Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread

[BrassicMonkey]

The last thread will close soon, but I want this one to be about everybody, not just me. So Hidesit, Earlgrey, SoSo and anyone else that needs support please post and keep me company.

I've lapsed again tonight, which is a shame as I hoped I'd be able to start this off on a postive note.

Link to the last thread.

BM - I did drink 1 large glass of wine but instead of pouring another I had a hot bath and a milky drink. Quite pleased with myself actually.

As from today I am hoping to go about 2 months without drinking to give my liver a break and see how I feel by then. I may not want to drink again hopefully

Good luck

Keep us updated on how you get on.

Morning all.

BarbieGirl and mocca, welcome to the thread it's so good to se you on here. Please fell you can post honestly, many of us are at different stages of our drinking/recovery and all support one another. There are no judgements here - we all help each other.

mocca it's great to read about your experience of the AA meeting, I am a member myself. Keep going back and find some new meetings to get that support for yourself.

BarbieGirl, well done on not going for that second glass off wine. These are small triumphs that all build up and help motivate us.

BM, thanks for being honest, this is a really difficult journey in recovery each time we relapse brings us to a greater understanding of our problem. People who don't have alcohol problems tend to not realise that stopping drinking isn't the hardest part, it's dealing with life on a daily basis.

Look after yourself xxxx

Been away at a friend's, good to check back! Fourth day without a drink, not craving it much either. Just doing that thing of taking it 24 hours at a time. Thanks for filling me in on your domestic situation BM and glad it's working for you. I think that trying to control the drinking is going to help sort things out with my ex - I agree with Kokeshi it's dealing with life on a daily basis that's the hard bit but too much booze sure does get in the way.

Hi all glad to see everyone posting. Well just got back from hols and before I went had 5 nights off the wine. Couldn't quite believe it but got really drunk one Saturday night with some friends and just thought that this can't continue. Went really well. Drank quite alot on hols although strangely enough not as bad as usual. We have now returned and have not drank for two nights reason is because we now have a puppy. This baby needs taking out at 5:30 a.m. and does not cry for an hour between 11 and 12. For me it has been the best reason not to drink. Will see how it goes. I have found that if I drink a soda and lime with plenty of ice it kind of hits the spot!
XX

I managed one whole night without the wine last night. i have no intentions of boozing tonight either (I could so esily give in though - but I won't).

Well done everyone!

I?ve had a difficult day today and keep thinking about drink. I?m not going to but it keeps creeping into my mind that I need a break and I don?t know how else to get away from everything. There?s no way that I want to go back to the on-going misery of dependant drinking though ? so I?ll try and find something to do that takes my mind off of it.

I?m thinking about trying a meditation class or maybe beginners yoga. I need to learn how to relax again. At the moment I?m still pretty unproductive but I?m always writing lists or flicking through books. Even when I?m supposed to be relaxing I?m on here playing solitaire or reading threads that I?m not interested in. I think I?m trying to keep my head busy but I wish I could just calm down.

Good luck for tonight everyone.

Woohoo! Good job everyone (I wonder if we were all drink free on the same nights ).

Good to see you back Flowertop, and it's great that your puppy is a positive distraction for you. I think it's a great idea to find something that gives you a wee lift.

BM, I went to a visualisation/yoga class a couple of years ago and it really helped me relax. I'll have to get into meditation again as I really enjoyed that workshop on Saturday. I am a skeptic (nearly wrote septic lol, that too) by nature, but I was introduced to something called Emotional Freedom Therapy and was amazed by the results. I felt like a twat tapping myself and chanting but it really worked! I'll have to get over myself as I'm sure there are other alternative therapies that I could benefit from.

Good morning everyone, I trust you're all hangover free! I haven't been hungover since last Saturday (and boy was that a bad one) and I can't tell you how lovely it is to wake up in the morning and look forward to the day which today will be spent with my lovely 7 year old as I'm off work this week. Even when I think about my husband on holiday with his new woman, I can cope with it and am not immediately thinking of reaching for the bottle later on to help me cope. As BM says "there?s no way that I want to go back to the on-going misery of dependent drinking" and it's finding things to do instead of drinking that's so important
(well done Flowertop and having a pet is a great thing, I have a cat who just radiates happiness).

Question for you wise Kokeshi (I'm so grateful for your interest in us newbies), I think I'd like to find a sponsor at AA. At my meeting last week, I already identified 3 or 4 women who seemed really nice so can imagine it may be one of them. Is there any particular etiquette involved and how long should you wait? Personally, after going again this Saturday (really looking forward to it)I think I'll have decided to approach and will think of asking them the following week. Am I rushing things? And how does one go through the 12 steps with a sponsor?
Many thanks and hugs to you all.

Kokeshi ? LOL @ feeling like a twat tapping and chanting . I tried to do some positive thought exercises a few years ago which involved chanting mantras in front of the mirror and whilst walking outside. I could just about do it in front of the mirror, but there was no way I?d go walking about on my estate talking to myself . I?m hoping to join a health club with another AA newbie next week when DS goes back to school, so they might have a meditation class running there. The other woman is on about the same level of (un)fitness as me, so we can brave the gym together.

Hi Mocca. Wow, you?re doing really well. It?s great that you?re ready to find a sponsor already. I?ve met a couple of women who I think would make good sponsors for me, but (surprise, surprise) I wasn?t brave enough to ask them. At some of the meetings the secretary will ask people to raise their hands if they are willing to sponsor a newcomer so you know who to approach. I don?t think that system works as well as selecting someone that you admire and find approachable though. I know some sponsors will take on multiple sponsees (sp) while others will only have one at a time. Sorry, not trying to answer for Kokeshi. I?m looking forward to reading her post about this as well . Have you had a look at the 12 steps yet? Have a lovely day with your DC.

I felt dreadful last night. I was really angry with everything. I should have gone to a meeting but I couldn?t face it. When I was drinking heavily I used to get these sore patches on my cheeks. They cleared up after I got sober the first time so I assumed they?d been caused by the booze. They are back again though and just as bad as they were before. I don?t know whether it was my last relapse that brought them back or if it?s not the drink but stress that?s cause them. They are red raw strips on either side of my nose. If I put moisturiser on they burn and flare up, but if I leave them they are dry and flaky. Not sure which looks worse . The angry mood has lifted today though and we?re off out shopping for new school shoes in a while.

Hope everyone manages another sober day today. Good luck!

Ahhh, I'm just going out the door, but well done guys for thinking about this stuff. Thanks you for considering me wise (hahahah) - I only know what the others have told me!

I will get back to this later, don't want to give you a half-assed response. Suffice it to say that everyone is different in AA, and the programme is going through when you feel ready. Oh, and you never "stop" doing the programme, it's a design for living daily, so that you don't have to go back to drink.

BM, the rash, could it be psoriasis or rosacea? I have both (flare up when stressed) and creams make them worse.

x

gone through

So, getting back to the question about sponsors. Choosing your sponsor is probably one of the most important decisions you will make, so make sure the person you have in mind is suitable for you. I would suggest listening to them a bit more, attending their home group and really getting to know how they work their own programme. There's no specific etiquette involved, be yourself and just ask them in whichever way suits you.

Do you know anything about the programme? I think it's a good idea to get a hold of some of the literature - specifically the "Big Book" - called just "Alcoholics Anonymous". You can read it online here. You also have to commit to spending quite a lot of time with your sponsor, even contacting them on a daily basis. It is a huge undertaking, so make sure that you have the time and the inclination to do so.

The '12 Step Programme' is based on spirituality that some non-religious people find uncomfortable. AA assures members that they are not religious, but they are spiritual. They believe that most people, even non-religious people, believe in powers greater than themselves. As such, in the 12 Steps they discuss 'A Higher Power'. This higher power could be God, or could be the AA group, a dead relative, a principle or the universe. It is only imperative that the power is outside of the person.
The 12 Steps are:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a higher being as we understood that.
4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
5. We admitted to our higher power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
6. We're entirely ready to have our higher power remove all defects of our character
7. We humbly asked our higher power to remove our shortcomings
8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
9. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
10. We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it
11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with our higher power as we understood it, praying only for knowledge of the higher power's will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. We have had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

The alcoholic will slowly work through the steps, trying to be free of alcohol, but also free of any guilt or personality problems that would bring them back to drinking. AA recognises that making restitution to the people that one has wronged is a powerful thing, so asks the recovering alcoholic to make a list of the people that they have wronged because of their addiction and then to try "to make amends" to them.

Please keep us posted and remember that whatever decision you make has to be right for you and you alone. Some people do it right away, others not for a good while into their recovery.

BM, hope you had a nice (stress-free) day shopping with DS. That's a fab idea about asking sponsors if they're willing to put themselves forward, I've never come across that before.

I found it really difficult to approach people, the first couple of people said they couldn't and I took it as a huge kick in the teeth. I know now that they just had too many other commitments, but I couldn't see past the rejection at the time.

So, the other thing to remember is that if they're oozing serenity (), they've probably got a whole load of sponsees so please don't worry if they're not available. It's nothing to do with you as a person!!!

Thanks so much Kokeshi for your in-depth answer and also to you BM. Hope you're safe and well tonight. Reading the 12 steps makes me realise that this is about so much more than just giving up alcohol and I'm hopeful that if I stick with it, those demons of mine may be properly laid to rest. A friend has asked me over tomorrow night for a drink - I haven't told her yet what I'm doing but she's a good friend so rather than just tell her I don't fancy a drink, I think I'll tell her the truth. I'm looking forward again to waking without a hangover but I might be tired because I'm very tempted to click on the link you provived K. and if I do, will probably read it all (a bit like my drinking actually, all or nothing!). Take care all.

No problem mocca, it is a good idea to be honest with friends about where you're at as it makes it less likely that you'll try to convince yourself "this time it will be different".

They do tell you to stay out of pubs and clubs and keep sober company when you're in recovery for this very reason. Relapse can take you by surprise and sometimes the temptation is overwhelming. Not saying you will, just keep yourself right! Forewarned is forearmed and all that.

Night night folks, really am off to bed this time. Keep posting.

Hi everyone

Yesterday was a good day, thanks Kokeshi. Stress-free is a bit much to ask but we made it through the day without too many tantrums.

I think the rash is psoriasis but it?s different to the other patches that I have on my body which are large solid patches that improve but never disappear. The patches on my face are like lots of little raised, raw dots and they disappear completely quite quickly. I?ve looked at photos of rosacea on the web and I don?t think it?s that. I?m sure it?s all stress related though, and I was a lot more stressed when I was drinking.

I?ve only been at 2 meetings where they ask members to raise their hands if they are willing to take on a sponsor. The first time a lot of people were willing, but the second time only 1 out of a group of about 60 put their hand up. I wonder if some people would prefer to be approached by someone they?ve chatted to before rather than just being asked because they?ve made themselves available. I?m not sure really. If I get to the point where I really want to start the steps but I still don?t know who to ask I?ll go to one of those meetings regularly and try to get to know one of the potential sponsors first. I know one member chose her sponsor because she was going on holiday and just picked the first available person and it ended up being a big mistake. I don?t know why but they didn?t see eye to eye on many things and they parted company during step 4. As much as I?d feel rejected for being turned down at the first stage I think that?s better than changing half way through because it?s not working out.

Good luck with your night out tonight Mocca. I?m not sure if you know but literature is often given free in your first 6 months at AA, so listen out for the credits at the end of the meeting so you know who to approach regarding books. I like sitting up in bed, reading the books in peace and quiet. Going to bed sober is possibly even nicer than waking up without a hangover for me, so I like to read something from one of the books before I go to sleep so I don?t start to take it for granted. If I?m tired I just look at them and feel grateful that someone cared enough to give them to me. I sound overly-sentimental now

I didn?t get the steps at all when I first saw them. I honestly thought that you just read them and said ?yeah, I know I?m powerless over alcohol?, ?yeah, I?ll put my trust in God?, ?yeah, I know my flat is a mess?, ?yeah, I know I upset all these people and I?m sorry?, and so on and so on. I couldn?t understand what all the fuss was about ? surely it would take about 30 minutes to do the whole programme! Now I understand them a bit better I?m frightened of them because I can see the parallel universe I?m living in where at some point I did the wrong thing for every step and it?s going to take a complete turn around and lots of courage to really change the way my brain works. I kept saying ?how does it work? when I first came in and people would say that it changes the way you think. I understand that now but the flip side is accepting that I?ve done everything wrong and need to start again and that is scary. It puts me in a position where I have to make a decision to either be brave and do the right thing, or carry on doing the wrong thing but without the oblivion that I had before because I know the outcome and I know there?s an alternative.

I hope I?ve made some sense with that. I?ve had a stressful day with DS and the urge to drink has made me start analysing it all. It?s much harder for me to think ?sod it, I need a break? now and blindly pour a drink.

Anyway, must get ready for my meeting tonight. Good luck for a sober evening everyone.

So I managed 2 whole nights without the booze but what did I go and do last night? yeah you guessed it - drank 1 and a half bottles of wine and felt like shite all day today.

I started the day (yesturday) with good intentions but by about 4pm ish, the kids started playing up big time. I got home by 5pm and cracked open a bottle .

I really don't think I have the willpower to do this BUT I know I should because I want to wake up in the mornings feeling good and looking forward to the day. I also want to live a long healthy life and see my 2 lovely kids grow up.

Someone mentioned meditation is good to chill out but I don't know how to do it or anywhere in my area that runs classes. I know the key is to learn how to relax but I honestly don't know how to. This inevitably leads me to drink .

I think I'm going to have to cope with my drinking issues another time. I went to the hospital today about the lump in my boob and yes, it is breast cancer. It's all a bit scary at the moment, and I now have a paliative care nurse. Oh god. We are still going away and we've still rented the house. I will try and drop in at some point, but in the meantime, I hope you all get some respite from the demon booze. I'm having a glass of wine at the moment and I don't really know what to do or think.

I will be having another operation soon and possibly hormone treatment and probably a masectomy. Please, oh please don't let it all drive me to drink!!

What shocking news - I'm so sorry HB

Sending positive vibes. Thinking of you xx

Thinking of you HB, I hope you have plenty of support and you will get through this. A friend of mine was diagnosed just recently and had a mastectomy within two weeks and all clear now. It's such a common disease and it reminds me I haven't checked my boobs for ages. Keep strong. Don't beat yourself up Barbiegirl, I nearly did it today myself after nearly a week booze-free. The craving just hit me out of nowhere but I made myself do something rather than go to Sainsburys to buy a bottle (don't keep any in the house) and after a while it passed. The good thing is that you know something's not right and I think you'll know when you really have to do something.

Hope your meeting went well BM, I found what you said about the steps very interesting but it makes me nervous about starting out myself. Am going to a meeting tomorrow, looking forward to seeing the people I met for the first time last week. I'll be able to tell them, that for the first time since I was 17, I've not had a drink for a whole week! Sleep well everyone.

Good God hellobello, what a shock for you. Are you still able to receive treatment where you're going? Please keep in touch on here, don't worry about the drink, we're here to support you whatever.

I'm so sorry you've had this news, sending thoughts and prayers your way.

sorry to hear your bad news hellobello.

Take care and keep us updated.

As for the booze I think you are entitled to a glass of wine under the circumstances, just try and get as much support as possible and keep so busy that you wont think of drinking. That's my plan.

How
How has the weekend been?

I've no idea what happened there