How to go about a private GP appointment.

[Alphabet1spaghetti2]

Would be grateful for any advice as I think my brain has glitched.

How do I go about booking a private GP face to face appointment ? It is for suspected stomach cancer. Is bupa better than Nuffield, do I need to find one that specialises in Gastric or pain relief? Or are they generalists? Google is giving me the impression that I need to book a face to face at a private hospital as opposed to a clinic based GP.

Dh has seen his Nhs GP and has been referred on the two week pathway, but is in pain and needs to know what he is facing. Nhs GP has refused pain relief other than paracetamol and has refused a sick note for his work. Apparently they are two separate issues and need two more appointments - the next available appointment is a month away. He only managed to get an emergency appointment after 2 weeks of daily phoning. Dh was prescribed antacids. He had been referred for blood tests, (2 weeks for results) stool tests (2 weeks for results) and endoscopy. Our local A and E has some of the worst wait times (18+ hours) and understandably Dh would rather be in pain at home rather than on the floor of an and e. The hospital wait for scans which are around 26 weeks.

And yet it isn’t happening quickly - it’s another two weeks to a diagnosis. Ironic

You are having to endure so much. I truly know how it feels - I had to battle so hard to get the proper care for my OH. It was a nightmare imposed on a nightmare. So unnecessary - and my OH had worked for the NHS as a doctor and still we had to fight. I knew the system from being a hospital social worker and went in with all guns blazing and fought till they did the right things - we should not be having to do this.
I am so sorry about all you are going through and wish there was some way of helping - please feel free to rant - it is entirely the right reaction. X

I think you're perfectly entitled to rant and be as negative as you like - I think the pressure to feel/act positive all the time can be really dangerous to mental health. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that it's a shit situation and you are having to deal with it. Of course you are overwhelmed and scared, as it does sound like a terrifying set of possible diagnoses, and you are being realistic about what could happen and facing it head on. That's as valid a response as those who want to only look for the hopeful stuff.

I hope you can get across to them how much pain he is and get some better pain relief. Perhaps he needs to start looking after you as well, which might mean admitting that he is in pain or that he can't manage at home,or you will you up broken from this, too.

I know it's early days buts there's a thread in life limiting called the Storm, it's for partners of ill partners - we're all here holding your hand.

And yet it isn’t happening quickly - it’s another two weeks to a diagnosis. Ironic

It is but you've had the endoscopy done rather than having to wait for an appointment. Given your referral didn't sound ideal, you've saved him another two weeks wait under the cancer pathway on top of the wait for the results.

You've done a really good job of getting him seen by doctors and having the necessary tests carried out. I'm really sorry the initial results weren't good, every day must feel like an eternity.

If it's any consolation, my MIL's stomach cancer was so advanced that she could feel the tumours when she touched her stomach. The chemo helped a bit but the immunotherapy has started shrinking them and she's doing well three years on,

@blue345 i am sorry. But that does help I need that positivity, and a kick up my arse.

@Alphabet1spaghetti2 ,

I don’t think you can rush the biopsies, unfortunately.

This might be the point to go to a really good private GP, who could prescribe better pain relief and who might be useful in helping you expedite the other treatment.

I am sure that if you are happy to share your rough area, someone on here will have a good recommendation, but I suggest a larger private GP group where each GP lists their areas of interest and you can choose appropriately.

@Newbutoldfather i know we can’t rush biopsies. It is what it is. But it’s cruel to keep promising the same day diagnosis when that was never ever going to be the case. The stress of everyday thinking today is d day. And then it isn’t it’s tomorrow, and then nope it’s a fortnight. That’s torture. Even worse is when they give you the diagnosis and prognosis and ask you what you want to do next in the space of five minutes in an open ward. Your brain well my brain just can’t wrap itself around that. Yet that’s what happened to the patient adjacent to my Dh. Even now all they will say is it’s definitely worst case scenario for Dh. Just say it it’s fucking cancer. There isn’t anything worse. Anything is better than cancer. Stop giving false hope by not saying the bloody word.

yes I’m angry yes I’m tired yes I’m guilty of making it about me and not Dh.

@Alphabet1spaghetti2 ,

I totally understand what you are saying and where you are coming from but I would want to be told my diagnosis truthfully, however grim, and be able to plan my own last few weeks. The open ward bit does sound wrong, but I assume the patient was immobile.

They just can’t definitively say it is cancer unless they know themselves. Even if it is 99% likely, telling you it is cancer and then saying that they got it wrong would be terrible.

I would focus on getting your husband proper pain relief. It is outrageous leaving someone with likely cancer on paracetamol only. I have no idea why they would do that.

I would guess they hoped initial tests might give an answer but now further analysis will take longer. Sadly I think you need to slow down and adjust your expectations, focus on a day at a time and managing his symptoms and pain.

I'm sorry this is happening and it's not good news. It might not feel like it, but you are doing a good job supporting your DH. It's really hard. My advice having been in this situation with my mum, is focus on what you can influence and control. Make sure he isn't discharged without adequate pain control. Get advice on nutrition, as this can really make a difference with someone with swallowing problems. Think about what you need at home to make him comfortable. Thinking of you.

@elastamum thank you. I don’t feel as if I’ve done or acts as I should. Dh is very embarrassed by me. (Crying wreck) But what’s done is done. I’ve been to see my gp today. I’ve been signed off from work for the month to give me time to process and try to sort stuff out - bills and paperwork etc. she also booked me in for counselling. And has basically come up trumps in putting together a support network for me, so I can look after Dh .

I don’t feel as if I’ve done or acts as I should. Dh is very embarrassed by me. (Crying wreck)

From what you've posted on here, you've done an amazing job. You've got him into hospital, you've advocated for him so they've admitted him and run the tests and you're sorting out the home bit.

You're a crying wreck because you care and that's a good thing. Having just gone through an ugly separation of a 25 year marriage, it makes you appreciate having your partner by your side through thick and thin. So don't be too hard on yourself!

That's great @Alphabet1spaghetti2 .

I really felt for you reading this post. Hope having space from work gives you time to get your head around this awful situation.

So pleased you had such a supportive Gp and have things in place for you right now that will help you.

Coming home from as a failure. Pharmacy never sent up his drugs. Both of us gutted. He didn’t want me to leave but they told me I had too. He just wants me to hold him. He’s in a side room. It’s cancer and everything is now palliative. Trying to organise his final
wishes to get married and sort out some other bits.

im going to leave this thread now and move on to life limiting the storm. Thank you.

Alphabet I’m so sorry to read your update. You absolutely are not a failure, you did an amazing job getting your husband listened to assessed and diagnosed so quickly when it looked like the wait was so long. I’m so sorry you are both suffering. Your love for him shines through in your posts. There are no words right now, be as strong as you can, but tears and sad are really ok. Hope he isn’t suffering too much.

Sending love ❤️ xx

I'm so sorry to hear your update. You've done a fabulous job so far of getting it all done and sorting so much out in such a short time. I hope that you can have some time soon to process it all and give yourself space to cry and whatever else you need. Thinking of you

So sorry x

Sorry to hear this. Sending you love and strength.

You’ve done a great job in advocating for your partner. Don’t beat yourself up about the outcome - it’s not your fault. Be there for him . Maybe contact Marie Curie or macMillan who can be supportive in this situation.

You have done , and are doing an amazing job @Alphabet1spaghetti2 . I’m so sorry that the news is so bad . Wishing you all the strength you need .

Really sorry to hear that and we'll all be thinking of you x

So sorry to hear of your difficult news @Alphabet1spaghetti2