Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
General health

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Steve is going into the hospice this afternoon

983 replies

onlyjoking9329 · 11/02/2008 12:48

i know he needs to be there and hopefully they can get him more stable.

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 13/02/2008 18:48

I hope that you and Steve had some quality time together and that he is more settled. Take care sweetheart.

Original poster
onlyjoking9329 · 13/02/2008 20:11

Steve not very happy today, he blames me for the fact he is in the hospice and not at home, he was very cross with me for the whole vist, i sat and sobbed in the car then came home to get the kids, i hate that he is not happy there but what the heck am i supposed to do?

OP posts:
frogs · 13/02/2008 20:12

Oh love. Sounds like you have done the best thing you possibly could.

Hugs.

TimeForMe · 13/02/2008 20:20

Try not to take it personally OJ. You know in your heart that Steve loves you. You also know in your heart that you are doing your very best for him and that your decision to let him go to the hospice was made out of love for him.

I am so sorry that you are having to go through all this. I am thinking of you xx

TripleyTigger · 13/02/2008 20:22

I know it must be painful for you O.J but try and hold onto the thought that if Steve was thinking clearly he would want the best for his family as the devoted husband and father that he is.
You know he would tell you that you are doing the right thing,for the whole family.

CaptainDippy · 13/02/2008 20:26

{{{{{hugs}}}}}} You are doing the right thing. xx

fensmum · 13/02/2008 20:32

Im so sorry for all the pain you are having to go through,i hope you can hang on to the goodtimes.All the best X

39andcounting · 13/02/2008 20:44

I'm sorry that was a crap visit OJ, remember the Steve in front of you now is an altered Steve.

He would not want to hurt you or the kids and his actions and reactions are that of an ill person. not someone in control.

It must be really hard to accept the changes and I send you really big hugs...... what was that, pass me a feckin huge mother of a R+C....... consider it done.

I have a tub of haagen dazs here and would be prepared to share it, but you will need to pop into the sanctuary and bring your own spoon !

morningpaper · 13/02/2008 20:47

thinking of you OJ xxx sorry everything is so miserable

LilRedWG · 13/02/2008 20:48

It is not Steve sayingthese things, it is the evil that is cancer! x

midnightexpress · 13/02/2008 20:50

OJ I haven't posted on your threads before but wanted to send you my best in these difficult times for you. FWIW, I too think you're doing the right thing - hospices are wonderful places and I'm sure they'll be able to make Steve more comfortable. And remember that his anger at you isn't really anger at you but at his whole horrible situation. Be kind to yourself when you can.

AlistairSim · 13/02/2008 20:55

xxxxx.

Original poster
onlyjoking9329 · 13/02/2008 21:01

i just feel crap, i don't want steve to feel how he does, i want him to feel loved.

OP posts:
wiggleit · 13/02/2008 21:08

hi, just been reading thru some msgs.. so sorry for your situation oj. Sending you lotsa love xxxxx

Christie · 13/02/2008 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

39andcounting · 13/02/2008 21:25

OJ, if Steve was in control of him emotions he would feel wrapped up in a big fluffly blanket of love. You can do no more, you can give no more.

Pls dont be so hard on yourself girl, we all say you are doing a great job and are all very proud of you.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Desiderata · 13/02/2008 21:33

You need the comforting arms of sleep, OJ. So sorry you're going through this.

xxxxx

imaginaryfriend · 13/02/2008 21:51

OJ, you are loving him. You are showing him the best kind of love because you're doing what's best for him.

NorthernLurker · 13/02/2008 22:22

OJ - you could not do more than you are already doing. Be gentle on yourself. Praying for you all

Original poster
onlyjoking9329 · 13/02/2008 23:02

i know this is the brain tumour that is making Steve like this, he is usually such a kind and gentle kind of bloke.

OP posts:
triplets · 13/02/2008 23:12

Its the cruelty Oj of the illness, it takes away the person that you know and love. I do not know you in RL but I know this, your heart could not hold anymore love than it does for Steve and your DC, all thru this nightmare, your love and courage have shone through, xxx

Original poster
onlyjoking9329 · 13/02/2008 23:38

i know that this brain tumour is cruel, i know what Steve has been like for the last 17 years, i know what he is like now and he has no quality of life and that is cruel and just wish that it didn't have to be like this for steve.

OP posts:
triplets · 13/02/2008 23:43

Try and get some sleep Oj, sleep helps you to escape for a while, xxx

WingsofanAngel · 14/02/2008 07:14

So sorry for all that you are going through. Try and remember Steve when he was well. He loves you very much as you do him. Frustration and anger are quite often taken out on those we love the most.
Please take care x x

throckenholt · 14/02/2008 07:32

I think probably the most important things in his life are you and the kids - and if he was able to be rational he would urge you to do everything in your power to protect them - even if that included not having him at home.

From what you said before - he was at times just as unhappy and angry with you at home - so being in the hopsice is not the object here - the sad fact is his brain can no longer function on a normal rational level.

Have a good cry, then shake yourself and go back to coping.