Steve is going into the hospice this afternoon

[onlyjoking9329]

i know he needs to be there and hopefully they can get him more stable.

Adding yet more love and sending strength and peace your way Jo x

OJ I am often thinking of you, wishing I could actually do something for you......

thanks again for your continued support.
i feel very emotional today and have struggled and cried for most of the day.
Steve still saying that he wants to die and i just want him to find peace, the only way he says he will get that is when he dies.
i hate that he has to feel like this he has told me today that he wants to go and that he wants me to help him to do that.
i feel torn between my love for steve and what feels right and they don't match.

am so very for you both. get some rest now if you can xxx

Bless you both OJ

So very sad for you all

oh oj it just seems to get worse dosent it.I wish i could offer you some comfort but dont have the words.Thinking of you

OJ - all you can do is get through all the terrible times in as little steps as you can take. Praying for you both

saw the consultant today with steve, he was saying the same things and that he just wanted to die, so hard to hear him say those things, i so wished i could offer him something to aim and hope for but there is nothing. Steve saying he wants to die so that i can meet someone else, i don't want to meet someone else i just want steve the kids want their Dad how do i tell them?

{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
One day at a time.

i have no solutions for you oj,maybe there is someone else on here that has gone through a simlar thing can help you to know what to say to prepare your children.What a terrible dilemma.you have such a lot on your plate.

((OJ)). I am so so sorry that you are all going through this.

goodnight oj ,heres hoping you will be able to at least get some rest tonight.x

God bless you - it is harder to watch a loved one go through that.....I wish all the best for you and your kids - they have such a wonderful family

thinking of you

OJ, my dp and I have discussed what we would like if either of us were to be terminal, and it would be that we would not want to continue to suffer...

but we're not actually IN that situation so I know that we could feel differently if it came to the bit. I don't envy you one little bit

Don't feel guilty for any emotions you have, you are human and fragile. We are all here for you and I'm glad to read, further down, that you are having good support from RL friends.

Look after yourself, you're doing such a fab job caring for Steve through all this, You deserve a medal.

OJ, how awful for you. Is there anything at all that gives Steve any pleasure at the moment? Any possible distractions? I feel very pathetic and inadequate asking that I'm sure you've covered every possible goalpost.

i don't want or deserve a medal, steve is the one who should get the medal he is the one who is not able to escape from this, i get to walk beside him and do whatever i can which frankly is not enough.

Walking beside him is enough though. It is all you can do.

As for telling the kids.... simple facts of the matter, that dad is very ill and won't be able to get better. He will be passing away and that his pain will be over. He will be forever in your hearts and always remembered, whether or not you find love again in the future.

Tell them so they can say goodbye, so that Steve can say goodbye to them. so that he can tell them anything he would like to say before it's too late. I'm not sure how much their autism would affect it but I know I would like to have had a special message from my father (if you recall my previous thoughts).

Do what you think is best tho as you know your own family best.

Sending my warmest bear hugs.

the consultant asked steve if there was anything that he enjoys about life, he said no, it is heartbreaking to hear that that is how he feels, we have had 17 years together and 3 kids and i can't stop how he feels , i can't change it either, i so wished i could.

You may not feel the need or want for a medal OJ, but we admire you so much for coping through this nightmare. It's not fair and it's a silly way of saying that we feel for you, knowing that you are going to lose the love of your life. It's a symbol of my admiration, support and love, and desperate wish to make it all better. But I can't.

I like that you've walked with Steve through life. that's beautiful.

I doubt that I could think like that if I were faced with losing dp. that's why you deserve this 'medal', think of it as a symbol rather than an actual medal

dyswim?

It's late, words are not keeping up with my thoughts.

But as the old saying goes, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. We are in admiration of the love, that's what deserves the 'medal'

I'd better stop waffling now

Can you ask Steve to recall all the happy things about his life, your 17 years ttogether and 3 kids...? Ask him to remember them instead of trying to think of the good things now. Can you talk about the good times and assure him that you are so happy to have all of them to take with you as life continues?

your words say so much Klaw. i know what you mean, i have to go off to bed and hope that i can sleep. me and the kids have to go for a medical in the morning for the insurance claim for injury and loss for the car accident we had 6 weeks ago, the kids are still stressing everytime we go out in the car and everytime we see a white van, could do without it to be honest as it is just more stress.

OJ, I hope you manage to get some rest tonight. This whole situation is just shit. Thinking of you and your family.