Social Anxiety anyone?

[MiserableCow]

Inspired from another thread, and because I'm a bit pissed, I thought I'd ask...does anyone else on here have social phobia/anxiety?

Don't want to go into full detail at the moment incase I get no responses and I'll then feel even more of an alien.

Namechange if you need to, but I really want to know if anyone else on here battles with this?

I suffer with generalized social anxiety - it can be so depressing.

I suffer all the symptoms EleanorRigby described, the sweating, trembling, fear and dread of having to do simple stuff like picking up DD from school (I really hate this) I hate the fact there are so many people around. I am sure from the other parents point of view I am downright ignorant- but this is not so, I just find it hard to talk to people.

I hate talking on the telephone, I hate any type of confrontation. I hat to turn down doing a degree course at University because I couldn't bare to be in groups with strangers.

I would be happy just staying in the house all day.

You have my sympathy.

Hi FattyChick, I just wanted to reassure you that the other parents at your school are probably wrapped up in their own stuff to form an opinion of your mood or demeanour. I have plenty of thoughts like this and over the last year (see, I HAVE managed to talk to some of them over a year!!)I have discovered that one is on anti-depressants for PND, one is going through divorce, and another has too hectic a life and is not getting enough help from her husband at home. What I am trying to say is, they more than likely don't think you are ignorant, but more leave you alone until you are ready to talk. I know how horrible this can be, but please try and remember that it's not impossible to reoover. Others have done it, why not us?

Hi everyone I'm glad to see that this thread has been updated. I cannot stress enough how bad I have been with anxiety all my life but mostly for the past 20 plus years. I still feel anxious in social situations and use beta blockers to suppress my anxiety. The last time I felt awful was when my cousin came to the house and hadn't seen her for 14 years. I was in such a state before she came (even with medication). I shake, feel tearful and just generally terrible. I have noticed that the build up to the situation is often much worse than the situation itself. When I actually saw her my anxiety seemed to just 'cool off' to an acceptable degree. Before I had CBT I would have avoided the situation completely and told her I was away so she couldn't come to stay. I feel that by facing the situation (even with medication) the anxiety will get easier. When I was younger I could not even put petrol in my own car because I would shake so much writing a cheque or just signing my name on the payment slip. The treatment I received from the hospital was that I had to stay in the queue after filling my car up and sign. In the beginning I stood in the queue shaking and could hardly sign my name. I found after a while the anxiety did get easier and I was able to go shopping. I was told to have notes in my purse which had things on them like 'what is the worst thing that can happen in this situation' 'I am really coping well with this situation'. By just reading these it made such a difference as I was focussing on something else.
I am by no means cured of this dreadful disability (for me that is what this has been) but I am coping with every day life. I am still paranoid about people not liking me etc. but they would have no idea so I just suffer the insecure feelings to myself. Anyway keep posting your thoughts as know it helps so much.

Just noticed this thread, haven't read it all. I suffered a lot as a teenager and in my early twenties with this condition - never sought help for it as I thought it was only me feeling like it. I found every social situation a trial, I blush very easily, feel everyone is criticising me and hating me for anything I do. I couldn't use public toilets, sign my name without shaking uncontrollably, speak in public, use public transport. I had regular panic attacks, especially in lectures at college. I don't know how I managed to get through it to be honest, I hid away. I am 32 now and still suffer but not as much. I still think people think bad of me all the time, I feel people critiscise or hate me and I know its irrational but I replay a lot of situations over and over. Having children has helped give me some confidence. But I still find some things very hard. I try to get out as much as I can for their sake. I definitely feel much stronger now with occasional wobbles. I suppose I come across cold and unfriendly at times, but all I want is for people to like me. A bit of a vicious circle really. I am happily married to someone safe who I feel secure with. It may not be the most passionate of relationships but I feel secure and loved which is all I ever wanted. Ooops have rambled, just want people to know they are not alone! Right just need to get over the feeling of nerves as I hit the post button. (please don't hate me .

Haven't read the whole thread. Have always suffered from anxiety and blushing which covers my whole neck and just doesn't go away. So my solution for nervewracking occasions is to wear polo necks!

Insider - sorry forgot to add the weekend workshop sounds a great idea. Let us all know more.
XX

To maviscrewitt, well done for sharing all that. I have experienced so many similar things. Cheque writing was one for me also in my teens, and during my 'good' period I managed to banish it. Good thing is now it's chip and pin! My latest is drinking tea or coffee from a cup and saucer - will I shake and spill it! - so have avoided many a situation where this may happen. I must stress again that I have had long periods of respite from this in the past and I do believe it's possible to get better, maybe not completely but to a level where you can enjoy life again. My goal, which I think many of us share, is to be happy, confident, secure and liked. Thanks to flowertop also for sharing. It's all so very helpful. Keep it coming everyone.

Has any one used the Linden method successfully? DP suffers from this in any personal situation, Fine at work but a nightmare in social gatherings.

Darling neice is getting to be the same aged 16 so it would be worth investing if Linden method is effective.

Thanks george11. Chip and pin is an absolute godsend . I can so relate to the cup and saucer thing, the rattling is awful and get worse the closer to your mouth you get it. Eating soup or peas in public is another trauma. I have periods of good and bad days and I have learnt to live with it. Sometimes I feel almost like two people as I talk inside my head - its hard to explain but I have negative thoughts about a situation or people and then tell myself I am being irrational. Most odd, I hope I don't go bonkers. Thanks for the support everyone it really helps.

Maviscrewitt. No you won't go bonkers. I thought exactly the same thing until I spoke to a few people about it and our 'disability' is a bi-product of an inquiring and sensitive mind, in other words someone who thinks too deeply, not a sign that you are about to go mad (although it certainly feels like that sometimes!) Rest assured you are not alone. That in itself is so helpful.

Yep, social anxiety here, too - in some contexts. Fine with small groups - love having a friend or two over for food, chatting into the small hours, etc. And no problem chatting with a shopkeeper or one other mum in the village shop - but 20 of them at pre-school?! [bewildered emoticon]

Rubbish with groups. Don't remember ever liking them. Clam up, can't find words, stutter them when I do find them. Get so cross with myself, as I thought I was fairly bright, but almost certainly come across as gormless. Frustrating.

'Tis proving a barrier to integrating into village we moved to 18 months ago - girls' night down pub, with 10 or more big personalities, loud and tipsy, is just too much to bear!

When I was a child, I remember being told - lots - that I'm "too sensitive" and that I "think too much". Ties in with what george11 said. Having an "enquiring mind" sounds better, though.

Me too.

Let's see. It's not as debilitating as it could be. I think my situation is that I was a shy child. I had an anxious shy mother and a very dominating, shouty, hard to please father. As a teenager I had acne. And throughout my childhood and up to meeting my husband, I experienced a great deal of rejection from boyfriends and friendship groups.

Now I am married to a wonderful man and have two gorgeous children, I feel I should be over this but the feelings of inferiority, fear of authority and inability to speak up in front of a group are still affecting me and stopping me from living a full life. It almost feels like it has got worse because I can hide away more now.

I do push myself out of my comfort zone from time to time but I don't see improvement and my inner voice is forever critical.

I almost faint in job interviews. I blush easily. I am like a statue in a group, unanimated, constantly fearful I will be called upon to speak, my mind goes blank, I worry, worry, worry. I try to avoid bumping into my neighbours. I feel like a 5 year old in the presence of perceived authority figures. I'm hopeless at talking to men. I am unable to speak loudly enough for people to hear me when I am nervous. I can't bear to be criticised or judged.

I'd like to change. I don't want to live the next half of my life bowing down to this stupid anxiety. But I don't know how to change. I can't afford therapy. I don't know what to say to the doctor - although I do think I am depressed at the moment too.

I'll go back and see what others have written. Perhaps we could all help each other? Start a little group on here.

I just looked up the Linden method. I am a little dubious about the cost. I have to say that if I ever developed a fool proof method to get over social anxiety, I'd be giving away my advice for free in the hope of helping as many people as possible to reocover and live happy lives. Fair enough charge to cover expenses for admin and materials but I wouldn't be out to make a profit off others hopeless misery when I have been there myself and know what it feels like.

I am amazed how many people suffer with Social anxiety (me included), its bloody awful I know.

UnfulfilledLife - if you come with something to combat this horrible social anxiety, I will be your first customer .

My mother suffered from this. I didn't know it at the time, but realise now how much it affected me. Like Flowertop, we never had people to the house, and never socialised with anyone outside the immediate family. We never went to a restaurant, or indeed anywhere where you had to talk to anyone. My mum never came to a school function/parents evening etc.

She was fine in supermarkets, etc, but would never, EVER go into a small shop. She wouldn't make a phone call either. No one realised how bad she was until my father died, leaving her completely exposed.

In my twenties I was a wreck: I was generally useless because I was developing all the same phobias.

I am still shy and don't care for people coming to the house - I get terribly nervous and can't even make a cup of coffee without feeling inadequate, but I have made such an effort to make sure that I don't go down the same road as my mother. I hope it's not in the genes!

I posted earlier in the week but didn't have much time then.

I was like this from my teens until my twenties. Blushing very easily, rash on the neck, hated public speaking. I can pinpoint when it all started - in a class at school and I was asked to read. Previous to this day I used to love reading in front of everyone, think I just developed self-consciousness overnight and and it just got worse. It spread into other areas of my life and I was a very anxious person for a long time, hated presentations at work etc.

My turning point was 2 things, I decided I did not want to go through all my life feeling like this and needed to do something about it. I read so many self help books, but the one that really really helped me and I used to read it daily was "Feel the fear and do it anyway". It helped me so much, and made me realise I could do something about feeling so bad. It's all about getting rid of the negative inner voice that tells you you're rubbish etc etc, replacing it with positive thoughts and pushing through your comfort zones.The more you keep on pushing, the more confident you will feel.

I also saw a poster advertising the Association of Speakers that said "Do you fear Public Speaking more than death?" and knew that this was me. So I went along to the meeting (was nerve racking the first time) and found this was also great for developing confidence (www.the-asc.org.uk)

I am definitely a different person to the person I used to be. I am very confident now and although I do get the odd moments where I blush it is nothing compared to what it used to be like. Now when I blush I just think so what, it doesn't matter.

Just wanted to say that there are ways to overcome this, don't let it beat you and ruin your life

I have this book Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness:A Self-help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioural Techniques

I've not started the exercises yet because I have a tendency to procrastinate. It gets very positive reviews on Amazon. I wonder if anyone here has used it or if anyone here would be interested in using it alongside me - so we can spur each other on and help mentor and motivate each other.

Anyone......?

To UnfulfilledLife. I would definately be interested in giving the book a go with you. I read a self help book during my PND when I was suffering badly with social anxiety and it definately eased things. Even if it helps for one situation per week when you are suffering it's worth it. This affliction is awful but if I can add any positives it is that I have had long spells during my life where I have coped and lived fairly happily with my anxiety. It ebbs and flows and hard as it is to believe when you are feeling bad, you can enjoy life again. Don't give up hope.

unfulfilled life/george11 I'll have a go with the book, just need to order it first. I've lived with this so long I would love to do something positive to tackle it. I'm being quite motivated at the moment as trying to lose weight and get fit too. It was such a big step to manage to jog round our village, I still think everyone is watching and laughing at me, but I've managed it and feel so much better. New life here I come!!!!!

Excellent. Let me know when you get the book and we'll start a new thread to post progress and if we need some help with specific situations.

Good for you for going jogging round your village. I feel much less anxious when I am outdoors with cool air on my face but put me in the front of an aerobics class or somewhere with mirrors and I cannot perform out of worry for how I look.

Great. Just got to order the book. Well done for taking some positive action. Exercise is great for low self esteem, I'm going to start walking loads more. And don't worry maviscrewit, if I saw someone like you out jogging all I'd think would be "look at her making an effort to get fit", anyone who thinks otherwise isn't worth thinking about.

Bumping this for anyone who missed it.

Have got book now - let me know when we're all ready for the off!

Hi, just got back from holiday and have ordered the book. Should have it Tuesday/Wednesday.

Fab news, hope you had a good holiday. I'm just reading through the first couple of background chapters. Haven't dared check the therapy part yet .