Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread II?

[kokeshi]

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone, who is having any trouble with their drinking, to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

Unhappy, what do you think would make your life better? What could you do differently that would bring about positive changes for yourself? Sometimes when we're stuck in a rut, it's hard to get motivated but a wee bit of effort could go along way. How about telling us things that you want to change, or be different in 6 months time? Think of this as a small goal-setting task.

That's no a bad idea actually for everyone. OK, let's do it.

Set 3 small, achievable and realistic goals for yourself that could be accomplished in the next 6 months.

Who first?

I'm already doing mine ornahag! One day at a time an all that.

Hi teasle, true enough with the one day at a time thing, but there is an element of planning in all aspects of our lives. For example, you would plan a family holiday wouldn't you? Put things in place in advance before you get on a plane? Or plan to move house, change jobs, join a group, take up a hobby, go and see mates...all require research and forward planning. That's what I'm talking about here.

Actually, in order to initiate any change, I first had to become sober, until that was done, i couldn't do anything. Staying sober is the biggest thing I can do to help bring about any positive change in my self and my life, and that of my family. I also have daily goals that I've talked through with my sponsor, which are quite small at first and can seem really stupid to someone who isn't alcoholic. In essence, I would feel a bit of a tit posting about them as they probably seem really daft unless you are an alcoholic.

Anyone else?

Sorry, cross-posted- I realised I got the wrong end of the stick

Well, here's the thing...all of my goals depend on me being sober, and that for me is very much a day-at-a-time thing, but with a concerted effort to do everything that's suggested to me in AA. So, for me, those goals are set in stone. I agree, unless you go to AA, they might seem a bit strange but I'll post some anyway, I think to give you an idea of what I was thinking of.

1. Progress with this stage of my recovery: I'm in the middle of re-doing my 12-step programme with a new sponsor. Continue attending AA meetings and passing the message on to still suffereing alcoholics that there is a solution.

1. Move forward with 2 projects at work, that have been neglected recently so I'll have to up my hours in the studio.

1. Get back into filmmaking, I had to give it up when I lost my hearing and a bit of self-confidence. Now I have a cochlear implant, I'm re-learning to hear and build up my ability to listen and understand in those environments.

ps, I think daily goals are a fantastic idea, and not at all daft, but understand if they're personal. It was more of an exercise to try think outside our current situation for a minute. What do we really want, and how can we achieve it? What are we avoiding?

It could be something like paying off debts (oh I forgot about that actually for me) or doing the things we don't 'manage' if we're drinking?

What would make me happier? Well I suppose I dont know the answer to that I seem to have been miserable for so long - I hate the thought of my children growing up and remembering their mum as a depressive!!

OK I will try to choose 3 things:

1. Give up the wine - agree with everyone here once that is done lots to things are easier - gave up for 6 weeks last year.

1. Lose weight/take more care of my appearance - which is part of the above - look like Giant Haystacks (if anyone remembers him!!.

1. Start being a better mum not so shouty/angry/more patient than I used to be.

actually have four

1. Stand up for myself a bit more with regard to DP - I used to give as good as I got but since having the kids I have become a "anything for a quiet life" type person - which to be honest is what makes me feel bad.

Written down its seems like a lot but especially number 4 but perhaps if I could manage a couple of these things it might help with number 4

Oh I see now. Hmm, will have to have a think then. I suppose for me, I am still at the stage where I am very much concentrating on short term , or daily goals.

A small, acheivable goal for the next 6 months for me would be to take youngest dd swimming, which means losing a tad more weight, getting a swimming costume, and getting over the self-conscious fear which cripples me. This is something I have been talking about, so seems to fit in here. Nothing major, but I think its best to start small eh?

Hey unhappy- nice to see you put a smiley face on! Think that was what ornamental haggis was after...!

Unhappy, that's a fantastic set of goals, and absolutely realistic. So, like teasle said, the way we achieve them is by working towards them on a daily basis. You know, how can I make most of today, to help me reach those goals.

Perhaps it would me making a menu plan for today, or trying your best not to drink today, or being assertive for today. Hardly anyone ever achieves fame, fortune or success in an instant, it's just wee baby steps accumulated and it starts with the day in hand.

Thanks for sharing those with us. Anyone else got any suggestions?

That's the idea teasle, I was getting at the idea of you reach a place by using the day at a time philosophy.

Teasle dont worry about losing weight to go swimming ,i poured myself into my cozzie to take DD and do you know what ,im 4 stone overweight and there were loads of ladies there way heavier than me ,so be brave My Goals :

1. go to the tip !!!! basically declutter ,im going to try and do a cupboard a week
2. Finish decorating ,actually this is a bit of a cheat as my FIL does it all ,but i will accessorise !!
3. Give up smoking
4. Get pregnant ,although i fear my eggs will now be pickled

I think that will do for now , oh and clear some of my debts ,say £2,000 as theyve reached a scary point now .

just a quick hello from me. Got back from scotland last Monday but havbe been busy with very wriggly, very crawly 8mo dd so no computer time until I baby proofed the computer room.

Is OrnamentalHaggis kokeshi?

anyway, things not great in the daisy camp at the moment. Missing my mum and trying to deal with lots of ishoos from my childhood (she was very hard on me physically when I was little) whicxh are making it hard for me to grieve. had a shitty day with my DS having a major meltdown in the street on the way home from school and I just want to get blind drunk and forget about everything. It's my birthday tomorrow and I can't face the thought of having to be cheerful and sit though cards and presents when I'm feeling so bloody despondent.

I've missed my ADs for a couple of days as well so that's not helping

feck, listen to me ranting....sorry if I've brought down the mood. I'm off to try and catch up, but will definately be back on later.

Hi to everyone old and new.

Hi guys,

Daisy, 'tis me kokeshi. So sorry you're feeling down, it's only natural that all your feelings are coming to a head now that it's finally 'over'. It tends to happen that way for me too. HAve you anyone you can talk with about your childhood? Perhaps a good friend, sibling, or even a professional? Alternatively use this thread if it would help to make sense of your feelings.

Probably best to get back on the ADs ASAP, that will have a definite impact on your mood, and you don't want to be arsing around with medication at a time like this. And it's your birthday? Also a natural time for reflection eh? Don't be too hard on yourself, you've gone through a major upheaval and it's OK not to enjoy a day, god, who would under these circumstances? Keep posting though, and don't be worried about bringing anything down, that's what this thread is for.

JWFMT, those sound like positive areas to work on. Which one is the easiest to tackle, that you could make a start on soon? If we can build up by doing wee chunks each day, it paves the way for us to feel able to tackle the 'bigger' things.

Anyone else got any goals?

HI Daisy, I'll echo what Kokeshi says(ornamental haggis).
Its bound to be a really tough time for you right now. Just try and look after yourself x

JWFMT- I like your list! I think i might copy the de-clutter one.

Hi to everyone else, will be around later probably too. Have a meeting tonight.(AA)

Definately going to start with the cupboard under the stairs ,either that or increase the public liability insurance incase the door flies open and the contents smother a small child . Im having a smoking cessation session nest week with the nurse at my Drs ,not sure if im ready to quit ,but feeling so much better re the drinking ,i might have a bash.

I've just been reading up on all the goals. I need to do something about my house as well; it's gently falling down around our ears and all the rooms are full of clutter and untidiness. I used to make sure it was all clean under the clutter, but as the clutter builds up it's harder to see the surfaces to get them clean.

My MIL is coming over tomorrow and her house is a bloody shrine to Kim and Aggie; she always makes me feel inferior in all things domestic (although I cook; she never does). cue me running around tomorrow like a headless chicken getting really stressed out and narky at my poor DH.

Drinking isn't going well., or rather the drinking is, the giving it up isn't. Over two evenings I polished off two bottles of wine and a bottle of port that Dh got for Christmas . I'm hoping he doesn't realise it's gone and I can sneak it back in the drinks cabinet after I've been shopping tomorrow.

I'm sitting wth a glass of wine and a cup of tea in front of me at the moment, and the good thing is that I'm rather enjoying the tea, although the wine is starting to call out to me. I should go and pour it away right now.

OrnaHag; I had a chat with my DH about things with my mum last weekend as I had a bit of a meltdown over it. I think it would help to talk it out with someone as I'm worried about the impact it has had on my own relationship with my DS.

anyway, DH home after being away for a few days so I better go and be sociable.

Thanks for listening

Hmmm my goals.

On my days off work, I make a list of EVERYTHING that needs doing. From making beds, hoovering, ironing, paying bills, pay rent, people to call etc etc etc. I tick it off as I go and am often pleased when I get even half of the things done.

My other goals. Clear at least one debt this year. Am £4,000 in debt and the least amount one is for £598 to a credit card debt collection agancy, that one is my priority. Oh, and the Gas man is coming next week with a warrant to fit a pre payment meter. Was usually so pissed I ignored the letters and avoided the door. They are charging me another £361 for the priviledge just to fit a meter. That bumps up my bill to nearly £900.

Sign up with the Open University and 'do something', ANYTHING!

This year I'm just going to focus on clearing my debts, exercise more, lose weight and get the grey matter working again!

How's everyone else?

Oh and happy birthday Daisy! A fellow Aquarian

Happy Birthday Daisy, hope things improve for you from here on in. Stay with us though.

How's everyone today?

Teasle, I can't access that message you sent me, it's saying it's temporarily unavailable, which is really odd. Never had that before...

I had an interesting experience last night. I went to a meeting that I'd never been to before and something felt 'not right' as I was standing in the kitchen having a coffee with them. I don't know if it was the fact that I was the only women, or that when I said something they looked at me kinda funny, or even the fact that the men were mostly of the 'hard paper-round' skeletal appearance.

10 minutes into it and the guy goes to me 'you know this was the first NA meeting in Scotland' Ahahahaha. Oh to be a fly on the wall. My dodgy hearing has led to some interesting situations, but there hasn't been one like this for a long time. Lovely men, but I'll have to avoid my next door neighbour now, he was the one who made me the coffee.

ps NA is Narcotics Anonymous for anyone unfamiliar...

He he- did you stay for the rest of the meeting or did you only find out at the end?

I've just checked my sent messages and there is a message too saying temp. unavailable. oh no- are they watching us?

I've jUST today discovered my 'funwall' on Facebook- didn't realise how you use it before.

And a happy birthday to you Daisy.

Not too bad today had 3 AFD's this week so not too bad - wondering about tonight though - know I will feel so much more like doing my housework tomorrow if I refrain - one day at a time it really has become - I am not so grumpy today either ie. no booze = happier person - so dont want to bugger up my mood - in case I dont come back on this weekend - have a good weekend everyone and keep up the good work

unhappy, you were confusing me with your acronyms there...I get it alcohol free days? Well done, that's fab. If you're at a loose end, just come on and post on here. Make it 4 in a row and feel amazing tomorrow. I may have some more discussion questions for later

Teasle, luckily, no, it was actually before the meeting started. I had it written down as 7.30 start, but when I got there, the group members were just coming in with all the coffee and tea to set up. , should have been a sign eh? Anyway, he was saying to me 'oh you must be dyslexic, the meeting is definitely at 8pm', and I was arguing the toss with him that no, it definitely WAS at 7.30. Anyhoo, this was all in the kitchen before hand.

I DID get to my meeting, albeit 10 minutes late. It was in the same building but there were no sign to say which was which. I was dicombobulated for the rest of the meeting though