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Original poster

hospital vist is today, we need to decide on the chemo.

137 replies

onlyjoking9329 · 05/02/2008 10:44

Steve is due to re start chemo today.
He is so forgetful and confused he is not able to have a meaningful conversation about anything. the chemo doesn't appear to be helping him, last month he had 3 good days, this month he hasn't had any good days, that could be down to the chemo or it could be down to progression of tumour.
he asks me on a daily basis if i can end it all for him and i hate that he feels like this, i am sort of hoping that the consultant makes a desion to stop the chemo to save us having to.
before steve was confused he said that he understood that chemo would buy time but that he didn't want to buy crap time.
i hate that steve has to go throu all this it is like torture how he is feeling at the moment and there is no light at the end of the tunnel either.

OP posts:
policywonk · 10/02/2008 17:41

Sorry to hear all this OJ. We are going through something similar with my mother (multiple brain mets). I understand that it feels awful to put Steve in the hospice, but maybe once he is in there and your home life settles down, you will find things a little easier?

TripleyTigger · 10/02/2008 17:43

I know you hate the thought of Steve going into a hospice,but you have worked and coped so hard O.J. you can't do anymore to make things easier for him. You've been his Angel O.J. Hopefully he will go in,they'll get him settled again and he can come home and you'll both be in a better frame of mind.x.x.

TotalChaos · 10/02/2008 18:39

I agree completely with Tripley. I imagine that you are feeling very conflicted at the thought of Steven going into the hospice.

triplets · 10/02/2008 18:50

Oh Oj, so hard

39andcounting · 10/02/2008 19:22

OJ, yet again at am a loss for words, I'm sorry.

I can completely understand you wanting to keep Steve home, but the hospice really could be the right place for him to be, I dont know, I wish I had the answers but I dont.

We are all rooting for you girlfriend.

I too hold you and magic some of the pain away.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

bossybritches · 10/02/2008 19:50

Hospice staff are wonderful Oj-honestly they will involve you in all the care as much as you want & they are there for YOU too not just for Steve.

Can someone help with the kids so you can be with him as much as poss?

Big Hugs xx

Buda · 10/02/2008 20:03

OJ. I really really feel for you. Maybe at the hospice they will be able to sort out his meds so he is calmer at night and then that might enable him to come home again.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 10/02/2008 20:09

OJ sending love and strength

trulymadlydeeply · 10/02/2008 20:20

God OJ, it all seems to have gone down hill so suddenly; I'm very sorry. Be kind to yourself. If he can go to a hospice just to give you a break and then come home again when you've had a rest, it would help youall.

Nothing helpful to say. you're an admirable and courageous woman, and what you're living through is a horror in the real sense of the word.

Love and hugs - and lots of them!

xxxxx

TimeForMe · 10/02/2008 21:00

I am thinking of you OJ, praying very hard for Steve.

Sending lots of love xxx

lucyellensmum · 10/02/2008 21:36

OJ i know this is no help at all, but you truly are an inspiration to me. I suffer from depression (although i seem to be getting better) but your courage and love just put things in perspective for me. How you cope i'll never know. It restores my faith in the human race that there are people like you in it. I just wish you didnt have to be going through all of this.

FWIW, my father spent his last week in a hospice and i couldnt have hoped for a better team of people looking after him. It was so far removed from hospital, a completely different atmosphere. I know lots of people say this, and i never understood it before, but it was a happy atmosphere and that is so true. Nothing was frigtening or horrible. It was an easier decision to make for my dad as he was previously in a carehome with advanced stages of alzheimers so he was totally not with it as it were. My uncle had a brain tumour and was looked after at home, but he had four grown up children, his wife and sister to care for him, so everyone took some of the strain. I think he did spend some time in hospice for respite. Some of the nurses from the hospice would go out to him to. It just depends so much on what is right for you guys, whatever decision you reach will be the right one.

Wishing you peace in your hearts xxx

Original poster
onlyjoking9329 · 10/02/2008 21:50

i know the hospice is the best place for steve right now and if anyone can get steves symptoms under control the hospice can,it just seems to have gone downhill for steve so quickly in the last month.

OP posts:
TalkroundupElf · 10/02/2008 21:56

I've not posted on any of your threads before, but i have been following. I just wanted to send you love and strength xx

lucyellensmum · 10/02/2008 22:27

oh oj, its so very sad isnt it.

You just have to take one day at a time, its all you can do.

thinking of you xxx

Original poster
onlyjoking9329 · 10/02/2008 23:05

just want to say thankyou all for your lovely posts it is very helpful to be able to type all this stuff, i wished none of us had to know how this feels.

OP posts:
BecauseImWorthIt · 10/02/2008 23:07

OJ - if only we could make it right for you and Steve.

TimeForMe · 10/02/2008 23:11

I second that Becauseimworthit.

We may not be with you in RL OJ but, we are all with you in spirit xxx

robinpud · 10/02/2008 23:17

OJ- I am so sorry to read your posts; so sorry that Steve is not good, but hoping that there is hope round the corner and suport from those who can ease things for you.
sent you a fb message btw

Original poster
onlyjoking9329 · 10/02/2008 23:18

well i know no one can make thing right but it helps that i am not alone, i can type on here and it makes me feel better IYKWIM i end up a blubbering mess if i have to talk to people face to face or on the phone

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 10/02/2008 23:25

Walk with me a bit of the way, sweetheart

ShinyDysonHereICome · 10/02/2008 23:29

OJ every word you type reminds me of what I went through with my Dad. I just wish there was more we could do to support you, but please, if ever you need anything more from us just say xxx

cadelaide · 10/02/2008 23:29

In my thoughts oj

controlfreakyagain · 10/02/2008 23:32

thinking of you all oj. sorry things are so v hard.

controlfreakyagain · 10/02/2008 23:33

thinking of you all oj. sorry things are so v hard.

lillee · 10/02/2008 23:36

OJ am so so sorry Steve has deteriorated so quickly. You said it yourself, the hospice is the best place for him when they can get the bed sorted, like previous and wiser posts have said it is a very tranquil place and the people there are complete angels - much like yourself. Again, it may help settle him a bit and give you a chance to recuperate a tiny bit having fulltime help.

Am glad you can get on here to vent some of that turmoil - although it only touches the surface there are loads of people here to support as you know.

You and your family are always in my thoughts you are a very inspiring person and you are coping admirably xxxx