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Original poster

hospital vist is today, we need to decide on the chemo.

137 replies

onlyjoking9329 · 05/02/2008 10:44

Steve is due to re start chemo today.
He is so forgetful and confused he is not able to have a meaningful conversation about anything. the chemo doesn't appear to be helping him, last month he had 3 good days, this month he hasn't had any good days, that could be down to the chemo or it could be down to progression of tumour.
he asks me on a daily basis if i can end it all for him and i hate that he feels like this, i am sort of hoping that the consultant makes a desion to stop the chemo to save us having to.
before steve was confused he said that he understood that chemo would buy time but that he didn't want to buy crap time.
i hate that steve has to go throu all this it is like torture how he is feeling at the moment and there is no light at the end of the tunnel either.

OP posts:
ChristmasShinySnowflakes · 05/02/2008 10:49

We had to make a similar decision with my Dad in the end we felt that the after effects of the treatment far outweighed any benefit he would get from it.

Horrible decision to have to make- and like Steve, Dad wasn't really with it a lot of the time by this stage meaning many decisions were left to us as a family.

Thinking of you OJ xxx

Gumbo · 05/02/2008 10:56

I've been following a lot of your posts and am so sad that you and your DH have to go through this. It's so awful for him - and in so many ways even more awful for his family.

I hope you don't have to make any horrible choices today - in so many ways it would be easier if the decisions were more-or-less made for your now.

I'm so sorry - good luck today. You are an incredibly strong person.

kando · 05/02/2008 11:01

Have followed your story OJ. It's just heartbreaking, for you, for your family. With all my best wishes, and thinking of you all xx

Original poster
onlyjoking9329 · 05/02/2008 11:02

steves mum is meeting us at the hospital, she is only just coming to terms with stuff so i think this will be hard for her.
given how confused he is i don't know if they will say he can't have any more, i know that if the doctor asks him he will probably say whatever you think doctor.

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 05/02/2008 11:03

OJ - I'm wishing you all the strength you need for today. xx

BadKitten · 05/02/2008 11:04

What a difficult decision to have to make It must feel a very lonely one to make. I hope that you find the right one for you all.

bamamama · 05/02/2008 11:05

OJ, so sorry you're going through this. Is there anyone in RL that's supporting you? I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you all if Steve isn't well enough to make decisions.

Thinking of you.

Buda · 05/02/2008 11:08

Oh OJ. Am really sorry you are facing this. It must be so so hard that Steve is confused.

Hopefully the consultant will know that Steve is confused and will be experienced in talking you through it all.

I think you need to hang to the comment about 'not buying crap time' - YOU know Steve better than anyone.

magnolia74 · 05/02/2008 11:12

Thinking of you and your family xxxxx

triplets · 05/02/2008 11:35

Hello Oj,
God , your heart must be in your stomach. Its so very very sad, will be here in thought with you all day, xxxx

madmommy6 · 05/02/2008 11:37

OJ i'm thinking of you and your family today.You are an incredibly strong person,i know you will get through this.
((((((((((hug))))))))))))))

lulabelle · 05/02/2008 11:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
onlyjoking9329 · 05/02/2008 11:59

it is six months since his correct DX they then said he had 3-6 months but treatment could buy him extra time, it is not time worth having.

OP posts:
TheMadHouse · 05/02/2008 11:59

OJ

I am so sorry this ios so hard, there are no easy answers. I do you that you continue to have the strength to continue with such dignity and grace. In my thoughts at this hard time

Chopster · 05/02/2008 12:00

thinking of you, OJ. xxx

robinpud · 05/02/2008 12:06

oH, OJ.. how horrible. I wish we could do magic.. I think if I had a wish at the moment it would be to send you Martianbishop for the day as she seems to know so much and would be just the sort of wise and wonderful person you might need to talk it all through with bearing in mind Steve's difficulties and his mother's emotional position. What always resonates so clearly from your posts is your love and respect for Steve, so I am sure that no matter how hard and painful it is, together you will reach the decision that's right for you.. both of you.
Thinking of you and sending you hugs
Robinpud x

Original poster
onlyjoking9329 · 05/02/2008 12:37

Martianbishop is indeed very wise.
we have an assessment in the morning for a sitting service then on thursday our Mac nurse will be visting so i will be able to offload the things i just can't say to others that are to close

OP posts:
yorkiemom · 05/02/2008 12:41

I am so very sorry for you. My thoughts are with you and your family x x

ajandjjmum · 05/02/2008 12:44

onlyjoking
Think of you often.
I have always found that a good question for a doctor when making a decision is 'what would you do if it was your mum/dad/dh?'.
Wishing you strength.

Original poster
onlyjoking9329 · 05/02/2008 12:55

the doctors always say it has to be your decision.

OP posts:
noddyholder · 05/02/2008 12:56

I really really feel for you.Is there anyone you can talk to at the hospital who has been where you are?

Original poster
onlyjoking9329 · 05/02/2008 12:59

thats a thought noddy, there is a cancerback up book shop there and the staff are fab all trained cancer nurses,

OP posts:
marina · 05/02/2008 13:00

I know you have a Macmillan nurse visiting but as noddy says, isn't there anyone on the pastoral side at the hospital they can offer you to speak to now?
Chaplains can be wonderful at times like these and you do not have to have any religious belief for them to help you
Or could you speak to someone in PALS about this? Every hospital should have a PALS office
Oh, OJ XXX

marina · 05/02/2008 13:00

BACUP, perfect. I bet they will be wonderful XXX

Winetimeisfinetime · 05/02/2008 13:02

I agree with ajandjjmum - it may be helpful to ask, if you can, the consultant straight out what would he do if it were his wife in Steve's situation. I did this when my stepdad had cancer and we were anguishing about what treatment route to take and the answer was very helpful. No easy answers though unfortunately but it did help us. I'm so sorry you are in this awful situation and wish all the very best for you and your family.