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Original poster

Did I overreact - re smoking in front of the kids?

86 replies

clary · 11/10/2004 15:37

I wonder what others think about this.
I was at a 3 yo's party at the weekend and at one point all the kids decamped into the (small-ish) garden. At which point the mum of one little girl lit up a cigarette.
I spotted this and moved my child away from the area (unobtrusively I hope) to come and play with me elsewhere in the garden.
Mentioned it later in passing to the mum (of the birthday girl I mean, not the smoker) who said she didn't see there was a problem as we were all outdoors.
I was a bit surprised that anyone would consider it OK to smoke at a children's party. Could the mum not manage 2 hrs without a ciggie??
Sorry, of course many MN-ers will be smokers and I don't mean to call you (as we say where I come from); also I know there is a non-smokign support group here in fact I sort of know Fionagib and good luck to you all.
But I did feel it was a bit inappropriate. Or was I being some ghastly fussy mother???

OP posts:
Skate · 11/10/2004 15:40

Not sure if you are fussy or not but if you are, then I am too! I wouldn't like it at all.

My MIL and SIL smoke - only outside but I still don't like the fact that the kids see them do it. They live 250 miles away so it doesn't happen often .

My brother actually shocked me by complaining about someone else doing it - he's a smoker but never smokes around my kids even if its outside.

At a children's party - for me it's a 'no-no'.

KateandtheGirls · 11/10/2004 15:42

I would agree that smoking at a children's birthday party is rude. Even if it's outside, everyone else can still smell (and therefore inhale) the smoke. Definitely inappropriate.

moomina · 11/10/2004 15:46

I also hate smoking around kids but tbh I think if you're all outside then it's not quite such a big deal, is it? I hate that ds sees my mum smoking all day and that she and his father both smell of fag smoke all the time. As an ex-smoker I now gag at the smell of it! But if it was my party I'm not sure I would be that fussed if someone lit up outside. But indoors would be another matter entirely, of course...

spook · 11/10/2004 15:52

Hi Clary.Well I must admit.It was my Ds's party yesterday. We have a big garden with a bouncy castle and yes. I was smoking. Not particularly proud but the kids weren't the least bit interested in me and with a glass of wine and all that hard work-good grief. I needed that cigarette.

KateandtheGirls · 11/10/2004 15:52

I disagree Moomina. Obvioulsy being with a smoker in a confined place is worse, but I still don't like being anywhere near someone who's smoking outdoors. It still smells and it still sets a bad example for my kids. We don't know anyone who smokes, except for my sister () and she will never smoke in front of my kids, and restaurants in Florida are all smoke free, so my children never see it. I'd like to keep it that way as long as possible.

moomina · 11/10/2004 15:58

Errrr, okay Kate. Just giving my opinion, as the thread requested. No need to jump on me.

KateandtheGirls · 11/10/2004 16:03

Not jumping on you. But you did ask "if you're all outside then it's not quite such a big deal, is it?" We disagree, that's all. To me it is a big deal.

Beccarollover · 11/10/2004 16:04

Errrrr spook are we evil then? Have to admit as I arrived at Spooks DS party yesterday I was very stressed after tricky day with kids and having a fag with spook (one of my favourite past times) was about the first thing I did once I'd deposited children on the bouncy castle) In our defence we were easily a small gardens length away from the kids)

moomina · 11/10/2004 16:05

FWIW, it was a rhetorical question. But, whatever. Sigh.

Tinker · 11/10/2004 16:07

I wouldn't have made a fuss at a 2 hour party outdoors about someone smoking.

ScummyMummy · 11/10/2004 16:10

I agree with Moomina. Not too fussed about people smoking outside. I would have thought that a party full of three year olds could might have exacerbated the need to smoke, frankly.

SpringChicken · 11/10/2004 16:11

It doesn't bother me someone smoking outside whether there are kids there or not.
I am ex-smoker and i understand what it feels like to want or even need a cigarette.

I figure as long as my child is not in a confined space with someone smoking it is OK.
Can i ask then, those of you who don't think it is OK to smoke even outside, do you not take your children to pub gardens in the nice weather?

Angeliz · 11/10/2004 16:12

As an X smoker, (for 5 months!!!), i never smoked infront of dd as i just felt too guilty but that's just me!
She sees my dad smoke (outdoors) and TBH, i don't see that it should be a big deal if you're outdoors. (My sisters X t**t of a boyfrind used to chuck ciggarette butts in my garden though and got told several times for that!
spook your post made me really want a smoke

KateandtheGirls · 11/10/2004 16:12

Is that a rhetorical question Spring Chicken?

No pub gardens in Florida I'm afraid.

TraceyP · 11/10/2004 16:17

SpringChicken, smoking at a children's party is surely a different thing to smoking in a pub beer garden, isn't it? If you take a child to a pub you should probably expect people to smoke regardless of who is there, but at a 3yo's party? I don't think I would have liked it much, I have to be honest, although I probably wouldn't have made a fuss about it.

Marina · 11/10/2004 16:17

This is a hard one for me in that I would not expect a guest to put out their ciggie if smoking in our back garden. My few smoking friends are always considerate smokers IYSWIM.
But I am bothered by the smell and content of cigarette smoke, even in the open air, and don't want my children exposed to it. It may dissipate quicker in the fresh air but if it is drifting straight into my or my children's face then I find the smell unpleasant. It is still also carcinogenic. I grew up in a household where both parents smoked heavily so I do have a particular problem with cigarette smoke.
So I'd probably move/leave if we were in a pub garden and surrounded by smokers, in answer to your question SpringChicken. I wouldn't make a big deal of it however, as I know how hard my parents struggled to give up, which they eventually did, and how much they enjoyed smoking for many years before that.

charliecatthenonsmoker · 11/10/2004 16:17

Im one of that non smoking thread and I would and have done left my dds in charge of someone else to go out the front door/alley/nearest bush to have a fag.

Amfs · 11/10/2004 16:18

I'm an ex-smoker

I detest anyone lighting up within sight or smell of me and my kids .. inside or outside

But I guess that's what comes from being an ex-smoker

beachyhead · 11/10/2004 16:18

I wouldn't have a problem with it, but I would probably notice and think it was a bit odd... I'm quite happy to smoke in front of my kids at an adults bbq in the summer but I probably wouldn't at a purely kids party - that is not logical at all though.....but I'd be more worried about them running into the end of the cigarette than the smoke.
Other than that, I am a bit - you invite someone to your house warts and all and if you don't like their habits or they don't respect your requests either not to smoke or to smoke outside, well don't have them back.

It seems the hostess wasn't bothered enough to ask her not to smoke, so the rest of the guests have to put up with it or leave.

Heathcliffscathy · 11/10/2004 16:18

this is so going to turn into a smokers vs non-smokers thread...mark my words ladies, it'll be handbags at dawn before the night is through...

SpringChicken · 11/10/2004 16:19

It wasn't a rhetorical question - i was just genuinely interested if people thought it was different!
I personally don't think it makes any difference if it is a pub garden or not - there could be just as many kids in the pub garden as there were at the party in all fairness!

It' just one of those things - the garden could have been the size of a shoebox or the size of a pub garden.

Tinker · 11/10/2004 16:19

I'm a never have smoked

Amfs · 11/10/2004 16:20

and btw Moomina .. don't see how K&TG jumped on you at all ... think you're being a little precious there

Angeliz · 11/10/2004 16:20

sophable don't tempt fate. I am an X smoker with pregnant hormones raging- could i BE any stroppier????

Heathcliffscathy · 11/10/2004 16:21

angeliz...