Would you see a doctor?

[Goingtobeawesome]

I am currently unable to speak. I want to but I can't. I'm certain this is due to the stress and upset I have had this year. I also have panic attacks and shake a lot. This is the fourth time it has happened this month.

Medically I am having a lot of stomach pains and also have symptoms for a neuro endocrine tumour and I will ask for the blood test to check when I see the surgeon next month as the appointment was for the stomach pains and no one knows the new symptoms. I thought I was pre menopausal but blood tests said not but the not speaking is unsettling.

[ScarlettDarling]

You must feel stressed to bits, so glad you have an appointment. Let us know how you get on xx

[Goingtobeawesome]

I'm back. I wrote everything down and dh said a little. Was annoyed he didn't speak up quicker. Doctor struggled to find meds for me but has prescribed two. My temp is up a tiny bit. Thinks I need counselling. I think I've just had enough after a really difficult time plus doc said a lot going on as I've got stomach etc issues. I've also got a MRI on Saturday for pain from a fall I had years ago that won't go away.

I hate dh right now as he's part of why I'm anxious

[ScarlettDarling]

Have you managed to speak yet? What has the doctor prescribed for you? It sounds like you've got an awful lot on your plate at the minute so you really need to start being kind to yourself. Do the bare minimum at home, tell work you're sick, tell your dh that he needs to pull his weight and refuse to listen to him moaning about it. Take time to be peaceful and quiet and breathe. Counselling sounds good. Hopefully your MRI might help address your pain issues. Sending a big hug and good wishes.

[Goingtobeawesome]

I can't speak. It's been 29 hours. Last time it was 10pm-11am ish.

Doc prescribed one daily of paroxetine and 3 daily when needed of diazepam. Have taken one of the latter. Not what I wanted to take. Dh said too. Think because former is longer term. Think he's worried about side effects etc.

Thank you

[Goingtobeawesome]

I'm going to bed now. Hopefully I'll sleep. I'm exhausted. Scared about tomorrow.

[ScarlettDarling]

Please take the paroxetine. I'm not an expert on these things but I think it's an anti depressant isn't it? I take a low dose of sertraline every day for anxiety and it really does help. Side effects were mild (general feeling of yuckness and a churny tummy, ) and short lived. Hope you get a good nights sleep.

[gingeroots]

Please please don't feel you're ridiculous or wasting resources .You must be so stressed for your body to be reacting like this .

It must be dreadful ,you must feel awful .You poor love .

Please take the stuff the GP has given you ,don't try not to .

I hope you get some help and support .That you feel better soon .That your DH can be a bit more D ...

[Goingtobeawesome]

Hello

I did sleep but had a horrible dream and I don't want to get up. I feel I can't. Meant to be taking DD out. Still haven't spoken. I can feel I'm going down a slippery slope of drugs, staying in my room and never talking again. Last time I had to have anti depressants (for PND) I got to the point where I felt I was in a fog and didn't feel that was safe with the kids.

[PoorAndRich]

Glad you had a good rest.

It's probably a good idea to stick to what the dr has prescribed in the doses prescribed just for the time being. Any side effects usually subside after a couple of days.

You are doing your best. Try not to be hard on yourself.

You've started by seeing the gp. Tomorrow you're in for an MRI....you're on the right track to feeling better.

[Goingtobeawesome]

It's been so hard. This past year has been unbearable. criminal trial where I was the material witness/victim and gave evidence before the abuser finally had to plead guilty multiple times. He's dead now. Then I was unwell and doctors couldn't agree. Things ruled out. Seeing doc next month at hospital as still can't work it out then dh confessed to a 15 month emotional affair and then he slept with her five time over three days. Bastard. I'm feeling like this because all that is too much

[gingeroots]

I'm glad that you've explained some of the background .

There is no need to strike it through .It happened .People should know .

It sounds horrific .No wonder you're body is in lockdown .

Hope the day with your daughter goes well .

+

[DoItTooJulia]

What makes you think a NET? It's an unusual thing-is there a reason you've thought of that?

Is your voice hoarse when you can use it? Has the quality of your voice changed?

Sounds horrible for you

[pklme]

You have had a terrible time. Terrible. Your poor body may be trying to protect you from further hurt, by just shutting down. You really need specialist help. Are you lined up for trauma counselling? It sounds as though there are some physical conditions to look at alongside some emotional trauma issues. Try and access something like EMDR. Lots of MN folk have described how it helps with past trauma. Wish I could help properly...

[oldbirdy]

Loss of voice when pressured is what happens in selective mutism. I am not saying that you have selective mutism as that is usually a long-standing condition and people can usually talk to certain people, I am telling you because it is absolutely possible for anxiety to physically freeze the vocal chords, and it will very probably ease off as your anxiety reduces. I mean, it's probably not a medical issue. Hope you feel better soon.

[insan1tyscartching]

Ds has selective mutism, at times of high anxiety he isn't able to speak either. For some people they are able to speak in different situations or to familiar people but ds loses the ability to speak.To resolve it we have to address the cause of the anxiety. He was prescribed a very low dose of paroxetine but because of other issues he never manged a therapeutic dose, maybe an anti depressant could help you?

[oldbirdy]

Sorry I didn't explain that well. I meant the not being able to talk is very probably anxiety or trauma based rather than medical. I'm not commenting on any other medical issues you have, though I expect the level of anxiety you are feeling about your symptoms, coupled with all the other stressors in your life, is very probably contributing to not being able to talk; but that being unable to talk is unlikely to be medically based from what you describe.

[MollyHuaCha]

For you.
Just a thought... how about you take the pressure off yourself re talking? It seems you are waiting for yourself to speak. So my gentle suggestion is decide that you will definitely not speak at all today until at least 5pm. Instead you can just concentrate on nice things (if poss) such as listening to the radio, having a nice lunch, making a cake, maybe a little window shopping. When 5pm comes, you can choose to either say just one lovely word like "cosy!" or not speak at all for the rest of the day. Wishing you well.

[Goingtobeawesome]

I struck it out as I'm embarrassed and ashamed I'm not over it and don't want it to be true. Previously when I'm shared personal stuff I've been told to shut up and stop moaning.

The NET thought came about when I read a story in woman and home I think it was and then looked at the ladies symptoms and I realised I had all of them.

It is like I don't know how to talk. I can mouth words for dh tomlip read but nothing comes out.

I met with a doctor last week. She says not the right person but has referred me to the right one. Seeing her again next month but it's four months wait to see the other. Felt a fraud filling in the form as feel dh actions are hurting me more than the abuse as a child which is what the counselling is for. Gynea doc thinks I might have ptsd from it and depression from dh actions.

When I couldn't speak before it came back as I had to talk to the kids as they looked confused. This time not even them...

I have taken the first of the P tablet. Dh okay with it but actually I don't care if he is. Want to be drugged up so I don't have the pain.

I can't even talk to my dog 💔

I went down to put the washer on and have come back to bed. Slippery slope

[gingeroots]

I don't have a gift with words as some do ,but
I'm embarrassed and ashamed I'm not over it and don't want it to be true
my heart just goes out to you .That is so understandable .

Previously when I'm shared personal stuff I've been told to shut up and stop moaning that is just awful ,horrendous .

I don't understand why your H ( clearly not a D ,H ) should not be ok with you taking stuff prescribed by your GP for anxiety . Does he want you to stay anxious ? Does he think you should "pull yourself together" with some sort of magic force of will ? I'm sure you would if it were possible .

Would it be so bad to stay in bed for the day if that's what you feel like doing ? Maybe always pushing yourself is not good ?

I wish I could give you a hug .x

[Goingtobeawesome]

Dh is taking two dcs out. Little one staying here. Had to get up as have a puppy. She didn't get a walk yesterday so can't miss again

Dh wants me well. I think he's just concerned about side effects as they were really bad last time.

[ScarlettDarling]

op keep posting. Having any outlet for your feelings is good. None of us will tell you to stop moaning, sometimes strangers can be the best listeners. Stop even thinking about your husband. Your only concerns are yourself, your children and your puppy. Your h is a grown up who has contributed significantly to your mental stress, so he can be the one to shut up and stop moaning.

[Goingtobeawesome]

I've been through so much in my life is my dh having an affair really going to be the thing that finishes me off? Is it really the worst thing that has happened? I actually do feel it is worse than the foster parent sexually abusing me. Parents didn't want me, in and out of children's homes and foster placements. Grandparents didn't want me as wouldn't get paid. Mother allowed to mess things up when happyish and stayed away when desperately unhappy and being neglected and abused. Boyfriends abusive. Then dh came along and was amazing and has been amazing for more than twenty years. Then the stress got to him and the twat found a friend who wanted out of her marriage and there we are.

Haven't proof read. Sorry if makes no sense. If I don't press post I'll lose my nerve.

[gingeroots]

Makes a whole lot of devestating sense to me awesome.

Twenty years is a long time ,you and DH have shared a lifetime together .Finding out that he was having an affair is like a bomb ,of course you're beside yourself .

What is your DH's take on your relationship now ? Is he contrite and trying to mend things ?

[Goingtobeawesome]

Dh is utterly devastated at what he's done. He only told me as her husband was writing to tell me. I got the letter minutes after dh unexpectedly came home and told me. Dh tried to say it wasn't just the legal stuff cost us six figures but the fact I still appeared to have feelings for my first love and said we were unfinished business. He felt small. My ex was the first person to love me. He fixed me after the abuse. We were together a long time to say we were fifteen. We never fell out of love. Things just happened. But I 100% loved dh and would always choose him in my head if thought about both of them.

Dh doesn't know what to do to help me. I don't know either.

Ironically I met with the ex months ago, dh knew and was okay, managed to spend a couple of hours with him without cheating . Dh was the love of my life. The real deal.

[gingeroots]

It sounds as though he realises he's been stupid and that he wants things to work .

Hang on in there sweetie ,give yourself time to get through all this . Sometimes time is the main thing .

Was his confession recent ?

I'm not sure I've understood all of your post ( why should I? life is complicated and you can't explain it in a few words ) but has his infidelity cost you both money ?

Hope you're keeping warm and safe + hug x