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Let's love our livers!!!!.................(previously dependant drinkers thread)

102 replies

dandycandyjellybean · 13/02/2007 11:08

Tried to post yesterday and couldn't coz it told me that there was no more room. So hope you guys don't mind that I started a new one, apologies for the lame name. And guess what guys, I decided to join the down your drink programme today, as I really want to do something positive about my drinking rather than just repeatedly beating my head against the bottle and then moaning about how much it hurts - physically and metaphorically!!!!
Several things factor in this, I've had quite a break in the last few days as I've had a disc in my back go, and have had to rely on other people to do a great deal of my usual work load. Hence I feel so much better in my head, and it has given me a bit of time and space to think. Plus, am about 3 weeks into my counselling which has had some really positive results too, in helping me to analyse both myself and my situation and find solutions instead of just keep drowning my feelings.
I was also reflecting yesterday that although completely turning around my relationship to alcohol probably won't be ease, this is something that I must be able to do, because I've done it twice before in my life, with other things I've had big issues with.
Firstly, had a really messed up relationship with food for a very long time, and was bulimic for quite a while in my late teens / early twenties. But after a bit of a pathetic suicide attempt put the wind up me, I made a massive change in my eating, told myself I would never diet again, ever, and allowed myself to eat anything I wanted, in the quantites that I wanted and never to deny myself anything again. Yes i did put weight on, quite a lot initially, but it has levelled out over the years, and I can honestly say that I have one of the healthiest relationships with food now of almost anyone I know (especially most of my 'thin' friends).
Secondly, about 4 years ago a very beloved uncle of mine (more like a dad really) died of an aortic anyuerism at 50, and I realised that I was a heart attack waiting to happen if I didn't shift the last of my weight. However, not wanting to diet, I knew that exercise was the only answer. However, just like the dieting, i had tried every exercise fad under the sun and had never stuck to any of them. So, when I announced after my Uncle's funeral that I was going to buy an exercise bike, my lovely dh replied 'you're not spending any more money on exercise equipment that you will only drape your clothes over after the first week!' guess he knows me well. [hlush]. Anyway that was enough to make me think, 'I'll bloody show him!' and so I started swimming 3 or 4 times a week. At first it was sheer bloody mindedness that kept me going, but once i had been doing it for a few weeks I realised that not only did I enjoy it, but it really helped my head (gave me space and time to think). In fact I wrote a book during this time, and I came up with most of my best plot twists whilst pounding up and down the pool.
Consequently, I am now someone who exercises regularly, and have been for the last four years (I even swam 3 times a week all through my pregnancy and only stopped at 38 weeks when they banned me from the pool!!!) Surely, if I can change those things, I can finally, and permanently, get this other monkey off my back.
And just to round off all of this, I was looking at my recycling box out of the kitchen window this morning and it was a bit of a Gillian McKeith 'shame' moment! It is emptied every 2 weeks and there were so many whiskey and wine bottles in there (and I know I've secreted some in the bin in moments of shame!) So, I'll let you know how I get on. (Softstuff, you have been a big motivating factor too, have followed your story on previous threads and feel so incredibly pleased for you and proud of you that you have managed to make such a drastic change, and I figure if you can do it, so can I!!!)
I will bring this long ramble to a close by saying hang in there everyone, and how grateful I am that we all have each other for support. Please, please join me here, and let's keep it up.
{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}

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BecauseImWorthIt · 13/02/2007 18:02

Wow - sounds like you have really reached a turning point! Good luck and hope it continues to be positive for you.

dandycandyjellybean · 13/02/2007 19:49

Thanks BIWI, bumping for any dep drinkers regulars, too. By the way have done my stuff for this week on the 'down your drink' website, it is really fab. Got some surprises too, and liked the way the questionaires were personalised to your situation. Feel really positive. (it's so nice to be using happy emoticons for a change!!!!)

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dandycandyjellybean · 13/02/2007 21:04

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dandycandyjellybean · 14/02/2007 11:02

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kokeshi · 14/02/2007 12:26

Hey cubby! What a great post. I identify with so much of your stuff, I think our inability to deal with emotions manifests in a whole array of self-destructive behaviours. It's so true, it's hard to break the cycle but if we do it once, it's proof positive that we're not helpless failures (a thought that has crossed my mind often).

Very inspirational. I'm at the beginning of letting go of another of my 'coping mechanisms'. I do feel quite at odds with myself but I think that has a lot of to with my hearing situation at the moment too.

kx

dandycandyjellybean · 14/02/2007 19:42

Thanks Kokeshi. I can't imagine being in your situation right now and so feel rightfully immensly proud of yourself for how you are coping. How are things with your hearing situation?

Hey you other dep drinkers regulars, will you join us? I'll keep bumping so you hopefully spot us. Hope you're all hanging in there.

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dandycandyjellybean · 14/02/2007 21:19

bumpety bump

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hellobello · 15/02/2007 10:38

Morning all... Oh dear.... Last night, we drank lots and lots of Cava (3 bottles for a tenner) and both of us have sore heads this morning. Oh the guilt the guilt. What's the bloody point in feeling guilty? How are you today, Cubby? I left a post on another thread but if this is the one, lets stick with it. How are you getting on, Kokeshi? How is your ear treatment going? I think I'm going slightly deaf, but it's all my own bloody fault for poking my ears with cotton buds. Why the hell can't I be nice to myself? Mo is lovely. Such a difference when we are getting a bit of sleep! Bella is fab too, but it's really difficult dealing with someone who wants everything her way and it doesn't work like that. I feel like a pretty crap mum.

dandycandyjellybean · 15/02/2007 11:02

Hellobello, me too love the cava...(have you tried it with a drop of peach schnapps - loverley). Sorry probably shouldn't be posting drinking tips here.
Have had a drink for the last two nights, but it has been slow and I have thought about each one, rather than a mindless pouring down my throat, which is my usual style. Hence, although I was hardly abstemious, I have been completely compus mentus by bed time, a fairly rare occurence for me. I have to say the the 'down you drink' thing is helping so, so much because it doesn't demand total abstention, but just helps you to face up to how much you are drinking, and think about ways to change. Have not felt this positive about my drinking for about 15 years. Yay!!!!! .
Found out yesterday that I have got to go for some blood tests due to a change in my blood pressure meds, and this is another incentive to get things in hand. Had lfts done when I was pg which were fine, but have been drinking very heavily for the last 15 months, so who knows? But for once in my life, I don't feel ashamed of my drinking, which is such a lovely feeling.

Anyway all, keep up the good work. love you lots....{hugs}

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dandycandyjellybean · 15/02/2007 11:06

Oh, and hellobello, you are not a crap mum! being a mum is the hardest job in the entire world, and we all struggle from time to time. DO NOT beat yourself up, in fact do the opposite. If you get a couple of free minutes to yourself at anytime today, stuff the washing up or the ironing or whatever is crying out to be done, and treat yourself to a really nice coffee, or hot choc (or whatever is your bag), and put your feet up for a few mins with a book, a mag, the tv or whatever is a relaxing thing for you. I guarantee that it's much more restorative than a whole day of martyring (sp?) yourself to the housework and mentally doing yourself over. Spoil yourself, you deserve it......because your worth it (she says in her best, breathy hollywood Loreal voice)!!!! .

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hellobello · 15/02/2007 13:23

Housework Cubby? What's that?

dandycandyjellybean · 15/02/2007 20:47

well, you get the general drift. . anyway, did you manage a bit of 'me' time or was that all just too stupid a suggestion? (I've been known to book my ds in at the creche at the gym and then rather than pound the treadmill, i've taken a sleeping bag and have a kip in the changing rooms!!!!)

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hellobello · 16/02/2007 09:51

That sounds great. I took the dogs out for a lovely wet walk the other day, which for me is a bit of a treat. My wellies leak and I'm terribly unfit, but it was fun. I'm looking at the house in despair. I don't know where to start. We don't have enough storage and everything has got very dusty again. Perhaps I'll start with a bucket and a cloth!

kokeshi · 16/02/2007 16:22

Welcome to the drinker's support thread. We're all at different stages of our drinking but at some point it has begun to worry us. If you feel your drinking is getting out of hand and want to offload to others in the same position, you're welcome here.

We continue to shares stories, post about experiences and identify with those in the same position. There are no judgements made here, we're all just helping each other along a day at time.

kokeshi · 16/02/2007 16:24

I just thought a wee explanation may be good for any newbies so I copied and pasted from the other thread I started...in case anyone thinks we're in competition

hellobello · 16/02/2007 16:56

My friend has given birth!! She has had an organ transplant and never thought she could become pg so she was a bit lax re. contraception. She managed to do it by herself - lots of ops meant that they really didn't want to do a cs. I am so pleased for her! I don't think I'll drink to celebrate tonight though.

kokeshi · 18/02/2007 01:21

That's great news hb, I hope you found a way of celebrating that didn't cause you too much guilt! I'll tell you about the developments with my hearing soon, such a lot has happened this week. I'm still deaf as a post though, no no miracles for me as yet .

dandycandyjellybean · 18/02/2007 20:53

Well here's hoping Kokeshi, and keeping every apendage and all its digits crossed for you! And big congrats to your friend, hellobello, what a lovely story!

Have to report things are really starting to change with my drinking. Don't want to bang on about 'down your drink.org' (and as it happens the site is down for a few days right now so they can update and improve things) but I have to say it has been a real Godsend to me. I think the fact that it doesn't automatically recommend total abstinence was really important for me; emotionally I was so convinced that I needed alcohol as a crutch, that if I was told that stopping was the only way, I just buried my head and kept on slugging.
But the idea that they treat you like an adult that has the capacity to control your drinking, if you set yourself weekly limits and then keep up your dinking diary. Also, you need to commit to spending the time they recommend working through the quizes and questionnaires, which help you to face yourself and your drinking head on, without the guilt of feeling as though you need to lie or make excuses. I think for me it has helped that it is online, i.e. I haven't had to 'confess' straight away to a rl person that I have a problem. However, being given the opportunity to try the idea of for size for a bit has given me confidence, and I'm going to discuss it, and my progress, with my counsellor on Wednesday. I know it won't work for everyone, but just wanted to let all you fellow dep drinkers out there that it has been a real success story for me, in case it might help someone else. I feel like a really different person, which given that i've got a seriously dodgy back at the moment and a hideous dose of flu is really something. (Previously, the smallest thing would have plunged me into depression!)

Anyway, enough plugging, hang in there everyone, let's see a few more folks from the old thread....we're still here guys .

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Flowertop · 19/02/2007 09:58

Hi all, great to have this new thread going. No news from me just a usual Monday morning declaring a non drinking week and really really going to try as been really bad lately. Cubby will check this website out, thanks. Love and hugs to you all.
XX

hidesitinthecupboard · 19/02/2007 11:20

You have no idea how relieved I was to see this thread! Have changed my name for obvious reasons (not that I post too regularly anyway)!

Have always drank too much but had the shock of finding out I was unexpectly pregnant in July 2005 which made me stop. And I stopped for ages, and when DS was born just had the ocassional glass!!!! Lost loads of weight and was feeling great.

Then the depression came back and.....

Now! I am back to a bottle of wine a night, usually with something else first cause the wine isn't enough anymore. Have put all weight I lost back on (don't see point in eating well if drinking a weeks calories in alcohol each night).

It gradually got worse and worse and to the point where was making excuses to go to shop on way home from school to buy some. Hide bottle of wine in salad drawer of fridge, or even in cleaning cupboard, and just keep going for mouthfulls so partner doesn't see.

He always says I drink too much, but to be honest he hasn't got a clue the real extent!

Anyway, had about 1/3 of a bottle yesterday as that was all I had left, and DP was at home all day and went to shop so had no excuse to go to the shop myself for anything.

Now am determined not to have any today! Will try and hold out till weekend. Can't say that I will never drink again cause I know that I wouldn't be able to do it!

Hope you don't all think 'my god this isn't what we were talking about' and think I am off my trolley!!!!

Flowertop · 20/02/2007 10:41

Hi Hidesitinthe.... and welcome. YOu have definitely come to the right place if you need some support with your drinking. Although I am as bad as ever this thread makes me think about it more and also makes me realise that there are others out there who have the same issues. Keep letting us know how you are and I know someone will provide the help you need.
Good luck
XX

hidesitinthecupboard · 20/02/2007 15:26

Failed miserably last night, wouldn't mind but bottle of wine I bought wasn't even very nice (one I prefer is no longer on offer so went for a cheaper one, not that more expensive is always nicer) but still drank it all.

Supposed to be going out for DP's birthday tonight, providing MIL will babysit. He has said he will drive and I know I should offer, it being his birthday and all, but really don't want to!

hellobello · 21/02/2007 14:03

How did the party go, Hidesitinthecupboard? I hope you are alright today. Things here are a bit up and down. We saw my parents at the weekend, and amazingly didn't drink too much on Sat night. Quite a lot but not enough to be unconcious. Anyway, I've been advised that I can write to my mum's gp about what's going on. Dh and I have been sharing bottles of wine since we got back on Mon. Got to stop! It's not very feelgood. It feels extraordinary that my drinking is more under control now than it used to be. It must have been terrible. I would really like to be able to be sensible on a more regular basis before I am told that if I don't stop drinking it will kill me. I'm very frightened about that.

hidesitinthecupboard · 21/02/2007 14:54

Hello. Night out wasn't two bad. Just had two bottles of lager (admittedly it was foreign very strong and extremely large bottles 660ml each) and a couple of shots that we were given free with the meal. DP offered to buy me a bottle of wine on way home as had to head home early (MIL is so strange) but I declined!

Have to admit though was going to go and buy something for before I went out but didn't have the time.

Got to do the school run soon and am desperate to be able to NOT buy any alcohol. Especially as I have stuck to my diet all day today. (DP admitted last night that I am eating more than he has ever known recently, never told him it was cause of the munchies cause have always had a bottle of wine or a hang over and crave stodgy food).

He will be in early tonight so not so easy to drink without him knowing, which will hopefully be the deterent that I need. Usually when he is on a late shift I can down it before he comes in at 8:30 and then hide the empty bottle. Otherwise have to, as I said before, keep it hidden and just keep going for some straight out of the bottle.

I would be mortified if DP found out!

We had a halloween party last year and leftover was half a bottle each of Vodka and Bacardi. Managed to drink them in secret then fill the bottles up with water. When we were having a clear out said 'shall I throw these out cause we will never drink them' and he agreed. So he was never any the wiser. Was lots of wine and beer left over too but didn't feel too guilty drinking them, he just kept commenting on how the number of bottles was dwindling! Terrible isn't it!

dandycandyjellybean · 21/02/2007 18:16

Hello hidesitinthe... and very, very welcome. Please don't feel that you are off your trolley, and please believe me, we know exactly what you are talking about...and some. If you can find the previous thread (dependant drinkers club, check out my post on there, fairly near the end about my disasterously, agonisingly embarrasing centre parcs alcohol debacle....and it wasn't the first, was many of a long, long, long string (hence the loving our livers reference in the title!!!)
Hellobello, well done for your leaky welly wet walk the other day, sounds just up my street too! Hope you jumped in lots of puddles. Totally echo your last post too, about wanting to be more compus mentus and being afraid of the health consequences. Sorry to bang on but feel so much better since I joined the down your drink site, and it is now updated and up and running again. give it a whirl if you fancy it.
Flowertop, did you get around to checking it out?
And finally Kokeshi, how ya doin'?

Love to you all, I've had a totally decadent day today, ds was in creche this morning, had a big long sleep and then has been at my mate's, so am just off to pick him up. Guess what I did all day? Lay in bed and caught up on a bunch of stuff I'd recorded on TV. How wickedly and wonderfully lazy was that?

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