

This has got to be a wind up.