Steve is going into the hospice this afternoon

[onlyjoking9329]

i know he needs to be there and hopefully they can get him more stable.

Have you thought about doing an audio tape for steve with your happy memories, (it might help the kids in the future too.) That way he could hear about all the good things you have as a family.

My granddad had a similar thing to your Steve, a brain tumour. My grandma and Dad and uncles made a photo album of large 8x10 photos of all kinds of things throughout grandad's life, from when he was young, right up to him holding his 8th grandchild before he got sick. Every single day for 7 months my grandma and whoever else visited with grandad at the hospice sat with him and talked about all the memories. There was lots of crying, but there were a few moments of laughter too. It was such a healing process in the build up to the inevitable. I think it helped grandad as he got to repeatedly see he had led an amazing life and so many people had such good memories with him, and even though he too got desperately, desperately depressed, he did treasure that album, and the nurses told us he would sit and smile at the photos when he was on his own. Maybe that would be a project that you and your children could work on? It might help you as well as Steve. I don't know. I do feel for you, it is such a wrenching thing to see a loved one so deeply entrenched. I wish you all peace.

It's so hard to read of your continuing suffering, OJ. I thought the diagnosis itself was horrendous, but for it to have led to this despair is beyond words.

Some of the suggestions are lovely - and might just offer a more positive end to the horror that you are experiencing.

You're right that he has nothing to look forward to, so maybe talking through the wonderful impact he has had on your life, and the past happiness you have shared would help the end to be as good as possible - a rounding off, a gentle closing of the book the two of you have written together.

Words fail me for your courage and fortitude, OJ. You are truly an amzing woman.

Love and strength to you today.

XXX

Good morning OJ. I hope you managed to have a restful night. I logged on this morning to read your update on Steve and I am so sorry to read of what you are going through with him.

Now, please don't shout me down, be offended or appauled by what I'm going to suggest but, bearing in mind Steves state of mind and him wanting to die, do you think he may get some kind of 'lift' (for want of a better word, it is early from planning his funeral and the service. I just thought, in a way, that would help you to help him look back on his life with you with fondness, make him recall nice memories, songs, funny episodes etc also, it my sound a really daft thing to say (can you tell i am petrified of upsetting/offending you?) because he so wants to die, it may help him to feel he is doing something positive towards his aim, a release for his anger and frustration maybe?

Anyway, it's just a thought you take good care sweetie. Thinking of you as always xxx

Morning OJ, I logged on this morning to see how things were, and words just fail me as to the unbearable pain you and your family are going through. I so wish there was something I could say to help aese your pain.
Perhaps as others have mentioned taking Steve some old photo's of you and the kids could remind him of the many happy years you had together. I really don't know.
I hope someone who has been in a similar situation can log on and give you some good advise.

Thanks you also for taking the time to reply to my post re -my dads chemo, I can't believe when things are so shit for you you still have the time and compassion to still help others.

My heart goes out to you today, lots of love xx

OJ, thinking of you all every day.

I think as someone else said with children you have to be very matter of fact.

When I told my children that their Grandad had died (suddenly) I told them that he had died and answered their questions with the bare facts. I told them that is was ok to cry but it is ok to be happy and remember the good things about Grandad.

I wish you all much strength for time to come.

Lots of love.

OJ - I follow your threads and want to add my support to you. It is a cruel world.

You are in my thoughts daily OJ. Lots of love and strength to you all XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Morning OJ.

Thinking of you, Steve and the children.

xxx.

OJ - I am lost for words.

My eyes fill with tears when I think of what Steve is going through and I don't even know him.

You are an amazing, loving wife and mother. Be sure, no matter what happens, that somewhere inside, Steve knows this.

I hope he has a peaceful day today.

Thinking of you OJ. Never posted before. Went through death of dad in fairly similar horrendous waay plus had car crah at the time and 2 kids under 3. Will not dwell now on what happened to me. We will all be around for many months/years to talk with you. Please look after yourself at this time. You know the old cliche about when in a plane put your own breathing mask on first before you help anyone. Please do look after yourself and do not feel bad. In time the angst will drop away and you will remain. May God give you the peace and strength to get through this and to smell the flowers again.

I think maybe TimeForMe has something worth trying there. Try and convince Steve to make the last stage as positive as possible - both by planning the celebration of his life (what he would like remembered) and maybe broaching the memory box idea for the kids.

If he can focus on positive memories rather than the awful present and the lack of future maybe it will help to make the present less awful. And maybe it will make you feel as if you are not as helpless as you think.

Good post Throkenholt, put so much better thn mine

Much love to you today OJ. x

I think that Throckenholt and Timeforme's ideas are very good, is this something that the children could get involved with and help prepare them?

Hoping that you get a better day today oj xx

oj, like everyone I am lost for words, but I do have a close relative who has made 2 suicide attempts, the last one at least for real so I have known someone in despair. There is one thing I wondered about Steve, which is has he got anything to do? I mean physically do, with his hands? Because doing nothing but think is a nightmare. Could he write down simple messages for the children with you, or help make a list of dates he would like remembered? Make them each an Easter card? I know it sounds trite, and he is dreadfully ill. Forgive me if I am talking rubbish.

Are the hospice staff helping you? I know your family backup isn't great. But do the staff have any suggestions to lift Steve's spirits, since they can judge what he is currently able to do. I remember you had a day out and had lunch - it seems so short a time ago - take care.

I think the idea of a memory box is a wonderful one, OJ, something to give Steve a little focus in these terribly painful days. Take care.

OJ, I have been reading your threads since the beginning. It may be hard for you to believe that total strangers care about you but they most certainly do. You and Steve and the children are in my thoughts and prayers each day. May you all have some moments of peace today.

Plenty of nice photos too, force him to smile

I would also like to second what QMOC says xx

oj..i dont know you apart from reading this.but i wish i could give you a hug.

I also love the idea of a memory box/album. Maybe it is something that your kids can also get involved with, both to help to prepare now and to use afterwards to reflect on/celebrate/remember Steve's life and love for his family.

Even if it only serves to help wit hthe "letting go", it's also a way to bring a wee bit of the "good times" back into the present.

oh oj nothing i can say it must be the hardest thing , sending you strength to get you through these dark days.

again i am lost for words and at the sadness in this world.

Someone told me something very sad at playgroup this morning, i wont share it as it is not relevant but today i feel like raging against God