It's my parsley and I'll cry if I want to - 10/10 thread. All welcome!

[pinkspottywellies]

For anyone who wants a boost to their general health. The suggested goals are:

EAT 10 PORTIONS OF FRUIT AND VEGETABLES EVERY DAY - if you don't usually eat much fruit and veg I would build up gradually or you could upset your digestion.

DO (AT LEAST) 10 MINUTES OF EXERCISE EVERY DAY - can be yoga, stretching or something more energetic. The plan is that the idea of doing 10 minutes is not too daunting, and having started you may well find you want to do more.

There are no restrictions on what you eat so long as you get your 10 fruit and veg as well. The focus is not on weight loss but on improving our energy levels and hopefully our general mood and well-being. Sign up below and post here to tell us how you're getting on and how you are feeling.

Basic guidance on what constitutes a portion of fruit and veg here and you can download more detailed information by following the link at the very bottom of the page

He pushed you, Toots? That is completely unacceptable. I'm trying to think of consequences but I can't. I like logical ones, rather than ones done purely to punish. I think if he is physically agressive (or even verbally) being sent upstairs is ok. If he can't behave appropriately around people, then he can't be around anyone. I don't mean to sound really harsh but I am very for you.

Does he go to school? If so, how is he there?

8 is hard too TooT.

How about responsibilities? Ones that make him feel good - not crappy domestic ones - but outside boyish ones. Then lots of praise. And a role. Preferably with DP?

Well you can make it a logical consequence - that acts of violence mean loss of a screen privilege?

Oh, I don't know. His confidence is several thousand feet below ground level atm. We were a couple of minutes late for school recently and he was so worried about walking into his classroom late that it took me over an hour to get him in.

Yes, I agree ahundred.

Responsibility is often a good thing. And lots of praise ("Thank you for doing...", or "I love how you just.." or "that was really kind" or "I really appreciate your help" or "Oh look at how well DS has done X, Y & Z" etc).

oh Toot

Toot - have you talked to his teacher?

Do you have any idea why he could be feeling so angry?

He also seems to be clamping down on his artisticness and flamboyancy these days. Loss of confidence again? Or trying to fit in more? I don't know. He struggles for friends atm.

maybe he needs something just for him
time with just you or dp that is his
an activity/job that will boost his confidence levels & be a positive thing you can heap the praise on for

Yes, have talked to his teacher. She thinks he seems fine.

Oh, and he gets terribly terribly angry about homework. Literally, he will roll on the floor and scream and cry.

There are good times too - he has taken to sleeping at my feet and we read every night and we hug and say we love each other.
And then in between...

Gawd, I wouldn't be 8 for anything TooT. DS1 was like this, but I think he's found his feet again now he's 10.

The peer group thing becomes quite powerful at 8, in a not at all sophisticated way.

He needs bolstering doesn't he? And at the same time he needs sitting on. Not an easy balancing act. And not one I think I performed with any kind of grace tbh.

Let's think.

Hmm, yes, it is quite hard getting he and dp together to do things. Dp is not a massively active type.

sounds like he needs more you & him time
difficult tho with four

Oh TooT Nothing helpful to add I'm afraid but just wanted to add my sympathies. Sounds like a very difficult situation and I hope you manage to thrash out some answers with the more helpful 10/10ers.

Mushrooms, tomatoes, beans, baconsausageeggfriedbread apple juice, dried fruit in muffins, spag bol with lots of peppers, mushrooms, onion, tomato.

Not good really but went for half hour walk/run.

And I think an activity just for him would be good (dd1 and ds2 go to things) but he has turned down some things and is sort of interested in cubs but frankly terrified of not knowing anybody.

V. much inclined to think he needs time with him and dp actually. I know it's not a great thing to say - but really there is a time for dp's and their sons, and my experience is that it kicks off BIG TIME at 8.

Well he doesn't have to be active. DH is currently sharing Hitchcock movies with ds2 But you know, they like it and chat about Rear Window.

Each dp/dh to their own. But the modelling being a man thing is big at 8. I think.

mmmmmm
ds is needing this at 3.5
he Needs maleness

I have to bully dh.but the difference it makes is astounding

I know, I know that would be ideal - but if the situation isn't forthcoming, it's hard for me to do anything. That's one reason I'm thinking of cubs - some jolly, good male role models.

Dp and ds1 eat meat sausages together sometimes - that's about it really.

Right. Let's make a list:

1. Address the violence.

1. Address his self-esteem

1. Friends - and cubs.

1. Find ways to make life easier and more enjoyable for him - and opportunities to praise and cheer ds1, rather than telling off, negative attention malarky.

I DO like a list.

Oh, you are all so lovely and helpful - thank you!!

I should seek him out some friends really. Somehow. Don't know how.

Music? If you s-p-e-l-l it out for dp will he get it do you think?

I did.

His self esteem in itself - I know it's bad in school/public, but at home he is well able to recognise his strong points and tell us all about them.

sorry you are having problems toot i had terrible problems with ds from 0 to about 13

i have to go and sit in the showrr treay with a glass of wine holding the tiles in place but will try and think

Music, maybe... but dp has limited patience. He'd rather watch telly