CANCER SUPPORT THREAD 65 - for anyone with cancer or waiting for cancer tests (pets welcome!)

[WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo]

Good morning everyone,

Welcome to the new thread, and the club that nobody wants to join. Our previous thread is here.

Anyone with any type of cancer is welcome. And we will hold your hand if you're waiting to find out whether or not you have cancer at all.

If you've got a loved one with cancer then you can get support here.

Please feel free to reintroduce yourself so we don't all have to remember from the previous thread!

Thanks Aimlessly but it's really not that bad! Just feel a bit bruised :) how are you today?

purple what telly are you watching?

I had an asthma checkup and the nurse has booked my flu jab for next week. That seems like enough activity for one day

Tahiti are you all set for tomorrow?

I'm catching up with last nights Big Brother

Scraping the barrel a bit there my love!

Purple I know they only do it because they care are nosy but I can't be bothered with people. I'm quite content watching trashy TV and doing my crochet like a old woman

You and me both! I had to text 'friend' again to say that I'd already said I'd found her uninvited visits intrusive but her reaction to that was to invite herself round again! I feel like I'm public property being hauled out for a quick examination so they can put me back in the cupboard and tick the 'visited TQ' box again... . I believe she doesn't even know I was having chemo again from Jan - May. She doesn't get it.

Grrrr TQ she sounds like a complete bloody nightmare

Namechange I'm glad this is an anonymous forum. Oh the shame I watched xfactor after that too

TQ bloody hell that woman does not take the hint! Time to stop being polite like we are all conditioned to do so and bluntly tell her to F off. We all waste so much time worrying about other peoples feelings when as you say all they are doing is ticking the "Ive done my bit by pretending to be a friend" box

Although I do hope you have some decent, genuine friends around you at the minute

My neighbour has never really known any boundaries but I don’t have the patience I used to for her. I get texts saying if I am EVER on my own come round or she will come to mine. Immediately. She got upset once because she saw me eating a microwave curry when she had enough food for me (unknown to me- no invitation had been issued, I was just trying eat my tea)

I look forward to time on my own. And I REALLY look forward to a microwave chicken tikka masala. These things are not a hardship and I am not a charity case.

Exactly Namechange. I am not a charity case either but now no-one will ever let me pay for coffees etc when we're out...

Friend means well but I'm struggling with:

• I'm supposed to behave in a way that meets other people's expectations
• I should always provide whatever personal health details people ask about, on demand
• I should always be grateful when people decide to visit
• Apparently, I no longer have a mind of my own and it's down to everyone else to tell me what to do.

So I've realised I need to stand up for myself, but that makes other people think a) I'm losing my marbles b) let's just patronise her a bit more because she's not herself...

aaagghhhh!

Totally agree! I am constantly told “you need to stand up for yourself”, “put yourself first”, “tell people if something doesn’t work for you” but if you do then people think you must just be all emosh because of the cancer...

TQ

I feel the same about your second point especially. I have found that I don't want to go into detail about my diagnosis except when I feel like it and with "safe" people (mainly just my husband and the medics at the moment). I find the less I tell people the better because if you give certain people (who usually have no experience of cancer) any detail they suddenly appear to become "experts" and know someone who had your sort of cancer and what the side effects of the chemo, drugs will be etc. etc. Also I definitely do not want unasked for dietary advice - that seems to be another thing people like to dish out!

Just want to say thanks to you and everyone who posted over the weekend about my GP letter. Spoke to her today and she was calling to ask about my mood as the Doctor I see on the day I have chemo has written to the GP with some concerns. I kind of laughed and said my mood wasn't too bad until I got your ambiguous letter on Saturday morning which made my anxiety spike all over the weekend about what information you had received from the Oncologist. She did actually apologise which I accepted and we talked round a couple of options including increasing my anti-depressant dose which I am beginning to think might not be such a bad thing.

I knew the Chemo Doctor was going to refer me to the Oncology Counselling service and he's obviously written to the GP explaining that's what he's done/why etc.

Like you said it was the GP trying to be supportive/helpful but she said herself they had made things worse for me with their standard letter and think she was making some notes about not contacting me like that again.

Mrstraveller I'm glad that it wasn't anything bad and that she has taken your comments on board. Hopefully an increase in antidepressants and the counselling will help :)

Waving to everyone else!

MrsTraveller I saw the oncology psychology team when I was first diagnosed and had anti depressants for a bit, which I think did help me quite a lot.

I’m really glad you were able to say all that to the GP. I think I’d have gone all quiet and compliant like a confused little mouse!

Hello Lacies, glad you got things sorted with the doctor mrsT. Still feeling crap on chemo - day 5 today so hopefully things will pick up soon. Not sure how I’m going to survive 15 months of treatment. I’ve just stayed in bed most of the last few days - don’t know if that’s the answer but I just want to escape.

Morning all! Just quickly checking in from sunny Crete where I am currently burying my head and pretending none of this exists 

I still haven't managed to find a way to tell the DC yet. I've read the Macmillan book about talking to kids and teenagers but funnily enough there isn't a paragraph about the guilt regards blowing their wee lives out the water.

Will have to do it soon as apparently DD1 (15yrs) has asked DH if I'm 'ok'.

Here was me thinking I was being as normal as possible  and writing off any sadness as being due to our wee dog 

I seem to be dwelling a lot not I don't have my usual 800mph work week to be keeping me busy. For example I have two high profile black tie events coming up, one of which means I'll be splashed about the local papers a lot soon. Please believe me when I say that I'm not famous OR vain but I represent our company and our staff so have no choice in the matter 

I currently can't think of anything I'd rather do less.

Anyway. I'm being a moany faced twat and appreciate I'm in a lovely spot of the world so shall try to shake myself out of it.

Am trying to keep up with the thread & am very glad to have found you all.

Hope you're doing ok after your first chemo @Simmi1

Thanks for thinking of me Leslie. I'm okay. Operation is this morning, I'm a bit nervous that I'll be allergic to anaesthetic and not wake up or something (crazy I know) but I guess even if that happens, I won't know about it so I need to just relax. I'm trying to approach it with curiosity so I can see why you all love anaesthetics so much! Also I haven't had much sleep lately so could do with the nap!
My parents are both here, my dh, bless him, is nervous but he's trying to hide it. I'm currently snuggled up with my youngest in bed and my eldest has given me considerably less attitude than his teenager self usually does

It'll be good to get rid of these lymph nodes, they're really pressing on things so I'll be able to breathe easier. Plus, I've all the ice cream and frozen smoothies to look forward to while I recover! It's not all bad

simmi hope you feel better today.
Keepcalm I have the guilt too! Know how you feel. Hope you enjoy your holiday XXX
Hugs to everyone else. So glad I found this thread too XXX

Good luck today @Tahitiitsamagicalplace I'll be sending all the positive thoughts I can your way.

Good luck tahitiits - hope all goes well today

Totally understand how you’re feeling keepcalm

Hopefully you'll be enjoying some post-op ice cream in no time Tahiti. I'm glad you've got lots of support :)

Simmi you won't feel this awful the whole time. I think often the first cycle is worse. Partly because you have no idea what to expect or what helps with the side effects - you'll soon get into a bit of a routine. It might be helpful to keep a brief symptom diary. And often bed is the best place to be. Having been at this a while I do recommend a bit of (very gentle) exercise if you can. I hesitate to even say exercise really as that may not be feasible. But just get your body moving a little. That does help, both physically and mentally. But rest is also crucial. You're recovering from being poisoned. I hope you feel a little better soon

KeepCalm I hope you are managing to relax a bit and enjoy the sunshine. I've no advice about the children, but most of the others on here have been through it. You're not being a moany faced twat, but even if you were, you've got a perfectly good excuse!

Simmi the first time is definitely way worse than any other. I felt absolutely awful. Everything hurt - my ears, my elbows.. plus everywhere else. My body soon adapted though, and it was very manageable.

KeepCalm I would recommend telling your 15 yr old asap. We kept my exH's leukemia from our DC and then she found a letter to DH from the hospital but didn't say anything to us. She subsequently became depressed.. Teenagers do pick up on things. And this is absolutely the right place to be a moany faced twat - I've been doing a lot of moaning lately

Tahiti Good luck! Not that you need it - you'll be fine.

Leslie how are you doing? Over your lunch tiredness now?

TQ pretty good thanks. Just a tickly cough that makes me want to claw my throat out how are you?

3 kids tiny little world blown apart 

DD1 is devastated. DD2, has gone quiet and DD3 is in the pool 

Time to start rebuilding with the family time here.

@TwitterQueen1 you were exactly right. She 'knew' something was going on.

KeepCalm well done for telling them. It's shit. But they will probably surprise you by how well they cope once the initial shock has worn off.

Simmi you will manage 15 months because you have to, I found the first one was the worst and the rest are slightly easier to deal with

Tahiti best of luck today, honestly you will be absolutely fine

Oh Keepcalm telling my son was the absolute worst part for me, well done for telling them. I found being as honest and open as I could helped otherwise teenagers tend to google and think the worst

@purpleunicorns we've asked her not to google. That google will give her wrong information and she can have some sites to go look at when we get home.

She's usually a brilliant, behaved girl so fingers crossed this time she does what she's asked too