Cancer Support Thread 94 - Sweetness and light - the two noblest of things.

[LemonDrizzle10]

@tilllly and Daisy.

Fuckery and Dickery should be added to the dictionary!! 😆

🤣 School of Dickery! That about sums it up.

I'm sick of having the OH argument with them - it's not a legal requirement. Making reasonable adjustments if (or when) I ask for them, is. I do not see what they will gain from knowing I can pee by myself, sleep with one pillow & am able to run for the bloody bus if it's at the stop when I round the corner 🙄 . So they can ask, and they can tell me they can't make changes without it all they want, but actually, if I do ask for something reasonable & they refuse because I didn't do the (not legally required) quite frankly demeaning OH assessment, done by someone who is not specialist in my diagnosis, they will find themselves speaking with both my union and solicitor 🤷‍♀️.

I don't see how one person makes recommendations about Jane's back, my boobs, Sam's migraines, and Jeanette's brain tumour *(made up names). They know nish as dd1 would say & I strongly suspect they look this shit up on google the same way we would.

Maybe I'm wrong but I really don't get how one person could possibly make all those recommendations unless they are incredibly stretched in all these specialties 🤷‍♀️ in which case they deserve a medal and pay rise!

Can you tell it irritates me 🤣 nothing changes there!

Maybe they are all secretly working for DWP, as PIP assessors?? 🤬

Definitely get your union involved ifI you need to. My OH " assessment " is 3 weeks. If I hear ANY slightly demeaning questions, they will go straight in the " fuck it bucket!"

I don't get the whole " one tick boxing person makes all the decisions" either. It's not very professional and quite unrealistic. I would just be happy not to have cover teacher a, b and c, whilst trying to fulfill my own role and that it entails!

Fuckwittery at its finest!

I'm freaking out. Can cancer spread so quickly that from two small lumps in my groin 3 weeks ago becone numerous ones that all seem to be linking together, even spreading to my stomach? I'm so uncomfortable, it's a struggle walking with this and the lymphodema. I'm so bloody frightened. I know no-one can tell but I just needed to 'say' it out loud.......

@Enigma52 and @lucysmam, I take your OH assessment and I raise you the "global accommodations intake form", an idiotic process my company invented where you have to request a workplace accommodation by filling in a form and attaching half your medical history, and then some really inexperienced HR person responds. It annoyed me so much that last time I accidentally on purpose I attached blood test results instead of a consultant letter (showing questionable Iron levels). They approved.

@KentishMama that's the kind of thing I'd do, just to be as irritating as they are 🤣 it's bloody stupid.

I'm tempted to ring my lovely bcn & see if I can get signed off for four weeks with the "stress" of it all! But then it uses some of my full pay allowance that we might need <sigh>.

Shall have to think of another way to be a bit of a dick back 🤔

@lucysmam Just let them dig their own grave in the meeting by asking them all the clarifying questions you can think of. "When you say you're worried about me, what do you mean?" - "No, but what do you mean exactly?" - "Can you just elaborate further on this so that I can be sure I understand the intent?" etc etc. That can be quite fun. Watch them squirm.

🤣 the last meeting that was requested I dragged HR into "for clarity". Quite a bit of backtracking and squirming going on there!

PS: I'm still mad at HR from the time they accidentally forwarded me an email about myself, where they described my situation as "tragic". That annoys me almost as much as my American colleagues offering to pray for me in their prayer group. Like, I'm glad that stuff works for you, but if you want to actually be helpful, donate to cancer research and stop getting on my nerves...

@Whatevershallidowithmylife Where are you up to with things treatment wise? This sounds horridly painful. Can you call someone today and get seen?

That would tip me over the edge! But it has made me laugh 🤣

I wonder if folks walk away thinking "was I too much/was that a bit dickish/she looked pissed/tooooo much".

I'm off to a safeguarding meeting this morning at dd2's school (same trust). They were a bit dickish about me going to that even though their DSL and ours are in regular contact & they'll know she's hard to pin down 🙄

@Enigma52 chemo didn’t work, immunotherapy has damaged my kidneys so waiting to see if they get better before going on biological trials. Not looking good I don’t think. Seeing GP today after they received a letter from lymphoedema clinic so will ask them then and demand yes, demand oncologist looks on Friday- have asked him twice. Sorry all got a bit on top of me last night. Kept thinking about Tillly and how quickly it all escalated for her.

@Whatevershallidowithmylife No need to be sorry. It is totally understandable you should be frightened. They definitely need to examine you, without a doubt. Yet again having to be advocates for our own health. Push for what you need now and being in discomfort is absolutely not on.
Thinking of you 🌻

Honestly I go off to watch The Fortune Hotel and go to bed and big rants kick off!
@lucysmam I have to agree that your OH seems rather limp and is worthy of a rant. Although the OH at DP's work did agree that a man with a gangrenous foot that was literally hanging off could continue working in a job where it wasn't unusual to stand for 8 hours on shift because he convinced them that it was ok really
We don't have OH where I work so my manager makes up as she goes and then she doesn't have time to sit with me and do a plan anyway. Then I feel bad for being an ineffectual employee and she feels bad for being a bad manager so we then curse our useless area manager who really should be taking the lead on managing my capability assessments but he's turning out to be a bit of a git more concerned with takings than staff welfare!

@KentishMama

OMG that's dreadful of HR. I'm sorry but the prayer group thing made me laugh! We have a volunteer who's a very good catholic and they light a candle for me every day at daily mass. It's very sweet of them but global warming isn't being helped here as it's got to be about 100 candles by now!

@Whatevershallidowithmylife
I hope that you get some kind of help and soon too. Oncology are a bloody rule to themselves and it's like playing some kind of pick me dance sometimes.

Going in for a lumpectomy on Thursday ( Happy Birthday me!)
Had the pre assessment this morning and my blood pressure is v low. Under 100.
Got sent for an ECG, results were OK.

I am on blood pressure tabs and the hospital have told me to ring the gp and update him and not to take any more.

Operation is still booked to go ahead Thursday but the BP results really worried me.
Any reassurances gratefully received.
Am freaking out a bit here!

So sorry Whatevershallidowithmylife I hope oncology can help and quickly, maybe phone them today, unfortunately, at the moment you have to push but at our hospital you could use the chemo line after chemo if you needed urgent help even after it ended. Which at least avoids the phone wait. I presume you know there's a stage 4 thread on life limiting, maybe someone has more knowledge on there. Hope the trials work. I hope it can't go that fast in 3 weeks, I only really know breast cancer speeds which aren't anything like that speed. If pain is a big issue this sounds grim but I have heard it recommended but hospices can help with pain, doesn't need to be terminal. Sending love and never apologise for coming on here struggling, that's what it's for.

Zoopet I think if the hospital thinks it's fine it will be fine though not the greatest birthday ever though maybe think of it as taking the cancer out. Happy birthday anyway. I had a chemo birthday during mine though the next year made sure I had a really nice birthday. Just think next year how much better life will be. The operation I found pretty easy, had a mastectomy. Get some painkillers in for after, NHS gave me none. And cushions.

Huff!

Puff!

Foot stamp!

Fucking arsehole dickheads!

I have to provide proof we're going to Liverpool (bc I am going to lie about having asked for something big/memorable & trying to do something "favourite" related for everyone while it's still not doing anything 🙄).

I have to provide proof that there are no other open days we can do - there weren't when we booked that one ffs but of course now there are 3 weekend ones so I look like a liar 🙄🙄

None of it will be paid IF approved.

Union man is on it & will speak with school/HR on my behalf - I've explained everything to him. If they're still dickish, I shall ask oncology for a sick note - it shouldn't be THIS stressful getting time with my own fucking kids!

Although the girls dad has literally just said hand in my notice & fuck them 🤷‍♀️

That's utterly shitballs @lucysmam
I hope that your union man tears a strip off them but I'm furious on your behalf.

@lucysmam that is so crap!

@MothralovesGojira he's just emailed to say he's going to email them now since they've already had the form once (they want it again but on 2 forms, for one stretch of time 🙄 because it's two things).

@thesandwich crap is very tame. There have been many fucks, twats, arseholes, dickheads...you get the idea...this afternoon. & much ranting.

Why make it so fucking hard 🤬

Off to the shop then 🍷🍷 on a school night! Fave ex colleague gave me a bottle earlier on 🥰 she's my fave for a reason!

@lucysmam crappity crap from
The School of Dickery ( yet again!)

What's the plan?

@Enigma52 at the mo the plan is re-submit 2 forms 🙄🙄🙄 with email print outs attached, they don't need the whole thread! Shall do those tomorrow afternoon now, it's getting on & I'm knackered after walking to school earlier too.

Union rep has emailed HR asking for a phone call tomorrow & outlining why.

Still tempted to just put in a sick note but I'm not that much of a dick unless they keep pushing. It's not like they don't know the circs 🤷‍♀️

Although handing in my notice & stating the reason why along the lines of "unfortunately, knowing my current circs, I am being made to "beg" to spend time with my own children rather than live to just work" is very very tempting.

<BIG FUCKING SIGH>

Nearly wine time!

Yes you don't want to resign, unless you have a new job to go to( or you can afford to). Schools i think are the worst places for having time off ( but they are indeed being first class dicks!).

I'm glad Union are involved; that's what they are paid to do.

Drink up! 🍷🍷🍷

@somewhereonthe517 I'm hoping for you you hear something soon. My ultrasound got moved forwards to today, and it turned out to just be 2 cysts. I've never been so terrified as I was going in there, and know there can be knocks ahead but am just so relieved that's all it turned out to be and a biopsy wasn't necessary. So there is hope and it is better not to go down the deep black hole of google as that's where I sent myself. Now for the lumpectomy on the 31st.

For anyone who's triple positive, has anyone received herceptin without chemo? I'm not at that stage yet but it's what I've been told. Am on a Facebook page for triple positive, though it seems to be far more people from the US, and on there most people seem to insist chemotherapy is necessary alongside.