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Original poster

Did I overreact - re smoking in front of the kids?

86 replies

clary · 11/10/2004 15:37

I wonder what others think about this.
I was at a 3 yo's party at the weekend and at one point all the kids decamped into the (small-ish) garden. At which point the mum of one little girl lit up a cigarette.
I spotted this and moved my child away from the area (unobtrusively I hope) to come and play with me elsewhere in the garden.
Mentioned it later in passing to the mum (of the birthday girl I mean, not the smoker) who said she didn't see there was a problem as we were all outdoors.
I was a bit surprised that anyone would consider it OK to smoke at a children's party. Could the mum not manage 2 hrs without a ciggie??
Sorry, of course many MN-ers will be smokers and I don't mean to call you (as we say where I come from); also I know there is a non-smokign support group here in fact I sort of know Fionagib and good luck to you all.
But I did feel it was a bit inappropriate. Or was I being some ghastly fussy mother???

OP posts:

Beccarollover · 11/10/2004 16:21

....this thread is making me want a cigarette - brb!

TraceyP · 11/10/2004 16:24

SC, yes of course there could be as many kids in a pub garden - but that isn't the point. A beer garden is part of a pub - a place where by its nature there will be smokers with the right to smoke, whether there are children there or not. If you take your 3yo to a beer garden you do so knowing that there will be people there who are going to smoke regardless. It's not the same as taking your child to a birthday party at all.

SpringChicken · 11/10/2004 16:28

In your opinion TraceyP - not everyone thinks that it is wrong to smoke at a childs party - clearly by what has been written on this thread.

If the mother of the birthday girl did not feel it necessary to say anything to the smoker then in my opinion it is your right to take your child elsewhere away from the smoking but not expect people not to smoke.

spook · 11/10/2004 16:32

Oh girls. I simply haven't got time for this. I'm wasting valuable smoking time.I'm off for a tab.

TraceyP · 11/10/2004 16:34

Yes, it is my opinion, isn't that what you asked for? I haven't said anything about the rights or wrongs of smoking at a children's party, merely that there isn't much comparison with a pub, and that I wouldn't have liked it but wouldn't have made a fuss. For what it's worth I am not a smoker, have never been a smoker, but have no problems with smokers as long as they don't push it into my child's face. I am not here for an argument, Spring Chicken, and I am not going to rise to starting one.

Thomcat · 11/10/2004 16:38

Personally, and I respect your decision to disagree and not want me to smoke, but I don't think that smoking outside at a kids party is so bad. Personbally if it was a kids party I wouldn't smoke, I'd be too busy being at the party with the kids! Just my personal opinion. A LOT of my friends smoke and do smoke at our house and each others houses, OUTSIDE, with kids present at BBQ's and stuff.
I don't think anyone is ghastly of fussy if they don't approve it's just that it wouldn't bother me at all if someone smoked a cigarette outside when there were kids around.

SpringChicken · 11/10/2004 16:39

No TraceyP i did not ask for your opinion, the person who started this thread did.

I don't apreciate you implying that i am trying to start an arguement - i am merely expressing my opinion as everyone else is.

Socci · 11/10/2004 16:42

Message withdrawn

TraceyP · 11/10/2004 16:44

Spring Chicken, you said

"Can i ask then, those of you who don't think it is OK to smoke even outside, do you not take your children to pub gardens in the nice weather? " and then you said "i was just genuinely interested if people thought it was different!"

I was answering that question, and I'm afraid I rather took offence at the tone of your response to me, which is why I posted as I did. I'm sorry if I have offended you, that was never the intention. All I am doing, just like you, is posting a response to a question.

soapbox · 11/10/2004 16:45

I think it does depend a lot on the size of the garden! Whenever we've had parties, adults' or childrens', the smokers have tended to congregate round the side of the house while indulging which is fine with me. We do have a big garden though!

moomina · 11/10/2004 16:47

But Socci, the entire point of the thread is that it WASN'T in the house - it was in the garden. (Stop me if I'm being precious, please.)

MummyToSteven · 11/10/2004 16:47

similar to soapbox - depends how near the smoke will be to any of the kids - if the smoker is turned around angling the cig away several metres away, then that's fine. if I was in a pub beer garden etc and someone started smoking if they weren't that near me, fine, if they were, I would move to a further away table. clary - i suspect that the mum "couldn't" manage 2 hrs without a ciggie - people do get hooked on nicotine!

Socci · 11/10/2004 16:51

Message withdrawn

moomina · 11/10/2004 16:51

So what's your opinion now then?

Thomcat · 11/10/2004 16:52

Mind you I only smoke when i drink, were they serving wine for the adults at the party Clary, and if so could you get me & Lottie an invite for next time please!

Skate · 11/10/2004 16:55

My stance on it (if anyone is interested!) is that I generally don't like smoking - never smoked and parents never smoked so not really been exposed to it (though brother now smokes).

At a party where everyone is outside, family bbqs etc, I would not make a fuss if people were smoking and I have to agree that it's acceptable if it's a party for everyone. I'll admit that I don't like it if children are there but understand that there isn't really anything you can do about it and I suppose most people are sensitive enough to smoke in a part of the garden where children are not overly exposed to it.

If I was at a children's party I wouldn't like it but certainly wouldn't feel like I could justify arguing against it if it were outside and away from the kids.

In a beer garden, I'd just try and sit somewhere that we weren't exposed to the smoke. Apart from not wanting the kids exposed to it, I don't like it myself.

Socci · 11/10/2004 16:57

Message withdrawn

Original poster

clary · 11/10/2004 16:58

gosh everyone, what a response.
Didn't mean to start a fight and hope I haven't.
Thanks for your input esp Spook and Moomina, appreciate you posting your true view.
Hope I didn't make a fuss, certainly took pains to be unobtrusive. MTS, it's very hard for me having never smoked to know what it's like so thanks for your words.
Charliecat, thanks for your thouhgts, maybe that's a good solution.
FWIW the mum was standing in a knot of parents clustered around where the kids were playing. right by the house door. I could smell the smoke in the house which is why I went outside.
That's a good point about a pub garden, but I think as TraceyP says, you sort of expect it at a pub. I guess it was the "child's birthday party" aspect that surprised me.

OP posts:

Original poster

clary · 11/10/2004 17:02

oh more posts while i typed.
Yeah, TC there was wine (i don't drink but the glasses looked nice and big!). I'll see if I can get you invited next yr!

OP posts:

Thomcat · 11/10/2004 17:45

Don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do?!
And that was Adam Ant said that, not me!
Just trying to lighten the mood.

Wine and fags, how lovely! Sounds like a great party!

Hope the kids enjoyed it as much as the smoking, pissed adults!!!!!!!!!

Beccarollover · 11/10/2004 18:01

As a smoker I always take the lead from the host - for eg yesterday spook was the host and spook was smoking in her very big garden so I joined her.

When I am the host I will also smoke in my garden but I would go to any other childrens parties expecting not to speak and fully appreciate why most people wouldnt consider it appropriate.

Beccarollover · 11/10/2004 18:02

lol not to smoke that was meant to say

Beccarollover · 11/10/2004 18:02

Although most people who know me may think it would be more appropriate if I didnt speak!

ScummyMummy · 11/10/2004 18:03

lol, Thomcat. I'd like an invite too- didn't realise there was wine as well as fags on offer. Sounds like a great party.

JoolsToo · 11/10/2004 18:03

what no-one has mentioned here (I don't think!) is - did you ask the lady to stop smoking? some smokers are quite amenable to put out their ciggies if they think its annoying someone.

I'm not a smoker myself but even strangers have stubbed out when they knew it was uncomfortable for me and friends - not all do of course but some will!

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