That it's a basic human right for kids to be able to use the toilet at school?

[sorrysaywhatnow]

So, fully prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable, that it's disruptive to other students etc, but if your year 9 daughter has her period and is flooding, surely it's BU for teachers to say you can't use the toilet in lesson time unless you have a medical exemption for bladder problems? She had to sit for the entire lesson, refused permission even when she had to describe the problem to the teacher. I mean, really? I knew it was a new policy that the school had introduced, but I think it's ridiculous.

I’m in two minds. Would people genuinely be happy if kids came home and advised if a teacher who was absent from class in the loo more often than not for one week a month? Or, would parents think the teacher should be able to manage this and do their job effectively?

Lots of occupations where you can’t just drop what you are doing and race off to the loo when this occurs. Surely there is a point where people need to be able to learn the skills to manage this. I guess the question is where does that point lie - during school years/uni years/start of working life?

DD's school makes them leave their phones on the teacher's desk and they have their planner signed in and out. Teachers generally know who the trouble makers are. Though there have been parents who have complained about girls being allowed to go and boys not . DD"s school is hugely overcrowded, there is no way there are enough toilets for everyone to go at the end of lunchtime. Plus many of the girls won't use the unisex toilets, so there is more pressure on the girls toilets.

It's more often than not women who are less sympathetic towards period problems. Some who have textbook periods themselves seem unable to understand that other women have totally different periods. It's also virtually impossible to get help with heavy periods, options haven't changed much since I was at school - the same medications that often don't work and the contraceptive pill, not everyone wants their child on the pill just to limit their toilet breaks! Things like endometriosis are very difficult to get diagnosed and aren't always the cause anyway.

Also teachers here who say, well I can't go to the toilet, so why should kids be allowed - wtf? Yes, they will have to manage their periods when they are adults, but I always chose jobs that allowed me to go to the toilet when needed, because I had no choice. I won't be the only one.

@hankunamatata @slobberstops @lobsterNapkin

She is 9 years old. She has probably had 1 or 2 periods and is just learning what the hell to do. She was probably too embarrassed to change the pad in a busy time at lunchtime in case other girls heard. She does not need a medical review or ibuprofen or tranexamic acid or the pill. She does not need to double up on tampons and pads at 9 years old. She needs to go to the damn toilet when she says she does. I have listened to all the horror stories about school toilets and understand the risks involved and often going against a blanket school policy. That does not make it right and saying well I'm a teacher and I don't get to go so they will just have to learn is a crappy way to deal with it. I'm a nurse and can never leave the floor unless I have cover so I choose to wear a cup and maxi pad to give me some time but I'm old enough to have dealt with this for 17 years so I can deal with it much better than I used to.
Other teacher posters have suggested leaving phones or making up minutes which seems to have better outcomes perhaps thats something that could be explored? As it stands if I had a daughter who suffered heavy periods like me I would be advising her to go to the toilet if she needed to regardless of the teachers response.

I’m appalled, it’s a strong argument for private school.

🙄

I bet no one tells the teacher that she can't go to the bathroom when she needs to go.

Do you think teachers just leave the class when they feel like it to go to the loo and leave 30 odd kids unsupervised? Frequently I can't even use the loo during my (policed to the second) as there are only 2 staff toilets and at that time they can be constantly in use.

I bet no one tells the teacher that she can't go to the bathroom when she needs to go.

I'm a 48yo teacher and for 2 days my periods are very heavy. I'm primary and can't leave the classroom 8.45 -10, 10.30-12 and 12.50 - 3.15.
I have to double up on nighttime sanitary pads to get me through each session.
Most secondary lessons are an hour max, that is a regular commute time where I live.

@Beseen22 she isn't 9, she's year 9.
I do wish people would use ages in posts rather than school years, to avoid these confusions.
(Am I the only person who wore tampons as soon as I started my periods? No girl should feel they have to use a tampon, but I'm not sure why a 12 year old can't if they want to?)

Beseen22
Not sure the exact alignment of your school years there but in our system she would be approx 14yo give or take a year, not 9yo.

Have you seen the tiktok trash the school bathrooms videos by the way?

Get them to leave their phones on your desk before they go.
Trust me those who genuinely need to go will give you their phone, those that don’t will decide they can ‘hold it’ until break time.

I don’t get the self harm arguments or the bullying students waiting in there for poor unsuspecting pupils wanting to go during lesson time - these things are absolutely way more likely to happen during break time.
If there are ten year 9 classes and each class let one student go to the bathroom at the same time then that means there’d be around 5 girls in the bathroom at once (chances are it won’t be at the same time anyway) compare that to the 150 trying to go in between lessons or at breaks and not being able to because the bullies push past you and go first.

The vandalism argument is BS too. All teachers can write down who goes to the toilet during their lesson. I jot down their name on paper incase of a fire bell.

Most secondary lessons are an hour max, that is a regular commute time where I live.

I don’t know any secondary school lessons that are 60mins anymore. Most are 75mins or 100mins. But even so 1hour is still a long time to held yourself if you have diarrhoea.

I don’t understand why girls of 12 can’t use tampons. I did.

Pads are a back up. I went to a rough state school and detested the usually perv teachers that seemed to relish girls feeling uncomfortable and denying them access to toilets. It just creates a bad situation. I think kids should go when they need to.

@WonderfulYou

Have you seen the tiktok trash the school bathrooms videos by the way?

Get them to leave their phones on your desk before they go.
Trust me those who genuinely need to go will give you their phone, those that don’t will decide they can ‘hold it’ until break time.

I don’t get the self harm arguments or the bullying students waiting in there for poor unsuspecting pupils wanting to go during lesson time - these things are absolutely way more likely to happen during break time.
If there are ten year 9 classes and each class let one student go to the bathroom at the same time then that means there’d be around 5 girls in the bathroom at once (chances are it won’t be at the same time anyway) compare that to the 150 trying to go in between lessons or at breaks and not being able to because the bullies push past you and go first.

The vandalism argument is BS too. All teachers can write down who goes to the toilet during their lesson. I jot down their name on paper incase of a fire bell.

Not sure how many self harmers you have in your school but its a real issue in ours. They were going to to toilet during lessons We can't say X you aren't allowed to go to the toilet but y yes of course. Also our lessons in every school I've worked in have been 60 mins max. Current school is 50 mins

Give her tampons or a moon cup. I am a dreadful flooder (I'm a peri menopausal teacher. ). I cant go during lessons either

We all manage

Wonderfulyou - if vandalism occurs it will be reported at a break - so there are usually two or three lessons to look at to see who could have done it. You've let two children go from your class, I've let three, and the supply teacher down the hall let 5. Multiply that around the school, and tell me how knowing the vandalism was caused by any out of a group of 30 pupils means you can identify the culprit? Let alone charge them for repairs. CCTV would work but loads of privacy issues there!
"Leave your phone on the desk" "I don't have one with me" err ok I'm not doing to search them. Will work for some I admit.
I believe I've perfected an ability to tell from their eyes if they really need. But the numbers who will say they didn't go at lunch as they "didn't need then" are truly amazing. I assume their parents brought them up to go before they left the house, as a preemptive measure - they need to do that in school too!

Should have added, at 9yo my thoughts on the matter would be very different than a 14yo who is likely about to have or get a part time job outside of school where they will be expected to manage such an issue.

@Fridafever

There are a lot of threads started this evening about periods. Maybe don’t share stories of your teen girls flooding

It's an anonymous forum. People are here to discuss problems , whatever they might be.

I don’t understand why girls of 12 can’t use tampons. I did.

Simply because some don’t want to? My DD (young adult) never has and claims they never will, who knows. I did up until I had my first child and then didn’t want to after that. So, no can’t but don’t want to and not everyone is a clone of you.

My DD uses pads and period undies as a back up (and period swimwear when swimming).

My period days were prior to period undies and I recall at times wearing a super pad, backed up by a maternity pad and on occasions topped off with incontinence pants at work. That was also my standard when flying long haul as I had one freak nightmare flight early in life where we spent the majority of 12hr literally unable to leave our seat and then when we could every single person on the plane needed to use the loo, hard lessons were learnt by many no matter what your gender or whether you had periods at the time or not. These days I guess I would be hauled aside by airport security as they would likely think anyone with all that would likely be a drug carrier.

@Ritasueandbobtoo9

Have you ever had TSS? I have.
I have 2 boys but if I had girls, I'd be worried about giving them tampons at that age.

Aside from that, are you really suggesting we force 12 year olds to insert things into their vagina? If they dont want to then they dont want to. That's the end of it. I dont care if it means they need to go to the toilet once a month during class. You dont ever tell someone they need to put something inside themselves just because "I did and I didnt mind". What a ridiculous comment you made.

Unusual for there to be no exemptions (usually case by case, and up to teacher). The rule may seem extreme, but it usually has a safeguarding dimension. Teachers then adapt as they see fit and are usually more lenient if they know there’s an issue/a girl explains (she won’t usually get very far along this convo with a male teacher before being let go!)
I would second this pp-
Sounds like a rookie/unreasonable teach/
Just tell her to walk out if need be, accept the detention, but be prepared to support her to fight it later, etc. I would imagine the issue will ‘disappear’ (ie, a manager will have a quiet convo with the teacher and you won’t hear any more)
This more extreme adherence to flexible rules generally happens when a teacher is struggling to manage a classes behaviour, so flagging it to school may help here too!

@hoppingpavlova @tailendofsummer

Haha lesson learned...don't replay to stuff in the middle of the night. Deepest apologies

I mean my opinion hasn't changed. There discussions should be happening at home (tampons/cups/medication) not a suggestion by teacher to how they can make it through without disturbing their lessons. I guess to everyone saying "I pad myself up so they should too" if you had honestly leaked all down your trousers would you not be able to nip out to the toilet and sort yourself? I've seen bus drivers nip into shops many a time for the toilet. Therefore all sorts of toilet emergencies and if an adult absolutely needed to go they would. But children don't get the same option?

It’s reality though. The comment I responded to suggested that young girls can’t use tampons which is ridiculous. No one is suggesting forcing anyone to do anything but the reality is that girls need to cope with periods and just giving a pad doesn’t always meet their needs. If girls are flooding they need more than a pad. I had to use tampons because of the issues highlighted here in my rough school. Teach girls to cope.

@Bovrilly

I’m appalled, it’s a strong argument for private school.

🙄

My dds have been through private school and they are expected to go to the loo in break time. Lots of loos, no boys so all good.

Its not just a girl flooding. What about a boy or girl wirh IBS, or starting a case of diarrhoea?

I remember in high school our teachers leaving us all in class alone for 5 mins whilst they nipped the loo or to the office or to another room to ask another teacher something... why are all teachers on here saying they aren't allowed to nip to the loo all day? Ive never seen this in all my school years and also as a student heloing in a school, the teacher will always nip out if they need to...

@Ritasueandbobtoo9

I don’t understand why girls of 12 can’t use tampons

Do people really not know that some periods are so heavy they saturate tampons quickly?

Some women with heavy flow say they have to change tampons every 30 mins or every hour.

It’s not practical.

@Timeisavirtue

DS has a card he shows teacher if he needs the toilet as he has ASD and can’t hold his so gets very anxious aswell. He’s wet himself several times in primary school because one of the teachers thought he was disrupting lessons going to the toilet and he dances around when he needs the toilet. The fact your daughter explained and the teacher didn’t let her explains more about the teacher. Some of them just like exert power and she should be reprimanded for it.

I do worry that the current trend of abusive control as a policy in many secondary schools is leading girls to accept abusive relationships and attracting some very nefarious people into schools.

I’m a teacher and recently left as I won’t be party to it. I feel for the few left who consider students as humans.