Cancer Support Thread 94 - Sweetness and light - the two noblest of things.

[LemonDrizzle10]

@tilllly and Daisy.

@MothralovesGojira and you are right, I am a different person now, compared to 6 months ago. I don't know who I am now. Maybe counselling would help? These intense rages and bursts of hatred for people I don't really know. My so called " best friend" who clearly wants to know precisely zilch about what I've been through these last few months, or what I could face in the future. My health hangs on a thin piece of rope it feels, as I nervously wait for it to snap! Yes, a load of verbal diarrhoea coming out now!

Hope the sun is shining wherever you all are.

@Enigma52
You're very welcome! I am known as 'shop mum' at work even to my manager.

Those intense rages and hatred that you feel are menopause related and I can promise you that you will lose those feeling once the meno symptoms settle. Letrozole will do that to you so if it doesn't settle in a while then ask if a different inhibitor is available to you or ask for an SSRI AD to counterbalance your emotions. I used to absolutely hate the unreasonable rage because that just wasn't me. I remember that once a packet of biscuits wouldn't open properly so I smashed the packet repeatedly on the kitchen side until the whole packet was crumbs. Utterly unreasonable of me but my rage at being denied a biscuit was....unexplainable.
As for your friend, I have no words. My 'best' friend did similar to me over 10 years ago. Youngest DC nearly died from diabetic DKA and the next day my dad died from cancer and she didn't want to know. I asked for some support when I was at my very lowest and she stopped speaking to me immediately. I think that our friendship was very one sided in her favour anyway but I was so shocked at her callousness that it took me a long time to get over it. I've seen how her kids have turned out (miserable mostly) and I know that I'm better off without the bitch but bloody hell it still smarts!
Enjoy the sunshine my friend. I think that the cat & I will sun ourselves in the garden for a bit with a coffee (coffee for me not the cat) and then I've got to get on with youngest DC's PIP form.

@catmomof3
Good luck for your first chemo and hope it goes well xx

My first time posting on this thread, in the last 2 months I've been diagnosed with triple positive BC, awaiting surgery and was told it was stage 1 grade 2.
Had a breast MRI last week and although that's come back clear for the breasts they noticed in my liver a shadow and am now waiting for an ultrasound and possible biopsy for this.
Has anyone had similar and been ok? My mental health has taken a complete nose dive over night (up googling), and I've talked myself into worst case scenarios. After weeks of being positive I've gone completely downhill. I think in some ways it's my way of protecting myself by imagining worst case however it's very destructive.

@catmomof3 yes good luck today! Am up at hospital as district nurse couldn’t get my line working for todays appointment. Go oncology team who managed to do it. Sitting in Starbucks with a Grande Latte and an almond croissant enjoying some alone time. Sunnis shining here is Scotland- it’s a gorgeous day. Hope everyone gets somewhere good out of the day x

I tried to pm you but it won’t let me. Seems we are on similar pathways. I just wanted to say good luck today x

@EachandEveryone ill try pm you see if that works but yes sounding similar! Thank you x

Welcome @Daisy03 take a seat and settle in. First rule of Cancer thread No Googling! No good will come of it. Stick to breast cancer now, macmillan cancer support, and NHS choices. This stage of the rollercoaster that is cancer is by far the most terrifying! You are in the information gathering stage. Remember Knowledge is Power! Every scan and biopsy gives your team more information to give you the best treatment. Once you have a treatment plan you will honestly feel so much better. Meanwhile practise yoga, use a calm App or similar, and hang out here to be reassured. We all understand the terror! My mantra is It Will All Be Fine!
Nobody can second guess your results but with a grade 2 tumour liver metastases seem very unlikely and there are lots of innocent explanations for a shadow.
It is nearly four years since my Triple positive grade 3 BC was diagnosed and I entered Cancerland. I actually feel quite chilled about it all now I am getting fitter and enjoying my favourite activities again.
You will get through this, have faith in your team to look after you!

Topofthecliff thank you. I had just got used to the initial diagnosis when this liver thing got thrown into the mix. Thankfully yesterday I did get given my treatment plan for how things stand at the moment, and it's a relief to know my surgery date.
Just trying to keep life as normal as I can for the time being!
Loving your mantra 😊

@Daisy03
One of our other mantra's on here is "Don't borrow tomorrow's worries".
These things move at their own pace and we just have to drift with it for awhile like a jellyfish. Focus on your surgery and recovery and then move on to the next thing. We all just deal with this stuff one hiccup at a time but there'll always be someone here to answer questions or just to give some support.

@Daisy03 you are in safe hands with the members of this lovely group.
One day at a time, that's best.

As @TopOfTheCliff mentioned, stick to reliable information sources, Dr Google is not your friend in cancer land!

Wishing you well with your surgery and ongoing treatments 🌷

@Daisy03 oh and @MothralovesGojira is our "CGM"
( Cancer Group Mother) Reason being, she's always around to fire off sound advice! Well shes mine anyway! 😄

Welcome Daisy I am another breast cancer former patient, hormone positive x 2 but HER negative, 2 cancers and 1 LCIS, now treated. The stage you are at now is the scariest stage but I would be very optimistic it will turn out to be something benign or at least not cancer spread as you are stage 1 and I was told it almost always spreads through lymph nodes and you've not mentioned anything in them so presumably they are clear on scans. Only 5% of breast cancers I think are stage 4 initially so the odds are 95 to 5 for everyone and I would have thought pretty minimal with no lymph node involvement and stage 1. Its very common for the CT scans to show things - I had about 8 things show on mine and it was read out in the most grim manner like I needed to prepare my funeral now but one by one they got dismissed. One I am still having investigations 2 years later but its not cancer and that's more the state of the NHS. The fact they have said surgery means they are expecting it to come back clear to - I was told it could well be mets and surgery would be cancelled.

Best thing to do is try and distract yourself whilst you wait - I went into la-la land whilst waiting and pretended it wasn't happening to me and things like music or light TV programmes help or days out if up to that.

@Daisy03 welcome to our lovely group, sorry you find yourself here. I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2020 and they'd found a lesion on my liver on the first CT scan. I had an ultrasound, an aborted biopsy, an MRI then another ultrasound and much hand wringing before they concluded it was a benign haemangioma. Many of us are walking around with various benign lesions which are only picked up when we have other investigations. We all understand the terror though and you're at the hardest point where you don't have a treatment plan. Everyone said to me I would feel better once I had one, I didn't believe them but I honestly did.

Just got back from my 1st chemo, all went well even though a vein swelled in my left arm so they had to use the right which meant doing anything was pretty hard as I had to cover the cannula with my blanket as I can't look at it. I'm hungry so having some snacks now and will relax as It's been a long day and I am tired. Sending love to everyone else 💜

I am usually a lurker here but just posting to say that if you are over 50 and have had radiotherapy (or chemotherapy) in the last six months you are eligible for a shingles vaccine. I had no idea that radiotherapy alone qualified me as immuno-suppressed until I was invited for a Covid vaccine. You may well not be invited by your GP for the shingles vaccine - I wasn’t - but they agreed I was eligible when I asked for it.

Evening all. Thought I’d share a silly story with you.
Today I noticed that one of my hands had a blue tinge, I obviously started panicking and planning my funeral. Tried to warm my hand up etc. Thought I’d better call the hospital to check it was just another chemo side effect since I’ve been told off for blaming chemo for everything. Luckily before I rang I told my lovely neighbour about it who pointed out it was probably the dye from my new jeans!
Neighbour husband now calling me Papa Smurf. Hee hee

Well kidneys still not happy! Bloods on Monday and if still not good an ultrasound to see what's going on - could be scar tissue, tumour etc. If they can't fix whatever it is I'll get a stent into my kidneys and be peeing in a bag, likely for life. This fucker isn't going quietly!

@Enigma52
Oh thank you! I'm quite happy to hang about with you lovely ladies and be the CGM.
@catmomof3
How are you feeling today? I'm glad that your first session went well and that you got the cannula in ok. Mine was soooo bad on my first treatment (they had to go in at my wrist bone area) that I took photos and sent them to DP with crying emojis but I'm happy for you that it went well. When is your next one?

I'm not having a great time at the moment. I'm now on week 2 of not having any decent pain meds or Naproxen for my joint pain (which is horrible but manageable) but my stomach just hurts so bad. My stomach looks like I've swallowed a football, aches a lot, appetite is MIA and I feel nauseous all the time.
I've just booked my blood test in for next Friday which is exactly two weeks from stopping my meds. GP says I've got to clear my system out of all meds except paracetamol so that blood tests will show up anything inflammatory in my system and another CT scan is pointless as nothing showed up in my last one but then again it didn't show up my breast tumours either. GP also wants to check for OC tumour markers so she's being thorough. But by god I feel so miserable so I'm having a whinge. I've got my first music festival on the 25th so I'm desperate to feel better by then.
Whinge over!

@LemonDrizzle10
When my eldest was a toddler I put him in new red denim dungarees. When I was getting him ready for bed I noticed that he had a red rash all over his legs and stomach which didn't fade under the glass test. Cue huge panic and a trip to A&E only to realise with the duty doctor present that the red wiped off when I wiped DC down with a cloth to keep him cool in the hot and stuffy cubicle. My face was redder that DC's legs!

@MothralovesGojira 🤣🤣🤣
how embarrassing!

@LemonDrizzle10 To be honest, that's something i would do 😂
I blame the world, his wife AND my cancer drugs for most things! We shall just call you Papa Smurf" from now on!

@MothralovesGojira My next one is next Friday, I have paclitaxel and carboplatin for 6 weeks then move to cisplatin. I shaved off my hair today as well and it's giving sinead o connor lol. I feel ok though, a bit tired now so may try and get an early night again.

@MothralovesGojira (CGM) that sounds so shit for you. What an earth is going on I wonder? I'm hoping nothing nasty. It's good GP is being thorough (makes the shittiness of it, kind of reassuring! ) I'm willing you to be well for music festival weekend! How did you get on with DC PIP form?

@Whatevershallidowithmylife Sorry things are crappy for you. It seems
relentless at times for sure . Will you get scanned on Monday? How are the wedding arrangements going?

Okay this end. Got toothache. That's down to months of eating every sweet known to man, to try and combat ribociclib nausea! Oh well, dentist soon anyway ( goodbye 💷💷💷💷!)

Anyone else get a weird fruity kind of taste in their mouth post chemo? It's not even a nice fruity taste for me anyway it's kinds gross.