The Great Recovery part 2 - After Cancer treatment what next?

[TopOfTheCliff]

You may have finished treatment for cancer, be NED or in remission, or it’s just a lull between storms. You don’t want to dwell on the past but look forward to the future. You know you need to eat well, get fitter and pick up the strands of life again. This is the thread for you with fellow travellers. Join us!

There is the General Cancer thread for those in active treatment:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/4969445-cancer-support-thread-92-christmas-happy-hour-at-the-patience-inn-7pm-tonight?page=10&reply=132553156

And there is the Stage IV thread for those whose treatment is ongoing:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/life_limiting_illness/stage-iv-cancer-incurable-roll-up-roll-up-this-thread-is-for-you?reply=132555664

Hi @Saladpops I didn’t have breast cancer but I’m sure some of the other very knowledgeable women will be able to talk to you about that. I just wanted to say I don’t think there is a right way to do cancer recovery. It’s like having your feet swept out from under you. I think most of us are muddling along having good days and bad days both mentally and physically.

@FairyWren7 I’m so glad you enjoyed your stay in my home city! I am biased of course but it is very beautiful and a lot of fun.

@TopOfTheCliff your recovery sounds like it’s going well. I remember those bastard anti coagulant injections.

Thanks for the kind words about my blah week. To cheer me up DH took me out to see a band on Friday night. My favourite band from my teenage years (of course half of them have died now from the rock n roll lifestyle). We had a few drinks and remembered what it was like to be jumping around in a sweaty pub, very sweaty as it was 30deg here on Friday. On Saturday about an hour before we were due to go out my friend had a change of heart and said she did want to have a drink! So we went to a lovely bar by the water and then pizza and then back to the bar. It was really fun, just 3 of us but we all have kids the same age and we always laugh so much together. And then last night I made pasta and DH opened a really nice bottle of red.

Verdict: I had a fabulous, very non-blah weekend but 3 nights of drinking in a row is too much!! I’ve been struck down with terrible diarrhoea this morning and DD has her driving test this afternoon! I’ve downed some loperamide and just been having sips of water but I will need to try some toast and see how I go otherwise Saint DH will leave work early to take DD to the driving test. Hopefully it won’t come to that, I’ve spent 120 hrs teaching her to drive and I want to see it through!

Isa Hope the op goes well. I think after cancer there still can often be quite a bit of medical stuff. I have endo tests for a benign adrenal tumour, reconstruction to come and the annual checks, and I think most of here have a similar level of medical things.

Welcome Saladpops I had breast cancer with mastectomy, chemo, radio, awaiting reconstruction, Tamoxifen, 2 lobular and 1 LCIS. I also found it very hard to be positive around that year and the following year when my son was hospitalised and it felt like all my good luck had gone in my first 48 years and now was just destined for bad luck. What I found helped is exercise, swimming for me 3 times a week, exercise you enjoy is best. Also trying to question my thinking a bit like thinking OK the last two years have been really awful but what can I do to improve things (swimming, days out, holidays, doing things to improve my appearance which took a battering from chemo and Tamoxifen and work on the house) and also tried to question things only go wrong for me now. In those two years very little went right but I thought of all the things which had gone well before and any little thing that had gone right in the 2 years and also how to maximise the chance of things improving and worked towards that and now I am much more positive. And over the past year my "luck" has improved lots - my daughter got into Oxford Uni, has a lovely boyfriend, friends, good job, A levels going well, my son is out of hospital and slowly improving, I've not had cancer back (that I know of), I went on holiday to Maldives and Mauritius and Azores, I am much fitter and I am getting my appearance back. Lovely days out like Kew Orchids and puffins in various places. I have up and down days, I think that's normal but far more up days than down ones and like today I cried for 10 mins or so frustrated I had wasted my week then I thought no I can do something about this, and tidied 2 rooms and felt a lot better. Sometimes I also use distraction and kind of a la-la-la cancer I never had that, it will never return. I also think cancer has taken so much try to not let it take any more through worry and also be kind to yourself.

Your weekend sounds great Remaker hope you get well soon though.

@Penguinsa I saw some puffins on a David Attenborough doco recently and I’ve definitely added them to my bucket list.

Feeling better and I’ve made it to DD’s driving test. Fingers crossed she passes but we are having huge thunderstorms today so it won’t be easy!

I also went to see puffins after cancer! My sense of wellbeing is up and down. I have a friend who is "everything will turn out all right in the end" but my life has been a series of traumas, and so it already hasn't turned out right on many occasions, and our brains are working behind the scenes to predict what's going to happen to us, so it's not surprising if lots of shit things happen that your brain is going to predict shit things. I also exercise a lot, and try and fill my life with nice stuff. I'm up north at the moment. Went to see The 1975 on Saturday night with DD and she had a cheer competition yesterday that I went to. I was supposed to be going home today, but I haven't done any shopping yet so I'm going to stay an extra day. We're meeting another family member today for lunch. It's as well a bit reckless, as I have little money in my savings and work to do, but I'm much more live for the moment since having cancer.

Sydney is on my list of places to go to, so good for the recommendation after we went to New York this year! I have a relative with a flat overlooking the harbour, and cousins in various places, maybe next year.

Love hearing about what you all do in terms of self care and finding joy/contentment where you can. I’m off to a yoga class today, Pilates tomorrow. I don’t always feel like doing it, but I do feel better after I have done! I struggle at this time of year anyway, the lack of sunlight really affects my mental health.

@Saladpops welcome. As several others have said there is no right way to do Cancer recovery. It is a deeply traumatising experience to go through and changes almost everybody who experiences it. Some of us are (mildly delusional) optimists who block out the negatives and dwell in sunny uplands oblivious of reality. That is me, cheerful and positive despite having two different breast cancers, a broken ankle and an arthritic hip which has now been replaced. Others find it harder to shrug off the advances of the grim reaper and live in very understandable fear. I have found it hugely helpful to have sessions with a psychotherapist who used guided meditations and visualisations to navigate the feelings cancer brings. I think CBT has its place but it is just one tool of many. Whereabouts are you? I am in the South west where we have a lovely charity called Cancer Lifelines that runs retreats for cancer patients. Your local Cancer support centre may know of something similar.
Most of us on this thread have found exercise helps our mental state too. It needs to be something you enjoy, and appropriate for your current state of health. Oh and at 47 you are a youngster! You can’t blame your advanced age quite yet. I am 63 and still convinced I will get back to endurance cycling events. Told you I am delusional!

Wow @TopOfTheCliff I didn't realise you were 63. I imagined you as far younger.

Agree about exercise, I swear by Get Fit with Rick, cause I actually enjoy the workouts.

Please can I join in! Survived the cancer, now need to survive the survival!

Nerve damage hands and feet. Joint pain from letrozol. Toilet vicinity alert on at all times. Severe cording from double mastectomy. Around 50% range of movement in my arms, but not the same movement in both arms, so planning and coordination required for the most mundane of movement sequences! Also, I keep falling asleep after lunch. When I am at work teaching.

@Octopus45 I am a happy pensioner now thanks to cancer 😂😂😂

Welcome @sharptoothlemonshark to our merry band. When did you finish active treatment? Do you work full time or is there time for some self care?
I recommend my lovely yoga teacher India if you need inspiration.
https://gentlerecovery.co.uk/
She is expert on scar treatment and management of complications.

All well here. One funeral booked for MIL and still pending for FIL who is clinging on. He is 91 today but doesn’t know it. DH is doing well and feeling better. All we can do is keep going right now and be kind!

Hello. I had BC in 2017. Lumpectomy and radio followed by years of chronic fatigue. Still on tamoxifen. Waiting for a hysterectomy so rather hoping after that I can chuck the taxo. Am now at the stage where I don't think about the cancer until I get an ache in my boob - I had four operations as margin clearance took three goes so have got a lot of scar tissue in there.

@sharptoothlemonshark
Have you had physio with a cancer rehab trained physio? I was lucky to find one in our town who specialises in this. Had to pay privately but she was worth every penny, she made a lot of difference to my scar tissue and my range of movement.

Thank you, Iam on the waiting list for physio - good to hear it is likely to be helpful

@MissyB1 How did you go about finding your physio?

I'm jumping the gun, because the Consultant told me before I left hospital last week, that I'm strictly no exercise that could damage my core muscles for 3 months - he said walking & more walking only. Then after 3 months A "physio who knows what they're doing" to get a bit of strength in my core but only so I can do day to day things without damage.

How do you find a physio "who knows what they're doing"? Don't they all?

Hope your DD passed Remaker

Went to Anglesey Abbey with DH today and was nice to walk amongst the daffodils and snowdrops then we went to the Toby carvery at 6pm but they had already run out of meat. 🤔Managed to get them to let us in for veg roasts x 3 to takeaway and they were nice. Was worried DS would reject but he ate it happily and had taken a bath whilst we were out.

Alas she did not pass@Penguinsa . It was a big ask to do the test during massive thunderstorms. Summer rain in Sydney can be absolutely torrential. Anyway after some tears she has bounced back and rebooked a new test at a different centre. We will hope for fine weather!

I had a big fright on Monday with dreadful diarrhoea. As I have my 6 month check coming up I was fearing the worst. However I think it’s more likely to be too much alcohol and eating out over the weekend as a few days of sensible eating and I’ve returned to normal. It prompted me to book a chest/abdo/pelvis CT scan in early March so surgeon can review for our appointment on the 14th. Managed to exacerbate my elbow injury lifting a heavy pot of pasta which is frustrating but I’ll press on with my weights as best I can. I got out for a walk this morning and did a PB on one of my regular park circuits.

I’m taking my mum to the hospital today for her 1-yr check after surgery for endometrial cancer. She hasn’t had any scans which I assume is because she has refused them. I’ve been out of the loop in her follow up while taking care of my own health needs but unfortunately for her I’m back and much bossier than my brother haha.

Hope she passes next time Remaker I think people often take it several times here which is a pain but hopefully means they are safer drivers than when I was 17 and kids just took 10 lessons and passed the then much easier driving test but some were passing then but still not safe on the roads. My DD hasn't started to learn yet but did say she might do an intensive course after A levels which makes sense though I think there's long delays on driving tests here, or at least there was but maybe its cleared now.

I actually slept last night, well about 5 hours, and will sleep more later, so walk must have helped. Its still very rainy here though and not many nice days and when you go out its muddy from all the rainy days.

@MissMarplesNiece I looked at various private places offering physio in our area but on one of the websites I happened to spot a lady who specialised in rehab after cancer surgery. I think it’s worth ringing around and asking that specific question.

@MissMarplesNiece I wonder if there's a good physio at your hospital who specialises in working with cancer patients? My hospital literally varies between infuriatingly stressfully hopeless and absolutely fantastically great depending on the department and individual person, but I am finding the 1-2-1 physio truly wonderful. She is a great physio, encourages at the right level and gives me just the right amount of exercises - but is also highly trained in the emotional support side: she always seems to know exactly how to respond to me whatever the situation eg when they were investigating a possible metastasis. As cancer patients we need that too I think.

I've been told by other people that the physio training in Australia and NZ is particularly good, so maybe look for one who trained in those countries (my physio trained there and told me loads of people from there come over here, work for the NHS for a couple of years and see Europe in their time off). I had very bad experiences of UK-trained physios in the past. I grew up in the UK, have no connection to Australia or NZ so there's no national pride influencing what I'm saying.

@Remaker I failed my driving test numerous times before finally passing. I felt so nervous because I had a car and was working; travelling for work took forever by public transport. (I worked while I was a student). In my experience, confidence also plays a big role. Good luck I hope she passes next time.

@TopOfTheCliff Good to hear your hip recovery is going so well. A lot is obviously due to your wonderful proactiveness.

Oh @Remaker that is tough for your DD. My driving test is the only exam I have ever failed in my life. I was poorly taught and am not a very good driver. Too impulsive and a risk taker! My DC and my DM drive much better than I do.
I am currently organising a car for my DN/ GodDaughter. I bought it from DSD when she emigrated and have just paid a fortune for a full service and MOT and new brakes and tyres. All my godmothering duties done in one swoop! Now we need to find a nice gentle encouraging driving instructor for her.

I am frankly a bit bored at the moment. I still have two weeks on crutches to get through and can walk but nothing more. The weather is vile and I can’t garden or go to the gym and I don’t feel like knitting or reading. I’m trying to find something useful to do.

On the subject of driving tests, I passed mine 4th time!! 😬🤦‍♀️

I have never learnt to drive, I had a first driving lesson and was driving at 60mph and told I was speeding but surprisingly safe and after that lost interest. I then went to uni and London and never really needed to drive.

Yes weather is dire here, saw something saying the wettest February for years or since records began. Dire anyway.

Endo test has come back normal, there were two abnormal ones before after initial were all normal so hopefully that means they can leave adrenal thing, we will see.

We have got an IKEA thing to assemble but its finding the motivation. DH has just gone for a nap. 😂

Thanks for your kind words about DD’s test. @TopOfTheCliff she is an overachiever and perfectionist so this is also her first failure. She is an excellent driver so I’m hoping she passes next time.

I got a bit triggered taking my mum to her hospital appointment. The cancer centre is down in the basement area, very doom and gloom. We had to wait an hour, it was late in the day and DM was stressing about missing her 5pm evening meal at the care home. Then a couple emerged from a consultation room with the woman racked with loud sobs. Fortunately when we did see someone he was a delightful young man who DM immediately warmed to. And we made it back to the care home by 5.05!

Today marks 1 year since I was diagnosed with bowel cancer. It was going to be a self-care day but DS16 is off school with a sore throat and temperature so it’ll also be a nurse mum day. DH asked me what did I want to do that I couldn’t do during my treatment. We are going out for dinner tonight but I couldn’t really think of anything else I wanted to do. I think the fact I am well enough to take care of DS is all I need really.

Ah I was another fourth timer on the driving test. Wasn't a bad driver but went to pieces when being examined! Sounds like pure bad luck @remaker and I'm sure she will get through next time.

The sciatica has eased significantly, I've been diligently doing the stretches and keeping exercise low impact. Going to work with my physio to stop it happening again (or at least reduce the risk!) God to go back to the days where I didn't even think of things in terms of risk reduction....

I'm having a lovely nicely paced weekend - went to a football match last night and stopped over, posh breakfast this morning and then out to an Indian restaurant tonight. Tomorrow I am meeting a friend for brunch, then doing an escape room. Might do a roast dinner. Seems like ages since I haven't had a weekend that's either been unintentionally manic or bollocksed by the sciatica!

I failed twice, once for lots of small things, and the second time for speeding! DD failed the first time also for speeding, though in her case, it was going 24 miles an hour in a 20 mile an hour zone, she'd just come off a dual carriageway doing 70 miles an hour in torrential rain with the windows open during Covid so not the best conditions. Her examiner, Barry, was freaking her out too because she thought he was a bit odd! We were too traumatised to go back to that test centre so she took a test somewhere else two weeks later that she'd only driven round twice, so no memories of stalling on hills or driving straight over, mini roundabouts, and passed with only one minor.

I've been round at my mum's last night and tonight, she has cellulitis and the first lot of antibiotics didn't get rid of it. She is so confused about everything. I have no idea how she's coping alone, she's asked me to take her to lots of hospital appointments and I've said I can do some, but I just cannot do everything she needs. Cancer has made me more assertive! Other than that, I have been studying, took a friend out for brunch to say thank you for feeding my cats, and did a BodyPump class. Now sat in bed with one of the cats!