Social Anxiety anyone?

[MiserableCow]

Inspired from another thread, and because I'm a bit pissed, I thought I'd ask...does anyone else on here have social phobia/anxiety?

Don't want to go into full detail at the moment incase I get no responses and I'll then feel even more of an alien.

Namechange if you need to, but I really want to know if anyone else on here battles with this?

Hi everyone. How weird to see this back in Active Convos (I'm the OP, but under a new name).

I've got the Overcoming Social Anxiety book too and think it's a great idea that we go through the exercises together. I've had it for years but never read it

Since starting this thread back in April I've had to come to terms with my alcoholism and my social anxiety is really holding me back from recovery. I've been mostly sober for 6 months and am in AA now, but (and I know you'll all understand this), I can't bring myself to talk at meetings. I just sit there trembling, praying that nothing will happen to draw attention to me being there. I've made some genuine friends there but I can't explain to them why I'm so quiet at meetings and why I never call them. When they call me I'm very nervous and waffley but it's not too bad.

I know that I used alcohol to ease my anxiety and that was partly why I became dependant on it, but in the end it made me more anxious.

Anyway, it's good to see so many people posting on here about it. I identify with everyone that's posted recently. Hopefully we can all support one another

Brassicmonkey - firstly thank you for starting this thread, all that time ago. I've never actually acknowledged my problem and you have helped me take the first steps to sorting it out. I will always be grateful to you for that. Hope that gives you some confidence in yourself.

Secondly I take my hat to you for going to AA meetings. Even if you don't say anything we all know what a huge thing it must be for you to get through the door. Try not to fret about it too much, and give yourself a pat on the back for taking the first steps. My dad uses the phrase, just float like a jellyfish when in stressful situations, and it does help.

Hope you are feeling positive to attempt the book soon. And congratulations for staying sober for 6 months .

Hi
I have this problem I never know what to talk about when with other people can never think of anything to say.

Even going to the school to pick up my son is a dread for me I try to time it so I get there as he is just about to come out so I can get away quickly.
I also try to avoid people I know hoping that they won't notice me.

I have tried to talk to people but I constantly worry about what to say and if what I do say is appropriate.

I feel that this has marred my life and feel dissapointed for my DS as I feel he is missing out on friends to play with as I don't really have any which of course is my own fault for not been able to overcome this.

Hi
I suffer with this I will do anything to avoid getting into conversation with anyone as I never know what to say, what to talk about, and if what I say would sound stupid anyway.
I go at lengths to avoid having to talk to anyone as I dread the thought even with other mums at the school who I see regularly.
I hate been like this I would love to chat to people and be at ease.
I feel sorry for my ds that he is not getting the oppurtunity to play with children his age.
I don't have any friends that I can share anything with outings etc with our children.
My DS is an only so its probably important that I try to overcome this but I don;t think I can.

Hi Zez, you are not alone I can assure you. I worry about the effect on my children as I am desperate for them to be socially confident, but I have few friends too.

Do you want to try this book, we were going to try to support each other through it to try to overcome the problem?

www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Social-Anxiety-Behavioural-Techniques/dp/1854877038

Thanks Mavis

Zez, I worry about the effect on my DS too. He's naturally friendly and outgoing, but I think I was too as a child. It was when self-consciousness set in as a teenager that my anxiety began, and I'd hate for him to feel as I did then.

I haven't managed to read anything of the book yet. Hopefully next week I'll have some time.

How is everyone else?

Hi Just an update, sorry for delay in getting going with the book but had a family bereavement/funeral to attend then loads of other stuff just got in the way! Hoping to give it a good go after this weekend. Post again next week. Hope you're all ok.

I have had counselling and CBT for social anxiety and an associated swallowing problem and can now (after a particularly bad 2 years) finally use some cognitive behavioural techniques to minimise the effects of the problem on my general day to day life. I really recommend the book overcoming social anxiety and shyness that was mentioned further down the thread. It is hard to apply but if you stick with it does help.

My particular problems revolve around food which I think is quite common. I have very few friends and despite having an alternative work personality (I am a commercial director!) I hate social events, public speaking (unless at work) etc.

I would love to talk to others with the same problems, I have been trying to attend a group locally but haven't actually made it in the door yet. Bloody ridiculous as I know everyone there has the same problem but I just can't do it.

I am so glad i found this thread! I was diagnosed with social anxiety when I was 19 but I think I have had it since a teenager.

I joined the National Phobics Society and have met some really nice people who have sa too but none of them were mums so couldn't really understand what its like to have sa in the school playground! I would love to meet other mums who feel like I do.

I have read the Gillian Butler book (and a few others,I am the selfhelp book queen!) but I find that with CBT even though rationally I am telling myself no one is judging me or noticing me blushing I can't stop my automatic thoughts.

The sa has affected my whole experience of being a mum. I went to one antenatel class and then quit as I felt so nervous, I was so anxious after having ds1 that I didn't go and get my meal with the other mums in the hospital,I went to one mum and tots group and never went again and now ds1 is at school I find myself usually standing on my own feeling like a lemon! Despite all this both my ds's are really outgoing but I feel bad when I don't do things like take them to birthday parties ,and get my ex to take them instead of me. Ds's 5th birthday was a nightmare as he wanted to invite the whole class and I was petrified of having to talk to all the other mums.

I also have a driving phobia, in that I will only drive to familiar places and panic when there is a road diversion or something. My only mummy friend asks me to meet her at the local shopping centre and I feel ashamed to tell her why I can't get there. I am getting a satnav soon and am hoping this will help me. Does anyone else have a driving phobia too?

Hi all,

This topic hasn't been up for ages!

I also suffer from social anxiety but thought it was just my flawed and weird personality rather than something that common. So, this topic was a kind of revelation to me and I'm now eager to change the way things are, so ordered a couple of books mentioned here.

How's everyone doing? Have things gotten better for anyone?

I went through the whole topic and can identify with most of those who posted their stories. My anxiety peaked about 4 years ago (i'm 32 now), then things got better when my DH moved in with me. His presence helps me a lot and I feel much more confident when he's doing things or going places together with me.
But I still have problems communicating with people, will speak only when asked a question and remain silent at all other times when in a group. Can speak one to one with someone, but still struggle finding a matter to discuss and feel pretty silly. Feel that others think i'm an alienated, rude and indifferent freak. Have problems going to unfamiliar places, doing some things when being watched, making phone calls (even to wish a happy birthday to my sister - will have a speach ready in my head before calling), will tremble and sweat when need to speak in public or represent my company on a meeting, don't have friends, don't go out much. I also lack confidence and will constantly look for any signs from other people that i'm doing things well, will analyze their words and behaviour, but will still be struggling to feel confident anyway, so mostly will conclude that those who praise me are two-faced. Will resist doing anything that can make me look silly (and that can be the smallest and most unexpected thing). Can't say hi or smile to people on streets as firstly don't want to get into conversation as don't know what to say to them and secondly have a poor eyesight and can't be sure they are returning my smile rather than staring in suspicion or looking away. Don't stay in contact with my parents/sister/etc and suffer much from guilt, but can't change it. Feel void and as if not feeling anything towards people (including DH and relatives) most of the time. As many others here, didn't see many visitors in our house as a child, didn't have birthday parties, etc. And my father used to say that I should be careful when choosing friends because most people will be friendly just because they need something from me. Was always criticized by my parents because of having no opinion of my own.

But I don't want my DD who's almost 8mo now to have the same problems or have any other problems because of my anxiety!!!
Although I feel that I've already done her bad because I was feeling pretty terrible for the first 3-4 months of her life (at first i was striken that many fundamental things i thought should have been good for a baby aren't that good and therefore felt extremely guilty because of making these mistakes with DD, was feeling helpless, desperate because of not knowing why she was crying and how to help her, etc) and that could have affected her. Was crying a lot together with her...
But do hope to change things!

Is there anything going on apart from self-help books, is anyone meeting up?

Hope you won't find my post and my questions silly
And hope it's fine to resurrect this thread.

Hello I know this is an old thread but am struggling at the moment. Have name changed as don't want to be outed. After a few years I have started a new job and unfortuntaly all of my old anxieties are back with a vengence.

I am finding that when I'm with a large (or even small!) group of people from work, I am sitting there dreading to be called upon to provide input to the topic or even worse be called up to the front with the presenter to discuss something.

I am wondering is anyone has come up with any helpful ideas which have eased their social anxiety since our original thread.

I suffer with this-it is such a hard thing to admit-feel like such a failure finding situations that others don't need to think about so stressful. It would be great if some of the posters from this old thread could write back and say they have overcome this.

A fellow sufferer here! I've had it on and off for about 8 years. Had my ADs upped from 20mg to 30mg two weeks ago and 'think' they are making things a little better.

Had to have a meeting at work on Tuesday with someone I hadn't met before and was fidgeting in my seat like I had ants in my pants. Felt like saying I needed the loo for the first 5 minutes so I could escape. Was struggling to talk because of my erratic breathing. I'm sure he thought I was a total weirdo!!!!!

Hiya,

I've suffered this for years, I'm pretty awful with it TBH, I'm on sertraline for it as I suffer general anxiety but my social anxiety is also sky high.

I'm 27 and I genuinly don't have 1 friend as I find it too difficult.

My husband is fantastic and I have 3 sisters but I even find it hard with one of my sisters as shes so confident and loud!

I don't do friends as i just end up making excuses not to see them as i get too panicked.

DH has a friend and ive been seaking to his wife on FB for years but never met her she only lives 30 mins away.

I make excuses everytime she wants to meet up and its just so embarressing :(

I tend to only go out with my DH, hes very social and everyone says helo to him as he is so friendly but then im behind hi and feel ignored.

I think they think im a moody woman or unfriendly but im just worried to pipe up and say hello in case im blanked, or they dont hear me and i would feel so so stupid and play it over hundreds f times in my head :(

My meds have been doubled from 50mg to 100mg but not started the 100 yet, ive started to get palpitations and i think ive had a few mild panick attacks too :(

Hi green, I'll be your friend

I'm not suffering to the extent you are but can relate to your feelings.

My husband is my one and only true friend. I don't like getting too close to anyone as I feel like I'm letting my guard down and will be unfairly judged if I start panicking.

I hate being able to 'cope' one day and being a bag of nerves the next. Last week I had to leave work within 15 minutes of getting there as I'd already psyched myself up for a panicky day. Luckily my boss isn't in the same office so I didn't have to explain myself to anyone and just worked from home. It's not the answer though is it! The strange thing was I'd managed to pick up some lunch from Tesco on my way to work (struggle with supermarkets big time) but 'something' triggered in my brain on the 5 minute drive to work and that was it for the day.

I'm currently on citalopram and have been for about 3 years (it's about the 5th or 6th AD I've tried over the years). Have read about setraline and wonder if I should give it a try. Have to go back to the GP in a fortnight for a review. But I worry that I'll have to reduce the citalopram which will make me more nervous and then have to wait for the setraline to kick in. I can't decide which is the lesser of two evils to get to the point of being able to manage with 'normal' daily life.

My BIL suffers badly. Paroxetine (seroxat) is an anti depressant especially for social phobia. It changed his life. Also having CBT treatment helps.

My daughter is 15 and I think she suffers from this not too bad as yet but I don't want it to get any worse. Does anyone know of any cbt online therapists that they would recommend and any alternative/herbal remedies? Thanks

My BIL has this. He takes Seroxat (paroxatine) it's been a miracle for him.

Yes, but you'd not know from looking at me. It's all internal. For me the best treatment is having successful social interactions - for every one of those I feel good, so I make myself go out and do things. I work with the general public and almost have a customer service persona, which allows me to do more than I can usually do.

I'll have to name change after this one I guess but in my family we were all a bit shy and we used to fight because no-one wanted to be the one to ring up and order the takeaway, as we didn't want to talk on the phone to strangers!

I should add it's taken many years and a good amount of therapy, and I often still feel just as scared inside!

Social anxiety/ social phobia isn't simply shyness, it is when a person fears being in certain social settings because of fear of being negatively evaluated by others. It can result in people avoiding certain social situations, commonly speaking in public or parties.

Symptoms of social anxiety www.medstorerx.com/mental-health/anxiety-disorder.aspx ,may include panic attacks, shallow breathing, increased heartbeat, dizziness and so on.

It could also be caused by previous embarassing experiences e.g. bullying or public humiliation.

Hi Iam new to this page I have had axiety for most of my life since i was 19 dont know what triggered it off but It drives me crazy I hate it Just when you think you have sorted thing out with you mind and back i comes the feelings of doubt and horrible thoughts of what if this and that happens I dont think somtimes people understand and you feel so alone I have a lovely family and 2 wonderful children and a lovley husband i have driven to dristracton somtimes when I am ill he just dose not know what to do I have tried pills and therapists and self help tapes but somtimes they dont help My confidence is somtomes really low i struggle to go out in the car incase somthing happens which I know it wont but in my mind I know people that have never suffered this think we we are moaning and saying get on with it but its so hard somtimes so hard and you feel scared and alone.