has anyone ever had an abortion and felt it was the right decision or regretted it?

[pregnantbabyelephant]

if anyone is willing to share there story with me id appreciate it, although id understand if you didn't want to

do you get treated better if you go private?

hi
I had a termination about 8 yrs ago. I ws young, and suffering from a lot of mental health problems.
I didn't feel that I could go through with the pregnancy. it wouldn't have been fair on either of us, me or a baby.

at the time I felt it was totally the right thing to do. My GP referred me to the bpas and I had it done for free there and the treatment I received was second to none. they were lovely.
I didn't regret it at all, and tbh I didn't even think about it that much

after having children though I do often think back to it, and it makes me a little bit sad now when I look at my babies and wonder what that baby would have been like.

hi fw, may i ask was it painful? did they knock you out? i totally understand if thats too personal to ask

I had one when my ds was about 2ish and no, I've never regretted it. I knew it was absolutely the right thing for me to do, although I never felt pressured into it, so that probably made the world of difference.
I've since had another (planned) child and I still don't regret it.

im only 8 weeks gone, would i be able to have some kind of pill?

no, it wasn't painful. I chose to have it done under general because I wanted it over and done with and not know about it, pl,us I was in my late teens and living at home and didn't want to go down the pill route and have to deal with that at home with my mum and dad
the people at the clinic looked after me when I came round and gave me something to eat and drink and made sure I was comfortable. I was also offered counselling which they said I was free to take up anywhen, even months down the line if I needed it

yes, you would be offered the pill if you wanted it.
I wanted mine over and done with. no waiting around at home for it to happen iyswim?

I had one a long time ago (26 years!). Yes, it was the right thing to do. Yes, I regret that it was necessary - but I have never thought I made the wrong decision.

I have also worked in abortion care.

No personal experience of the abortion pill, but early surgical abortion is very safe and it doesn't hurt.

As for going private: if you mean one of the abortion charities (BPAS, Marie Stopes), they are excellent at what they do. Abortion is much safer when done by doctors who have lots of experience doing it, so a specialist provider is a good thing. I would advise against seeing a private gynaecologist who doesn't do a lot of abortions - you will get a plusher room, but the clinical expertise won't be as high.

Beset of luck.

if i took the pill, would i see the sac or would it be so small i wouldnt be able to see it?

can i get the pill from my gp or will gp have to refer me to the hospital to get it ?

I don't think you'd see anything that early on, not unless you were really looking for it.

I assume you would have to be referred because they like to make sure you are 100% sure that it's what you want

i think id prefer the pill as i really don't think i can bear to be in an operating theatre type setting as ive had post trumatic stress since i had dd, all todo with the emergency op i had to have after she was born.
at least ill be able to lie down alot at home i could get dh to get a week off work so i wont have to worry about dd

what happens if i say im not 100% sure, would they make me wait a week or so ?

my background,
im happily married 30 years old, have dd who is 8 months, and is a wonderful beautiful lovely baby and my world.

im still on maternity leave until 30th june 2008, my dd is nearly 8 months old and im pregnant again, think im about 8 weeks gone so i think im due.around mid nov
think ill be 20 weeks ish when i return to work, oh bloody hell.
ive worked for the same company for 10 years prior to going on mat leave in the first place so i think id get more mat leave.

last time i had a really horrendeous pregnancy was in and out of hospital all the time and had to have an emergency operation after the birth,after 4th degree tear and major pph i nearly died.
don't know how im gonna to cope tbh

my employers hate me, because i was off sick quite alot in my previous pregnancy as i was in hospital about 5 times.not my fault i know,but they where horrible about it. i had extreme hyperemisis, high blood preesue, gestational diabetes, my pregnancy was full of scares such as bleeding and cramping, and about a week before baby was due they thought she was breech
i don't think i can go through birth again.
and i think if i had another fourth degree tear id have a nervous breakdown tbh

im not that bothered about work as they are assholes and treated me like shit

suppose if im totally honest not sure i can do the whole pregancy birth thing again
although i do feel we could love this baby

They should offer you counselling to help you come to a firm decision. obviously they would prefer you were completely resolved before you went ahead.

Are you struggling with this, pbe? You sound very anxious. I know it's not easy.

I think if you don't want to be regretting your decision, you need to be really sure that you're making the right decision.
It might be worth contacting a clinic to speak to someone, that might make up your mind, either way, for good.

yes thats a good idea, rhw, i could try phoning somewhere tomorrow am.i can hardly read the screen through my tears at least i wouldnt have that problem on th phone.

oh poor you pbe that sounds dreadful. I had a pretty bad pregnancy but not as bad as that. But it isn't an experience I'd want to repeat in a hurry (my DS is now 11 months).

It was the right decision for me to have an abortion when I did because it was totally the wrong time for a baby in my life for various reasons I don't really want to go into. I had a general anaesthetic and it was all over that day so no idea what the pill is like - hopefully there will be someone along who's been there.

I went to Marie Stopes and they spent ages talking to me and I went back a couple of times before I decided to go ahead with it.

I hope you find peace and come to a decision that's right for you. Good luck

It sounds to me as if you would like to have this baby if you didn't have to go through the birth. If this is the case, I think you should speak to your GP about your feelings as it may not be the right thing to have an abortion (just so you know, I've had 2 abortions and 3 DS'). For both of my terminations, I KNEW that it was the right thing to do at that time - I had no doubt. I think it would be very hard to deal with the termination if you are not sure that it's the right thing.

Hope this helps and you should talk to a sympathetic GP that knows your history. Sending you lots of hugs...

pbe, I will rephrase that because they did say to me that they know no-one is 100% sure. but they do want you to be as sure as you possibly can.

ignoring work issues the real reason you're considering this is because of your previous birth?
gosh, it's hard to know what to say because if you do go ahead then the earlier the better. But you shouldn't rush into it just for the sake of this.

I think you'd be well advised to speak to a counsellor at the bpas or somewhere similar and ALSO speak to someone regarding your dd's birth- what went wrong, how it could have been avoided and the likelihood of it happening again.
and also consider the possibility of an elective c-section. does the thought of not going through childbirth make a difference?

we where using condoms and im still bf dd
we have only had sex twice in 8 months too as i just dont feel right after having dd

Loads of stuff going on here

• you have very strong employment rights, you are entitled to a years maternity leave (though not all paid). If you are sacked or made redundant because of your pregnancy then you have rights of constructive or sexual discrimination. Pretty much all employers are shit scared of being sued.

• you have a very young baby and are just dealing with the stress of that - could you be suffering from PND?

• you also a traumatic pregnancy/birth which is colouring your thought process.

• I had a termination last December, we have two young boys (6&4) so our family had a completeness about it and we knew another baby would turn our lives upside down. It was a tough decision (taken over 2 tormented weeks) but now nearly 3 months later I feel totally at peace with my decision

You need counselling, what is clear from your post is that you are very confused and if you are not careful you may well make a decision (either way) that will eat into you for the rest of your life. I am obviously pro-choice and do not believe that a termination is automatically a ticket to depression and self loathing - but if you don't give yourself the permission to explore all possiblities then it can be.

Hugs and good luck

They would counsel you beforehand anyway and you don't have to go through with the abortion if you change your mind. Was going to say Good luck but that's not really appropriate iyswim.
Hope you're ok.

oh sweetheart
i am not one for cyber hugs, but if I was i'd give you one

hi yes i dont really care that much about work after they treated me so badly before.
im scared to give birth but im more scared of having an operation again.
but last time i endd up doing both
i would find pregnancy tough but tbth i think its more birth related

cant bear the thought of having another op, as i found this extremely trumatic, and id be scared stiff to give birth incase i had another 4th degree tear
kind of a no win situation
but then i think we could love the baby me dh and dd
and we would have a nice home and garden for it.

i think ill phone my gp tomorrow he knows my history and hes really great and kind

Just wondered - have you thought about when would be the right time for a second baby? Or had you definately decided 'no more' after the first? FWIW I only ever wanted one child, but had twins, which was pretty awful for the first year, but now thy're older I'm glad. Having two close together does have some advantages, including possibly from a work pov.

Sorry if this doesn't help, but no doubt you agree that you need to explore it all so you're happy with your eventual decision.

xx