hospital vist is today, we need to decide on the chemo.

[onlyjoking9329]

Steve is due to re start chemo today.
He is so forgetful and confused he is not able to have a meaningful conversation about anything. the chemo doesn't appear to be helping him, last month he had 3 good days, this month he hasn't had any good days, that could be down to the chemo or it could be down to progression of tumour.
he asks me on a daily basis if i can end it all for him and i hate that he feels like this, i am sort of hoping that the consultant makes a desion to stop the chemo to save us having to.
before steve was confused he said that he understood that chemo would buy time but that he didn't want to buy crap time.
i hate that steve has to go throu all this it is like torture how he is feeling at the moment and there is no light at the end of the tunnel either.

What a shame you'll have to make a separate trip back for Steve's meds next time. Does the pharmacy delivery? Dad used to get all his feeds and whatever medication he needed delivered from the local pharmacy. Or could the Macmillan nurse or your district nurse pick it up for you?

OJ - I don't think I have posted on your threads before but I really feel for you and your family. No practical help i'm afraid but thinking of you.

Very sorry, oj. Thinking of you and Steve.

thanks for link
hopefully with the right dose of chemo and the right anti sickness meds things might improve.
What a nightmare about the car! Poor you about time you were given a break it really is!!!!!!!

why do we have a fecking cancer ad on the right here, the fecking things are following me

the doctor rang me back and said that the chemo is the right dose, i asked how come it has dropped by a 100 she said she didn't know as she didn't do last months that is is worked out on weight, steve may have lost a few pounds but he hasn't lost a 1/4 of his body weight in the last month.
the mac nurse is coming this afternoon so will talk to her about it.
steve keeps changing his mind about the chemo he is feeling pretty crap at the moment and he knows the chemo will make him feel much worse. he has decided to take it today and see how he feels later, if it makes him feel lots worse then he is going to stop taking it.

as always, nothing practical to add - I hope the chemo isn't too hard on Steve and that you get some reassurance from the mac nurse.

Thinking of you and your family.

Hi Oj.............magic woman how are you doing? How has Steves day been? Can you ever get out at night for a couple of hours, cinema maybe, I know I need a change of walls at times. Hope things are peaceful in the house tonight xxx

well it is peaceful now, steve has just settled he has gone downhill a lot in the last week, it is heartbreaking to watch him, he doesn't even know who i am

I'm so sorry to hear that OJ - hope you get a good night's rest at least. How are the children?

the kids are ok that dont really understand how bad things are thou now they have a week off school they will notice things

Could friends or family take them out a bit this week - give you a bit of a break and also give them the illusion, at least, of normal stuff?
Have to go to bed now - am thinking of you all and will be praying for you and Steve. Goodnight.

Hi oj. Not much I can say...

Haven't been on mn for a few days - sent you a message on fb earlier before I looked at this.

It's just so wrong that the administrative side of looking after Steve is causing you such distress . There should be so much more support for you. That's the problem - none of us expects to be in your situation , do we? And by the time you are there you're too vulnerable to be able to fight.

The rest of us need to do something about it. I have got together with some people at work to raise money for our local 'Hospice at home' service.

I am so sorry to read this oj, sending you all much strength & love xx

Hope the sun is shining where you are today OJ, a big coming your way, xxx

O.J. I'm going to find you tonight,so don't hide

You know where I am...ANYTIME day or night,its not a problem o.k?.x.

sending you hugs and strength xx

Steve is very poorly, i don't know how long he has left but i don't think it will be long
Elliot asked me today "if Daddys bad cells don't go away will he die?"
i said we will have to wait and see, Elliot is heartbroken and i just wasn't brave enough to tell him that his Daddy is dying, i feel selfish but i don't think i could cope with 3 kids grief which is silly cos i know i am going to have to and probably very soon

Hi OJ,
I've read some of your posts and just wanted to say how amazing I think you are. You say you can't cope but you've coped with so much already I think you've proven to yourself just how much you are actually capable of. My husband was diagnosed with cancer 18 months ago and it has been such a rollercoaster ride since then. If you ever need someone to chat to who has been through similar stuff, just drop me a line.Take care
Love Allie

thinking of you,

I haven't reall yposted before, but follow your news.
You are such a strong woman, and are an inspiration to everybody.
You will ahve t cope, and I have every confidence that you will cope, and youa re not selfish in the least.
Love to you all.

O.J. 'selfish' is the very last thing that you are chick. We all love and respect you.x.

this thing is just so evil, it has robbed steve of so many things and there is no light at the end of the tunnel for him, he is so badly confused nowdays he is not even sure who we all are anymore, it is like he has altziemiers, i no longer see the calm sweet loving guy cos he has changed into an aggressive confused bloke and frankly i am scared of him at times. i know it is not his fault i know to is progression of the tumour but it is so sad to see him like this.