Support Thread for Anyone Affected by Cancer

[mummydoit]

I know there are a few of us with DHs or other relatives suffering from cancer. Anyone want to join me in a support thread?

I'll kick off with something positive as DH is doing really well at the moment. The radiotherapy he had over the summer has eased his symptoms so he's able to swallow well and eat almost normally. Still has to avoid certain foods and has to eat slowly but at least he can eat! One of the secondary tumours on his liver had grown slightly but not enough to need treatment. He'll have another scan in December and we're hoping for no change again. If and when he does need more chemo, there's a clinical trial we're hoping he can take part in. Only one in four people are suitable, though. He's had the blood test to see if he is suitable and we're waiting for the results of that.

Sadly, my Dad isn't doing so well. He's been in hospital on and off since June, first having his stomach feeding tube fitted, then he got an infection which turned into c. difficile. He was only home for ten days after that when he started coughing up blood and ended up back in hospital. Thankfully, he's back home again and doing okay though they had to stop his chemo when he got the infection and he's still too weak for them to start it again.

We're approaching Christmas with mixed feelings. Positive regarding DH. This time last year, he was very ill and hadn't been diagnosed. He could barely eat at all and Christmas was awful. This year he's so much better and we're looking forward to a much better Christmas. However, we're sad about Dad as it looks very likely that this will be his last Christmas with us. Plus he's unable to eat or drink at all now so what sort of Christmas will he have? Or my mum who feels guilty eating in front of him and definitely won't be making a Christmas dinner for herself or buying any Christmas goodies.

For anyone who hasn't read any of my threads before, DH and Dad both have cancer of the oesophagus. Dad was diagnosed five years ago, DH in February.

Daizydoo, sorry to hear about your mum. Those early days after diagnosis are awful, when you're coming to terms with the news. What treatment will she be having? Do feel free to ask if you need any advice as quite a few of us have experience (albeit second-hand) of various treatments.

tugamummy everyone handles cancer differently, my DH doesn't want to talk about it much, but that is generally how he deals with stuff.
i am different and need to talk stuff throu to try and get stuff sorted in my head a bit like thinking aloud but that is generally how i deal with stuff.
as long as your mate knows she can talk to you then that will be fine, be guided by your mate she knows how she wants to handle it.

Daizydoo sorry to hear about your mum you are right it is a rollercoaster no two days feel the same, it is a bit of a quadry about the holiday and if your mum is well enough then a holiday might be good i found an insurance company the other day that only cover people with cancer if you want the details i can have a look for it for you.

hi. ive just found this thread and wondered if i could join? my sil was taken into hospital on fri for an emergency hysterectomy to remove a cancerous growth. unfortunately, they werent able to remove it all, and she has to start chemo (not sure when yet) dp and i cant get our heads around it atm, and i just feel so sad for her. her boys dont know that its cancer yet although they obviously know she's had an op. shes just the sweetest, kindest person i know, always thinking of others, and i cant help feeling that it seem so bloody unfair

Tibsy, you're welcome to join but I wish you didn't have to. It's a bloody awful illness and even more so when there are kids involved. How old are your sister's children? Do feel free to ask any questions you like about chemo or anything else, or just come here to have a good old moan about how bloody unfair life is.

thanks mummydoit. her boys are 17 and 14 and are smashers dp (her brother) is so upset and doesnt know what to do/say. i spoke to her on the hospital phone earlier and she sounded so tired, but at the same time, was asking how i was and sending her love to our children.

hi there....thanks for this thread. There was one that I posted on and some of the names here are familiar.

My mum was diagnosed with untreatable lung cancer nearly two years ago. After an initial period of illness due to recurrent water on her lung, things settled down and she was on good form for many months. Unfortunately her cancer has started to progress and she has just spent two weeks in the hospice after collapsing at the daycare centre she goes to. Basically her weight loss meant that all her meds ere at the wrong doses. They got things straightened out and she was feeling better, and was allowed home last Tuesday and is staying with my sister. I live 250 miles away and after discussing things with my sisters decideed to go up in a week or so.

Unfortunately I got a call from my sister this evening saying mum has taken a turn or the worse and has been in and out of consciousness for the last two days and that I should get up there sooner rather than later.

So, I'm taking my DS out of school and heading North to see her for what will probably be the last time. My DH will join us towards the end of the week.

It feels very odd, because although we've known for two years that this date would come, it still seems like it's a real surprise.

I'm not sure what to expect either. I last saw her three months ago, and she has gotten a lot iller in that time. My DS is 5 and has a very good understading of what is going on. He knows that she will die, but that we don't know when. I'm worried about his reaction to her as apparently she is very poorly.

Sorry this is very long, but I needed to get that all down.

dynamitedaisy - so for your news and (((hugs)))

thanks tibsy

I should be off here and packing really....I've got a five hour journey with a 5 year old and a baby to look forward to as well!

Dynamitedaisy - sorry to hear your news. Hope all goes as well as can possibly be this week. I think it makes this alot worse when they have to be dealt with from such a distance (not that nearer makes it that much easier - if you know what I mean!)

Mum is having her thyroid removed this week and sometime soon she'll be having radioactive iodine. After she's had that me and Ds wont be able to go anywhere near her as she'll be radioactive! It'd be great if you could find the details of the insurance company, onlyjoking.

DynamiteDaisy, sorry to hear your news and I hope it goes as well as these things can.

Distance does make it harder. My Dad is going through a rough patch at the moment and I feel so helpless being so far away. They put him on some patches last week to dry up his saliva as he can't swallow it and has to spit which isn't very pleasant. Unfortunately, he's having really bad side-effects. He's hallucinating - seeing people and things that aren't there - and his speech is slurred. He keeps arguing with Mum and she's really struggling to cope. They've taken him off the patches but it will take a few days for the drug to get out of his system. Poor Mum is getting no sleep and I just wish I could pop round and sit with Dad so she could have a rest. She's just phoned me in tears because it's so bad.

Hi, Thanks so much for starting this thread. My mum was diagnosed with Osophigian Cancer (sorry about the spelling) when I was 12 weeks pregnant. She went into hospital a week before i was due to have my dd by caesaren, then we got a phone call the night before to say that she had arrested and that we need to go immediately to the hospital. A 2 week stay in hospital ended up being a 4 month stay in intensive care. I found it very hard to deal with a newborn baby and trying to get over to see my mum and support her in anyway I could, and looking back I am sure I had post-natel depression. She seemed to be getting better but over the last couple of weeks she has gone downhill again. She has a meeting with her consultant tomorrow so fingers crossed. She hasn't yet held or had any 121 contact with my dd and she is now 1 and I find that heartbreaking. I take my dd up to see her as my mum only lives a couple of miles away but she doesn't seem interested in her. For anyone that is going through this now all I can say is to keep your head up and please don't be scared or embarrassed to ask for help like I did.

Thanks everyone. Yes, I'm sure my friend must know just how bad it is. She now has lung metastases and also she's a scientist and always looked up everything from the start. But as some of you said it must be a defense mechanism to allow her to keep going or she would just collapse....

Daizydoo, I have a friend who's had thyroid cancer and she's absolutely fine. She also had some radioactive iodine treatment and also she had some nodes removed from her neck, but I don't think this is always the case, and she is absolutely fine. She's a medic, works incredibly long hours and has no problems whatsoever!

Emmywoo, so sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis. That's the same cancer my dad and my DH have so I guess you could say I'm a bit of an expert on it (wish I wasn't!). We're seeing both sides of it at the moment. DH responded well to radiotherapy and is doing okay at the moment - working, eating well, looking good. Dad is rapidly going downhill. He has one problem after another and we are all pretty much resigned to the fact that it's the beginning of the end. Particularly as they took him off chemo in June and haven't put him back on so the cancer must be growing unchecked.

I'm glad this thread is helping all of us but it's so sad that so many of us are affected by cancer.

Hi Mummydoit, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this with you DH and dad. I think that my mum has just given up as though she has had enough and just can't take anymore. Up until 2 months ago she seemed fine but at the mo she is not great. I have just managed to get her an appointment tomorrow with her consulant at 10.30 and I just hope that he will admit her as if she carries onthe way she is going (not eating etc) she won't be here in amonth as she can't way much more than 5 stone. If I can be of anyhelp with regards to someone to talk to regarding what you are going through just let me know.

Hi everyone. Great idea for a thread. Just wish none of us had to be on it. I'm only able to quickly post but just wanted to say big hugs to everyone on here ... it's so hard.

My DH was diagnosed with a brain tumour back in Feb. They don't know if it's grade 3 or 4. It responded really well to treatment though and has shrunk massively ... sadly it can't be operated on. We were told he only had months, but now that prognosis has tentatively got better (5+ years). But it is all depending on how it continues to respond/grow. He had radio/chemo in the summer and he's now in the next phase of chemo which finishes over xmas. He has another MRI soon.

Just feel like I'm now so fundamentally changed by all this I find it hard to relate to people esp if they don't know (DD just started school and want to get to know the other mum's but feel on a different planet to them which is stupid as they might look at me and think the same ... you never know what people are going through). And if we let it, this is going to be overshadowing everything for as long as ... It's just going from one gut wrenching wait to another. How is the MRI going to turn out, what about when he stops chemo, is that headache because of the tumour ...

How do we cope with that???

hello to all the new posters,glad you found this thread but sorry that you need it.

Horrible to see how many of us are in this awful situation.

Tibsy...I am in the same situation as you. Although my SIL has already had the first dose of chemo...she has to have 6 lots. She also has 2 sons but they know about it; they are slightly older ... 20ish.

I contacted Cancerbackup, after advice on here, and their booklets have been very useful.

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. We've got an ongoing situation with my MIL who is in a PVS following a couple of huge strokes which occurred after suffering quite badly from the effects of a huge dose of radiotherapy. She had cancer of the Esophagos, which ironically was cleared up with the chemo & radiotherapy she has had. DH has legged it to Spain 4 times to say his final goodbyes and things got as far as all food and water being withdrawn for 3 days back in the summer but his Dad felt he couldn't go through with it, so she is still with us. It's all very sad though as she did make it very clear that if this happened to her she didn't want to be kept alive.

My friend's DH was diagnosed with cancer of the kidney back in the summer. Initially he was given 1 year as they thought they couldn't remove the kidney. However they have been able to and he is doing really well, which is fantastic.

beadgirl its astounding when you talk to people, just how many are affected by cancer in one way or another.

chocolateteapot that must be so hard for your dh and you all. what a shame.
its great to hear the positives as well tho, with regard to your friend's dh.

well, my SIL had a ct? scan yesterday, but wont know til next mon whether the cancer has spread. so still no date for chemo as yet. BIL told their boys the full story yesterday whilst MIL was there for support, so they are aware now and obviously very upset

Hello haven't posted on here as yet but just felt the need to talk about my mum who was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 2004, had a masectomy, has had every treatment you can think of between then and now and has inoperable bone cancer.

She has been for her consultant appointment today and she said he took hold of her hand and told her that the bone scan indicated no change since the last scan (6 months ago) but something else had showed up (didnt specify) so he wants her to have another scan and if also putting her back on chemo and also giving her herceptin (which she has never had before).

She said she was terrified when he took her hand and I felt very shaky on the phone but would you take this as good news - insofar as it can be ie further treatment etc.

Mum is 70 so I know she is lucky to be offered herceptin and obviously it is quality of life that matters not quantity I guess once you cancer comes into your life but it is such a rollercoaster.

i really dont know binkle, but just wanted to offer my support and send big (((hugs))) your mum sounds like quite a lady x

thanks tibsy , she really has been very brave - I only hope I could be the same if ever I was in her position though I dont know if I could tbh.

Thanks for this thread, what a good idea - although I am now in tears at the sad stories (bit hormonal though.) Can I ask a question? My MIL is having chemotherapy and doesn't want to see my dd (1) until its finsihed, as her immune system is down and she doesn't want to make things worse by catching bugs. I totally understand, but I'd like to know how bad it is if she catches something, or how likely it is? I'd like to see her over Christmas, but don't want to put her in a dificult position if she really shouldn't see DD...Any advice would be helpful, thanks.

lots of new people joined since i last posted, this cancer stuff is so hard and you don't relize just how many people have it in their lives.
good luck to everyone.