It's my parsley and I'll cry if I want to - 10/10 thread. All welcome!

[pinkspottywellies]

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Excellent. Then it is his self confidence which is shaky perhaps but his self esteem is okay perhaps?

You and dp need to take a line on the violence. And have enforcable consequences. Quite hardline, that you stick to. I do think it is important.

Then at the same time we need to incorporate the other stuff don't we? We just don't quite know what that is yet.

Oh, and while you're here - ds2's eye - it's been over 48 hours since the blowpipe incident. Should his vision still be blurred? He does have an abrasion right over his cornea. Should I be taking him back to Bath to be checked?

Oh goodness I don't know love. Call NHS direct, but they will tell you to go to the hospital because they always do. But you could ask them how long it should be blurry for perhaps?

Hmm, yes. He is asleep now but I may phione RUH tomorrow.
I drove in Bath, I actually did - they said, "Can you go straight to RUH? " and I said, "Erm, yes," and off we went. My left knee shook a bit and there was a lot of traffic but we got there

You were heroic.

Woodcraft folk? He might like that? And they'd be welcoming and stuff wouldn't they? Doesn't anyone from school go to Cubs?

Woodcraft Folk would be great but nearest is B-o-A and we have been on the waiting list for about 5 years

Cubs? A lot of people don't venture out of the village for things like that. He went to Beavers then completely refused Cubs - was only recently he confessed he was scared Now he is about to get a place and I shall bribe him there to at least try it out. That is the plan...

Do you think he's having a hard time at school? Socially, I mean.

He could be couldn't he? And that's why he's angry at home and kicking out at everyone, because he's not having a good time there?

What's the scene at school? Are there any boys who look likely?

Yes, he does have a hard time at school. Ex best friend (and cronies) don't associate with him. It's a small school problem - small schools are great until there is a problem - but then you can't find a different group of friends because there isn't one.
There is one boy from the year above who he has fun with - a lovely boy who I think gets a bit left out because he is "different".

A drama group? To help with confidence and artistic exuberance? Is there one?

Football? Would he like that?

It's interesting he was frightened of Cubs isn't it? Why do you think? Aggression and fear seem to go hand in hand don' they?

Sorry. I am going on about this now.

But his teacher maintains that all is well
His previous teacher was far more intuitive and observant. And male, which is beneficial for boys of this age I think. Shame he left.

Right, let's have him then. Can he come for tea? Be persuaded to join Cubs too?

Yes, the small school thing hard. Also they can be a bit toxic at this age I think. DS2 has surprised me by being v.good at reading the social runes, DS1 was and is pretty useless, but it gets easier again when they find their 'thing' I think.

i would check out bulying ds is a bit complex and er unusual

but he was bullied for two years without saying and school phobic not entirely related

he has problems with understanding actions and consequences so there was never a way to use carrot or stick becauise he doesnt understand that tho npw he is slightly better but he is 20 now

he was very violent

he has fod issues does your ds

does your ds have any learning difficul;ties or social ones

sorry i am not sure

Oh, drama - he is so gorgeously theatrical. Dd1 goes to a theatre group and my mother offered to pay for ds1 to go too but he refused
Probably confidence again.

Football is an odd phenomenon - such an all-important thing in this country. Ds1 and I play together sometimes and enjoy it but he doesn't get to play in school and the village team is made up of the same boys who don't often let him play in school.

Grrr. Am annoyed about these boys now. I might have to come and have a word.

Can we work on the ex best friend?

We could try inviting him - rarely see his mum though. Also, I think he lives mainly on fizzy things so goodness knows what he would think of the food I serve up
But I have offered to invite people home for ds1 before and he says no

Let's MAKE him, BRIBE him to go to the drama group. Let's say, you think it'll be awful, and the horrid boys might be there, but odds are they won't be. So we're going to be VERY BRAVE and give it a shot okay? Just to try. Because it is better to do things than not. And to be brave, and to look the world straight in the eye. And I'll give you XXX if you try it once.

You see what I mean about me talking too much and them hating me?

And I need YOU to be a bit more positive too TooT and to stop seeing problems all the time, and to start to take ACTION and be positive.

Do you think I might have missed my career as a motivational speaker? I could have made shouting, barking tapes for people to listen to, and t-shirts, and I could have plastic surgery and look all weird and empowered all the time.

ah is he a joiner he is very different to my ds then and

he wouldnt understand a bribe either tho he has learnt it now with a vengeance lol aklways in his favour

but it took about 18 years for him to catch on abd he still doesnt get the actions and consequences stuff

You are very wise, ahundred

ah is he a joiner he is very different to my ds then and

he wouldnt understand a bribe either tho he has learnt it now with a vengeance lol aklways in his favour

but it took about 18 years for him to catch on abd he still doesnt get the actions and consequences stuff

Zippi, he is v. shy, and awkward. Desperately so really.
No learning difficulties as such although he writes so very slowly that I have wondered, but he assures me it is just because he hates writing and not a difficulty.

Ex best friend a no-go really. Shame, because they used to get on so well. But the mother is a little odd and suddenly stopped speaking to me a couple of years ago - don't actually know why, but she is funny about people. Badmouths people terribly, then becomes good friends with them.
Shame, because I really liked her, when she was friendly.
Anyway, she totally blanks me now and I suspect this is why her son doesn't play with ds1 any more.

Yes, 100x is brilliant, isn't she? I could listen to her for hours.

100x, you bark very nicely.

Okay, positive - how? What should I do first?

He was also bullied in his first year of school, but we didn't know because bully boy had told him not to tell anybody and the reception teacher at the time didn't notice what was going on