Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread II?

[kokeshi]

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone, who is having any trouble with their drinking, to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

Kokeshi the end bit did make me laugh as had no idea it was you Thought we had a newbie with us.
Alcohol makes me feel fantastic (at first!). Everything looks more colourful and I can believe that I can do almost anything. All those doubts just disappear.
I started questioning my drinking behaviour when I found myself getting the kids to bed without a story or time for them just so I could open the bottle. When I had to open a bottle of wine to cook a meal knowing I would share another with DH later. When I was/am out with friends and driving thinking about when I can go home to have a drink of wine. When I think I can't have alcohol free weeks as we have this or that social event to go to which I would never consider not drinking - only if driving and then we have the issue of rushing to get home. I would say I'm borderline alcoholic whatever that means.
Hope that makes sense and your post made me really think.
XX

HI ornhag- will think about it and get back to you.x

Thanks Flowertop, great to see you posting again. Thanks for your honesty and don't be a stranger! It really made me think today, we very rarely get a chance to reflect on the nature and origins of our drinking I think. Stay tooned, I'll have many more where that came from

teasle...ornhag . I think it suits me.

I do identify with your story kokeshi. I was also very shy and needed that drink to push me to interact with people. I must have started worrying about my drinking early as I found a diary when my Mum died aged 18/19 noting (had a drink) (didn't have a drink). From about 17 to
20 I basically only socialised with my sis who is also an alcoholic, I guess we enabled each other but we also had a great time. She comes to stay with me now and again and we always get drunk, but it's no longer fun we just end up morbid and depressed.

She is visiting in february to go to a frank black gig, and I'm hoping we can break the circle and stay relatively sober (the last gig was a complete disaster, I was out of my head and behaved very badly). I really do want to drink responsibly but in reality it's not going to happen.

Also I still need a drink to be able to socialise. I'm pathetic really, don't have any friends, I'm really awkward in company, I just sieze up.

I can't even talk to people online, I have no idea how to reply or involve myself. I post then run, cos I don't know what to say.

I hear of people making good friends online and I am so jealous.

Hoe the hell do people do that ??????

Hi havalina, sorry about your Mum, it must have had a profound effect on you to lose her so young. Also I think we seek out company that allows us to maintain our drinking patterns, and obviously your sister fulfils this role for you.

Has your sister had any treatment for alcohol dependence or any periods of sobriety? Do you think your drinking is on a par with hers?

I'm giving up for Lent.
Well, I shall give it my best shot.

I've been training by not drinking during the week. But I look forward to weekends precisely because drink is my way of relaxing and socialising. But I'm going to try and see if I can still relax and socialise without having a drink. I'll see what substitutes are good and what coping techniques I'll come up with.

I normally drink red wine, Guinness and real ales. Substituting them ain't gonna be easy.

I used to feel exactly the same havalina, but it does get better. It just takes a wee bit of time to get to know yourself; sometimes for the first time, for those of us who drank from an early age.

She was sober for a year via AA. I think at the moment she drinks more than me. but I have no idea how much she drinks in reality. I drink around 2x a week and I get drunk each time. I'm sure if I asked her she would tell me as she is much more honest and forthcoming than me.

Oh when is Lent this year Rhubarb? My parents always do the giving up drink for Lent and them hammer it even more after .

I guess it also depends on whether you're happy enough with what you're getting from drink, as to how motivated you are to make changes. It was only when it was taking more from me than it was giving, that I knew I had to do something about it.

That's great that she got a year's sobriety at AA havalina. For a lot of people dealing with drinking is a case of trial and error, going back and forward until you reach a place of acceptance. That's what I did. It took me about 3 years of going in and out of AA before I decided to stay.

The 'research' periods in between were just worse and worse each time, taking a horrific toll on my mental and physical health. No one could tell me though, I had to get to that place where I was ready by myself...

Do you think you could support each other? Or is she not ready to deal with her drinking again?

Hopefully we could support each other but I doubt it she is going for counselling soon, proper psychotherapy. She has been around the system much more than me.

I have been to the Dr's a couple of times but it has never really helped, just AD'S.

To me my sis's problems etc always seem worse, she has always got extra support etc.

If I am depressed, to my family it is as if I am in a bit of a mood, or just grumpy.

I find it hard to attract attention, I never tell the Doc how I feel. Have lied about suicidal thoughts etc, just don't know what to do.

Koi, I didn't realise that message was from you until the end either. I was thinking 'wow, this newbie is really switched on'

Havalina, I always identify with your posts on here. Having no friends and finding it hard to make connections online - welcome to my world! Using alcohol to overcome shyness, or anxiety in my case, and to feel comfortable in your own skin are part of my journey too.

My sister is also an addict. Are you me?

My sister phoned this evening and we've chatted like...sisters! It feels a bit dirty at the moment and I'm gushing about it because it's just unreal for us to have a conversation without being at each others throats. If she wasn't on a mobile we might have chatted all night.

I've got this excited feeling. Does anyone remember that 'Sunscreen' song (I think) where one line is something like 'stay in touch with your siblings, they are your closest link to your routes' or something like that. I loved that song but hated that bit because I didn't think I'd ever be able to have a relationship with her. I know that part of my recovery is accepting our differences and learning to care about each other rather than be enemies.

Havalina, please keep posting.

I am you yes lol. I do try with online relationships, I also need to sort myself out anyway. I take no time with my appearance, I suppose that i appear scruffy and gross. Should really make more of an effort.

Sunscreen - Baz Luhrmann (the same guy who directed Romeo and Juliet)
Nice to see you both again Hava and BM.

Some good questions there Haggis. Let me ponder for a little while and I'll post again in a bit x x

Sorry everyone, I'm confusing people with all these aliases of late. BM, so glad you spoke with your sister, that's fabulous. Do you have any input re the questions I posted earlier tonight?

Havalina, the great thing about being online is that we're all on a level playing field appearance wise. You wouldn't know I'm sitting here in my ballgown and tiara would you? Doesn't that make it less scary ?

It's also great news that your sis is moving forward and getting help with stuff. What about you? What can you do that would make life easier or more bearable for you? Do you think you could do with some support/psychological services yourself?

kokeshi

Looks around mumsnet and can't even find 1 thread to post on. Tis so judgemental I want to cry.

I would like psychological input but I have no idea how to get it. I am no good at revealing my feelings at all.

Havalina, you're making a great start by posting on here. Chat to us about whatever you like! If your sister is quite good at accessing help, perhaps she could suggest something for you, or even go along to the GP with you? I think if you know what to ask for at the surgery, you're more likely to get the help you need. They only have a limited time to listen to you so sometimes don't 'get' what you need. Best to tell them straight!

Havalina, have you ever tried journalling? Putting a few words in a notebook?
Just reveal them to yourself and it's much easier.

HI Havalina I think you come across really well.
I have always been quite shy and found alcohol initially helped me to relax and chat to people too.
However, i would say that by the time I had a drink problem, what alcohol did for ME was help me switch off, block everything out. I drank and I wasn't able to think. I was very unhappy and coped at times by not-coping with my life and feelings and problems, by obtaining numbness through alcohol.
By the end of my drinking this had further changed into habitual dependendence.

What kind of drinker would I describe myself as? I'm a recovering alcoholic. No doubts at all.

HI Purplone- a journal is a really good idea- I have kept one before. i wrote towards the end of my drinking and other attempts of sobriety, and wrote honestly about my feelings. Its quite harrowing to read actually, especially the withdrawals, and the despair involved when I desperately wanted to stop but just didn't know how.

Teasle I wrote one in the last year of my DV relationship. Harrowing isn't the word. Some of that stuff I totally forgot, but was in tune with my feelings and knew I had to leave. As I read it, pics fell out of the pages I forgot I left them in there for rememberance. God I looked awful.

I now keep a journal by my bed. For sobriety, for being pissed and whatever happens inbetween.

Koi, I haven't forgot about your questions. Too many distractions here right now and trying to get both dd settled into bed. I think their too excited about those presale High school musical tickets I ordered today?

I think that was part of the next stage for me as well, by the time that I was physically dependent, I'd gone from drinking to be 'sociable' to not being able to function without it. By this stage I was a house drinker because I was totally unpredictable, and frankly quite scary by all accounts. I didn't need to question it right away though, I conveniently married an alcoholic. Reality was just too scary a concept for me to deal with sober. That's a horrible place to be, and like I said, is so hard to get back from.

The shyness/self-confidence thing seems to be a common theme here as well.

Any more thoughts?

ok my 2 pence

Why did I start drinking? Because I liked it and it helped me fit in many years ago.
It stayed that way until my marriage broke up. Crept in a little bit, but developed an unhelthy relationship with cannabis instead.

It's really been an issue the past 2 years. It helps fight off the loneliness I feel. As soon as I got rid of a mate that was supplying me cannabis (and coke). I moved house to piss him off and so he couldn't find me...but the drinking really took hold then. Newly found internet, wine on the side, you all know how it is.
It helped fight off the loneliness and boredom. And it bloody well made me feel good dancing around the lounge at 4am.

Now it's just a damn habit. Well, more like a fucking noose around my neck TBH. I don't enjoy it anymore. It's a huge drain on my finances and my kids hate it.

I'm not shy, I just drink to 'define myself' as lonely and a shit person who don't deserve anything. Lacking huge self confidence that I had to engage in an LDR.

I had a feeling after DV that I had to sleep and had t hide from the nightmares....but 6 years in June after I left, it's a pretty poor excuse now.

I never got counselling though.

It got to about a year ago, and solid drinking for a year..and I questioned why I couldn't put my kids to bed anymore, why I couldn't get anything done. Why WE (as a family) never did anything anymore. My kids would even fall asleep without a goodnight kiss. How terrible is that?
I'm really sorry but I'm rambling...one day I'll get the bollocks to type how I really feel!

But kudos for journalling, it saved my life.

Hope everyone else is well? x x