Support Thread for Anyone Affected by Cancer

[mummydoit]

I know there are a few of us with DHs or other relatives suffering from cancer. Anyone want to join me in a support thread?

I'll kick off with something positive as DH is doing really well at the moment. The radiotherapy he had over the summer has eased his symptoms so he's able to swallow well and eat almost normally. Still has to avoid certain foods and has to eat slowly but at least he can eat! One of the secondary tumours on his liver had grown slightly but not enough to need treatment. He'll have another scan in December and we're hoping for no change again. If and when he does need more chemo, there's a clinical trial we're hoping he can take part in. Only one in four people are suitable, though. He's had the blood test to see if he is suitable and we're waiting for the results of that.

Sadly, my Dad isn't doing so well. He's been in hospital on and off since June, first having his stomach feeding tube fitted, then he got an infection which turned into c. difficile. He was only home for ten days after that when he started coughing up blood and ended up back in hospital. Thankfully, he's back home again and doing okay though they had to stop his chemo when he got the infection and he's still too weak for them to start it again.

We're approaching Christmas with mixed feelings. Positive regarding DH. This time last year, he was very ill and hadn't been diagnosed. He could barely eat at all and Christmas was awful. This year he's so much better and we're looking forward to a much better Christmas. However, we're sad about Dad as it looks very likely that this will be his last Christmas with us. Plus he's unable to eat or drink at all now so what sort of Christmas will he have? Or my mum who feels guilty eating in front of him and definitely won't be making a Christmas dinner for herself or buying any Christmas goodies.

For anyone who hasn't read any of my threads before, DH and Dad both have cancer of the oesophagus. Dad was diagnosed five years ago, DH in February.

Hi - really great idea for a thread - but so sad that there are so many people who need to use it.
I know that there are a few people on MN who are having a very difficult time,so wanted to add my support here.
My dh was diagnosed with late stage teratoma (like testicular) 9 months after we were married after months of 'go away there's nothing wrong with you' type attitude from his gp. The tumor was in his abdomen which was what partly what delayed the diagnosis, and had secondary tumors in his lungs. He was so weak by that point that no-one could say that the treatment woudn't kill him, but he survived 5 sessions of week long IV chemo, septecaemia from Hickman line infection, and major abdominal surgery. 12 yrs on he is now short one testicle, one kidney and large portion of abdominal lymphatics, but he is here!
We also have 2 fantastic kids, and try to never take things for granted.

My dad is currently undergoing treatment for bladder cancer, which from what I can find out generally has a good prognosis so I have my fingers crossed for him.

I actually think that there are very few people who have had no exposure to this type of illness at all these days. Which is very .

Just wanted to offer my support to all on this thread.

My mum had cancer last year, had chemo (not pleasant)but thankfully has been in remission for a year.

The year of her treatment was awful for all involved but just wanted to celebrate mum's bravery on this thread and also give out the message that for some, cancer can be beaten.

My thoughts go out to all whose isn't as fortunate as my mum though.

Best wishes to all.

Just wanted to add support.When at work(sadly not at the mo) I give that nasty chemo stuff and work with cancer patients.It always amazes me how brave people are (I would be a blubbering wreck) Could I just give a plug for Cancerbackup Organisation,who give support and advice on their website,and also freephone advice.Love to all your relatives.McMillan are also an excellent resource,and Marie Curie xx

sagitta ... no idea really how serious it would be but think if your mum's saying she doesn't want to see her, then you should respect that however hard it is. There could be other reasons why she doesn't want to and she's just got to work through it. Not sure I'd forgive myself if she did pick up a bug and there was a chance it was from my dd.

wrinklytum ... you wouldn't be a blubbering wreck ... you just have to adjust, adapt and get on with it best you can. People keep saying how strong I'm being ... I'm not and have many (many!) despairing moments but not good for anyone's sake to fall apart and ruin what time we do all have together.

Claim for bit of mortgage that's covered by critical illness cover got accepted today ... good but sort of hammers home the prognosis. Feeling bit blue to be honest.

Thanks for your reply, wishingchair. You're right. So sorry to hear about your DH, and that you're feeling a bit blue today. There's not much I can say, but I hope the MRI goes well, and that with chemo finishing over Xmas, that you manage to have a happy one.

wishingchair - so sorry to hear about your dh. that must just be so hard. i hope that MRI brings positive news for you all. i guess some days must be easier to cope with than others. ((((hugs))))

How is everyone?

hi oj
my sil finds out what her course of treatment is going to be, later to day. she's been offered a wig, which at first, she was reluctant to accept, but mil managed to persuade her to choose one, even if she doesnt use it
how are you doing?

Tibsy, have my fingers well and truly crossed for your MIL.

Sagitta - I wouldn't risk it personally but what I would do is make up a picture album of your DD opening presents etcfor your Mum to look through so she won't have completely missed out.

Binkleandflip - really sorry, don't have any idea about what your Mum's consultant means but am really hoping hard that she gets some good news soon.

Onlyjoking, we haven't spoken before but I have read your threads and am so sorry what you are all going through. I find I never quite have the words to say what I want to but you are all very firmly in my thoughts.

Sorry to anyone I have missed out, the fact there are so many of us does make you realise how there are very few people who are untouched by this in their lives.

No news on MIL, still just the same, but guess it will be like that until another stroke or something. We don't seem to be a very healthy family though, my Uncle has pneumonia and has caught the bug like MRSA whilst in hospital. Meanwhile his sister has a lump on her breast, which everyone hopes is a boil, but are waiting news on that one.

After all my family gloominess I would like to add a happy story. My Dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer a few weeks before MIL was diagnosed with her cancer. Luckily his was caught very early and they operated. He has now been in remission for well over a year. My Nan had breast cancer at roughly the same age as he had his and went on to live another 20 years.

I had a long conversation with my Mum yesterday and she confirmed what we'd suspected. The oncologist has said there is nothing more they can do for Dad. He's in the end stages now and it's simply a matter of waiting for nature to take it's course. He's on morphine and sleeps most of the time. Mum doesn't think he'll last till Christmas. I feel surprisingly calm about it, perhaps because we've always known this day would come, partly because I feel it would be a relief, both for him and for Mum, if he were to go now. He has no quality of life and Mum has no life of her own as she is caring for him single-handedly (their choice, Macmillan and District nurses have called but Mum and Dad don't want them). When he was diagnosed, Dad said the one thing he didn't want was to end up in bed, dribbling and incontinent, and that's exactly where he has ended up. This disease is so cruel.

mummydoit - i wish you all the strength you need to get yourself and your mum, through the next stage. i hope you get to spend some special time with your dad before he goes and i wish him a peaceful transition. big, big (((hugs))) to you. xx

will catch up on this tomorrow....I've just got back from a visit to my mum who is in end stage lung cancer (I posted last sunday as dynamite diasy). She is doing OK, but is housebound, and can only make it from her bed to her chair and then to a commode we have set up in her room. It is utterly heartbreaking seeing a verty strong woman suffer like this (the cruel irony is that she stopped smoking over 15 years ago, but I guess the damage had been done) We had a real moment of worry last week, but her O2 saturation was too low. They have upped her morphine and oxygen and she is much more comfortable.

the strange thing is that since her diagnosis nearly 2 years ago, she has been very opn about her illness and has talked about her wishes, but in these last few weeks she seems to be in denial, and is talking about a trip to Iona next summer, and visiting where we scattered my dad's ashes in September. Is this normal? is it just a coping mechanism? She must know that she isn't going to see next September.

saying goodbye to her this morning was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, as I just don't know that I'm going to see her again. We have planned a great big family Christmas, but no-one is certain that she will live to see it. This is truly an awful disease.

sorry I've not mentioned other posts...I've only skimmed the posts since last sunday, but my thoughts are with everyone who is going through this too.

PS... I hope no-one finds my name too flippant, but I needed to change from my bonfire one, and it seemed fitting after looking after mum for a bit (weak )

Dad passed away tonight. He was having trouble breathing as the tumour had started pressing on his windpipe so he was admitted to hospital this afternoon. He was heavily sedated and on morphine so he wasn't aware of anything and it was very peaceful. Mum and my brother were there, holding his hand. It seems a bit weird, sitting here at the computer, 'chatting' to complete strangers but, to be honest, I don't know what else to do with myself. I've had a cry, spoken to my family, hugged my DH, had a stiff drink and now I'm at a loss what to do. No way can I sleep right now so I guess I just turned to the computer. Part of me feels relief that he has finally gone. He's suffered so much in the past six months and at least he is at peace now. Goodnight, Dad.

Mummydoit, I am so very sorry to read that. I have followed this thread for a while but not posted. My FIL has the same cancer so your story is especially pertinent.

I am glad that he went peacefully with your mum and brother around him. I will be thinking of you all over the coming weeks and hoping you can find the strength to get through it all. Take care and keep in touch X

{{{HUGS}}} mummydoit . I'm sorry to hear about your Dad, but glad his suffering hasn't gone on any longer. It is truly an awful disease.

I know your DH is ill as well, and this must be a difficult time for him too.

Thinking about you, and wishing you and your family strength for the coming days.

daisy xx

I am an Angel Mum, my DS1 lost his fight to Neuroblastoma in 2002. I came across these words and I wanted to share them with you...

What cancer cannot do- It cannot invade the soul, suppress memories, kill friendship,destroy peace, conquer the spirit, shatter hope, cripple love, corrode faith, steal eternal life, or silence courage...

Your strength is amazing, some of us are tested beyond belief and it's true what they say... What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Love and prayers for your family.

mummydoit - I'm thinking of you, and so sorry. I am glad it was a peaceful end, and I hope you can find some peace too.

lena, those are lovely words. I read your thread about your son a few weeks ago. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to lose a child, I'm so sorry for your loss

Some say time is healer, I cannot agree with that. this will be my 5th christmas without him, the pain is as raw now as it was 5 years ago. I still go xmas shopping and find myself thinking Jack would love that, but all I can do now is light candles, take flowers to his grave and send him all my love.

mummydoit, so, so sorry to hear your news. thinking of you and sending hugs, love and peaceful blessings to you and yours xx

lena - absolutely beautiful words. i just cant imagine how difficult that must be, to lose your child. big (((hugs))) to you xx

Lena, my heart breaks for you. I cannot even contemplate the pain of losing a child. Those words were beautiful - I will share them with my family.

Everything was a bit unreal yesterday but I think it's starting to sink in that I'm never going to see my Dad again. I'm just so thankful that I went up to see him when he was in hospital last time. I had a feeling then that it would be the last time I saw him so I made sure that I told him he was the best dad in the world and the last words I said to him were 'I love you'. Although it brings me to tears to remember that last sight of him in hospital, being wheeled down the corridor, raising a hand in salute, at least I got the opportunity to tell him I loved him.

We have a dilemma with the funeral. As Dad was an atheist, I was expecting a short ceremony at the crematorium. However, Mum is saying there will be a full church service, followed by the cremation. This leaves me with a huge problem of what to do with the DSs who, at 3 and 4, are too young to attend a funeral. My parents live 250 miles away - too far go there and back in a day - so I can't leave them with friends and I have no friends in their town. Obviously, all the family will be at the funeral so who can look after the boys? I think I'm going to have to hire a nanny for the day. I just hope there's an agency that covers that area.

oh, mummydoit, I'm so glad for you that you got the chance to have some time with your dad before he went, to tell him how much he meant to you. That must be a small comfort, if anything could be at this time?
do any of your family know of any babysitters that they use and trust? i hope you manage to sort something out. x

Spoke to my dear mum tonight. She is being resloutely cheerful, but my sister tells me that her infected lung has packed in and there are nasty crackles on the other one. My sister has ha to give up work as mum can't be left on her own now, and they have had the minister over organising the funeral service etc and she has been putting her affiars in order.

I was ther with her less than a week ago and she has deteriorated so much since then. Her morphine has been doubled in the space of a week and she spends most of the day sleeping.

and I'm 250 miles away and feeling pretty helpless and pretty shitty.

OJ, how are you? I've been following your recent threads, but can't remeber whether or not I've posted...{{{{hugs}}}} for you and Steve xx

mummydoit, I hope you are OK and that this week has gone as well as can be expected. Thinking of you and your family xx

I hope everyone else is doing OK xx

Hi Everyone
It is the middle of the night, I have my darling daughter sleeping next to me, and crying at all your stories.
My DH was diagnosed a week before her birth (she is 3 now), and a week after she was born had to have his leg amputated to remove the tumour. Has been back for 4 ops since and a dose of radiotherapy this summer, but it is a persistent little sod.
Another MRI in Dec, but he is not well, although hiding it fabulously.
I think most of the time we both cope really well. But having a bad night tonight.
x