The Great Recovery part 2 - After Cancer treatment what next?

[TopOfTheCliff]

You may have finished treatment for cancer, be NED or in remission, or it’s just a lull between storms. You don’t want to dwell on the past but look forward to the future. You know you need to eat well, get fitter and pick up the strands of life again. This is the thread for you with fellow travellers. Join us!

There is the General Cancer thread for those in active treatment:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/4969445-cancer-support-thread-92-christmas-happy-hour-at-the-patience-inn-7pm-tonight?page=10&reply=132553156

And there is the Stage IV thread for those whose treatment is ongoing:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/life_limiting_illness/stage-iv-cancer-incurable-roll-up-roll-up-this-thread-is-for-you?reply=132555664

@ClashCityRocker good News on your siatica. I have a physio assessment and appointment booked in for Wednesday. I hope it helps.

OK, I need advice. After a few months applying for other roles out of education, I got one offer (too far away as the local role went to an internal candidate) and another interview which went well but I decided the role wasn’t right for me.

I’m fed up with doing supply. I had a crappy day on Friday - so much hassle. Kid tried to hit me. Bullying other kids in the class. Not pleasant.

So I’ve got a meeting with the head at my old school on Monday.

I don’t particularly want to teach again but I need to earn some money. I’ve not worked properly now for over eighteen months. I also need to have my mind occupied by doing something (but not to the extent I get anxious).

I feel so conflicted about it. I’m still not feeling that well, very tired on and off. I went to bed after Friday and felt so low all evening.

Advice please?

Sympathies @FairyWren7, i'm struggling with finding work too, although mine is self-employed, I've never had a problem before, but I think the combination of my age, energy levels and funding cuts / cost-of-living are conspiring against me. Having said that I am not prepared to do anything until the situation gets desperate. that's going to crush my spirit (can't imagine using that phrase before cancer!) or that will leave me exhausted. I probably could find work writing funding applications, but I find that soul destroying, particularly at the moment with so much competition and so many refusals. With your old school, what are the options? Can you do something fewer days or teach easier year groups? Would you be committing to something permanent? Are there other temporary work options for things that you could do that aren't education that might be easier than getting a permanent role just for the moment, then you've got a foot in the door?

@SierraSapphire its tough isn’t it.

I can’t cope with daily supply. I don’t want to get phone calls at 6.30am telling me where I’m booked for the day. I’ve been accepting work for one school that’s pre booked and it is well paid. But it’s a special needs school and on Friday I got hit several times by a child, I’ve now got bruises on my hand and arm. He was just feeling poorly and tired and lashing out at anyone. It wasn’t personal. But I don’t need that.

The other option is try and find entry level work but there doesn’t seem to be anything suitable although I have some applications in for part-time roles. I probably need to do some volunteer work but I need my energy for paid work really.

I think I’m probably looking at another pelvic surgery at some point as I’m in bad pain. I need my reconstruction done on both sides as well.

I will have a chat with them tomorrow and see what they say. They have a habit of underpaying as well…Independent and alas this seems to mean less salary.

But the other issue I’m concerned about is stress. I’ve never handled it well. I can’t cope with it at all now. I also can’t cope with rude people - this may be a post menopausal/post covid thing, I’m just much less tolerant of arseholes. Unfortunately teenagers can be difficult with the best will in the world. I really wanted to work mainly with adults.

I think ‘crush your spirit’ is the key phrase. I really didn’t want to find myself back here. I hoped for something better. But short of driving 3 hours a day, I just haven’t been offered anything.

@FairyWren7 are there many jobs teaching adult courses in further education? Would that suit you?

I left my nursing career after my breast cancer, as although I loved my job I just wasn’t physically or mentally capable of giving my best to it anymore. I m now a teaching assistant in a private school (paid less than state school!) I also do invigilating for public exams. My earnings have taken quite a hit though.

I am still in so much pain from my surgery. I don't think the pain level has changed since I left hospital a fortnight ago. My abdomen looks very swollen too - I look pregnant on one side iyswim. It's too painful to walk, sitting and lying down are uncomfortable, and the pain is even putting me off eating.

I've been reluctant to see my GP because Ive been sure he'd tell me Ive had a big operation that will take time to recover from, but think I can't put it off any longer. In fact I'm sitting here wondering whether to go to a&e this morning. The thought of that, during the Junior Doctors' strike is a bit daunting though.

In the meantime my DM is on end of life care in hospital and I've been useless in giving my DSis, DB and my mum any support at all. It's too painful to even cry.

@MissMarplesNiece I think if it’s been two weeks and no improvement you probably need to get it checked. What pain killers are you taking?

Sorry to hear about your DM. Hugs

@MissyB1 I think I’m having trouble accepting that I’m probably never going to even reach a point where I have energy and the ability to do what I used to do.

I had four surgeries for severe endo over eight years, then I had a partial hysterectomy. Then a total hysterectomy because they found precancerous cells and then I had eight months and then bang breast cancer.

I think I’m expecting too much of myself.

For adult Ed I’d need to do another qualification and then the pay is not great.

I did a bit of invigulation as well and exam marking every year. Again for exam marking the pay is terrible for the time it takes up.

I am doing some private tutoring now. So that’s something. I’ll see what they say. If not I can keep applying. Thanks for responding to me. It takes so much adaption to changed circumstances.

@FairyWren7 I was prescribed 1000mg of paracetamol and 30mg of codeine. I've been taking double the codeine dose - 60mg every four hours. It's not touching the pain.

The treatment you've been through, FairyWren, sounds really tough. I think it's hard not to expect a lot from ourselves if that's the way we've always gone through our lives.

@MissMarplesNiece Can you get in touch with your consultant? Any aftercare from the hospital? Discharge team? They’ve let you return home in pain?

@MissMarplesNiece my physio after mastectomy was a MacMillan physio. She was amazing - got rid of my severe cording and helped me get back to running. You could try calling MacMillan and see if there are any local to you?

So sorry to hear of your pain @MissMarplesNiece . Is the codeine constipating you as that can get very sore? Sorry about your DM as well. Have you been able to visit her? It does seem like all these tough things come at once sometimes. Your priority is to get through the current storm in one piece before you can look out for anybody else. They will understand that.

@FairyWren7 I agree with you that you are expecting too much. Does the tutoring pay enough to get by? Could you expand that until you are feeling stronger? My DDs MIL does it online for a living and enjoys it.

All well here. Pottering quietly indoors while the rain lashes and the wind howls. For once I am not overdoing it and it’s rather pleasant!

@MissMarplesNiece my apologies I cannot remember what kind of surgery you had. But I don’t think it is right to be in that amount of pain. I was discharged 10 days after my bowel resection and was sent home with some of ‘the good stuff’ which I cannot remember the name of as it was a year ago! But it was definitely way stronger than paracetamol and I couldn’t take codeine. I agree with Top, be wary of codeine causing constipation which will make matters worse. I would be seeking some medical advice, though hopefully there’s an alternative to a long wait in A&E.

@FairyWren7 I’m sorry you’ve not been successful yet in finding a suitable job. I am in a similar boat. Stressed about not earning but equally not wanting to take on something that will make me unhappy. What subjects do you teach? If you enjoy tutoring that could be a good solution. It’s a shame we are in different states, otherwise I’d happily promote your services to my friends!

@MissMarplesNiece

I'm so sorry to hear that, it sounds like you are suffering terribly. Did your surgeon give you an appointment for a follow up after surgery?

My surgeon gave me a check up post surgery to see how the wound was healing. I then had weekly appointments for the following couple of months to drain the seroma that kept forming. The seroma was very anxiety-making, but pain was fortunately not a problem in my case, but my surgery was also far less major than yours: I had a full mastectomy with lymph node clearance levels I, II and III, so still considered significant, but nowhere near as major as Whipples. I was given Dihydrocodeine and paracetamol; patients after my surgery are usually given NSAIDS but having asthma they avoided those.

Can you phone your hospital team? It sounds to me like a surgeon should be helping you with this.

Please let us know how you get on. I'm not medically qualified in any way, but I really don't think they meant to leave you suffering like you are xxx

@MissMarplesNiece oh goodness I didn’t realise you’d had a Whipples procedure done. Absolutely you shouldn’t be left with inadequate pain relief.

I had a rifle through my bedside table and found the painkillers I was sent home with - tapentadol. It’s an opioid - definitely the good stuff.

I think @MissMarplesNiece was having a redo of her Roux en Y loop after a previous Whipples op. Complicated stuff!

The wild wind is rattling our gutters on the cliff top tonight. Noisy!!

MissMarples So sorry you are in so much pain, that doesn't sound right. I would call hospital team and see what they think and at least try and get stronger painkillers. After my second op I was given shiny orange horse size tablets that were opioids and they take all pain away and leave you asleep for 12 hours with a short while of taking them so can be useful for really bad pain, not sure what they were called.

Fairy Hope you find a solution, it is difficult but you can always try things and adjust.

Just cleaners and most of IKEA cabinet and chickens cleaned out this weekend.

I’ve agreed to go back on a p/t basis. I’ve been very upfront with them about my health, they’ve been very accomodating. They basically need someone capable of doing two exam classes. No duties, no covering other classes. So basically the bits I enjoy. I need to feel useful.

I’m hoping no one will hit me or cry…🤣🙏
Set the bar low and you are unlikely to be disappointed.

That sounds good Fairywren

Very pleased for you @FairyWren7

Glad to hear you've got a way forward @FairyWren7

I had a very off-plan weekend and did no exercise bar a walk, and ate too much. But we did have a day visiting my DF who lives 3 hours away, and took him out for a pub lunch and spent the night with friends on the way back. Which are exactly the kinds of things I want to be well enough to be able to do. And I am back on it today. I went swimming at 6.30 - an hour earlier than usual so I could fit it in before I took DD to school. I managed 40 x 25 m lengths and felt positively heroic.

@remaker and @Penguinsa - thanks! It’s the right time for me to do a bit. I can keep plugging away at the other stuff as and when.

@dotty2 I think swimming that early is heroic! I managed to swim today and it’s made me feel a bit better. Will try and go again tomorrow.

I’ve now got a bit of reading to do, so I’m up to speed on all the texts. It’s a pleasure really. Although I am tutoring another student (not from the school I’m going back to) and his school have chosen Oedipus the King by Sophocles - it wouldn’t have been my first choice…but I’m brushing up my knowledge!

Well done @FairyWren7 I think it is good to trust our instinct over how much we can manage at this ( or any) stage. It is easier to take on more things later than let go of an overloaded schedule.
Do the students read Sophocles in English translation? I remember reading Telemachus and Ovid in Greek and Latin

I am having difficulty planning ahead. My girlfriends are arranging lunch in late April and are busy already on so many dates. I daren’t even commit to March in case things change round here. I don’t want to book holidays or social events while we are in limbo waiting for DFIL to pass away. I will see my surgeon on March 11 so after that I guess I will feel more confident in my own progress but there is still an oncology review looming that week too. After that I will try to be brave and book a trip to Vancouver to visit DSD in July. DH is itching to make plans. The future just seems so unpredictable!

I find it difficult to plan too @TopOfTheCliff - i've been invited to an event at the beginning of May and I haven't replied, I have no idea how I'm meant to be feeling or what will be going on in the middle of May! I know I should just say yes, and then not go if I don't feel like it at the time, but it's weird there's just something stopping me from committing! As well as my ongoing uncertainty (no particular reason it's been over a month and I haven't heard anything about my scan so I presume that's okay, appointment in a couple of weeks) looks like my mum might be going into a period of crisis again.

That's good news @FairyWren7 - hopefully that's a happy medium, and responding to you has made me think more about trusting my instincts too.

Well done on the swim @dotty2 - i've got bookclub at my gym tonight, so I will probably go for a swim after that. It's great that we can swim in the outdoor pool after dark, at my old gym it closed at dusk.

Hope you're getting some treatment @MissMarplesNiece - let us know how you are.

@TopOfTheCliff thats difficult feeling in limbo, I know how important making future plans for fun stuff is to me. Do book that trip to Vancouver!

@FairyWren7 Sounds like a good plan, hope it goes smoothly.

I've just got back from a yoga class, can't do everything that other people can do but I just do what I can, and go at my own pace. it gives me a little mental boost.

@MissyB1 I am so missing my yoga classes. In two weeks I should be able to start very gently back again even if I just sit on a chair.
I’ve remembered that I am still waiting for a date for my scar revision and DH needs a date for his skin cancer surgery on his face. So even more things pending. I’d better get a blood test booked before outpatients too.
Maybe by the summer things will be more sorted out. Or maybe more life events will have piled up by then!