Cancer Support Thread #81 Newbies welcome

[TopOfTheCliff]

This is a kind and friendly place for those with cancer or those worried they have cancer (or who used to have cancer) to hang out.
Please introduce yourselves and chat away. No issues are too big or small here.
Top

I went from a 38KK to a 38G, my surgeon said I would be a D but they have no idea about bra fitting.

I think I am probably headed for a Xmas mastectomy Peace as next appointment on 3rd then its 2 weeks from when they book surgery for covid isolation I have heard so we may be in together, lucky us Though just want it done and kids are older so easier to manage, and cat will be very happy if we need 2 Christmas turkeys. She is currently seriously jealous of the attention I am getting and howling any time anyone speaks to me, she is 17 and has seperation anxiety from DH.

Hope all goes well MrsPNut and enjoy that wine.

I am also a bit worried about being lopsided but at least only around a 36C, was a 34B pre lockdown but put couple of stone on in lockdown though that may be useful if they are taking bits of me from elsewhere.

Oh have woken up feeling incredibly down today. I hurt a lot, not surprisingly but I thought I should start to feel less sore by now. I feel very lonely, my DH while not the most practical of men, would at least have been there to make me a cup of tea if I asked or bring the paracetamol etc, or just BE there. It feels so unfair I spent so long being there for him when he was ill so so recently. He was 9 weeks in hospital and I went every single day and tried to think of things to make him smile. Now it’s my turn and there’s no one here for me.
I’m not angry with him, just at life I suppose.
My DDs are great but they should be grieving their dad not having to think about me.
I am just wallowing in self pity I know, but am not sure how to get out of it. Not knowing what my future might hold in terms of medical intervention doesn’t really help.
Sorry, have dumped on here because I really don’t feel able in real life.
Feel like I have to be positive all the time, which I’m sure no one really expects but is my default I suppose.

Podgedodge I don’t think you’re being self pitying at all. That’s an extraordinarily tough situation to be in. I understand feeling angry that’s where I am at the minute so angry whilst going around with a fake smile for my kids
I really wish I could make you a cup of tea myself
Sending you lots of virtual strength healing and care x

Thinking of you Podge

I am behind you so not sure of things but maybe if you call your breast cancer nurse or your GP they can arrange some practical help. Or do you have a kind friend who could come and help?

Sending you lots of virtual hugs.

@Podgedodge You have every right to do a bit of wallowing, though I appreciate it doesn't feel great. I'm afraid I have no magic solutions for you so can only offer solidarity & virtual tea Plus cake to go with it Maybe or for later?

Thinking of you Podge.

Thank you all, am getting over myself now, I do have a lot to be thankful for. I can do everything for myself eg make a cup of tea, just want someone to do it for me! I have no reason to think my prognosis will not be hopeful and I have a cosy, comfy bed to sit in with two purry kitties to cuddle.
Things could be a lot worse.
Just had a wobble this morning, thank you for being there.

@PaddingtonStareBare great news! I feel exactly the same when I get good news - very flat. I always think I will be punching the air and whooping but usually I just act really.. flat.

@Podgedodge you are absolutely allowed to feel like this.

@MrsPnut How is the self isolation going?

I am feeling absolutely petrified - on Tuesday I go for an examination at the breast clinic, hopefully, to reassure me there is nothing there. Then on Thursday I have the repeated blood test. Shitting myself. Planning my own funeral, what clothes I would like to be buried in. And so on. I made a mistake of clicking on an article about Alexandra Shullman’s (ex editor of Vogue UK) BC diagnosis - there a very unhelpful comment in there by, allegedly, one of her consultants, which has spun me into mental overdrive. Must. Stop. Clicking. On. Articles. About. Cancer.

I put the Christmas decorations up today. (Yes I know it's early). And on Thursday it's DS 5th Birthday. So lots to celebrate and keep me busy. It does all feel a bit like an act though or a face I'm putting on to not worry people. I need to find some festive cheer from somewhere though.Hopefully it's a case of fake it until you make it.

@balkanscot I will be thinking of you this week.

I'm sure I read news articles on cancer just to spite myself. I know it will distress me and click anyway. I wish you lots of self control to not click in the coming days!

@berryjay and @nongatron it is hard to hear of recurrences but I guess that fear is always with us. I wish you well as you embark on the rollercoaster again. May it all be straightforward and speedy.

@PaddingtonStareBare I think when you have been holding in all the fear and being in control of your emotions it is hard to react to any news whether good or bad. I find when something goes well I don't react immediately but the joy leaks out slowly as the lid unscrews.

I have my one year review date booked now for December 17th.
I think I need to recite a mantra to convince myself "Everything is going to be okay" or similar.

I have done a silly thing. I have signed up to ride my bike 200km next weekend. At least it will give me something else to worry about.

Regards to all. Don't follow my example - just stay indoors in the warm and eat biscuits in front of the telly!
Top

Currently awake in icu post op and feel like I am on the longest economy class flight ever. Drifting in and out, kinda stuck in one position and the attendants all have mini flashlights in the dark. And my mouth is so so dry.

4 hour surgery and I am overjoyed with the results. It looks just like my boob used to look. Can't wait to see what it will look like when it settles.

That’s great to hear @HerbalRefreshment. Hope your recovery is smooth and quick

That sounds great @HerbalRefreshment.
Here’s to a smooth recovery.

While I think spending time on the internet researching your diagnoses is often beneficial as medical staff often dont give you the whole picture unless you ask relevant questions, it also can scare you silly.
I am on a support forum for Ovarian cancer and it has been a great source of information, but also of great fear as I see how some womens cancer has progressed and of course I can see the future for me.
Im not sure which is the right thing to do, stay off Google etc. or be totally up to speed with treatments available etc
Im at the moment waiting for latest results so of course of am
googling !

Glad your operation went well Herbal and hope your recovery isn't too long.

My DS is ASD and after a 24 hour flight to Australia in economy he said he asked if you could get holidays that were 2 weeks just flying as that would be his perfect holiday

I hope your appointment went well today @balkanscot. Sending good vibes your way

@Nongatron thank you, it’s at 16:15 this afternoon.

Crossing everything for you

@Nongatron really appreciate it. I am bricking it and feel so, sooo scared they will find something. Even though I can’t and the purpose of this appt. is for someone with a brain whose senses have not left them (unlike me) to examine and (hopefully) reassure me.

Oh I really do get that feeling once it takes hold it’s very hard to keep brain rational. Sending loads of calming vibes and strength

Im a bit annoyed today. I went for blood tests prior to my picking up next lot of meds. It specifically said on the form include test for CA125 (which is the cancer marker for Ovarian) and they didnt do it!
I need to know the figures to check if its going up for my own peace of mind.

@thereisonlyoneofme that’s absolutely rubbish. Can you contact the Dr who ordered the bloods and get a new form? I’m so sorry. Hopefully you’ll get CA125 done v quick and the numbers will be what you want

“I have no concerns” was what the consultant said. So, all good, now have to get that repeat blood test done on Thursday. Feeling SO tired mentally.

@thereisonlyoneofme can you phone them tomorrow and tell them to slot you in again ASAP? Bloody annoying and just one more thing to worry about - as if there aren’t already so many things to worry about with cancer! Sending you and, in my current state of sobriety and keeping off alcohol (to give my liver the best chance to behave itself on Thursday),

And I get you re: forums. I sort of wanted to join in the Breast Cancer Now forum but having read a few threads I got so spooked and actually, instead of helping me and reassuring me, I got petrified.