Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread II?

[kokeshi]

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone, who is having any trouble with their drinking, to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

I can kick harder if need be .

Purpleone- I agree with Kokeshi- if you are wiccan you have already got your spiritual beliefs and higher powers, so what ye on aboot?(geordie accent there). Also, a bottle of vodka? Who are you kidding, cos it aint me.
(Joining in on arse kicking)

Why aye man woman like!

How's everyone today?

Hi everyone

I've nothing to post really, but thought I'd bump this up and get my sober stamp for today .

I'm feeling a lot calmer today so that's good. I'm sure EX-P has noticed but we're still not really talking.

Everyone else ok?

Good stuff BM, great to see you.

You know I was just talking today with someone who is struggling with sobriety, her cravings being the thing that takes her back again and again to the drink. She even drank on Antabuse recently which made her really ill.

So, I was thinking it might be a good idea for us to share about what helps us to resist those cravings and possible activities that we take up when we're not devoting so much time to alcoholism.

So, this is to everyone I guess: What helps you?

Good idea Kokeshi.

Prevention is better than cure, so I try to avoid doing things, or being in the frame of mind that will bring on cravings. For me, a busy daily routine where I feel I've accomplished something (sorted a cupboard or something simple), and am tired in the evening is important. If I lose that routine then life feels unmanageable and I start to get obsessed with catching up, and that leads to wanting to escape life - craving for feeling drunk, not for the taste of drink.

If things are going really well, I have the same problem though. I get complacent and think I've done a 180 on my life and that I'll be able to handle it again. So, going to meetings, chatting on here and Facebook to other alcoholics helps to ground me.

They are the big things.

Something that I've been able to do since my relapse at Christmas is think about where the cravings might take me if I give into them. I prefer not to get to this stage though as it depresses me.

In the early days when being sober was unusual, I used to turn the computer off in the evening and watch TV instead, have a bath, straighten my hair, cook a nice meal - anything that broke the associations or required concentration or would make me feel better about myself. Some of these things have become part of my routine now and I don't consciously do them to avoid drinking anymore.

This is quite strange actually, but before drink really took over my life I used to pray each night. I thought that would come back when i started at AA and a few people have suggested to me that I get on my knees and pray for a sober day each morning. I've never been able to do it, not even the bedtime prayers that I used to have to do before going to sleep each night. I've tried to but it feels odd. I hope that's not an inapproprite thing to bring up after the recent discussion on AA and higher powers.

I'm interested in hearing what others do/have done to deal with cravings or to get back on the wagon after a relapse.

What about you Kokeshi?

Hi everyone i managed another night without the demon drink ,did feel a tad jittery when i went to bed due i think to huge caffeine intake ,i surpassed even my own usual huge intake ,pulse going like the clappers ,but i still managed to go to sleep ! Woke up this morning and second thought after 'i really need a wee' was im not going to buy any wine today . Ive also got some b vitamins .I need to get some thiamine though because the v bits ive got only contain nominal thiamine . However during a bit of research i did ,the thiamine is especially important for those suffering wernickes/ karsicoff syndrome or encephalapathy (sorry fro spellings any experts) and i dont think ive got either.
Purple one get rid of that vodka its nasty stuff , if you do open it and out it anywhere near your mouth ,use your imagination and imagine its green slimy phlegm your drinking ( like the stuff old met spit out on the street)
Ive no suggestions to anyone what helps me stay off the wine and at this early stage it would be precious to suggest any (other than the phlegm idea!) Hope everyone is well

Hi BM,

For me in the early days, I had to really concentrate on diversions because like I've said alcohol dominated my whole life. Everything felt foreign to me, kinda like trying to become left handed after being right-handed my whole life.

Practical things were making sure I get out each day ( I wasn't working toward the end of my drinking) and going for a walk. I didn find it quite difficult to be alone when I was craving so I made sure I didn't have the opportunity...

I think a really important thing to do is schedule your time. We go through brain chemical changes when we stop drinking so its not unsual to feel bored or despondent. Think about what you used to enjoy before drinking took over your life. If it's no longer compatible with your life now, find something that will stimulate you. Physical exercise is great if you have depression or anxiety too.

I also think it's crucial to share how you are feeling. It helps to identify triggers to drinking,which means you can recognise and successfully intervene the next time.

One of the most important tools in my recovery is AA meetings. Even after a decent amount of time sober, I still need to address the stuff that I would possibly drink on. No-one understands alcoholism like those who ahve been in the same position and when I go to AA, I feel like I am in the right place. I use all the tools that I've been provided with in AA to maintain my sobriety. Similarly I share with other alcoholics in the same way that you describe.

Well done JWFMT! Well done for doing your homework! These are progressive (korsakoff's and wernicke's) but the first effects would be less noticable like short term memory problems and poor concentration. Poor you with the caffeine jitters! You're doing well though. Keep it up!

sort term memory and concentration problems ,thats me that is ,right will get thiamine tomorrow

JW, the whole fact that you have been abstaining means that you are already employing successful strategies. This is huge progress and you have loads to add as well. Many people won't be able to avoid drinking tonight, so you're already streets ahead of them.

I keep getting little moments of mild panic ,thats anxiety , but they are only fleeting . I think tomorrow and saturday are going to be the hardest ,traditional drinking nights ! but i have no money to buy wine with tomorrow so that should make life easier !!! I just want to get to the pooint where i wake up and dont think about it ,wine that is , will keep going ,i have heard it said it takes three weeks to break a habit .

wont be on tonight ,got too much to do ,probably a good thing! and working tomorrow .Good luck to anyone out there who is also abstaining

Well done JustWater. I'm really impressed that you've committed and are taking it so seriously. I think state of mind is most important. It's not willpower - that will always run out. I find it really helps me to think of taking a drink as being 'out of the question'. If I weigh things up and analyse the pros and cons of drinking, I've lost and am as good as drunk.

Putting practical barriers in the way is also a really good idea at first. Having no money won't stop you from drinking if you're really determined and inventive but making reaching for a drink more difficult than just going to the cellar (or whatever) has to be a good thing.

Good luck this weekend JW, and everyone else

wipes away kokeshi's and teasles boot marks

At this precise point of my ever productive day, I am really lost for words on what to type.

Suffice to say, I chucked the unopened vodka this morning, went to a diff kind of AA meeting, learnt tons, stacks of literature to be reading tonight.

Something chair person gave me on leaving the room which really touched me. The leaflet called 'Just for today'.

Well done PurpleOne...I was just going to post about the just for today card. It's a great thing to try to practice every day. I got one when I first came in too. Fab! Dead proud of you!

Here it is for the others too:

"Just for today I will try to live through this day only and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appal me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that: "most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take each day as it comes and fit myself to it.

Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count; I will do at least two things I don't want to do - just for exercise; I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt - they may be hurt but today I will not show it.

Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticise not one bit, not find fault with anything, and not try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.

Just for today I will have a programme. I may not follow it exactly but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests - hurry and indecision.

Just for today I will have a quiet half-hour all by myself and relax. During this half-hour, sometime, I will try and get a better perspective of my life.

Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that, as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

Just for today I will not drink."

There are some variations but it's the same message. Purpleone, you're a winner.

They are beautiful words aren't they!

This meeting was so much different to the last one. Here it was so much more relaxed, lots of mothers in there too.
A couple of people touched the subject of NA as well, stuff which I could really relate to in my past. (wish I'd discovered Mumsnet years ago)

I've been drug free for 9 months now which I am proud of. Drink in one hand, spliff in the other.....
Dabbled a bit with LSD in my teens, always promised myself I'd never touch powder. Yeah right! Soon as I got pissed one New Years Eve and the opportunity for a couple of lines of Charlie I didn't say no.

So, yeah it was a wholly positve experience today.

It's not acceptable for a person to be staggering around drunk in the room though is it? Wasn't me!

Hey Purpleone!
I'm glad you got something from where you went tonight. Sorry about the boot up the arse- I've HUGE feet too, so it must've hurt! The first and only time I bought 4 inch heel shoes was from a tranny shop. Best shop experience I ever had- the people who worked there were great.

I was a habitual drug user - quite a few years ago now though. Been off my head on one thing or another for a lot of years, on and off.

I quite like the one day at a time thing too.

LOL at Teasle in the tranny shop

Seriously, no need to apologise for the hefty boot...I really needed it.

Going briefly back to the spiritual stuff, it's kinda difficult to explain but yes, I am a witch.
Wicca and witchcraft are two different things. Wicca is God / Goddess / religion based and witchcraft is all about magic, where everything on Earth is equal and nothing 'higher up' so to speak. I'm not a member of any coven either
The term of 'higher power' I really have ishooos with, so I'm going to call it 'my focus' instead, and I think I got handed that this afternoon. I'm going to stick it on my wall beside my bed so I can see it first thing in the morning.
I can also burn a candle in the evening to remind myself of my focus, give myself thanks for a sober day, no hangover and plenty of strength because I know I'm going to need it.

I also work alternate Thursdays so am going to ask my client if she's willing to swap to a Friday...that way I can get to my weekly meeting and get my job done another day. That's how serious I am about really kicking this. Willingness to put AA meetings first and swap my job around.

I was also recommended another meeting on the weekend, which welcomes my kids. They can sit in if they choose (nothing they haven't seen or heard before) and I'm certain she said there was a concurrent Ala-teen meeting next door, but youngest dc would be too young I feel?

Has anyone had any experience of Ala-teen or taking their LO's to 'open' meetings?

Hi Purple. DS is only 6 and would think the meetings were all about him and then go and bring it up in news time at school . I've been at meetings where there are kids from aged 9 upwards. Not always at open meetings either which I think is a bit out of order, but still...

They'll hear loads of swearing, but that's alright init

No experience of AlAnon or AlAteen. Kokeshi probably knows though

I think having the 'Just for Today' card as your focus is a great idea. The ritual of lighting a candle at the end of each day and being grateful for sobriety is lovely. You've made me want to do something like that now too.

I can understand why the Higher Power thing is more of an issue for you now. I didn't know what a pagan, witch, wiccan etc was when you were all talking about it earlier, but I can see why it's difficult if you believe that all things are equal. No reason why you can't hold an ideal like the just for today card as something special though, so I think you're spot on there.

I was shocked when I first heard real laddish blokes talking about praying and the 'big guy'. Seemed so cheesy and unreal at first. Still makes me snigger a bit, but in an affectionate way, not out of mockery.

Teasle are you very tall then. You better put your pic up on Facebook 'cos I'm going to think of Lily Savage everytime you post now otherwise

Hmm, interested about this witchcraft stuff actually, sounds interesting. CAn you explain a wee bit more about it? How magic (or is it magick?) works?

I'm thinking if you do spells/blessings you are calling on something and using something outside yourself, be it herbs or spells or something that isn't inherently in you all the time, but you can do a specific ritual to access it and determine the outcome?

Do you believe that there is something intangible that can't be explained by science? That there may, just may, possibly be something that is outside of you? If you do, then that's all you need.

The meetings you were talking about, is it the ones we discussed way before xmas on msn? I think if you're making positive moves to deal with your drinking, the members of Al-Anon will bend over backwards to accommodate you. Similarly I knew a guy who used to take his 8 year old son to the open AA meetngs on his access days and he was welcomed with open arms. If you call the AA helpline and just check before you go, they'll keep you right.

At the end of the day, if the card can be your focus, and it will help you move forward then that's absolutely fine. MOst of my friends in AA have had issues with the higher power thing so you're not unique. I know plenty of atheists, buddhists, taoists, and christians in AA as well. The important thing is that if you really want to recover, you'll find a way to make it work for you.

LOL at teasle being a Geordie Lily Savage. What a mental image...

Yes, cheers for the lily savage thing BM and K.

Right you lot, I have been on Facebook and added a picture. I took it with my mobile about a year ago- I was quite drunk at the time but you can't tell. DD1 is on it. Its the only one I have with me in 'my pictures' bit. I will remove it tonight, as we look a bit odd on it. I will try to get another one, but it takes me ages to faff on with the computer.

Anyway, Lily Savage was hot...