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Original poster

Did I overreact - re smoking in front of the kids?

86 replies

clary · 11/10/2004 15:37

I wonder what others think about this.
I was at a 3 yo's party at the weekend and at one point all the kids decamped into the (small-ish) garden. At which point the mum of one little girl lit up a cigarette.
I spotted this and moved my child away from the area (unobtrusively I hope) to come and play with me elsewhere in the garden.
Mentioned it later in passing to the mum (of the birthday girl I mean, not the smoker) who said she didn't see there was a problem as we were all outdoors.
I was a bit surprised that anyone would consider it OK to smoke at a children's party. Could the mum not manage 2 hrs without a ciggie??
Sorry, of course many MN-ers will be smokers and I don't mean to call you (as we say where I come from); also I know there is a non-smokign support group here in fact I sort of know Fionagib and good luck to you all.
But I did feel it was a bit inappropriate. Or was I being some ghastly fussy mother???

OP posts:
Original poster
clary · 11/10/2004 21:43

TC lol
Don't drink coffee either. I'm weird i know.
I do eat lots of cake tho and there was that there too. very nice as well.
Joolstoo yes, i could have asked, but felt uneasy as I didn't know the other mums as well as they knew each other iyswim. It wasn't a prob to take my DD to the other end of the garden actually so maybe i'm making a mountain out of a molehill.

OP posts:
tigermoth · 12/10/2004 07:33

I'm with tinker - I've never been a cigarette smoker, but as long as guests smoked consideratly in the garden, I see no big problem.

IMO any kids party which includes invites for a gaggle of adults, and has wine on offer is not strictly speaking a kids party anyway. Where wine leads, cigarettes follow!

At a kids party with no adult guests and no alcohol, I would be a bit miffed if the adult helpers smoked, unless they did so privately away from the kids.

FairyMum · 12/10/2004 07:43

I don't think it's appropriate to smoke at a kids party. When we have BBQs in the summer, I make the smokers go and smoke on the other side of our house. I think smoking is disgusting and I don't want their disgusting habits in my garden. I think it set a bad example for the kids and smokers stink!

tigermoth · 12/10/2004 07:57

oh fairymum you don't mince your words!

Hope your barbeques don't emit too much smoke either

FairyMum · 12/10/2004 08:25

No they don't as I have a gas BBQ

I sometimes join the smokers at the front though, but still think its disgusting and should be kept away from the kids.

jenkel · 12/10/2004 08:57

I dont smoke and nobody in our immediate family smokes or close friends. I personally would not like it if somebody came to my dds birthday party and started smoking indoors our outdoors. I wouldnt say anything if they smoked outdoors and away from the children, certainly would not let anybody smoke indoors. However, I probably would not say anything to the person in question as long as they were outside and away from the children. The reason for this is that my DH has had quite bad health problems caused we belive by living with his granny who smoked more or less non stop all day. So we are a family who are very against smoking. Everybody is allowed to do whatever they want as long as it is not detrimental to somebody else. Hope I dont offend smokers, have no problem with you smoking as long as its not next to me.

Rhubarb · 12/10/2004 09:46

My dh is an on/off smoker and I've tolerated his freqent lapses so long as he doesn't smoke in front of the kids. Last weekend he broke his promise and lit up in full view of our dd, 4 and whilst sitting next to the pram in which our ds, 10 months was sleeping.
But then he tells me that he is very stressed and lays down the guilt on me as it is mainly my doing as to why he is so stressed. However I don't look kindly on his actions. I am a non-smoker and always have been, I think I tolerate other smokers quite well and don't stop anyone from smoking in front of my kids, but as dd looks up to her dad, my only rule is that he doesn't smoke in front of her. However he can never keep his word, especially when he has a craving for a ciggie. If I confront him then it turns into an almighty row, but if I leave him then he has gotten away with it. If I brought the subject up now he would promise not to do it again, but his word means shit.

So my view is that if you must have a ciggie and you are with a group of non-smokers, then take it outside. In fact, where children are concerned, even if others are smoking in front of them, you should set the example and move outside. If more people did this it would shame others into doing the same.

ScummyMummy · 12/10/2004 09:54

Hi Rhuby!
How's tricks?

Rhubarb · 12/10/2004 09:57

Hi there! Ok thanks, got work and stuff but still no house, or shed even! How are you?

ScummyMummy · 12/10/2004 09:59

Not bad, amigo, not bad.

Are you staying in a tent or caravan or something, then?

Rhubarb · 12/10/2004 09:59

caravan of fear and loathing!

ScummyMummy · 12/10/2004 10:00

arrgh! sounds stressful. Still, you are living the dream, no?

ScummyMummy · 12/10/2004 10:02

I see yuou are being fated on more than one thread! it's so lovely to see your name. Hope there will be progress on the move soon.

Sorry for hijacking your thread, clary.

Rhubarb · 12/10/2004 12:52

Smokers = bad! BAD BAD BAD! So stop it now and get to bed!

Jennisaurus · 12/10/2004 14:27

I don't think its appropriate at a children's party. When I smoked (i miss it so much!) I would have had a ciggy, but would have gone somewhere away from the kids.

At an adult party its v.different IMO.

In saying this my husband has smoked in front of our daughter quite a few times, and I am not too bothered (bad mum!)

Northerner · 13/10/2004 09:59

I'm an ex smoker and have no objections to this whatsoever. Inside would be a different matter.but it was outside. No big deal IMO.

Mum2girls · 13/10/2004 10:32

I'm an ex-smoker too - agree with Northerner.

fionagib · 14/10/2004 20:28

Me too - children see people smoking in the street, they know what cigs are by a certain age -this isn't good but it's what goes on.

I've battled with quitting for most of this year, and don't smoke in the house or in front of them, but wouldn't mind if someone lit up at a kids' party in the garden, so long as it was a bit of a distance away, and not blasting fag smoke in their faces while there were all sitting round for pass the parcel.

My dd's friend's dad always chuffs away in our garden and my sons give him a stern telling off - yes, they're right, but it's not really their role to be lecturing a 47 yr old man.

To my shame and intense self hatred I have snuck of for a ciggie at a children's farm where kids were playing.

WideWebWitch · 14/10/2004 20:55

I'm an ex smoker and I don't see the problem really - as long as it's outside, what's the problem? Fags aren't actually illegal you know (yet)!

alfiebetty · 15/10/2004 20:28

My DH smokes tried to give up but when my waters broke (3 mths ago) started smoking again. It is constant battle to keep him outside when smoking, he was good at first but have noticed he's gradually sneaking back in. I think that smoking at kid's party is only ok if there is seperate area away from kid's. Sisters son got a lighter from a party at 4 yrs old that night he set fire to 5 mth olds cot and burnt baby and mother luckily it was caught early. There are lots of reasons for not smoking in front of kids concerning health and safety lets not lose sight if this.

hercules · 15/10/2004 20:40

When I went out for lunch with my dm and dd(1) at the weekend the only free places were smoking so we asked to wait. This was said in front of 2 families who were puffing on the same table as their own kids who were around the same age as my own dd.
It does make me wonder what they must think when I object to my own kids sitting for a short while next to their smoke when their own kids are breathing it in.

I do feel a bit guilty as my mum was a heavy smoker.

JoolsToo · 15/10/2004 20:48

what about 'her' on Wifeswap - kids with asthma and they smoked like chimneys - beggars belief!

hercules · 15/10/2004 20:50

I've never understood that. Who would smoke if their kids had asthma? I mean around the kids.

JoolsToo · 15/10/2004 20:52

Numptys like that - they're in denial!

BooMama · 15/10/2004 21:18

I smoke very occasionally but never in front of my children. And I wouldn't be happy about friends of ours doing it at a children's party. Yes, they see it around them anyway but I don't wish to show them that we, the most influential adults in their life (for the time being), condone it.