Social Anxiety anyone?

[MiserableCow]

Inspired from another thread, and because I'm a bit pissed, I thought I'd ask...does anyone else on here have social phobia/anxiety?

Don't want to go into full detail at the moment incase I get no responses and I'll then feel even more of an alien.

Namechange if you need to, but I really want to know if anyone else on here battles with this?

Doesn't help I am rubbing it off on DH either. We were at the park yesterday and there was a few people, and we were whispering to eachother "you take him to the swing" "no, you take him" "look, just take him, people are looking" etc. under our breaths. I used to always just pay for someone else to get drinks aswell because I couldn't face walking to the bar, and ordering, then wlaking back. Eeeek, I am a total nutcase!

I have diagnosis for social phobia which has been with me for approx. 20 years, I am now 43. My problems were/are worrying about people over studying me in situations e.g writing a cheque in a shop, could not do this for years so did not go shopping; doing presentations at work I shook uncontrollably. I did not have a proper wedding as knew I would be too anxious; my two ds's are not christened because I could not go through with the thought of being looked at. At one point I could not stand anyone coming to my house unannounced, as if the doorbell went and I wasn't expecting anyone I would shake uncontollably. These extreme reactions went on for quite a few years before I was given propanalol to stop the anxiety and I can honestly say these have saved my life. I never thought I would be able to have family but my consultant was happy for me to stay on the medication during the pregnancies. When DS2 was born I had PND which I was prescribed fluoxetine for. I found this dealt with the paranoid feelings. So much so that today I no longer feel so anxious and am able to lead a happy fulfilled life. I still am not very good at one-ones with friends and prefer to have a more than one person for company. I can then just listen and not have to feel I have to say interesting things. Sorry if I have gabbled on but at one point I never ever thought there was anyone else like me. By the way in RL no-one would believe I have these problems. Was a manager at work and appear to be very sociable, bubbly person. Nobody knows apart from MN/DH/Sister.

quootie I used to do that or if we went out for a meal I used to tell Dh what I wanted as I couldnt order myself. In fact am still like that but we just dont go out, cant even order at the blooming drive thru!!!

I went through a period of not being able to eat in restaurants. I couldn't stand the idea of anyone I didn't know watch me eat. I felt very panicky at the very idea & this was when I was a slim & gorgeous 20 yr old. It passed.

Aww Quotie love. I haven't followed your threads but I'm aware that you've had it rough. You sound very, very down but I think it sounds like you're anxious about everything and very unhappy (sorry if I'm being patronising - not meaning to )

LostinFrance - we were allowed friends round as kids but not in the same way that other people did it. If someone knocked on the door without warning then they would NOT be invited in. My mum had to do everything as you describe it - best china and posh biccies and it made me cringe. Maybe this is where it stems from for me. I don't know how to be informal but hate being formal. I just wanted mates to come in and relax - listen to music, gossip and whatever else people do in informal situations. I don't know whether the problem was there before this though and that's why I felt soooo uncomfortable with it, or if that's what has made me uncomfortable.

It's funny what you are saying about not having many people around. We never ever had people home and never had anyone home for tea. I also never had a birthday party. So in fact as a family we did not learn to socialise. Although my parents did have a good group of friends. Mum is dead now so can't ask why we did not have people round but always bothered me.

Flowertop - thank you so much for that post. You've described it exactly as I feel and I have all the same worries as you.

It took me years to get the confidence to sign a visa slip and I was outraged when they changed it to chip and pin - convinced that I'd get it all wrong, go over the top and remove my card or press the enter button when the cashier was supposed to do it. I never got married because I couldn't handle having to organise it - what if it was pants; I chose the wrong dress; forgot something that everyone else was born knowing about.

I never had problems with boys when I was younger. The blushing used to make me anxious, but it was quite easy to convince boys that lights off was best and unfortunately I used to go too far with them when I didn't want to because at least I didn't have to talk .

I'm very interested in the medication you're on, but dread actually speaking to anyone about this in RL - I haven't ever spoken about this before now.

I'm probably coming across as full of self-hatred and totally self-absorbed, but I'm not like that at all. I'm quite confident in myself - would even say that I like myself. I know I'm not stupid or unattractive so I think a lot of people would think I was being ridiculous if I told them this.

In our family Flowertop we didn't have people round because my dad is an alcoholic. My mum hid this from everyone and I think she went OTT with the formality of socialising because she was paranoid that people DID know and she wanted to appear to be in control and not the kind of woman that puts up with a man like HIM.

CD, sounds as though you're not on your own

I spend a ridiculous amount of time being anxious about silly things (I know they're silly but knowing that doesn't seem to help), like what people think about what I'm wearing, am I sayng the wrong thing, talking a load of rubbish (can end up babbling when anxious), am I typing a load of rubbish on mn etc.etc. I always feel worse in a group situation, or with a mix of people in a room - if 2 people talk to each other out of my earshot I'm convinced they're talking about me/what I've said/done etc. This is the case in any situation, but worst at parties, at lunchtime at work and at DS' nursery when dropping & collecting(why????). I know that in most situations it's really unlikely that anyone would be wasting their breath talking about me, and people have better things to talk about, but the thoughts don't stop popping into my head.

My problems are not severe, but do rule my life to a certain extent. I would love to go to a cognitive-behavioural therapist. My problem is that I work in health centres and have had lunch with many of the therapists in the team that serves my area. I wouldn't feel comfortable talking about my problems to someone I have seen at work IYSWIM. Also, I know the health centre receptionists who would have to book my appointments, and I certainly don't want them knowing my business, as nice as they are. I haven't thought of a way round that problem yet! I can't afford to go private.

I recommend that you talk to your GP about your problems. Don't be scared that you'll blush - blushing is probably not helping the problem in other situations, so your GP will just be able to understand even better what's going on. I hope that makes sense. Do you think you might benefit from CBT to help you to change thinking patterns etc.?

Right it's taken me nearly an hour to type this message cos I keep re-writing it, but now I'm just going to click send. Sorry if things have progressed in the meantime...

It's funny isn't it as when they changed to chip and pin I was delighted as it was the thought of someone watching me sign that sent me into a major panic. When I was doing some CBT with the maudsley clinic in London I had to go to a store and stay there until my anxiety systems decreased. I was there so long that they thought I was about to shop lift and someone asked what I was up to - very embarrassing and not conducive to a good recovery. The medication I'm on is a beta blocker and is widely used for anxiety symptoms. For me they truly have saved my life as for a while I did want to end it all (pre kids) and knew I could not go on. They take away that incredible surge of anxiety. May not work as well for everyone but please just speak to your Dr who will be able to give you more info. I know I will have to take these drugs for the rest of my life, after all I have taken them for over 20 years now. But as a GP said to me once 'if it is going to give you a better quality of life, what would you prefer' there was no arguing with that. Thanks for giving me the opportunity of telling my story. Like I said only two people have ever known.

Thanks for your post PB. I woke up this morning feeling like I did something terrible last night - I was drinking but not excessively and often post nonsense on here or text something to my ex-p which will come back to bite me. Then I remembered this thread and it has taken me till lunchtime to log on and read - I was that nervous that I would either be totally ignored or laughed at/told to grow up. So I'm selfishly relieved that I'm not the only alien .

Totally understandable why you feel that your hands are tied regarding getting some help. It's not fair, but I'd feel the same. My DS has a disability so I've built up a relationship with my GP over the past 5 years, and he's a very good doctor. Very much into feeling good about yourself and he spent a lot of time with me when I was depressed about DS's development. He kept me off AD's as they wern't right for me (it's not as if the situation was going to get better with medication so he helped me find ways of coping with NLP and life strategies. I think he WOULD be very understanding but also a bit shocked. I come across as very business like and in control and I'm scared he'll start to wonder if I'm a hypochondriac or just revelling in any problem because I enjoy it. He's leaving the practice this month so I could just wait until May and see a different GP or trust that I will go bright red and he'll know that I'm genuine.

I wish I could just stop analysing everything. I'm sure that my GP isn't suspicious of me and that he doesn't even have an opinion on me. I'm just a patient.

yes nemo - i do that with waiters - i dont answer phone and door

God Flowertop - that sounds like a sick comedy sketch. I can just imagine how much you were squirming - awful

Someone did mention BetaBlockers to me a few years ago to control the blushing. I don't feel like I really care about being on medication long term. I'm sick of feeling like this and I think I'm drifting into a danger zone with the alcohol, which in turn makes the facial flushing worse.

Thanks everyone for sharing. I've sat here for hours and need to get on, but for once feel like I haven't wasted time. Feeling much more normal now .

I don't answer door or phone either. My MN friend had to MSN me and say she was calling, and it still took me a few attemps to pick up. I kept typing "ok, ill pick up now" If anything bad happens it goes round and round and round in my head aswell, I analyse (sp??) it from every angle, picking it apart, instead of just letting things go.

I am relieved to read some of these posts. I don't exactly have social anxiety - more like agrophobia with a bit of social anxiety.

What struck me about your posts is that I also didn't socialise a lot as a child. One of my parents was an alcoholic, the other was hardly ever around and they never had friends round, we never had parties, we were like social pariahs. I was also bullied at school for a few years (it stopped in the end).

I have found having children incredibly difficult. I have forced myself to be sociable on their behalf - we regularly have friends round to play and they often go to other people's houses. However, I am discovering that being sociable on their behalf has a major downside in that I am now expected to be sociable too and I find that incredibly difficult. I'm torn between desperately wanting to be friends with people and having the closeness that comes with it but also wanting to be alone.

I'm terrified of letting my children down - I don't want them to even have to experience a nano second of the life that I did but I also find it such such hard work to be constantly challenging my anxiety and fears.

This is a great thread. I started one on CBT but only got a few replies - but this has actually answered and allayed a few of my fears. I did a google for propanalol and found some info on OCD, social anxiety and others. Was really interesting.

I think the main thing is when you feel like this in your head, it is very embarrassing and you think the Dr will be thinking to themselves - there are people with terminal illnesses and you come in with this nonsense. It seems so daft yet to ourselves it is crippling and debilitating to the extreme. I know I would do anything to be able to live life 'normally' and to the full again. When i think about myself years ago - I did all sorts and now I freak at the thought of going anywhere where there might not be a loo It's terrible.

I have tried all sorts of therapies but I am seriously considering going to the Dr now and enquiring about some medication as have had enough of feeling like this. My DH is very understanding, thankfully, but I am worried about when our LO gets older and needs to go to nursery etc. I don't want to affect her life either.

Rumpel - I just saw your thread in active convos a minute ago and wanted to reply but I'm sorting dinner out. I'll be back on later to read through all this properly again and I'll read yours too. CBT scares me a bit but it's probably what I need.

Flowertop, I could really relate to your post. Although I don't suffer so severely as you. We rarely had people over to our house during my childhood. My mum was really shy. I never had a birthday party. I had a tiny wedding, couldn't cope with the thought of being stared at. Have avoided any big celebrations for me (40th) but have made a huge effort with my children's parties. On the outside I seem pretty sociable and it would be a surprise to friends if they knew how anxious and stressed I am about social ocassions. I get very nervous before doing the school run or if I have made a social arrangement with people. I hate big events, crowds, parties or social gatherings but you'd never guess. I'm lucky that I can cope without medication but sometimes everyday situations can be an ordeal.

We should do a social anxiety meet-up I had to send DH to the swings without me earlier I know what you mean about people having "real" illness', but this to me is physically disabling. DH has trouble understanding it though (along with my various other ailments!)

God it is tragically sad that there are so many of us that are just not living life to the full and enjoying every precious moment of it - all the lovely things like rainbows and the smell of grass in the park, colours and sounds. It makes me very . I love meeting new people and people watching.
I love engaging conversations and hearing people's life stories - I just get very with myself for feeling like I might lose control of my bowels any moment

Have any of you tried positive affirmations? Might be worth a try for some of you. Visualisation too.
It's worth a try I say, works for some but not for all.

CD - haven't got much time, so have to type this right 1st time...

I would go to your GP before he leaves. He knows you quite well, and won't judge you. My experiences have been mixed, but I once had a GP tell me I am 'just depressed'. That was NOT the case at that time. Yes, I have been depressed but it is quite a different thing for me. A GP who knows you well would be less likely to make this mistake in my opinion. He would also have a good idea what might and might not be useful to you (medication, CBT etc). Please think about asking your GP for help of one form or another.

I agree with Pobletsmum, CD.

Think I have this mildly - on a good day in comfortable company I am fine, but on a bad day and/or when there are too many people or overcrowded surroundings, I can shut down or come over as very, erm well, nervous and or desperate to be liked, and have the gremlins in my head telling me that some stranger/shop assistant thinks I am a terrible mother/am stupid/weird/look a mess etc.

Interestingly there were various difficulties with visitors to the house when I was a kid too.

Rumpel - I agree it's sad.

Have tried affirmations: 'I'm OK' x10, looking in the mirror, at least once a day (counsellor's recommendaion). Just felt a wally! Might help others though.

Also had to do something positive for myself that had made me happy in the past - playing a musical instrument that I used to play. Again, didn't help me much, but maybe some of you would find it helpful?

I always breathe a sigh of relief at MN type meet ups once a group goes down to 4/5 - I find any more simply unnerving!